A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was!
She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.
The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a five pound note stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw £100, and a few days later, it's all gone!
I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing.
Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate-especially the good stuff like ice cream, biscuits and sweets. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on
weight, too.
For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closet when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.
She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers. She has done other things-like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knob and taps harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge!
:shock: :shock:
and i think she likes a tipple too, cos i keep finding booze in me fridge i never bought. luckily she's not complained yet when i drink it, so that's ok, can put up with that. but yeah my money disappears at an alarming rate now you mention it. she can't be that daft tho cos there's never nowt down me sofa. bit careful with the pennies obviously. typical old woman trait that is. i'm quite concerned now! bugger!
good thread. thanks for the warning. 
