Trials of a selfie

This post is NOT a plea to be inundated with offers to photograph me in lude positions.

I was in the chatroom and the topic of pictures came up. One of the members had posted some rather good ones of his partner and they were being admired.

Me being me decided to relate the problems I had had taking pictures as a lone female.

One afternoon I have been having a fiddle and got rather excited so thought I would try and share the results my administrations had had on my labia and clit.

Not being the slender female I once was in my youth I lifted my tum with one hand and reached for my phone.

Grabbing my phone with wet sticky hands was a mission in itself. I stood with legs open and angled the phone into what I thought was a good position. Wrong I hadn’t put my glasses on and couldn’t see the little white spot I was supposed to tap to the take the picture. Grab the glasses lift the tum again and continue. By this time I was wetter and a bit drippy down there. The screen and my hand had become a tad soggy, quick tap and view the result.

 Nope it was a total blur. Try again. Wipe the screen and hands, reposition and ………. This time I must have moved as all I got was the under crack of my bum. Still dripping all over the place and not giving up I decided to pop the phone onto a chair and squat over it.

Good idea you may think …Nope can’t see sod all. As I bend to tap the white dot my arse moves back and all I capture is my flabby tum. Brilliant. I am now experiencing jaw ache and dribble on my chin, as I tend to stick my tongue out when concentrating.

Ok Girl you can do this Think.

Lay on the bed and do it that way. Laying down I open my legs wipe my hands on the sheet and grab the phone again. Positioning it at what I think is a good angle, but can’t see as I am laying flat, I Tap Tap Tap.

View the results. Picture  1 is of the red patch on the side of my leg that developed due to swetting in the heat. Picture 2 is of the left cheek of my arse and the bedsheet. Picture 3 is of my tum and scar across my belly from years gone by surgery.

Despair and frustration is setting in. I decide ah mirror lets try that. On standing up I slip on the wetness all over the floor and nearly break my neck. Righting myself I turn arse toward mirror bend over open legs, turn back phone over shoulder and Tap.

Ah this has got to have worked surely ……. Nope all I got was glare on the mirror and the top of my head.

Sod it this so isn’t going to happen. I drop the phone on the bedside table grab the dildo and thinks who ever would want a pic of my nasty gash anyway.

Satisfaction arrived but not in the form of a picture.

Anyone else have similar problems or is it just me ??? PS I have bought a selfie stick yet to be tried out.🤣🤣🤣

PS I have bought a selfie stick yet to be tried out.🤣🤣🤣

The above is another name for a vibrator obviously!

😄

🤣 Im definitely not laughing at this! I find it almost impossible to take a decent selfie tbh... its a been a source of frustration for many years. I have small hands and short arms so no matter how much I twist my torso into seemingly impossible poses i can never get the angle right! In the process, I've dropped my phone multiple times, fallen over, broken things and once even slipped off a table. I thought I'd cracked it by buying a selfie stick but apparently my phone hates the idea (It constantly does all it can to mess with me.. anyone that's seen my typing on the pool will know what I'm talking about here!) It just constantly disconnects from the clicker. I'm always impressed when I see a good one on here though! Let us know how you get on, Loz 😈😜

I usually take lots and delete lots All at arms length and with the phone camera on self timer That way it gives you chance to check you've the right angle Hope that helps x

Loz we discussed this u can get Bluetooth remotes keep your sticky fingers off the phone 😂

Quote by Lounmac

Loz we discussed this u can get Bluetooth remotes keep your sticky fingers off the phone 😂

I so need lessons you know i am tec illiterate 🤣

Quote by handyjb

I usually take lots and delete lots All at arms length and with the phone camera on self timer That way it gives you chance to check you've the right angle Hope that helps x

thanks for the advice i will let you know how i get on hahahahahah x

Quote by Woohoo

PS I have bought a selfie stick yet to be tried out.🤣🤣🤣

The above is another name for a vibrator obviously!

😄

It could quite possibly end up being a sex aid 🤣🤣

Quote by Morathi

🤣 Im definitely not laughing at this! I find it almost impossible to take a decent selfie tbh... its a been a source of frustration for many years. I have small hands and short arms so no matter how much I twist my torso into seemingly impossible poses i can never get the angle right! In the process, I've dropped my phone multiple times, fallen over, broken things and once even slipped off a table. I thought I'd cracked it by buying a selfie stick but apparently my phone hates the idea (It constantly does all it can to mess with me.. anyone that's seen my typing on the pool will know what I'm talking about here!) It just constantly disconnects from the clicker. I'm always impressed when I see a good one on here though! Let us know how you get on, Loz 😈😜

Am happy to be a scource of ammusement to you 🤣 and will endevour to improve my tecnique for gods sake it so needs it 🤣🤣

Hahahaha Don't put your back out!! My face selfies are bad enough never mind me fanny ones 🤣

🤣Quote by _loz_

I so need lessons you know i am tec illiterate 🤣

U best ask Lou as u know I’m banned from pics 😂 I did manage to get this one while out for a walk tho 🤫

Quote by Lounmac

you cant pop pics on forum 🤣 but i must admit it was a nice one 😋 xx

I find it hard to take selfies as my camera usually breaks or sometimes it shouts out "ffs shrek youre having a laugh"🙄

Quote by Woohoo

I find it hard to take selfies as my camera usually breaks or sometimes it shouts out "ffs shrek youre having a laugh"🙄

🤣🤣🤣 ye daft wee bugger

Quote by _loz_

you cant pop pics on forum 🤣 but i must admit it was a nice one 😋 xx

I didn’t know that why is there an option I thought it was a new thing 😂 trust me to find a rule to break in forums

Quote by Lounmac

I didn’t know that why is there an option I thought it was a new thing 😂 trust me to find a rule to break in forums

God know why there is an option 🤣

Quote by Lounmac

I didn’t know that why is there an option I thought it was a new thing 😂 trust me to find a rule to break in forums

Pics which are illustrative of the issue at hand are fine, but anything that passed as "adult" isn't currently allowed and obviously people might choose not to put face pics up given that its possible for non-members to read the forum.

As for the subject of the photos- there is a reason a good photographer tends to be quite expensive, its a skill and although phone cameras have come a long way, most don't give you the control you need... I will share one pearl of wisdom on photography though- its ALL about the light, nice soft even light that is slightly warm is most flattering

Quote by Lapua

As for the subject of the photos- there is a reason a good photographer tends to be quite expensive, its a skill and although phone cameras have come a long way, most don't give you the control you need... I will share one pearl of wisdom on photography though- its ALL about the light, nice soft even light that is slightly warm is most flattering

Or in Laps case

Pitch fucking black 😜

Quote by Woohoo

Or in Laps case

Pitch fucking black 😜

The main reason for me becoming a photographer was so that I was always on the right side of the lens to prevent any scary pictures

I've had more success (or less failures depending on your viewpoint) using the windows camera facility on my laptop, at least you can position things to your liking as you have a big screen (compared to a phone) to see what you are snapping. Not much use I know if you only have a (not so) smart phone

Quote by keiths46

I've had more success (or less failures depending on your viewpoint) using the windows camera facility on my laptop, at least you can position things to your liking as you have a big screen (compared to a phone) to see what you are snapping. Not much use I know if you only have a (not so) smart phone

I dont think its the phone thats not so smart in my case 🤣🤣

I've always found a good tripod, not expensive, just stable, and a simple bluetooth remote button trigger to be the best tools. You can setup the angle as you want, and when you're ready, just click the button in a small remote that's hidden in your hand out of sight.

Quote by newbieanalyst

I've always found a good tripod, not expensive, just stable, and a simple bluetooth remote button trigger to be the best tools. You can setup the angle as you want, and when you're ready, just click the button in a small remote that's hidden in your hand out of sight.

I have been promised lessons am so not tec minded 🤣

Doesn't every guy think they have a "tripod "

🙄

Quote by Woohoo

Doesn't every guy think they have a "tripod "

🙄

🤣🤣🤣 you have a good point there 🤣🤣🤣

Hilarious and relatable! A rule of thumb with any photos is that a 10% success rate is pretty good, so when you're taking photos blind and can't even see the shutter release, let alone what's in frame / what's dripping all over the frame, then the odds are against you, however attractive the subject of the shot. Yes, tech can help but by the time you've learned all of the tech a). all the tech has changed and been upgraded and b). 'the moment' has very much passed by 😉

Thanks for making me chuckle whilst also giving it a saucy edge. Love it.

You can get a cheap tripod and a mobile attachment from most good online camera stores. If you have a Galaxy Ultra Phone you can use the S-Pen to trigger the camera once you're in a good position. Failing that, the good old timer on the phone that gives you a chance to get into a pose. Not a serious layout - £60 maybe, for a tripod.