I was reading the thread, "how important is swinging to you" and felt that I would like to reply to it but thought my contribution would would change the positiveness that I liked about it. So started a new thread...with a slant to it!
I found the thread so interesting and read with some envy of how open, honest and secure your relationships are to be able to invite a third/fourth person to share a part of your relationship that for many is an intimate part of your lives......
What Im about to say is not a knock at *swinging couples/singles or married people* , I wouldnt be apart of this forum if Im going to be judgemental of this lifestyle! I'd join the knitting circle!
I have never hidden the fact that Im not in the *scene*, got very close but didnt quite make it for various reasons! My previous partner was/is..... a swinger! So Im looking at this purely as a vanilla partner point of view..
I knew when I met him that he was a part of the lifestyle and we discussed it at length (Im a nosy moo), I met him on a swingers site. I wasn;t looking for a relationship and nor was he! He was/is the only person Ive met (outside a social/munch) from a swinging site. We only met as I was in the area he lived on business (bet all the gals say that hehe), so met for a coffee etc... anyway, we really hit it off and started seeing oneanother and all was great.
I believed he wasn't swinging whilst in a relationship with me and was happy with how life was going between us. Until, one night in the forums (not this one) I saw a message from a couple saying they had met him the previous week... You can imagine my surprise and distress at seeing this.
My questions to people in the lifestyle is:
1) How do you know a fem/guy is really single?
2) How would you feel if you stated on your profile *no married/attached etc* and found out that the fem/guy you had met wasnt single?
3) How would you deal with the situation of finding out that he/she was playing away and their partner had found out and emails you/contacts you (somehow)?
xanaisx
PS I would like to thank all the married/attached guys who have pm'd me over the years and been honest and up front about your status... it was/is appreciated!!
PPS excuse spelling!
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Vanilla....and I dont mean ice-cream!
You say you believed he wasn't swinging but did he actually say as much? In view of the questions you've asked, have you since found he's married?
For what it's worth here's my view on your questions:
1) How do you know a fem/guy is really single?
You don't know for sure, you just have to trust them. Some are open and say they are married while others cover it up.
2) How would you feel if you stated on your profile *no married/attached etc* and found out that the fem/guy you had met wasnt single?
I think that depends on your own personal views of marrieds 'playing away' as it were. If you're the only person he's seeing, when do you stop being a swinging partner and start becoming his mistress?
3) How would you deal with the situation of finding out that he/she was playing away and their partner had found out and emails you/contacts you (somehow)?
I'd say it's up to them to face the music with their spouse. They're the one who's been playing away and although you are involved too I'd suggest staying away until he/she sorts it out
It also depends if you just see them as a one off or on a regular basis. Getting involved regularly can open up a whole can of worms whether it be his spouse finding out or either one of you developing feelings for the other. It can get very messy.
Been there, done that and still not learning from my own mistakes
For what it's worth here's my view on your questions:
1) How do you know a fem/guy is really single?
You don't know for sure, you just have to trust them. Some are open and say they are married while others cover it up.
2) How would you feel if you stated on your profile *no married/attached etc* and found out that the fem/guy you had met wasnt single?
I think that depends on your own personal views of marrieds 'playing away' as it were. If you're the only person he's seeing, when do you stop being a swinging partner and start becoming his mistress?
3) How would you deal with the situation of finding out that he/she was playing away and their partner had found out and emails you/contacts you (somehow)?
I'd say it's up to them to face the music with their spouse. They're the one who's been playing away and although you are involved too I'd suggest staying away until he/she sorts it out
It also depends if you just see them as a one off or on a regular basis. Getting involved regularly can open up a whole can of worms whether it be his spouse finding out or either one of you developing feelings for the other. It can get very messy.
Been there, done that and still not learning from my own mistakes
Orgasminator
Quote by Sassy-Seren
If you're the only person he's seeing, when do you stop being a swinging partner and start becoming his mistress?
I've always been a tad confused about the definition of Mistress... especially in this day and age... My definition of a Mistress is a lady who is 'kept' by a gentleman... he pays for her living expenses... whereas if they were meeting up for dinner, shagging, etc... then surely they are lovers?
Not saying I'm right, just my understanding of the definition.
Happy Sundays
Wibbly
Quote by anais
I was reading the thread, "how important is swinging to you" and felt that I would like to reply to it but thought my contribution would would change the positiveness that I liked about it. So started a new thread...with a slant to it!
I found the thread so interesting and read with some envy of how open, honest and secure your relationships are to be able to invite a third/fourth person to share a part of your relationship that for many is an intimate part of your lives......
What Im about to say is not a knock at *swinging couples/singles or married people* , I wouldnt be apart of this forum if Im going to be judgemental of this lifestyle! I'd join the knitting circle!
I have never hidden the fact that Im not in the *scene*, got very close but didnt quite make it for various reasons! My previous partner was/is..... a swinger! So Im looking at this purely as a vanilla partner point of view..
I knew when I met him that he was a part of the lifestyle and we discussed it at length (Im a nosy moo), I met him on a swingers site. I wasn;t looking for a relationship and nor was he! He was/is the only person Ive met (outside a social/munch) from a swinging site. We only met as I was in the area he lived on business (bet all the gals say that hehe), so met for a coffee etc... anyway, we really hit it off and started seeing oneanother and all was great.
I believed he wasn't swinging whilst in a relationship with me and was happy with how life was going between us. Until, one night in the forums (not this one) I saw a message from a couple saying they had met him the previous week... You can imagine my surprise and distress at seeing this.
My questions to people in the lifestyle is:
1) How do you know a fem/guy is really single?
You don't there has to be an element of trust, but if you have spent time getting to know them hopefully they may have let it slip during that time.
2) How would you feel if you stated on your profile *no married/attached etc* and found out that the fem/guy you had met wasnt single?
Depends on whether we had formed a relationship or had only met her once. I mean if we were named in court and cited in a divorce I would be mortified. Otherwise it would be her problem to be dealt with ultimately.
3) How would you deal with the situation of finding out that he/she was playing away and their partner had found out and emails you/contacts you (somehow)?
I would explain our lifestyle to him and make him see that it's his partner that is the one he needs to be speaking to.
xanaisx
PS I would like to thank all the married/attached guys who have pm'd me over the years and been honest and up front about your status... it was/is appreciated!!
PPS excuse spelling!
Love Fire xxxx
Its nice to know that the people you are meeting are of course speaking the truth to you. But it is inevitable that some people we may come across won't tell the truth about their relationship status.
As I accept that fact, it is not really important to me whether the other person(s) is(are) attached or not. I'm not in this for the morals. What imports more (for me) is the attraction.
As I accept that fact, it is not really important to me whether the other person(s) is(are) attached or not. I'm not in this for the morals. What imports more (for me) is the attraction.
