Okay, maybe not quite blind, but does anyone have any tips on the best way to sooth your sensitive bits after a little too much self-gratification?  :wanker:
'Cause I don't have any.  :cry:  
      dip it in a  cold soothing glass of milk  :shock:  
.........................................................or so i have heard  
      Full fat milk or cream
A perfume free moisturiser
Even Savlon can be nice
Avoid: Tiger Balm, Deep Heat, Ralgex, Chillies  
      Abstain.
As Van Morrison said "Let the heaing begin"
Do not touch yourself.
Carefully take down the Abi Titmuss pix blu-tacked to your bedroom wall.
Don't look at the TV - theres a HIGH RISK Girls Aloud could suddenly come on - one glimpse of CHERYL TWEEDY..and you're a goner!  
      Well, I made love to a member of this forum this morning, and I can confirm that she was as excited about as I was. A certain amount of role play was involved.  We climaxed at exactly the same time and enjoyed a post orgasmic cuddle before rising.  She was, at the time, a good deal further than a condom stretch, nay even a bus ride, away from here; but imagination can work wonders.
Did I make it all up?  Well of course I did, but it was based on sound research within these pages, I inputted all available data into that part of my brain that organises hard-ons, and just pressed "run", the results were astounding.  I wouldn't be surprised if she was pregrant, and if your ears were burning at this morning... it could have been yooohooo.  
      Dip it a pot of chilled natural yogurt!  
      Oh..if you must..Rub it with Shredded experinence you'll never forget. :shock:  
      Like my old mum used to say, Prevention is better than cure!
Good old KY or similar products are a regular shopping item in my trolley!  
      so THAT'S why I need new glasses - bugger!