To ask or be asked?

14 Nov 2004

Hi
We are a fairly new couple here.......please bear with us. redface

This post is not intended to be inflamatory or aimed at anyone (I`m sure there are lovely people out there somewhere)
We have looked in on the forum nearly every day, but haven`t found we have much to contribute (to be honest it`s a bit confusing working out who doesn`t like who anymore confused

) We have read as many posts as we can, and waded through a lot of photo ads and now need some friendly advice please...........
Is it better to ask or be asked? ie. would we be better off placing a photo ad or keep sending off mails in the hope that someone actually gets back to us (even just to say no thanks!)
The Kent host`s have given lots of good advice to get us started, but we seem to be going around in circles a little rolleyes

We can`t help thinking that if people stop mailing to the photo ads and end up posting themselves, then decide not to reply to anyone, how does the fun begin?
As far as we aware we have followed the rules ie No one line mails, facial pictures have been sent, we don`t weigh 300 stone!,etc

14 Nov 2004

Quote by stockingloversuk
Is it better to ask or be asked?

Yes.
Excuse the flippancy, but to be asked, someone has to do the asking and vice versa.
I would say if you want to approach someone, just do it. If they want to approach you, they will. Doesn't really matter who makes the first move as long as someone does. You're not going to offend anyone by saying Hi. Take it from there.
Regards,
Ice

14 Nov 2004

We've found a combination of both and lots of patience is the key. Post an ad and you are likely to recieve replies but don't rely on this exclusively. Many people on the site post an ad then make no other contributions and are then frustrated by the results (have you seen how quickly your ad moves down the site order if you don't update it?) Keep browsing the ads and reply to any that you think look promising.
We've had most success from getting involved in the forum and meeting people at social events who we have then gone on to meet privately.
Hope this helps
Mrs RSAB2 xxx :angel:

14 Nov 2004

Quote by Ice Pie
Is it better to ask or be asked?

Yes.
Excuse the flippancy, but to be asked, someone has to do the asking and vice versa.
I would say if you want to approach someone, just do it. If they want to approach you, they will. Doesn't really matter who makes the first move as long as someone does. You're not going to offend anyone by saying Hi. Take it from there.
Regards,
Ice
Thats just confused us more?........we have asked, but don`t seem to get anywhere......we will be better off placing ourselves in a position to be asked?

14 Nov 2004

i have found that a combination of both has worked for me....
being asked is one of the most flattering things... even if it just to say "thanks but no thanks".....
i have done the asking but i have only asked people who i truely thought would be good for me.....
i have find that the best thing for me is to get myself known in the forums.... and at munches and then to use my advert to supplement that information.....a little but more about me so to speak.....
whichever way you want to go then i wish you luck....
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

14 Nov 2004

I am with Fabio Groove Rider on this one and also getting yourself known in the forum and chatroom helps as well.
Oh and as mrs RSAB said oodles and ooldes of patience!!!!!
Good Luck

14 Nov 2004

If you ask... dont start with "fancy a shag?" cos it doesnt usually work.
just stating the obvious again, arent i? lol

14 Nov 2004

Quote by dazandlou
If you ask... dont start with "fancy a shag?" cos it doesnt usually work.
just stating the obvious again, arent i?

Oh bugger........thats where we have been going wrong biggrin

:D :D

14 Nov 2004

Quote by stockingloversuk
Is it better to ask or be asked?

Yes.
Excuse the flippancy, but to be asked, someone has to do the asking and vice versa.
I would say if you want to approach someone, just do it. If they want to approach you, they will. Doesn't really matter who makes the first move as long as someone does. You're not going to offend anyone by saying Hi. Take it from there.
Regards,
Ice
Thats just confused us more?...
I'm sorry. I'm not expressing myself very well today.
What I'm trying to say is, in order for contact to happen, someone has to ask, and someone has to be asked. Or, as is the case for many of us, things progress naturally following a social encounter.
I personally don't think it matters whether it's you or the other person who makes the first move, but obviously some people will be more comfortable than others taking that step.
Lack of immediate success with your approaches doesn't necessarily indicate a problem -most folk around here are very clear about the type of people they want to meet, and maybe sometimes you just have to take a few "Thanks but no thanks" before you find someone compatible. I can't say there's a generally "best" way to get what you want, because everyone's motivations are different. Just go with whatever you're comfortable with, don't try to rush it, enjoy the process for its own sake without worrying about the results, and the results will be all the more satisfying when they happen. biggrin

Regards,
Ice

14 Nov 2004

Quote by Ice Pie
Is it better to ask or be asked?

Yes.
Excuse the flippancy, but to be asked, someone has to do the asking and vice versa.
I would say if you want to approach someone, just do it. If they want to approach you, they will. Doesn't really matter who makes the first move as long as someone does. You're not going to offend anyone by saying Hi. Take it from there.
Regards,
Ice
Thats just confused us more?...
I'm sorry. I'm not expressing myself very well today.
What I'm trying to say is, in order for contact to happen, someone has to ask, and someone has to be asked. Or, as is the case for many of us, things progress naturally following a social encounter.
I personally don't think it matters whether it's you or the other person who makes the first move, but obviously some people will be more comfortable than others taking that step.
Lack of immediate success with your approaches doesn't necessarily indicate a problem -most folk around here are very clear about the type of people they want to meet, and maybe sometimes you just have to take a few "Thanks but no thanks" before you find someone compatible. I can't say there's a generally "best" way to get what you want, because everyone's motivations are different. Just go with whatever you're comfortable with, don't try to rush it, enjoy the process for its own sake without worrying about the results, and the results will be all the more satisfying when they happen. biggrin

Regards,
Ice
That makes much more sense :D
The only thing I can say is that there appears to be a lot of people who want to be asked (............ie they have ad`s) but don`t like to reply (.............even just to say no thanks!)
We are patient, which seems to be the key to a lot of this, but it can be a bit hard to find out where we are going wrong if nobody replies.........I appreciate all the advice given and being newbies we need it, but it seems a tag which doesn`t seem to help?
I think that is why we were wondering if an advert may have more success?

14 Nov 2004

Quote by stockingloversuk
The only thing I can say is that there appears to be a lot of people who want to be asked (............ie they have ad`s) but don`t like to reply (.............even just to say no thanks!)
We are patient, which seems to be the key to a lot of this, but it can be a bit hard to find out where we are going wrong if nobody replies.........I appreciate all the advice given and being newbies we need it, but it seems a tag which doesn`t seem to help?
I think that is why we were wondering if an advert may have more success?

I think if you place an ad you will probably get an immediate insight into why those advertisers you have contacted haven't responded: There is a truly huge number of people replying to ads, and many advertisers simply cannot deal with the volume of mail they get. It doesn't mean they have anything against you, it just means they only have time to scan through the incoming mail and only stop to read the ones that really stand out. It may sound brutal, and I know a lot of advertisers do try to respond to everyone who contacts them, but sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day. It's difficult not to take it personally if you feel you're being ignored, but sometimes that's just the way it goes.
Ice

14 Nov 2004

It`s becomming clearer now........we hav`ent taken it personally.......we just didn`t know.
An advert is the way forward the I guess.

14 Nov 2004

Joining in the forum has had a better result for me to be honest, two really nice guys have sent me pms after seeing what I wrote (yeah ok and looking at my avatar wink

)
It's nice because a little of your personality can shine through your posts and people can be attracted to you for more reasons than just seeing a pic or reading a brief description of you.
Likewise, if someone's posts attract your attention nobody minds if you post a comment to show that you like what they have said, and a pm saying hi how are you isn't going to offend anyone.

14 Nov 2004

Quote by MQ
Joining in the forum has had a better result for me to be honest, two really nice guys have sent me pms after seeing what I wrote (yeah ok and looking at my avatar )
It's nice because a little of your personality can shine through your posts and people can be attracted to you for more reasons than just seeing a pic or reading a brief description of you.
Likewise, if someone's posts attract your attention nobody minds if you post a comment to show that you like what they have said, and a pm saying hi how are you isn't going to offend anyone.

I cannot imagine why your avatar would attract attention biggrin

:D :D
An unsolicited Pm is Ok then?

14 Nov 2004

Quote by stockingloversuk
An unsolicited Pm is Ok then?

On the forum you dont need permission to pm people. however, on the chatrrom you do need to ask. HTH!!!

14 Nov 2004

Thanks....We sort of gave up in the chatroom as its was very hard to keep up......even though it took 15 minutes to work out how to get in there...LOL
What does HTH mean?

14 Nov 2004

HTH means Hope That Helps - theres a link to "terminology" over there - it tells you lots of good stuff - take a look!
<----------------------------- its over there!!! lol

14 Nov 2004

Little more to add, get yourselves to a munch if you can. They are in lets meet up at the top. There is a real chance to meet loads of people from the social swinger (like me smile

) to the more active variety in a non pressure enviroment. We just had the Notts munch and it was a real blast and some more big ones coming up soon.

15 Nov 2004

Please please do not get disillusioned by the amount of people who cant even be arsed to say "thanks but no thanks"
Firstly, the people you have responded to, who`s ad you have read, who you have sent your own personal photo to , who dont even bother to respond..THINK!!!!! is that really the sort of person/s you would want to be intimate with???????? NO is the answer !!!
Not having time is no excuse when youve had the time to compile AND frequently update an advert.
Secondly...many of the "couples" do not exist.
Please dont worry...chins up.......you deserve .......and will find..... better. smile