Timewasters???????bad press

16 Jan 2005

:doh: So you're "too genuine" for being agreeable to having your meets posted. Does this mean I'd been less genuine because I don't want all and sundry to know who I'm meeting and when? It's all too reminiscent of the verification debacle and I just wouldn't want to be involved. This doesn't mean I'm not genuine though, as those who have met me could verify (but I don't want them to!!!)

16 Jan 2005

"Timewasters" ........ from my extensive research on swinging sites I'd always assumed that this was a technical term for "single men".
(Posted by a single timewaster)

16 Jan 2005

NLondonJohn
In some ways yes, thats why i would be so keen to do something to validate (dare i use that word on here) the single guys that arnt time wasters!!
Its amazing to me that someone who says she isnt doing meetings, is so keen to put others down for kicking ideas around tht might stop those that are doing meeting from wasting their time!! dunno

16 Jan 2005

Quote by foxylady 123
Its amazing to me that someone who says she isnt doing meetings, is so keen to put others down for kicking ideas around tht might stop those that are doing meeting from wasting their time!!

When did I put you down? Re-read what I've written please. I didn't put anyone down, I merely said that if I was to change my mind about meeting people I wouldn't want to advertise the fact. I also asked if not advertising it would make me less genuine than you

16 Jan 2005

Quote by Angel Chat
Its amazing to me that someone who says she isnt doing meetings, is so keen to put others down for kicking ideas around tht might stop those that are doing meeting from wasting their time!!

When did I put you down? Re-read what I've written please. I didn't put anyone down, I merely said that if I was to change my mind about meeting people I wouldn't want to advertise the fact. I also asked if not advertising it would make me less genuine than you
Inferance, dear infereance!!!!
You see what you see as "advertising" I see as not being prepared to help your fellow woman!!Which by the way i believe you have a right to do, just not my style.
And to be honest i find yourinterest in the subject as frustrating as the pope giving birth control advice!!
What i would like to see most of all on this site, and i know its not going to happen cos too many people like to lead others up the garden path (comment not directed at anyone in particular) is an easy , at a glance guide to who does and who does do meets!!!

16 Jan 2005

Quote by foxylady 123

Quote by Angel Chat

Now now girls.

16 Jan 2005

ladies please control your emotions especially in publi c when i started this thread i didn't expect it to turn into a cat fight...carefull or i will get mud out...now theres a thought, my imagination runs riot

16 Jan 2005

This is the last time I'll post on this thread. I just wanted to point out that I have my own reasons for not meeting people right now. Those that know me know what they are, and those that have drawn their own conclusions can think what they like flipa

:P
Celtictiger, I won't be drawn into a cat fight - particularly if mud is going to be involved. I hate getting that kind of dirty ;)

16 Jan 2005

Maybe we could have a system of verification to prove that people are genuine swingers. If we met you, we could send your details to a 3rd party who would keep a record of the genuine people and then award a symbol, eg a +, to show you are genuine.
Just a thought. wink

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
bolt

16 Jan 2005

Quote by Angel Chat
Celtictiger, I won't be drawn into a cat fight - particularly if mud is going to be involved. I hate getting that kind of dirty ;)

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( No mud wrestling then??

16 Jan 2005

Quote by northwest-cpl
Maybe we could have a system of verification to prove that people are genuine swingers. If we met you, we could send your details to a 3rd party who would keep a record of the genuine people and then award a symbol, eg a +, to show you are genuine.
Just a thought.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Next there will be road tests, shags per gallon and Quintin Wilson as the expert.
:grin:

16 Jan 2005

Quote by dambuster

Cletictiger, I won't be drawn into a cat fight - particularly if mud is going to be involved. I hate getting that kind of dirty ;)

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( No mud wrestling then??
Ohhh shame I'd love a go :twisted: :twisted:

16 Jan 2005

I have no problems with a mud fight, as long as its naked, because like i said, ive nothing to hide!!!

16 Jan 2005

Quote by Angel Chat
If meetings were arranged and posted on here in advance, though obviously not the details eg i will be meeting ************ on Sat evening, both parties could then write a report as to the others genuiness. Hence false reports could not happen as if you knew about it in advance and didnt disagree to the meeting taking place notice you couldnt argue with the afterpost.
Personally as a genunie person I would welcome this facility.

I wouldnt welcome this. I'm a genuine person as well but I wouldn't want to advertise to everyone who I was meeting. Nor would I want everyone to know when I was meeting people. Of course, I'm not actually meeting people at the moment anyway, but if that changed I'd still prefer to keep it to myself than announce it to the whole of SH
Cant see anything to be ashamed of in just meeting someone!!!
I didn't say I'd be ashamed of it, merely that I wouldn't necessarily want to announce it to the forum and/or site as a whole
I'm with Angel on this. The verification debate resulted in a very firm conclusion, and that conclusion was that this community wants nothing to do with it. This is just more of the same IMO.

16 Jan 2005

Quote by Angel Chat
I just wanted to point out that I have my own reasons for not meeting people right now.

Oh at last the people of Manchester-ish are safe, phew! I met AngelChat in October atthe Bi-fem Meet and the nightmares have just stopped, my shrink says im doing fine and the anti-depressants are working a charm now :twisted:
kiss

16 Jan 2005

Quote by GenHertsCpl
I just wanted to point out that I have my own reasons for not meeting people right now.

Oh at last the people of Manchester-ish are safe, phew! I met AngelChat in October atthe Bi-fem Meet and the nightmares have just stopped, my shrink says im doing fine and the anti-depressants are working a charm now :twisted:
kiss

:doh: and before that I said I wouldn't post on this thread again. Naughty GHC

:smackbottom: :smackbottom: evil

:grin: :lol2:

16 Jan 2005

I've just caught up on this - and I must say I agree with Angel Chat. Whoever I meet up with, or if I don't meet up with anyone, I don't see why it's anyone else's business. Most people value their privacy.
Mike.

16 Jan 2005

And i'm the sole of discretion - either way rolleyes

16 Jan 2005

Quote by MikeNorth
I've just caught up on this - and I must say I agree with Angel Chat. Whoever I meet up with, or if I don't meet up with anyone, I don't see why it's anyone else's business. Most people value their privacy.
Mike.

Thats why the No Showers and last minute cancellees get away with it and carry on wasting peoples time

16 Jan 2005

So because we dont turn up to everything and anything we are not genuine! lol

..... trip trap trip trap.

16 Jan 2005

The only way to avoid timewasters is to stick to clubs or parties. If you want to make private meets via the internet then you willget caught by timewasters. Timewasters are part and parcel of internet life.
We have never met a timewaster in over 4 years, but then we have never arranged a private meet with people we don't already know. We have, however, had people we know very well through the clubs cancel on us at the last minute...are they timewasters? They certainly weren't the last time we shagged them. lol

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

16 Jan 2005

Quote by foxylady 123
Thats why the No Showers and last minute cancellees get away with it and carry on wasting peoples time

But where on earth will you draw the line between whether a cancellation is genuine or the action of a deliberate timewaster? If you had to cancel a meeting for a genuine reason and then saw your name on a list of timewasters in here (and see what happened to Libra love, see page 1), you would launch a strong protest. There would be endless disputes about who phoned, who didn't, who sent a text and whether or not it was received....all sorts of arguments going on and on forever. Unfortunately timewasters seem to be inevitable, but at least mods have asked us to report them and see if any patterns emerge. Perhaps that's the only thing that can be done.
Mike.

16 Jan 2005

Celtic tiger if you've been monitoring the site for a while you will know how it works. I think it might be prudent of you to do a search to find peoples' opinions on verification/timewasters or whatever, then we can avoid any more animosity in the forum.
Might be a good idea to lock this before it goes any further confused

16 Jan 2005

Celtictiger was the innocent in all this, it was zimwolf's suggestion of a notice board for reporting of meetings that sparked things off a bit.
Mike.

16 Jan 2005

with all due respect i do not think there is any animosity, but this is an interesting subject (something that affects the majority of us) and hence why i started it and and everyone is entitled to enter the debate, if anyone is not interested in this paticular subject then no one is forcing you to comment.

16 Jan 2005

true celtic but if you look at some of the other related threads you will find that people have already expressed their opinions and to be honest, the dust has only just settled from the fracas!!

16 Jan 2005

Quote by MikeNorth
Thats why the No Showers and last minute cancellees get away with it and carry on wasting peoples time

But where on earth will you draw the line between whether a cancellation is genuine or the action of a deliberate timewaster? If you had to cancel a meeting for a genuine reason and then saw your name on a list of timewasters in here (and see what happened to Libra love, see page 1), you would launch a strong protest. There would be endless disputes about who phoned, who didn't, who sent a text and whether or not it was received....all sorts of arguments going on and on forever. Unfortunately timewasters seem to be inevitable, but at least mods have asked us to report them and see if any patterns emerge. Perhaps that's the only thing that can be done.
Mike.
Thanks for that Mike, and Foxylady somehow got involved behind the scene in my last minute cancelation when it took place too. Now this mad

:x :x :x :x :x
Now I'm really pissed off!!!!
Perhaps I should post all bloody chat logs with this post :x :x :x

16 Jan 2005

Never heard us complain about timewasters . Timewasting is great fun , and very relaxing. Chill out.

17 Jan 2005

Quote by Libra-Love
Apparently different people have different takes on the use of the word "timewaster".
I recently cancelled a meet and rescheduled, but in the interum found out that he had rubbished me to all and sundry on SH as a timewaster. So I cancelled our rescheduled meet
I guess in his eyes and in that instance I was a timewaster.

Okay - I have only read the first page of this - but I can identify woth Libra love. SOMETIMES the reason for "timewasting" is real. I had to cancel a meet in December 'cos the day I was due to meet I pulled a muscle in my neck and couldn't drive. Luckily for me they accepted that what I said was true - which it was!! But you can sooo easily be taken for a timewaster sad

17 Jan 2005

That phrase "no timewasters" needs a dictionary definition every time it's used!
So . . . if I see an ad I like, would I be a 'timewaster' if I wanted to chat to them on the phone (to reduce the chances of meeting up and not being on the same wavelength) for 25 minutes first??
If I meet up with someone, both of us with the best intentions, and against all odds there's no chemistry, are we both timewasters??
If someone just changes their mind, and does their best to phone, are they a timewaster?
If all parties make the right choice for a meet, I don't think there's such a thing as timewasting - all time spent together is gonna be rewarding.
But there's a signal that some people give out when they use this phrase meaning "I know what I want, read my mind, do it, cos if you don't I want to find someone who will". (There's also genuine, caring swingers who just want to get on with it and avoid photo-collectors, liars, people who aren;t ready to start swinging and phone-wankers - but how to tell the difference?)
I can think of a couple of times when someone might have thought I was a timewaster (though I hope not.) Once, in a club, a stunning young couple turned round to us, out of the blue, and their first words were, "Do you want to come to a room with us?" Nothing wrong with that, but it was my partner's only second or third time swinging and she swallowed her tongue, said yes, but could she just nip to the ladies? Five seconds wasted. (Though in a busy club, that's not a problem if you would prefer to find someone who doesn't need five seconds to get used the idea!)
People who are new to swinging need more time usually (anyone different experiences?) It's quite hard to gauge until you actually meet and chat with someone, to know how quickly you all want to proceed. Or sometimes the delay is quite rewarding, like getting to know a couple (socially but not sexually) over several days of clubbing (with other experiences during that time) and then ending up in a room together. Knowing whether sex is a distinct (or how distinct) possibility can be helpful as can sexual preferences (but that's only the first part - having sex involves real people!).
For me the key is that swingers generally aren't desperate. They already have a good sex life. Most of all, they are rarely seeking a 1-on-1 at any cost (and whilst swingers do this and a lot of other things, it's not usually their main diet on the swinging scene). There's several peeps on the Forum who I'd love to meet if they were passing through Edinburgh and wanted to get together for a coffee half way through their day's shopping - it doesn't have to lead to sex, it's nice to meet and make friends with people that share the same hobby, fullstop. (I'm in Central Edinburgh btw)
Swinging is a community - join the community, have fun, go with the flow and what feels right, same as you would with any other social club or community - and if you end up having sex (as you will with practice!) that's lovely icing on the cake.
If anyone reading this is tempted to call someone a time-waster, ask yourself how much it's your fault as well - it takes two to tango - did you spend enough time making that person feel at ease? Did you make a wrong conclusion when you spoke to them on the phone? Did you ask the wrong questions? When you were asking them, had you decided you would still like that person if they said no? (If not, did you really want to have a mutually nice experience, ie for the other person too, or just get your end away?)
There's nothing wrong with being desperate for sex. There's lots of contact websites for 1-on-1 fun, there's lots of ways of meeting people, there's lots of ways of meeting your sexual needs (you have a pair of hands, and you probably have a credit card if it comes to that!) Once you've got your sex life together, check the guidelines on the SH forum and ask if you're ready to 'waste some time' with some swingers of your choice or not - or are you so confident of your skills that you can make things 'happen' without that degree of understanding?? If not, you're still welcome, but live, love and learn a bit - don't try to squeeze swingers into a box they might not fit, then complain about it!
I just hate seeing people hurt - worse still, often the people to blame aren't malicious, just ignorant.
Damn - I've rambled on for far too long again redface

PoloLady! I need you to edit my posts! coffee

now what else can I waste some time on . . .