Hello there, fellow SH members! I thought I'd start a topic in which anybody who needs a problem solved could come and ask for a possible solution or advice! Also it would allow other members to try to help, not just me of course! So if you have an emotional, sexual,swinging,financial or other problem bring it here and Uncle Tkano will try to give some advice! :) bye for now! :)
Cool idea! Allow me to baptise this thread with my own emssion... Dear Uncle Tkano, If I wanted to take a young lady out for a romantic evening, but she lives in a strange town that I don't know at all, what would you suggest? Regards, Gormless of Worcestershire.
I've got one too, but answer Roger's first as his sound more important.... OK here goes..... My name is Blue and I'm a sex addict. I think about sex hours a day. I can't think about doing anything unless it is to do with getting my next shag. What should I do? :wink: :wink:
Quote by bluexxx My name is Blue and I'm a sex addict. I think about sex hours a day. I can't think about doing anything unless it is to do with getting my next shag. What should I do? :wink: :wink:
I'll answer that one for you Blue - call me on xxxx xxx xxx xxx- oh Shit, I've using my automatic Modding keyboard again!! Bugger Mal
Hello, This sounds fun.. Ok I have one also.. Dear Tkano, I have recently checked my bank account and it has considerably less than £1,000,000. What can I do about it.? No sorry that was just a ploy my real problem is much more embarrassing; I am a Single male from the South I have tried almost everything to be more northern, I regularly use 'Pet' as a term of endearment. I spent all last winter outside in the rain in just my T-Shirt. I have tried 'Mushy peas' and even joined a pigeon enthusiast club, all to no avail. To make matters worse, I was recently adopted by Sappho ( as a part of the great Southerner adoption scheme ) but she has not yet collected me. I fear my lack of northern heritage has scared her off. Please please Mr Tkano, what can I do to rid myself of this terrible stigma ? Roger, Yours is easy .. I was once told all roads lead to NW Munch-land. How hard can it be ? Blue I have the cure.. I come in handy pill form. So when you next think of sex just pop me in your mouth until I dissolve. That way you can keep your hands free to do other things, like knitting or cricket
Quote by bluexxx My name is Blue and I'm a sex addict. I think about sex hours a day. I can't think about doing anything unless it is to do with getting my next shag. What should I do?
Make doing it last longer than of an hour
If I wanted to take a young lady out for a romantic evening, but she lives in a strange town that I don't know at all, what would you suggest?
Hire a stretched Limo for the day, and suggest how romantic it would be having a picnic in the back as you drove round town.
I am a Single male from the South I have tried almost everything to be more northern, I regularly use 'Pet' as a term of endearment. I spent all last winter outside in the rain in just my T-Shirt. I have tried 'Mushy peas' and even joined a pigeon enthusiast club, all to no avail. To make matters worse, I was recently adopted by Sappho ( as a part of the great Southerner adoption scheme ) but she has not yet collected me. I fear my lack of northern heritage has scared her off. Please please Mr Tkano, what can I do to rid myself of this terrible stigma ?
Buy a fridge magnet, and stroke the ground with it, This will eventually reverse the magnetic polarity of the earth and you will instantly become a northener. lhk Kat
Thanks for the help guys! Rudolf and Kitkat your answers are indeed worthy of my praise! :wave2: Ok, I'll have a go now! Perfect Stranger, I suggest getting a pet ferret and a flat cap and in addition watching back to back episodes of Corrie and Brookside. Also, you might want spend a hell of lot more time cursing and belittling "Southerners". Your idea of partaking of Northern cusine is a good one, but mushy peas is a bit too Southern, try stuff like Black Pudding and those dinner plate-sized Yorkshire Puddings. Blue your problem is slightly more complicated! But solvable if you approach it in the right way. It all depends on what your goals are. If you want to think about other things, think about them while you are having sex. For example you can travel to and from work while having sex if you use a taxi and use that time to think about other important things. Same goes for cooking, eating, showering, cleaning up, watching boring tv or movies. Or you can tie in your sexual fantasies with what you need to think about! I don't want to go there but you can use your imagination! If the above fails, place an advert in the photo ads section with a pic of yourself in blue or pink fishnet stockings, you should have enough action to last you a lifetime! Roger, the answers simple invite her to a town neither of you know, but has an excellent night-life! But you might want to convince firsther that, her town is crime-ridden and that you fear for your safety! Or invite her back to your place for a curry! Bye for now
Thanks for the advice Tkano and others. The trouble is, you've all just suggested that I get more sex - oh well, who am I to argue with such good advice :twisted: .
Blue /pink, or is it Pink Bluexxx I do sincerely believe that you may deal with you problem of addiction by ensuring that you take and publish many more pictures, especially some of pink being the new blue. I believe that you would find that this course of action would be most cathartic Surely Pink / Blue you are as photogenic as Satin, share with us all and thus enjoy all our arousal! Gilbert
Your luck might well be in there soon, Gilbert. I've agreed with Satin that we're going to do some role reversal, where he's the dominant one and I play the sub :shock: . It will be totally up to him what I wear and what pics he takes..... but watch out, you never know, it all might be........curiously arousing :shock: ........ and the pics might well end up on Silkies :twisted:
Pinkxxx, this could be a whole new chapter in your erotic life your pics of Satin are good ( well f**kin good) I look forward to that something different. You chance to be the star. Being Pink seems to be what it is all about for you! whilst being BLUE at the same time. Somehow we all benefit. Gilbert
Dear Tkano, I have a problem which I wonder if you could give me some advice on... I have been exchanging PM's with another forum member and this person is now tormenting me with promises of "nights of wild and abandoned" pleasure.... However, this person has yet to come up with the goods...... What should I do??.... I am desperate for this person to show me such pleasures but I cannot take this teasing much longer... (You know who you are ) I would be most appreciative of your advice on this delicate matter Shireen xxx
Well,shireen-steve I suggest you tell the person in question to "either shit or get off the frigging pot!" :twisted: Or you could make him talk to you and find out as much about him so you have a basic idea of what he is like personality-wise and find out whereabouts in Britain he lives. This will enable you to make an informed decision about the person and the likelyhood he will give you the goods!
Dear uncle tkano. I have a big problem and am wondering if you can answer a question for me. I was at a fun fair in Manchester last night when I saw a coconut shy. I decided to have a go and proceeded to throw my coconut at the target, not knowing my own strength I threw it as hard as I could which resulted in it bouncing back off the wall behind and hitting the stall holder on the head. She promptly collapsed. When she Ferris wheel operator saw that his wife who worked on the coconut shy had been injured he immediately left his post and ran over to help her, leaving the Ferris wheel unattended. The Ferris wheel then ground to a halt. A young man who was sat in the top carriage when the ferris wheel stopped began to panic that he was stuck and so climbed out of the carriage in order to start his descent from the top, unfortunately he had only climbed down 2 feet of the 40 foot height when he lost his grip and fell. As it so happened a hot dog seller was directly under the ferris wheel and the young man landed in the brine. The shock of seeing someone land in his hotdogs was too much for the hotdog man and he fainted, letting go of his hotdog trolley as he did so. The trolley immediately began to roll down the slop gathering speed as it went only stopping to crash into the ice-cream van that was located at the bottom of the hill. The force of the hit pushed the ice-cream van over onto its side and lollys and ice creams spilled from the wreck. Seeing this all the local children ran and began looting the goods. The sight of this infuriated the fairground security who began to chase the children who scattered in the direction of the main road . One of the children ran onto the road just as the light had turned to green, a driver had to slam on his breaks in order not to hit the child which resulted in the car behind him crashing into him and so on, the result was a 19 car pile up. Now this would not normally have been too bad but it just so happened to be the day that the prime Minster was visiting the area before jetting of for emergency talks with the Korean leader. Unable to get through the traffic jam the prim minister missed his flight and therefore his meeting. The Korean leader wrongly assumed he had been snubbed by the prime minister and decided to launch a full scale attack on the united kingdom. 25 mins later a large missile hit slough killing 1,000,000 and causing £15 worth of damage, the aftershock of the hit however caused the island to tremble so violently that a great tidal wave washed over the whole of England Scotland and Wales. Only Manchester was saved. This meant that people flocked to Manchester from all over the country and obviously space was very tight. When people are in confined spaces sometimes tempers can flair and predictably a fight broke out.. it started in south Manchester but had spread to north Manchester within 12 mins. Within an hour percent of the population had been killed and of the other percent all but 1 person were in strange ways prison awaiting the death penalty. Fortunately I am the one. What I REALLY need to ask you uncle tkano is…… should I demand my cash back from the coconut shy?
Hmmmmmmm......................After considering your question for a couple of minutes I think you should ask your for money back! But be prepared for the fight of your life! :twisted:
Re Yamaha XJ600 Diversion ( question earlier this thread ), 32 psi front 34 rear one up , 40 psi rear 2 up would be good starting point , let me know how you get on . Seriously if you like sex , you will love a motorcycle .
dear tkano, my problem is a short one.I'd love to go to an adult cinema,but as a single girl i don't have enough confidence to go alone! also they seem so far away,what can i do?
(Wearing his Tkano mask, hoping no one notices) My dear Daffodil, your solution is an easy one. Post a plea on the SH forum (the Cafe would be the best place for it, perhaps in a thread where people discuss various problems that they're having). You'll soon find yourself with a long line of potential partners to take you to all the adult cinemas you could want. The other solution involves a little more work, but might be more satisfying: set up some cameras in your bedroom. Film until you think you've got enough. Then open your own adult cinema. I know I'd come to watch.
The answer depends on you, just how badly do you want to go? You say there are no cinema's of that kind near you, so you are going to have to be prepared to travel. How far is up to you. As for going by yourself, that maybe a bad idea! These places may attract weirdo's and a pretty young lady like yourself may attract unwanted attention. Anyhoo! There are lots of guys, me included who would love to escourt a lovely lady such as yourself to a sex cinema. Pm me and I'll help you with your options!
Quote by well_busty_babe Dear uncle tkano. I have a big problem and am wondering if you can answer a question for me. I was at a fun fair in Manchester last night............
Tk, As a geek, I often have difficultt finding women who see me as more than 'just a friend'. (Most simply don't like to admit I exist at all.) As you can imagine, this has meant that my love life has been pretty much non-existent for the vast majority of my adult life. Whilst I am happy with my geekish ways and don't want to change who I am just to get some action, I would like some advice on finding someone who loves a geek.
If I am to provide you with some advice Mr Flapjackboy, I first need some examples of your geekoid behaviour! I would recommend finding a geekoid lady, who has simular geekoid tendancies as you. If you loiter in your local forbidden planet comic book shop you may score! Also Star wars and Star Trek conventions may lead you to finding the lady you seek! :) Please do not hesitate to contact me again as I would like to help! :) Any ladies here who would like to give this unloved geek a good seeing to? Don' t be shy!
My above post may seem a little harsh, but it is basically frank and straight-foreward advice. Most guys have been in a simular situation as you, but only for a short period of time. I admire your wish to be yourself and not something somebody else wants you to be! Stay true to yourself and the woman of your dreams may soon come along, but you have to get her to notice you! You can do this by dressing stylishly- everything black Wearing the latest aftershave Being funny and a good talker
Well, whilst I do enjoy Star Trek, you wouldn't catch me going to a convention. My problem is that whilst I have excellent computer skills, I have a severe lack of social skills due to my having a high functioning autistic spectrum disorder called Asperger's Syndrome. There are days when I wish that I could trade in my computing knowledge if it would allow me to recognise facial expressions or other body language, or understand even a few of the unwritten rules of 'normal' social interaction. But then, if I were to do that, I would no longer be me. For me, social interaction is sitting in front of this computer, posting on message boards like this one. (Well, alright, I do get away from it occassionally, but not often.) An analogy may help at this juncture: Imagine if you will that you see people playing a game. Everyone seems to have a copy except you. You look at the game and it looks very complex and intriguing and everyone seems to be having lots of fun playing it. So, you ask one of the players how to obtain a copy. He tells you that you should have been given a copy when you were born, you tell him that you weren't, so he gives you an address where you can write off to and they'll send you a copy of the game free... When the game arrives, it comes in a plain brown box, with nothing to indicate the name of the game. You open the box to find thousands of strangely shaped pieces, several game boards that link together in a way that you can't fathom out and several decks of blank cards. Despite searching everywhere in and on the box, you are unable to locate any instructions on how to play the game, so you go to the person who you asked about the game before and enquire about instructions on how to play. He laughs and says that you should have been born with that knowledge already implanted in your mind. You ask him to teach you how to play the game, but you're sure that every time he explains it to you, he keeps changing some of the rules...
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I have tried almost everything to be more northern, I regularly use 'Pet' as a term of endearment. I spent all last winter outside in the rain in just my T-Shirt. I have tried 'Mushy peas' and even joined a pigeon enthusiast club, all to no avail. 
:twisted: 
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: 
) As you can imagine, this has meant that my love life has been pretty much non-existent for the vast majority of my adult life.
Don' t be shy!