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Very sad news about BARTDUTCH
hi everyone and thank you all.. had the strangest couple of days ever.... endless phone calls, tracing his mom in Holland (he hadnt got her number anywhere in the house so thanks to the www for help). Telling his mom which was truly heartbreaking, we both were crying so hard, we couldnt get our words out. Then getting a surprising phone call from his estranged dad, hardly able to understand him but being able to tell over the phone that he is devastated and prob feeling guilty for not talking to his only son for over 28 yrs.
Crying my eyes out watching Gavin and Stacey, in particular listening to "youve got the love" by Florence and the Machine, cos bart loved that song. Crying in the shower seeing his shower gel... taking his unwashed top out of the wash, laying on the sofa in our bedroom so i can think that hes really around and of course can i smell him on it. Struggling to put the big boxes of decorations back in the cupboards cos im not tall enough and cursing him under my breath.
Got up the this morning and saw a cigarette had been put all the itself on the table... so weird, nobody in the family put it there, i didnt put it there... was as if it was a sign from bart to have a smoke and calm down! Comforts me to think of it that way. Going into a bit of trance tonight, and hearing his voice to clearly in my head saying "hey its ok", that was lovely and yes i am quite spiritual.
Getting a warm feeling having my children looking after me... i feel like im being a crap mom atm but they are being truly wonderful.
Knowing that on Monday, offices will be opening up again and bart will be on his way to undertakers so i can see him.... ive missed seeing his face so much. Friends are trying to talk me out of it but no way, i need to see him, he was taken too quickly to say goodbye.
EVerthing looks bleak right now.... but ... the messages on here are filled with love and feelings for bart and that fills me with hope ... thank you all..
Suze xx
Crying my eyes out watching Gavin and Stacey, in particular listening to "youve got the love" by Florence and the Machine, cos bart loved that song. Crying in the shower seeing his shower gel... taking his unwashed top out of the wash, laying on the sofa in our bedroom so i can think that hes really around and of course can i smell him on it. Struggling to put the big boxes of decorations back in the cupboards cos im not tall enough and cursing him under my breath.
Got up the this morning and saw a cigarette had been put all the itself on the table... so weird, nobody in the family put it there, i didnt put it there... was as if it was a sign from bart to have a smoke and calm down! Comforts me to think of it that way. Going into a bit of trance tonight, and hearing his voice to clearly in my head saying "hey its ok", that was lovely and yes i am quite spiritual.
Getting a warm feeling having my children looking after me... i feel like im being a crap mom atm but they are being truly wonderful.
Knowing that on Monday, offices will be opening up again and bart will be on his way to undertakers so i can see him.... ive missed seeing his face so much. Friends are trying to talk me out of it but no way, i need to see him, he was taken too quickly to say goodbye.
EVerthing looks bleak right now.... but ... the messages on here are filled with love and feelings for bart and that fills me with hope ... thank you all..
Suze xx
Oh Suze.....
Just read this for the first time and I can hardly believe what I am seeing.....
You were both regulars at S and Ts parties where Bart loved to get on the karaoke where he was one of the better singers to pick up the mike. He will be sadly missed.
Draw strength from this forum where you know just how much love everyone has for you both and remember the great times that you both had.
Take care Suze, take care xxx
I have just told Caroline of this tragedy and she would also like to send her love and condolences to you Suze and all the family.
Just read this for the first time and I can hardly believe what I am seeing.....
You were both regulars at S and Ts parties where Bart loved to get on the karaoke where he was one of the better singers to pick up the mike. He will be sadly missed.
Draw strength from this forum where you know just how much love everyone has for you both and remember the great times that you both had.
Take care Suze, take care xxx
I have just told Caroline of this tragedy and she would also like to send her love and condolences to you Suze and all the family.
Sex God
My love and thoughts are with you 
xx--xx
xx--xx 
Sex God
i'm so so sorry for your loss suze i wish i had wise words of comfort to impart but alas words fail me in these situations i just hope you find comfort in all the good memories you share :therethere:
Hi Suze
I never knew you or Bartdutch, but just saw this post and wanted to pass on my sad feelings. Hope you are coping, but you know you have a lot of people here who are feeling sad too and will support you with a simple few keystrokes. I don't know what else to say, but hope you can find enough help here.
Del x
I never knew you or Bartdutch, but just saw this post and wanted to pass on my sad feelings. Hope you are coping, but you know you have a lot of people here who are feeling sad too and will support you with a simple few keystrokes. I don't know what else to say, but hope you can find enough help here.
Del x
Hi Suze Heard your sad news on new years eve from good friends of ours and its took me a while to add to the thread but what can we say that hasnt already been said we are very sorry for your loss and yes Bart will always be with you in sprit if you want to talk to him do it,Thinking of you both God Bless x x x x
Warming the Bed
Hi Suze my thoughts go out to you at this time. As well as to all Bartdutch's family and friends.
I have an understanding of your position as a widower myself. All I can say is stay strong and as hard as it will be remember one thing. Would he want you to be sad and misrible, I think not!
Craig
I have an understanding of your position as a widower myself. All I can say is stay strong and as hard as it will be remember one thing. Would he want you to be sad and misrible, I think not!
Craig
Sex God
So sorry to hear this, our thoughts are with you.
Suze,
I am so incredibly sorry to hear about Bart and can only echo everyone sentiments on here....
He really was one of the good guys, from the first Munch I ever went to, talking about us both being EU boys in a foreign land, to the last time I saw him at Kit's. He was a gentleman, will be sorely missed and remembered with nothing but fondness and a smile.
I can't imagine what you are going through, but please take comfort in knowing that you are deep in our thoughts.
Ross
I am so incredibly sorry to hear about Bart and can only echo everyone sentiments on here....
He really was one of the good guys, from the first Munch I ever went to, talking about us both being EU boys in a foreign land, to the last time I saw him at Kit's. He was a gentleman, will be sorely missed and remembered with nothing but fondness and a smile.
I can't imagine what you are going through, but please take comfort in knowing that you are deep in our thoughts.
Ross
Sexpert
Suze,
Our deepest sympathy for your loss.
I don't know if this helps, but I have personally been through a great many bereavements, a subject, I sicerely wish I had less experience in. I lost a very close friend, who was 42 this year, she died very suddenly, just months after my mother had died (2009 seemed to be a year for this sort of thing)
My way of dealing with it, was to talk about it, and share my memories with those who knew her best. We both worked in the media, and I did various dedications on line for her and did a video for her too. This was my way of working through it and in many ways I still am. It is still very raw and her birthday is coming up on the 11th of January.
We don't think it is unusual at all to express yourself on here. SH is part of who you are, (And who Bart was) so why not? No one has a monopoly on how to tell you to grieve, it sounds to us as though you doing the best you can in the circumstances. In terms of seeing him, absolutely you should, no question. If you need a chance to say goodbye again, you must take it. You will only regret it if you do not.
We remember chatting to him in the rooms but don't think we ever met even though we were due to go to some of the same the socials you guys were on the list for.
It sounds to us as though you were suppose to have your own last night together.
We have sent you a personal message about this, do not be afraid to contact us.
A and A xxx
Our deepest sympathy for your loss.
I don't know if this helps, but I have personally been through a great many bereavements, a subject, I sicerely wish I had less experience in. I lost a very close friend, who was 42 this year, she died very suddenly, just months after my mother had died (2009 seemed to be a year for this sort of thing)
My way of dealing with it, was to talk about it, and share my memories with those who knew her best. We both worked in the media, and I did various dedications on line for her and did a video for her too. This was my way of working through it and in many ways I still am. It is still very raw and her birthday is coming up on the 11th of January.
We don't think it is unusual at all to express yourself on here. SH is part of who you are, (And who Bart was) so why not? No one has a monopoly on how to tell you to grieve, it sounds to us as though you doing the best you can in the circumstances. In terms of seeing him, absolutely you should, no question. If you need a chance to say goodbye again, you must take it. You will only regret it if you do not.
We remember chatting to him in the rooms but don't think we ever met even though we were due to go to some of the same the socials you guys were on the list for.
It sounds to us as though you were suppose to have your own last night together.
We have sent you a personal message about this, do not be afraid to contact us.
A and A xxx
hi suze,
i met you both at a munch and although i have a terible memory i remember you both and thinking how warm you both were.
i am so sorry that you have lost bart, well the physical anyway, i feel he will keep you warm and embrace your grief but keep strong.
dont rush anything, just do what feels right and sending big hugs your way.
keep well love fem xx
i met you both at a munch and although i have a terible memory i remember you both and thinking how warm you both were.
i am so sorry that you have lost bart, well the physical anyway, i feel he will keep you warm and embrace your grief but keep strong.
dont rush anything, just do what feels right and sending big hugs your way.
keep well love fem xx
Sex God
Quote by Suze43
Heard from the coroner today and there was nothing at all anybody could do... Bart had a massive, catastrophic heart attack. :sad: He wouldnt have felt anything at all.. it was too quick for him to even cry out to me...
I cannot wait to go and see him... im lost in the wilderness..
Suze xx
Suze... I'm glad you heard something back today.
The blessing is that Bart didn't suffer at all so you should take comfort in that if you can. I'm so sad for you, I can't even begin to imagine. You both looked so good when I saw you at Kit's party back in October. I hope you get to see him soon so you can say goodbye properly. You know where I am if you need a blether.
omg i cant believe it... that Bart was such an enigma... i knew he liked a certain dutch song but i didnt have a clue who sang it or what it was called and i want it to be played at his funeral. Where to start?
Well i was on the pc and i looked up and there is a pile of unmarked cds, so i went thru them all and there i found the track.. he used to sing it to me... its so lovely and i dont care if nobody knows whats it about, its special to me and Bart.
Right now im playing Limp Bizkit cos we used to play it in the car on the way to munches, singing our heads off... im smiling... bart helped me out today and im a bit happier!
Suze xx
Well i was on the pc and i looked up and there is a pile of unmarked cds, so i went thru them all and there i found the track.. he used to sing it to me... its so lovely and i dont care if nobody knows whats it about, its special to me and Bart.
Right now im playing Limp Bizkit cos we used to play it in the car on the way to munches, singing our heads off... im smiling... bart helped me out today and im a bit happier!
Suze xx
Sex God
Very pleased to hear you are happier today Suze, keep smiling and keeping my fingers crossed all the arrangements fall into place.
Regards
Harry Jones
Regards
Harry Jones
Sex God
Suze, all the best, still thinking of you.
I am soooo exhausted and drained.... the phone never stops ringing, endless texts, soo much stuff to organise... i dont seem to get time to just sit and reflect! Had to go and register Barts death today, there was a wedding going on at the same time.. made me feel sad and lonely. Just popped into town for some Rescue Remedy and everywhere i looked there were memories of Bart, his favourite second hand book shop, the place where we went for a coffee the day before Xmas Eve. Seeing a car the same as his..
Then this afternoon, between phone calls, feeling warm and fuzzy cos my friend from work had sent me some gorgeous flowers. Went to see the undertaker taking with me some of Barts favourite clothes to wear, some photos for in his coffin and the book he had just started reading for him to finish. I told the undertaker "its for him to finish, sorry ive just gone a bit loopy". Going to see him tomorrow morning, im apprehensive having never seen a body before... will he still look like my Bart, will he look peaceful or in pain?
Tonight, my daughter is going to tattoo me with a heart with a B inside it.. its lovely and a small, lasting reminder of him.
His funeral isnt until the 18th Jan, seems like ages away... what a week its been!
Suze xx
Then this afternoon, between phone calls, feeling warm and fuzzy cos my friend from work had sent me some gorgeous flowers. Went to see the undertaker taking with me some of Barts favourite clothes to wear, some photos for in his coffin and the book he had just started reading for him to finish. I told the undertaker "its for him to finish, sorry ive just gone a bit loopy". Going to see him tomorrow morning, im apprehensive having never seen a body before... will he still look like my Bart, will he look peaceful or in pain?
Tonight, my daughter is going to tattoo me with a heart with a B inside it.. its lovely and a small, lasting reminder of him.
His funeral isnt until the 18th Jan, seems like ages away... what a week its been!
Suze xx
Sex God
I saw my grandma, she died in the bedroom next to me, I popped in to see her before I went to work. It was a slightly strange feeling but she looked peaceful.
Regards
Harry Jones
Regards
Harry Jones
Been to see Bart today, it was so scary, he looked like a model of bart.. his face looked good, like he was sleeping.... but his hands were white and cold. I touched his face, his hair, his body and i kissed him. I loved him so much..
Ive found texts on his phone... did he love me? Or was i being used? Its so fucking frustrating cos ill never know the answer. Why am i having so many doubts? Why did i put up with so much shit? If i had found these texts beforehand, i would have thrown him out cos it had happened time and time again. Maybe he got his comeuppance? Why is my mind going into overdrive?
I loved him thats all i know for sure...
Suze xx
Ive found texts on his phone... did he love me? Or was i being used? Its so fucking frustrating cos ill never know the answer. Why am i having so many doubts? Why did i put up with so much shit? If i had found these texts beforehand, i would have thrown him out cos it had happened time and time again. Maybe he got his comeuppance? Why is my mind going into overdrive?
I loved him thats all i know for sure...
Suze xx
When my ex died I felt anger, guilt and frustration, Suze you know my story, I only began to feel better about it all when he came to me in a dream and let me know all was ok. It was months after he died and I felt so heavy in heart, until that time.
It will take time and please remember all that was good, all that made you love Bart, there will always be unanswered questions.
Thinking of you Suze xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It will take time and please remember all that was good, all that made you love Bart, there will always be unanswered questions.
Thinking of you Suze xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Orgasminator
Can't say i fully know what you r going through, but have a ruff idea, as i lost my hubby of 20 years last sept. My thoughts go out to you and his family, all my love and thoughts to you hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
