Watching your partner with other folk

11 Mar 2012

Ok, I have a bit of a query...
In conversation with a rather lovely couple, we were talking about what 'does it' for us and they were telling me one of their big thrills is watching each other with other partners. Now I'm fairly open to most things but, as most of you know, am on my little SH adventure in a resolutely single capacity. wink

So, help me out here, if you will: what is it about watching a partner be pleasured by others that is such a turn on? Is it indeed a turn on?
(I'm kinda sexing up Sunday morning here. It's been a while! :twisted smile

11 Mar 2012

We usually play with single guys - Mr JWF likes to see me have fun and enjoy myself, he loves to give that pleasure to me (I'm a lucky woman!).
On the very rare occasion that we've met either a couple with a female who he's interested in or the even more rare (though it has happened) occasion when we've got together with a single female and he's played with her, the thing that I enjoy is seeing the pleasure that he can give to her. This might sound odd, but it makes me feel really proud of him....
Also, I know that he enjoys giving pleasure, so I like to see him give pleasure to other women - I guess we both get off on that.
There is definitely something liberating about "allowing" him to enjoy himself with another woman as well - that's also a turn on for me.
I also love to see him turned on - when I'm watching that it's more of a turn on to see it than be a part of it... cos I know that I'll be the lucky recipient of the result later on
wink

11 Mar 2012

Oooh thanks for that.
So, it's the extra layer of 'knowing' I guess that's the turn on: the fact that you knowwhat he is doing to the other person will feel good, the fact that you know he enjoys seeing you being pleasured, the fact you know that you will be together afterwards etc.
Or am I wrong again?
Not that there's a right answer of course, I just love to understand what makes folks tick.
wink

11 Mar 2012

Yeah, you're pretty much on the right lines there with the extra layer of knowledge - worded it better than I could myself lol

I know how it feels when he does the things that he does and I know that it feels good, so watching him doing it to someone else is kind of a thrill - voyeurism with a vested interest I suppose.
Of course as you said, other people will have other reasons / motivations.
In fact I thought of something else after I'd posted.... Mr JWF also enjoys seeing me be a bit naughty (sometimes filthy) - I think it's kind of like porn but with his missus as the star :twisted:

11 Mar 2012

Quote by JustWantFun
Mr JWF also enjoys seeing me be a bit naughty (sometimes filthy) - I think it's kind of like porn but with his missus as the star :twisted:

:thumbup: Good shout! This I think I can definitely understand. :rascal:

11 Mar 2012

I always feel a bit guilty about this one, almost everyone we have chatted to in our swinging time (and that's a long time) say that they get a real kick out of watching thier partners.
I don't really enjoy watching her, not because it gives me any negative feelings but simply because it bores me, I do however love the feeling of knowing she is having fun, I just don't need the visuall scenario, when she plays with other females I prefer to stay downstairs (or upstairs if they are in our dungeon room) let them get on with it knowing that she doesn't have to worry about the "are the guys happy, can they see, what do they want to watch us doing" situation, and to be honest it is nice to know that if I am not going to get to join in I am not being turned on with nowhere to go and if I am going to be invited it's nice when the call comes.
So yes I do love to know my partner is enjoying herself and if I thought she wasn't I could not enjoy myself with the person I am playing with but watch, no, we play same room but prefer seperate room providing we know the people we are playing with so not on first meets, on the rare occasions we have played with single guys we have done same and seperate room for the same reasons and on occasions, when we have had single fem friends stay with us I have slept with either both girls or slept with the single girl (this is normally when Sasha has got tired and gone off to bed leaving us to it).
Sasha on the other hand gets turned on more than any other time when she watches me with another woman, she has to join in sooner or later with me and the girl or with the girls partner, but that is because watching me has turned her on so much, she can even orgasm just watching.
Each to thier own I guess lol

11 Mar 2012

I wouldn't feel guilty; surely it's just about what works for you, works for you & others be damned!
Cheers for sharing though. I love hearing about other people's experiences.
:thumbup:

11 Mar 2012

Great posts guys! Often wondered about this!

12 Mar 2012

We are both, I like to see her enjoy another man, but that has only happened once. Why, I don’t know. I think it has something to do with knowing she is enjoying, a bit about hoping to find something new that she likes. I don’t know about enjoying her see me play with another lady. I think I was enjoying the lady more. Above that it has something to do with trusting each other…and maybe a bit about being outside the excepted norm.
Now we have an open marriage. My wife discovered she did not like to see the ins and outs. We know we both play, she enjoys me playing away as much as I enjoy her playing away. That started when I was on the road, so we were both looking for ‘sexual release’. Now I do not have to travel, we play away by choice, but we still enjoy others, and the fact that she comes home to me.
I still don’t think I have the full answer for you, or myself. We do it because we enjoy it.
Travis

12 Mar 2012

I don't mind watching him but I can't say that I get off on it. I'm a do-er rather than a watcher so I couldn't just sit and watch if I'm not involved in something myself. I like to see the look on a woman's face and hear her groans (and I feel like saying "I know!") when he's pleasing her and I love to see his face when he's getting a good blow job.

12 Mar 2012

This is something I've often thought about and I still can't come to a conclusion. When I was married my wife and I would have MFM threesomes with my friends and it used to turn me on something wicked to see her having sex with them. In later years, after we were divorced (we're still great friends) I would find the thought of a lover having sex with someone else a real turn on. I remember on one occasion, my lover at the time admitting to me that she'd gone to bed with someone else and far from feeling hurt I became really randy and we had a terrific love making session. I don't know what causes it but for a lot of people it's a real pleasure to see their partner having sex with someone else. It's also nice to witness the pleasure that the partner gets from it. Very interesting.

14 Mar 2012

Quote by Cicero
my lover at the time admitting to me that she'd gone to bed with someone else and far from feeling hurt I became really randy

:thumbup: This reaction... from very early on was one of the most prominent markers for realising monogamy wasn't for me. I have never been in a position to watch my partner play (husband/lovers all too committed to monogamy, despite my encouragement) but I have seen some of them flirt, be chatted up, fall in love with others and even the odd snog.
As far as I am concerned, a lover's sexual expression is a part of themselves and ALL of that expression is to be cherished and enjoyed - whether directed towards their own self, me or somebody else is a point of lesser importance. I am one of those people that really get off on hearing all the details of my partners' sexual experiences - I always drilled boyfriends about their exes, past experiences etc (some found this very, very uncomfortable!).
At the same time... I am an incurable voyeur, so as already pointed out the prospect of a "live sex show" is just too good to turn down! Yes, there can be a heady mix of conflicting emotions there - smug satisfaction that your partner is desirable to others, joy for the pleasure they are having, hope that you may get to have a piece of the action, arousal at what is an amazingly sexually charged experience, and yes, "negative" feelings like jealousy or mild dejection at being side-tracked, however momentarily. And I must admit that... experiencing these uncomfortable feelings also gives me pleasure, which I guess makes me a right cuckquean! redface

14 Mar 2012

for us, j gets a great feeling of "power" in turning a guy on and all that goes with that and, although she doesn't like to see me with another woman, i am happy for her to feel that. different for everyone i guess

16 Mar 2012

I'm intrigued. Cheers for all the answers so far.

17 Mar 2012

Quote by noladreams
Ok, I have a bit of a query...
In conversation with a rather lovely couple, we were talking about what 'does it' for us and they were telling me one of their big thrills is watching each other with other partners. Now I'm fairly open to most things but, as most of you know, am on my little SH adventure in a resolutely single capacity.
So, help me out here, if you will: what is it about watching a partner be pleasured by others that is such a turn on? Is it indeed a turn on?
(I'm kinda sexing up Sunday morning here. It's been a while! :twisted

we always talked about liza and another guy and although liza liked to see and enjoy other women with me she never really could understand what i see in watching her with another guy in the end i wrote her a scenario/fantasy about it which she then understood as to why it was a fantasy (if all this makes sense) lol

she then realised it wasn't about another guy it was about watching liza :twisted:
i would mail it to you but i think its too long for a pm

Quote by pebble
As far as I am concerned, a lover's sexual expression is a part of themselves and ALL of that expression is to be cherished and enjoyed - :thumbup:
At the same time... I am an incurable voyeur, so as already pointed out the prospect of a "live sex show" is just too good to turn down!

we`ll send you an invite to come and watch next time we stay down your way :wink:

17 Mar 2012

Quote by Lizaleanrob
we always talked about liza and another guy and although liza liked to see and enjoy other women with me she never really could understand what i see in watching her with another guy in the end i wrote her a scenario/fantasy about it which she then understood as to why it was a fantasy (if all this makes sense) she then realised it wasn't about another guy it was about watching liza :twisted:
i would mail it to you but i think its too long for a pm

Ah, good idea - I've done similar when I've struggled or been worried about telling someone a particular fantasy. Sometimes writing it down for them, and therefore making them a part of the fantasy, works a treat! So yes, that does make sense :lol:

17 Mar 2012

Love the topic, one of the first things I try and work out when I meet a couple is their motivation and to make sure both parties are comfortable with the whole thing.
This is the main reason I like to meet both halves of a couple, even if the guy is not going to get involved or even be there when the fun starts.
I dont think I have ever met two couples with the exact same motivation and its always interesting trying to figure out why they are looking for a single guy(s) rather than another couple.

Quote by JustWantFun
Mr JWF also enjoys seeing me be a bit naughty (sometimes filthy) - I think it's kind of like porn but with his missus as the star :twisted:

I think this has been a factor in a few of my meets, suits me fine as I like to play porn star sometimes :rascal:

31 Mar 2012

Quote by Lizaleanrob
At the same time... I am an incurable voyeur, so as already pointed out the prospect of a "live sex show" is just too good to turn down!

we`ll send you an invite to come and watch next time we stay down your way wink

Please do

ops::oops:
...I'll be busy that weekend! lol

31 Mar 2012

Quote by pebble
At the same time... I am an incurable voyeur, so as already pointed out the prospect of a "live sex show" is just too good to turn down!

we`ll send you an invite to come and watch next time we stay down your way wink

Please do

ops::oops:
...I'll be busy that weekend! lol

if I was lucky.....you would be busy with me.
and what are you locking up so well pebble?