what does it take?

21 Mar 2009

just keep posting....serious threads, fluffy threads....loada nonsense thread (bit like most of mine)
People will reply if they find the subject moves them enough to reply.
To call the forums a knitting circle isnt the best way in all fairness....there are all sorts of threads on here about a gazillion and one things....i dont think anything is on here.
Ive been on here 2 years and sometimes its :bounce:, sometimes its rolleyes

sometimes its :cry: lots of times its lol

and

and

hwoar: and :wanker: and blast

and sometimes its :kick:
if you like it stick around, its like any place new, you have to work at making lasting friendships.....if its not to your taste then you dont have to post in here.
It would be nice if you stuck aroound and posted......its always nice to see new posters and new sunjects in the forum.
hope that helps to answer your question a little xxx

21 Mar 2009

Everyone gets their posts ignored a lot - If threads never "ended" (by posts getting ignored) then there would be nothing new to the forum and people would sharp get bored of seeing the same topics on page 1 day after day. lol

and that's just 1 reason
As for how long it takes everyone is different some fit straight in some take a while to get a feel of the place. Just carry on and enjoy posting regardless of who replies. After all your posts are there for everyone to see and are being read even if not responded to wink

21 Mar 2009

Quote by Ste_n_Kez
what does it take in the forum to be accepted?
Is it post count?
is it what i say in posts?
is it the length of time you have been on the forum?
is it how many threads I start?
Once upon a time I was a valued member of this community but now I feel if I dont have a knitting link I'm an outcast favoured for the newest member that can get the most posts in, in limited time!
My posts are ignored, even if me & ste take the time to go for pics or try to join in, we might get the odd whisper to say well done or thanks in pm it seems newbies are afraid to acknowledge the post full on for fear of the repecussion in the forum.
I have over the years defended what was always called a clique by saying once you get to talk on here people accept you............
I now agree and think the forum has become a knitting circle where members are outraged when a subject covers a sex topic!
If im asked i am 100% sure I can give example but that would take my time as no-one responds to us on here .....well why should I bother......
I know there are genuine members out there that still lurk (hi Warwick x ) still in the hope that the forum will return to what it was ...not that Im adverse to change but still would like it to be an acceptable place to be like it was when I was a new member.
I understand familiarity, but bad manners I dont.
Ive seen attacks on newbies, what is that all about, shouldnt we try to encourage conversation with them rather than slag them off like a pack of wolves for asking something that was asked in 2003?
So this is a rant from a long term member...............
What are your thoughts?
And lets see who can be constructive and not attacking.
And maybe with more than 2 words lol (lp) lol
post counts i dont mean the threads that you post a smilie or a one word answer to some quiz game

nope sorry :giggle:

21 Mar 2009

Okay, I'm crap at that multi quoting business. I have highlighted the OP's stuff in read and my responses are in black. Grrrr - I can never get that right!
what does it take in the forum to be accepted?
Is it about being accepted? I don't know. I know it took me a long time of actually being a member of the site before I posted - or used the chatroom for that matter - I was too busy arranging meets! wink

Is it post count?
is it what i say in posts?
is it the length of time you have been on the forum?
is it how many threads I start?
I don't think it's any of those things necessarily. I was a very sparse poster at first, then I kinda got the bug and now I dip in whenever I feel I have something to say.
I actually value/respect/look forward to some of the posts by the far more infrequent posters as they intrigue/delight/educate/titillate me - dependant on who it is! - far more than some of the more prolific posters/thread starters.
There are definitely posters whose style I like and whose threads/replies I agree with more than others. That's just like real life. Some people you 'get' and some you don't. There are certain posters who make me groan in frustration for varying reasons. That's just like real life too. Some folk you like, some you don't.
Starting threads for the sake of starting them isn't good - in my opinion. People may think that's what I do, as occasionally I have a real forum frenzy... but it is actually only when I geuinely have something to say/ask/comment on/share.
Once upon a time I was a valued member of this community but now I feel if I dont have a knitting link I'm an outcast favoured for the newest member that can get the most posts in, in limited time!
My posts are ignored, even if me & ste take the time to go for pics or try to join in, we might get the odd whisper to say well done or thanks in pm it seems newbies are afraid to acknowledge the post full on for fear of the repecussion in the forum.
I'm not being funny, but did you guys have a different username before? Just your date says joined August 08 but harking back to days of forum yore suggests you've been here longer... I'm crap at remembering folks' name changes and don't want to offend!
Ste_n_kez, as for your posts being ignored, we ALL have posts that are ignored. Sometimes in the middle of a thread I'll post something I spend ages thinking about and I'm dead chuffed with myself for my searing wit/insight (as if!)... only to find that someone else has posted at that moment or shortly after. The debate moves on and my post lies there, seemingly wasted. Thing is, as someone up there has already said, even if they are not directly referenced or replied to, they are always being read.
And don't get me started on threads I've started that have died a death and dropped down the page faster than a (insert suitable metaphor... it's early and my brain hasn't woken up!)That happens. I see the forum almost like an ongoing conversation/debate in somewhere like a staffroom: topics get started, then someone else comes in and chips in with something so you move on to that, you may go back to the other topic when they leave but more often than not someone else has come in with yet another bit of goss and so it goes on.... or is that just my staffroom?!
I can count on the fingers of one hand in the three years I've been on the site the amount of PMs I've had referencing stuff I've said in the forum. So someone must be "appreciating" you guys - if that's how you want to look at it - if they go out of their way to send you a PM. And if the PM refers to stuff on the forum, do you encourage the member to then post in on the thread? Because I think I would.
I have over the years defended what was always called a clique by saying once you get to talk on here people accept you............
I now agree and think the forum has become a knitting circle where members are outraged when a subject covers a sex topic!
Once you get to talk? Seriously, it's a public forum. Post and be damned. Post about stuff you want to post about and some will like it and some won't: some will respond and some won't. As I see it, we're all members and we all pay our dues and if we want to use the forum facility then fair play, we have that right.
If it's sexy stuff then great: I love a bit of smut, me!
If im asked i am 100% sure I can give example but that would take my time as no-one responds to us on here .....well why should I bother......
I know there are genuine members out there that still lurk (hi Warwick x ) still in the hope that the forum will return to what it was ...not that Im adverse to change but still would like it to be an acceptable place to be like it was when I was a new member.
I honestly don't think you should be so hung up about people responding to you. If you are sharing your views then isn't that what counts?
I posted something on the shopkeeper/language barrier thread the other night that I felt very passionate about. Part of me then instantly regretted it as I thought 'bugger, if this descends into pseudo-political xenophobic ranting I will be livid'. It didn't as it happens. In fact, apart from a couple of responses, my post just sat there in that thread, representative of my passionately held view and didn't really cause any ructions. It was something I felt hugely strongly about but to other people it was probably 'just' another post not worth commenting on.
That's the thing isn't it: I might feel I have been witty/insightful/sexy in a post, but other people might just read it, process the info and move on. Not everything I say (if anything at all) is going to set the forum alight. Just like real life again.
I understand familiarity, but bad manners I dont.
Ive seen attacks on newbies, what is that all about, shouldnt we try to encourage conversation with them rather than slag them off like a pack of wolves for asking something that was asked in 2003?
Familiarity, ah yes... Now, I joined this site to basically meet people and fuck them. I did and I continue to do so. I did not realise there would be a forum. Hell, I didn't post on it for ages! I also had no idea that I would make friends from this site. (Remember, it was NSA fucking I came for!)
So... then I went to a few socials and munches. Then I started posting in the forum. Through this, I got to know a fair few folk. It is hard when you have spent time with people (in some cases when you have become such firm friends that you have been to each others houses, started socialising out there in 'real life') not to then react differently to them in the cyberworld. They are not merely avatars and usernames, they are my friends.
If that makes me appear part of a clique, then I am unsure how to change it. When you know the voice/face/bra size/favourite food or drink of the poster, then there is a degree of familiarity. Likewise there are members who spend a lot of time in particular chatrooms and they then get to know each other. They can seem cliqueish too, I suppose. Then if you happen to refer to an old joke or comment in a poster's forum history, I guess that seems cliqueish. Bit of a rock and a hard place in some respects.
Bad manners? Yes, there are bad manners. As in real life there are folk whose posting style isn't as polite as you'd like, there are those whose opinions drive you mad. There are people I share this forum with who I would never in a million years be conventional 'friends' or even the vaguest of acquaintances with... we have been brought together by our membership and a very tenuous link it is too. We all have different attitudes/perceptions/thoughts on what swinging is and what we want to get out of the site. We all have a right to be here and we should all be respected.
It's not big or clever, but there are probably times on here when I have appeared rude or sarcastic. The written word - without accompanying body language - and indeed the immediacy of the electronic written word, gives potential for huge miscommunication and misinterpretation.
There are times I get riled up. There are times I want to chuck the forum towel in. I step away from my keyboard, take a deep breath and then rejoin the fray when I feel the need. This place is an add-on to my real reason for being here. Swinging is not the major thing in my life and SH is only a tiny part of that. Simply I do not take it seriously. Any of it.

So this is a rant from a long term member...............
What are your thoughts?
You are SO going to have to enlighten me as to who you were in a previous life!?!
Those are my thoughts. Feel free to do with them what you will. Oh, and if you are so inclined, keep posting. I persevered and I've enjoyed it.
Nola x

21 Mar 2009

Quote by Ste_n_Kez
What does it take in the forum to be accepted?
Is it post count?
is it what i say in posts?
is it the length of time you have been on the forum?
is it how many threads I start?
I donâ€™t ever think people just get accepted here, the only people it seems to me that accept another is people they have possibly met at a social and have got to know on a different level than just a forum.
If being accepted means that people agree with you or quote you in a response that happens very little here, general people that have something to say will just say it.
Mainly what I have found, to be quoted, a lot of the time is by people that are in a disagreement or questioning you on something perhaps they donâ€™t understand in you, so not being quoted or responded to isnâ€™t totally a bad thing.
Once upon a time I was a valued member of this community but now I feel if I dont have a knitting link I'm an outcast favoured for the newest member that can get the most posts in, in limited time!
I have written many threads from sexual, thoughtful, social, relationships, a bit of fun, and even political.
I donâ€™t think I am any more accepted than when I first started writing, I didnâ€™t come here to be accepted I came here to enjoy writing whatever came into my head at that time as it is a place you can say what is in your mind and nobody can stop you.
Unless of course you break the rules which I donâ€™t think I have ever come close.
My posts are ignored, even if me & ste take the time to go for pics or try to join in, we might get the odd whisper to say well done or thanks in pm it seems newbies are afraid to acknowledge the post full on for fear of the repecussion in the forum.
As I said above posts that are ignored isnâ€™t always a bad sign.
You are lucky that you have had the odd pm.
Me personally I would much rather someone say what they had to say in public than feel the need to pm me personally to say well done I like your post etc.
Why would they feel the need to congratulate someone privately?
Maybe because possibly they might not like others to know what their true feelings are as then they could be ignored by others.
I do believe if you have a problem with someone then to take it to pm and try and resolve it is a polite thing to do.
I can count on two hands the amount of people that send me a pm from the forums and I have been posting for over a year now without a break and many would say I have a lot to say.
I have over the years defended what was always called a clique by saying once you get to talk on here people accept you............
As I said I donâ€™t feel we are ever accepted really.
People as a breed are cynical beings something somewhere will always put doubts in their heads about a person, I only feel accepted by people that know me in the chat rooms that have seen me on cam having a laugh and got to know me over the time I have been a member of the site. Plus one person that I have met that has made a couple of posts in the past. They I believe really accept me as they have taken time to talk to me on a one to one.
I now agree and think the forum has become a knitting circle where members are outraged when a subject covers a sex topic!
I have to say I have not found that to be the case, different people discuss different topic and different topics draw in different people.
People can get a little outraged by a topic in how it reads rather than the subject matter I believe.
If im asked i am 100% sure I can give example but that would take my time as no-one responds to us on here .....well why should I bother......
If you feel bothered then you should be bothered.
I know there are genuine members out there that still lurk (hi Warwick x ) still in the hope that the forum will return to what it was ...not that Im adverse to change but still would like it to be an acceptable place to be like it was when I was a new member.
Maybe now there are just more people that use the forums, I donâ€™t know how it used to be, but by saying what you have and then mentioning new people could make the new people think that only the old people will be accepted. Things change and times more on there is almost a million members here now, you put that type of mix in a social circle it is going to give you all sorts of people. That is why I find these forums one of the best around, they is always someone here responding to threads minute by minute. I have used other forums and it could take days before someone posts something.
I understand familiarity, but bad manners I dont.
I agree there is no place I believe to show bad manners, but then I have always felt with some it takes more effort being nice than nasty. We have to accept that people are just that way and there is nothing we can do, I just choose to ignore them, they will soon get bored and move on then.
Ive seen attacks on newbies, what is that all about, shouldnt we try to encourage conversation with them rather than slag them off like a pack of wolves for asking something that was asked in 2003?
I agree but it is a lot better now than when I first started posting, almost ever new poster was pulled to bits, people are generally cautious of new posters, I was once asked by someone if I was a reporter. How the cynical think hey.
So this is a rant from a long term member...............
What are your thoughts?
And lets see who can be constructive and not attacking.
And maybe with more than 2 words lol (lp) lol
post counts i dont mean the threads that you post a smilie or a one word answer to some quiz game
I have give you my thoughts, I would have given you a one word answer a rolly eyes but that just isnâ€™t my way.
I like to just say what comes into my head at the time, I never read back over my posts until after I have sent them, I donâ€™t think what am I going to write I just write what natural comes into my head.
To think to hard doesnâ€™t make it a natural thought process it can make it a process that you think others might like to hear.
I say what I think and be damned hope thatâ€™s ok.
Wow sorry for the ramble, I havenâ€™t rambled on as much for ages.

21 Mar 2009

people ignor me too, you just get used to it :lol2:

21 Mar 2009

Quote by naughtynymphos1
people ignor me too, you just get used to it :lol2:

Me too :lol2: Do I give a shit? Nope
It doesn't matter how long you've been here, what your post count is or what circle of friends you have - your posts will either be read and replied to or not or your threads may still be locked. It happens to the most established forumites.
I can't speak for others but I will read a thread which catches my eye by the title. If the content isn't of interest to me or doesn't warrant a reply, then I don't. Of course, you have the sexy threads too......I'm usually lurking in there somewhere innocent

All I can say is carry on reading, reply if you feel the need, start a thread if you want to.
btw did someone mention pics? :rascal:

21 Mar 2009

Nola has given a very good response to your thread. It makes a lot of sense, and its pretty much how it is.

21 Mar 2009

I guess it depends how you measure 'acceptance'.
If acceptance to you means popularity or explicit acknowledgement of your posts via PM and whisper then you'll wrap yourself in knots in a place like this, I think.
Just because somebody doesn't reply doesn't mean they don't 'like' or 'accept' you. I read lots of your posts with interest, both here and on the Dogging forum. I also spent 20 minutes last night looking at your profile pics and trying to work out where they all where and how the hell you didn't get nabbed by B&Q security taking some of them :rascal:
I think one of the first things I ever said to theladyisaminx in Forum Chat was 'I really like your posts' and she said words to the effect of 'really, I didn't think anyone read them lol'.
Just because it's not explicit, doesn't mean it isn't there.
:P x

21 Mar 2009

what?
lp

21 Mar 2009

i post if i want to probally in a cathartic manner i dont really give a fuck if anyone reads it lol :shock:
i dont know if im accepted here, havent been told to pissoff just yet so im still here, dunno if i would leave if i was told banned then no choice. confused

i like me, sometimes i dont like me, i dont like everyone all the time or their views, dont expect anyone to always like me. rolleyes

ive often commented on a thread and it dies, so either im so bloody correct and no one can debate that or i killed the convo wink

dwell on it to much and it will do ya head in.
having two teenagers maybe im just used to being ignored?
i hadnt picked up on you beng blanked, but then i havent been in here a lot lately due to personal family and work lie all kicking off.
but hey,,, few replies here so least you know your not invisable lol
xxxxxxxxxxxx
xxx fem xxx

21 Mar 2009

Hello Ste_n_Kez wave

I guess I have the advantage in that I know who you and your better half were before you changed your names, but it does raise an interesting question:
Does something as simple as an un-publicised name change mean you slip back in the popularity stakes?
By that I mean if someone in the "forum clique" (not my words I hasten to add) were to change their name and mask their old identity, would they have to start all over to regain their previous status? I think the answer must be yes to a great extent.
However, I sincerely believe that it's not through any bad intent towards newbies, it's just that people do have to work for what they get in any walk of life, and that's especially true here because of the trust we all have to put in other people. Nobody has the right to walk in off the street, as it were, and say "I'm new here but you'll have to treat me like an old friend". It takes time to get to know someone, and them to know you.
That said, it's certainly no reason to treat people with disrespect, and helping people to integrate should be the watchword. After all, the swinging lifestyle is all about variety, so what's the point in rejecting fresh meat?! :lol2:

21 Mar 2009

i think i umderstand where you are coming from i often feel on the perifory as my posts are not as eloquent as most confused

and i often just post silly innane comments as i can't be arsed with argueing :shock: as it often feels a couple tend to do there are some here that i think just chip in with subtle put downs nothin obvious but can be cutting all the same and unless i feel really strongly about something it just doesn't seem worth commenting on
in fact i have lost count of the times i have started to reply to a thread got half way through n thought nah not worth it n deleted the lot purely cause i think many on ere would groan to even see i have posted never mind wat they would reply to my post
so yes i do think there is a kinda clique ere n i do think you have to be a certain type of peep to be allowed to infiltrate that clique rather than amount of posts i mean ours says over 900 posts now and that is actually a mistake as we have been ere since 2004 (still shows as such on prof just not on ere) and posting most of that time just that for some odd reason it wiped our joining date and amount of posts so at a guess it would of been knockin on for more 2000 by now and yet still feel on the sidelines so no number of posts counts for nowt in my book
don't get me wrong there r some real lovely peeps ere some of which i would love to go out for a bevvie or three with get to know better and they have always made me feel welcome but oddly enough these are ones i have never thought of as being in with the in crowd these are ones i have found to be just plain old good individuals
i hope no-one takes this as me whinging cause i'm not i'm quite happy on the sidelines i always have been in my own little blonde world and have no prob with the way things are just trying to be polite n reply n let the op know they are not alone

21 Mar 2009

can't say I've noticed as much.
I'm fairly new here, and mostly I don't get the inside jokes. sometimes I get igged, specially in the lighter topics, where my lack of wit and familiarity with other members shows most...sometimes I take part in more serious debates and get interesting responses. a couple of times I've even got a nod of agreement (or at least a pat on the back) in private. I guess it's how things work everywhere (I've been on a number of forums, and have been an admin on two)
yes, it's quite true that newbies and new faces get less acknowledgement than more popular posters, that's inevitable, also because mostly these people are known beyond the forum, having met with lots of people live, which sparks interest and familiarity.
plenty of forumites will look mostly at the answers and posts of those members they've read and appreciated before, barely browsing the other answers (and ignoring the answers of those who they dislike or don't agree with)..it's quite normal... and changing name from someone with a reputation for interesting posts into a "new identity" inevitably, gets you less noticed.
I know that if I were very popular (or in this case a sex bomb biggrin

),this would grant me some sort of reaction no matter what I wrote..mostly deserved, sometimes less so..
but, in the words of catherine tate.. "am I bovvered?"

22 Mar 2009

I had never really thought that much about it.
I think I just post at times to amuse my self, I do not tend to go back to a thread unless its one I am really interested in, so do not often see if any one has acknowledged my posts.
If its a thread I have started up, I would check on it though.
I think the more frequent posters get in a rapport with the others, and maybe that is seen as acceptance by others looking on, but that is normal in any situation I surpose.
I just post, or read others, and get on with my own little thing. I just came into the forum to escape the predictability of the chat rooms!!! wink