Tips to get you through the day at work.

28 Jan 2005

I received this from a friend today and thought it worth sharing with all you poor unfortunates who still have to go to work. :cry:
THE 27 TOP THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK.
1. I can see your point, but I still think youâ€™re full of shit.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision, I just donâ€™t give a f***
about â€œneverâ€? Is â€œneverâ€ good enough for you?
sounds like English, but I canâ€™t understand a word youâ€™re saying.
5.I see youâ€™ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
, I see, the f*** - up fairy has visited us again.
are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
already visualizing the cellotape over your mouth.
fact that no-one understands you does not mean youâ€™re an artist.
, weâ€™ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
11.I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12.I donâ€™t know what your problem is, but Iâ€™ll bet itâ€™s hard to pronounce.
connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
14.I like you, you remind me of when I was young and stupid.
am I? Flypaper for freaks?
not being rude. Youâ€™re just insignificant.
you. Weâ€™re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
a thankless job, but Iâ€™ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
, my powers can only be used for good.
really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
sound to up my medication.
try being nicer, if you try being smarter.
out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
25.I donâ€™t work here. Iâ€™m a consultant.
me? I just wander from room to room.
toys! My toys! I canâ€™t do this job without my toys!
Useful expressions for those HIGH stress days.
arenâ€™t we just a ray of f****** sunshine?
the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
I look like a f****** people person?
isnâ€™t an office. Its hell with fluorescent lighting.
5.I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
! Off my planet!!
random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.
8.I like cats too. Letâ€™s exchange recipes.
the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
10 And YOUR cry baby whiney arsed opinion would beâ€¦â€¦.?
many times do I have to flush before you go away?
, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
DO I set a laser printer to stun?
not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
I want your opinion, Iâ€™ll give it to you.
is full, go home.
I'm sure a few of the above will come in useful at work, just don't try saying them to the Boss. lol

Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
hump

:borg:

28 Jan 2005

I shouldnt read this site whilst on the phone
I just told a moron who wouldnt take no for an answer number 16
thanks harry i really enjoyed that lol

28 Jan 2005

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Can I add some more to a thread that has reduced me to tears? Thank you so much xxxxxxxx
Dilbert's Office Rules
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
2 . I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
5. I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
6. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
7. My reality cheque has bounced.
8. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
9. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
10. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
11. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
14. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
15. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
16. Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
18. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
21. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
22. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
23. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
24. Following the rules will not get the job done.
25. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"