When me and Neal first discussed swinging a few years ago i was against the idea. It came about as his parents had been swingers some time ago. Then just over a year ago i said to Neal about it and we decied to look for another couple to swap with and for me to have a bi experience. Initially it was for the sex even though we did want to get to know people a bit before we did anything, since joining this site we placed our add and had plenty of offers but are in no rush and again want friendship along with sex.
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What does swinging mean to you?
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To me swinging is about the social thing. I've just thought about it for quite a while, tried to tell myself it's about the sex like Surreycouple said ....... but it ain't happening.
People are here for different reasons - yes, many predominantly for the sexual aspect, but also many for the social side.
You can also find a sex anywhere.
I do agree that it's what first drew me to the site - but I would not have stayed around for long if it was purely a meeting for sex site.
If the main reason I was here was for sex, then I would place an ad. When I first got curious, I joined a different site - yeh it seemed exciting and fun, but believe me that wears off after replying to the 500th email in a week to say, thanks but no thanks. It just wasn't for me.
Then I found this place ..... and nearly a year on, I'm still around and it's all still as novel to me as it was when I first joined. Not because of the sex, but because of the people, the social side of things.
So swinging to me is about the social side of things. Being able to meet up with a fantastic bunch of broadminded people, with a massive range of likes, dislikes and preferences. Everyone comfortable with who they are and accepting of others. That is what I like about swinging.
If sex happens for me via this site, then it's with people who have become friends first. In a swinging atmosphere, the thing that makes me comfortable is the 'no pressure' atmosphere. I would hate to think I had to perform just because I was at a swingers do. If something happens sexually for me then it's because it feels right - and if nothing happens sexually, I've always thoroughly enjoyed myself also.
Like I said at the beginning, swinging seems to be enjoyed for different reasons by different people .... that's what makes it so diverse. That was just my personal take on it.
Misschief - making as much sense as ever
People are here for different reasons - yes, many predominantly for the sexual aspect, but also many for the social side.
Quote by surreycouple2003
Swinging....
First and foremost its about the sex - you can find friends anywhere.
Quote by surreycouple2003
Becasue of this I find it hard to believe that people get into swinging purely for the social aspect - I have no doubts that the social aspect is very important and is probably a reason why people remain in the swinging community but Sex is the real reason we are all here.
You can also find a sex anywhere.
I do agree that it's what first drew me to the site - but I would not have stayed around for long if it was purely a meeting for sex site.
If the main reason I was here was for sex, then I would place an ad. When I first got curious, I joined a different site - yeh it seemed exciting and fun, but believe me that wears off after replying to the 500th email in a week to say, thanks but no thanks. It just wasn't for me.
Then I found this place ..... and nearly a year on, I'm still around and it's all still as novel to me as it was when I first joined. Not because of the sex, but because of the people, the social side of things.
So swinging to me is about the social side of things. Being able to meet up with a fantastic bunch of broadminded people, with a massive range of likes, dislikes and preferences. Everyone comfortable with who they are and accepting of others. That is what I like about swinging.
If sex happens for me via this site, then it's with people who have become friends first. In a swinging atmosphere, the thing that makes me comfortable is the 'no pressure' atmosphere. I would hate to think I had to perform just because I was at a swingers do. If something happens sexually for me then it's because it feels right - and if nothing happens sexually, I've always thoroughly enjoyed myself also.
Like I said at the beginning, swinging seems to be enjoyed for different reasons by different people .... that's what makes it so diverse. That was just my personal take on it.
Misschief - making as much sense as ever
Quote by MISSCHIEF
To me swinging is about the social thing. I've just thought about it for quite a while, tried to tell myself it's about the sex like Surreycouple said ....... but it ain't happening.
People are here for different reasons - yes, many predominantly for the sexual aspect, but also many for the social side.
I think we need to clarify something - and I think this is something that is either being overlooked or I have spectacularly missed the point.
Swinging is one thing, posting on a website forum is another.
Meeting people for munches is social.
Meeting people for sex is swinging.
I use this website a tool for meeting people - I also enjoy conversing with people in the forum.
Just posting in a forum (in my opinion) does not make you a swinger.
Or does it???
Dxxx
Sex God
Quote by surreycouple2003
Meeting people for sex is swinging.
If that's the sole and exclusive definition of "swinging", then I'd have to logically conclude that Vix & I are not really swingers. When we meet up with someone, it's with the understanding that they're open to the possibility of sex, but that's certainly not a "given". The social aspect of the relationship has to be there before we'll go any further...and swingers, as a rule, just happen to be among the rare subset of individuals for whom the physical potential of a friendship is not . So, considering that some degree of connection or sociability is a personal prerequisite to sexual interaction with a potential partner (or partners), does this mean that we're missing the point of swinging?
~Reese!
Quote by surreycouple2003
Just posting in a forum (in my opinion) does not make you a swinger.
Or does it???
I'm sorry, I don't remember saying that
It wasn't meant to come out like that if it did.I stated what swinging meant for me. It is a whole thing, not just a shag in a room somewhere. It is the forums, it's the social thing, it is the mixing with others who swing (to varying degrees I might add), it's having sex with people who have become friends. It is me finding my feet and sticking to what I am comfortable with. It is also being in a swinging environment and not feel like I have to perform. Above everything it is about making friends with that broadminded attitude, and having bluddy good fun, sometimes sexually, but more often than not, just socially. And then I stated again, that it was my personal view of swinging.
Everyone has their viewpoint on it - if I'm not hardcore enough, then tough, I will not feel bad because of my limits!!!!! It is my viewpoint, my outlook, my tiny little input into the massive arena of swinging.
I have not challenged your view of swinging, some of which I don't entirely agree on, but that is your view. I merely challenged your idea that we should all think of swinging in the same way. So please don't knock my outlook on it.
Sex God
Are you suggesting, surreycouple, if you are not here to swing you shouldn't join in the chat?
In this case the cafe would be quite a different place.
In this case the cafe would be quite a different place.
Sex God
i think surreycouple we are at cross purposes, because we have a different definition of swinging, or we are talking about something broader than the mere sexual act. yes swinging is sex by your definition, and i have no problem with you defining it in that way. i think those of us with a broader definition, and i'm not gonna even attempt to say what those definitions might be, cos they will all be as different as our sexuality is personal, see the sexual act as only one small part of it. my point earlier that some people are not swingers by your definition of it, does not prevent them from being active members of the community, here or IRL, does it?
neil x x ;)
neil x x ;)
when i initially stumbled across this site, cant even member how..... i was looking for sex, but now to me this site has shown that swinging is a whole lot more, so now i am looking at swinging as a means to meet people similar to me and enjoy the odd "play". So to me now the whole swing for me is for social and play, not what i initially came for which was to play.
Make sense?
Make sense?
Quote by londonsnglmale
when i initially stumbled across this site, cant even member how..... i was looking for sex, but now to me this site has shown that swinging is a whole lot more, so now i am looking at swinging as a means to meet people similar to me and enjoy the odd "play". So to me now the whole swing for me is for social and play, not what i initially came for which was to play.
Make sense?
Thats makes perfect sense
Sex God
It does make sense.
My fella and I joined this site for the swinging and found the social. We were already in the swinging scene and had a few experiences already.
I find sex without somekind of connection, in a freindly or at least civil conversation kinda connection, a big turn off. I don't like the thought of someone playing with me then forgetting all about me. If I wanted to be a disposable shag I would be a prossie and make myself some money out of it.
To imply it's only for sex is a little 'wham bam thankyou mam' sounding and seems to take the sensual side away, which I appreciate with certain people.
I value the platonic friendships as much as any swinging friendships I have made.
My fella and I joined this site for the swinging and found the social. We were already in the swinging scene and had a few experiences already.
I find sex without somekind of connection, in a freindly or at least civil conversation kinda connection, a big turn off. I don't like the thought of someone playing with me then forgetting all about me. If I wanted to be a disposable shag I would be a prossie and make myself some money out of it.
To imply it's only for sex is a little 'wham bam thankyou mam' sounding and seems to take the sensual side away, which I appreciate with certain people.
I value the platonic friendships as much as any swinging friendships I have made.
Quote by surreycouple2003
People who come here either come here because they enjoy recreational sex or they come here to be around people who enjoy recreational sex.
Different question, but when is sex not recreational?
When you belong to one of those religions that only permits sex for reproduction - not entirely sure which ones that is but I'd hazard a gues at Jehova's Witness or Plymouth Bretherin.
Now your assuming .... Jehovah's witnesses have no such ideas about sex .... they believe in sex in marriage only and "wholesome contact" but it certainly isn't about reproduction only.
Still thinking about my response to this thread generally ..................
Quote by londonsnglmale
when i initially stumbled across this site, cant even member how..... i was looking for sex, but now to me this site has shown that swinging is a whole lot more, so now i am looking at swinging as a means to meet people similar to me and enjoy the odd "play". So to me now the whole swing for me is for social and play, not what i initially came for which was to play.
Make sense?
same as me!
the only reason i found this site was cause someone told me any area where i ate my mcdonalds most nights was a dogging spot. i didnt beleive them and one very boring sunday afternoon i thought i'd see if it was true! and hey presto i found swinging heaven (at this point Swinging had never crossed my mind!). i took a quick look arround, found the chatroom 7 months later i'm still here , meeting great people and enjoying every step of the way.
Orgasminator
Everyone will have a different opinion and everyone has different views,
As a (now) single swinging to me is couples having sex with other couples where all of the parties are actively involved.
You can't be a single person and a swinger, as you can go down town and sleep with different people each week but as a single would you call it swinging? And you can't swing singularily from a couple without your partner knowing cos thats just cheating.
Friendships may come from this site and swingers having munches and meets but i wouldn't think that anyone can honestly say they join a SWINGERS site soley to make friends.
If it was just friendship then there are other sites out there just for that, you have to be interested in the swinging scene if only to fuel a fantasy about swining that you may never act upon.
I already have good friends but i also want to make new friends that are able to share my interests and me theirs, iwon't lie, i want to have sex and if the two mingle into one as it were then all the better.
I want to try new things and push my boundaries, this site is a way for me to do that which is more easily attainable than going on the pull at the weekend down town.
As regards the lets meet up, i have a laugh at some of the "Fuck me now" posts and single men get few replies or insults, but single women get loads of replies and yes women do post the same requests too.
As long as a post doesn't break any of the site rules then i have a giggle and let it be, if they have the bollox to post such a thread and succeed then good luck to them!!
Personally i would love to put up a post in "the lets meet up" but having read other posts about single men and for fear of riddicule as a newbie so to speak, and not getting any favourable replies, i have not, should i feel like that as a member of SH?
Maybe some reading this will think "oh god he's just the same as all the others!", if i am then i am, thats me.
I think this is the longest reply ive ever written, time to get off my soapbox and hit the chatroom see ya peeps
As a (now) single swinging to me is couples having sex with other couples where all of the parties are actively involved.
You can't be a single person and a swinger, as you can go down town and sleep with different people each week but as a single would you call it swinging? And you can't swing singularily from a couple without your partner knowing cos thats just cheating.
Friendships may come from this site and swingers having munches and meets but i wouldn't think that anyone can honestly say they join a SWINGERS site soley to make friends.
If it was just friendship then there are other sites out there just for that, you have to be interested in the swinging scene if only to fuel a fantasy about swining that you may never act upon.
I already have good friends but i also want to make new friends that are able to share my interests and me theirs, iwon't lie, i want to have sex and if the two mingle into one as it were then all the better.
I want to try new things and push my boundaries, this site is a way for me to do that which is more easily attainable than going on the pull at the weekend down town.
As regards the lets meet up, i have a laugh at some of the "Fuck me now" posts and single men get few replies or insults, but single women get loads of replies and yes women do post the same requests too.
As long as a post doesn't break any of the site rules then i have a giggle and let it be, if they have the bollox to post such a thread and succeed then good luck to them!!
Personally i would love to put up a post in "the lets meet up" but having read other posts about single men and for fear of riddicule as a newbie so to speak, and not getting any favourable replies, i have not, should i feel like that as a member of SH?
Maybe some reading this will think "oh god he's just the same as all the others!", if i am then i am, thats me.
I think this is the longest reply ive ever written, time to get off my soapbox and hit the chatroom see ya peeps
Sex God
Quote by fem_manc-cpl
I find sex without somekind of connection, in a freindly or at least civil conversation kinda connection, a big turn off. I don't like the thought of someone playing with me then forgetting all about me. If I wanted to be a disposable shag I would be a prossie and make myself some money out of it. To imply it's only for sex is a little 'wham bam thankyou mam' sounding and seems to take the sensual side away, which I appreciate with certain people.
What she said!! :thumbup:
Sex God
Quote by midlandsman1970
As a (now) single swinging to me is couples having sex with other couples where all of the parties are actively involved. You can't be a single person and a swinger, as you can go down town and sleep with different people each week but as a single would you call it swinging?
I do undertand what you're saying about singles "sleeping around" with other singles and not necessarily considering that to be swinging, but what about those who get involved with couples? As a couple, Vix & I have had quite a number of enjoyable encounters with single males. For us, that's as much "swinging" as when we're entertaining another couple. Is it all that different from our single partners' perspectives?
~Reese!
Quote by midlandsman1970
Friendships may come from this site and swingers having munches and meets but i wouldn't think that anyone can honestly say they join a SWINGERS site soley to make friends.
If it was just friendship then there are other sites out there just for that, you have to be interested in the swinging scene if only to fuel a fantasy about swining that you may never act upon.
I already have good friends but i also want to make new friends that are able to share my interests and me theirs, iwon't lie, i want to have sex and if the two mingle into one as it were then all the better.
Well said - You dont join a swingers forum if you dont want to swing, in the same way as you wouldnt regularly go to football matches if you didnt like the game
As someone very new to the world (well - THIS world at least ) I have found this a very interesting thread (thanks Heather). It made me think about why I am here - and what the word "swinging" means to me.
I think what Reese said about swinging being an opportunity to express a bi side is part of why I am here - but then if I just wanted sex with the odd man now and then I could go into any pub and pick up a bloke if I wanted. So why come here? And if I wanted sex with a woman - any gay pub could easily net the same result.
I think for me the thing HAS to be the possibility of exciting, uncomplicated, mind broadening sexual experiences with like minded people, in an open and understanding community.
I have underlined the words "possibility" and "community" becuase I don't want to expect or be expected to do anything. I DO need to feel both a physical and mental attraction to a person before I have sex with them - as a single person or a couple. Having never experienced anything more than that I cannot comment (I refuse to comment on soemthing I know nothing about). The community aspect that I have discovered here in the forum has also become to be important to me as a "newbie". Within a "community" I would hope to feel (and so far have felt) un pressured. Given the chance to explore and extend my boundaries without "disapproval". With understanding and a sense of friendship.
I have already met one person off this forum in a non-sexual way - and I feel richer for meeting that person. Is that what I came here for - to merely make a new friend? No - but I'm pleased I did.
If I decided that the sexual aspect wasn't for me after all - would I want to hang around in the forum and go to munches etc - yes I reckon I would.
I don't know if any of that makes any sense. Guess I'm still finding out for myself.
Get back to you next year
) I have found this a very interesting thread (thanks Heather). It made me think about why I am here - and what the word "swinging" means to me.I think what Reese said about swinging being an opportunity to express a bi side is part of why I am here - but then if I just wanted sex with the odd man now and then I could go into any pub and pick up a bloke if I wanted. So why come here? And if I wanted sex with a woman - any gay pub could easily net the same result.
I think for me the thing HAS to be the possibility of exciting, uncomplicated, mind broadening sexual experiences with like minded people, in an open and understanding community.
I have underlined the words "possibility" and "community" becuase I don't want to expect or be expected to do anything. I DO need to feel both a physical and mental attraction to a person before I have sex with them - as a single person or a couple. Having never experienced anything more than that I cannot comment (I refuse to comment on soemthing I know nothing about). The community aspect that I have discovered here in the forum has also become to be important to me as a "newbie". Within a "community" I would hope to feel (and so far have felt) un pressured. Given the chance to explore and extend my boundaries without "disapproval". With understanding and a sense of friendship.
I have already met one person off this forum in a non-sexual way - and I feel richer for meeting that person. Is that what I came here for - to merely make a new friend? No - but I'm pleased I did.
If I decided that the sexual aspect wasn't for me after all - would I want to hang around in the forum and go to munches etc - yes I reckon I would.
I don't know if any of that makes any sense. Guess I'm still finding out for myself.
Get back to you next year
Orgasminator
Quote by Reese
As a (now) single swinging to me is couples having sex with other couples where all of the parties are actively involved. You can't be a single person and a swinger, as you can go down town and sleep with different people each week but as a single would you call it swinging?
I do undertand what you're saying about singles "sleeping around" with other singles and not necessarily considering that to be swinging, but what about those who get involved with couples? As a couple, Vix & I have had quite a number of enjoyable encounters with single males. For us, that's as much "swinging" as when we're entertaining another couple. Is it all that different from our single partners' perspectives?
~Reese!
But is the single a swinger??? i don't think so, as you said the single sleeps around (not intended derogatorily) with different people. I am a single man, not a swinger in my own opinion.
I believe the couple is yes.
(I like couples, oops single guy mentality)
Ok, this has taken me AGES to read, and i have a few points i'd like to make.............
A few people on the thread have gone into what a "definition" of swinging could be, when in actual fact, the question is "what does swinging mean to you". in actual fact, there is no DEFINITION of swinging, i know cos i just looked in the dictionary
Anyway, swinging to us has changed a lot in the time we've been here, at the current time it IS about the social side, we would rather make 2 new friends who understand what we do whether or not there is any sexual attraction there - we've met several people off this site who we would consider accquaintances/ friends, who we are quite happy to TALK to about sex without actually performing the act. And to me, that is why swinging is something, well, not SPECIAL to us, but something which we value - only our closest friends know what we do - and even then we dont discuss it in detail - obviously!
If the question had been "What does Swinging Heaven mean to you?" then our answer would have been VERY different - to us the site (well the forum actually) is somwhere to talk openly about sex and swinging with like minded people - granted, we dont come on here as often as we used to - but it doesnt mean we're not swinging anymore - our ads are updated whether we've been here on the forum or not. Happy Cats - you said "You dont join a swingers forum if you dont want to swing" - IMHO this isnt strictly true - i cant count how many people come on this forum to gain an insight into something before jumping in with both feet - if you go for a job interview you look around the place first to get a feel of the environment - so yes, i see your point, however, i also think this site is the best place to go to dip your toes in socially. I'm not singling ANYBODY out here, these are the first names that spring to mind - Mr and Mrs Easy, both self confessed "non swingers" as we've seen on this thread, neilinleeds, and i'm sure given the time i could find several other people who are here because they have an interest in the subject of swinging without having any wish to take part in it.
Surreycouple2003, you say "meeting people for sex is swinging" Daz and i met twice for sex before officially getting together, due to the fact we were both with other people - does this make us swingers? in my eyes we were a couple in a relationship who wanted to make love but couldnt due to the need to cut ties.
Sorry for the essay - but i think this is a very interesting thread and one worth putting my toughts into.
A few people on the thread have gone into what a "definition" of swinging could be, when in actual fact, the question is "what does swinging mean to you". in actual fact, there is no DEFINITION of swinging, i know cos i just looked in the dictionary
Anyway, swinging to us has changed a lot in the time we've been here, at the current time it IS about the social side, we would rather make 2 new friends who understand what we do whether or not there is any sexual attraction there - we've met several people off this site who we would consider accquaintances/ friends, who we are quite happy to TALK to about sex without actually performing the act. And to me, that is why swinging is something, well, not SPECIAL to us, but something which we value - only our closest friends know what we do - and even then we dont discuss it in detail - obviously!
If the question had been "What does Swinging Heaven mean to you?" then our answer would have been VERY different - to us the site (well the forum actually) is somwhere to talk openly about sex and swinging with like minded people - granted, we dont come on here as often as we used to - but it doesnt mean we're not swinging anymore - our ads are updated whether we've been here on the forum or not. Happy Cats - you said "You dont join a swingers forum if you dont want to swing" - IMHO this isnt strictly true - i cant count how many people come on this forum to gain an insight into something before jumping in with both feet - if you go for a job interview you look around the place first to get a feel of the environment - so yes, i see your point, however, i also think this site is the best place to go to dip your toes in socially. I'm not singling ANYBODY out here, these are the first names that spring to mind - Mr and Mrs Easy, both self confessed "non swingers" as we've seen on this thread, neilinleeds, and i'm sure given the time i could find several other people who are here because they have an interest in the subject of swinging without having any wish to take part in it.
Surreycouple2003, you say "meeting people for sex is swinging" Daz and i met twice for sex before officially getting together, due to the fact we were both with other people - does this make us swingers? in my eyes we were a couple in a relationship who wanted to make love but couldnt due to the need to cut ties.
Sorry for the essay - but i think this is a very interesting thread and one worth putting my toughts into.
Blimey - heavy thread!
To us - it means having the ability to explore, play, learn, relax and enjoy ourselves in a stress free no-pressure environment. We're not wanting full-swap, so its all about chilling, playing, giving and getting nice feelings!
Not something you can do with your friends! Not that any of our friends are bi-fem that we are aware of anyway!
Friendship has to come in to it for us, not "best mates" - but at least people we like. Not necessarily fancy - just like. And we said the other day, its like separating the person from the act - so you like the person; you enjoy the act; but the two are not *quite* linked!
Makes no sense at all. Oh well!
To us - it means having the ability to explore, play, learn, relax and enjoy ourselves in a stress free no-pressure environment. We're not wanting full-swap, so its all about chilling, playing, giving and getting nice feelings!
Not something you can do with your friends! Not that any of our friends are bi-fem that we are aware of anyway!
Friendship has to come in to it for us, not "best mates" - but at least people we like. Not necessarily fancy - just like. And we said the other day, its like separating the person from the act - so you like the person; you enjoy the act; but the two are not *quite* linked!
Makes no sense at all. Oh well!
Quote by midlandsman1970
But is the single a swinger??? i don't think so, as you said the single sleeps around (not intended derogatorily) with different people. I am a single man, not a swinger in my own opinion.
I believe the couple is yes.
(I like couples, oops single guy mentality)
Are you drawing a line between a single person having consensual NS sex with another single person in private and any other form of sexual and intimate experience? Where do you place the single woman/man who enjoys having sex with one or more partners at the same time?
The definition of friendship is interesting -
Is a friend someone you bump into on the forum/shops/pub etc and chat with?
Or is a friend someone you go out of your way to be with?
In swinging and general terms I suspect its the former but you might have sex with them.
I wonder how many swingers friends get together on their own (not a munchie) for reasons other than sex?
Is a friend someone you bump into on the forum/shops/pub etc and chat with?
Or is a friend someone you go out of your way to be with?
In swinging and general terms I suspect its the former but you might have sex with them.
I wonder how many swingers friends get together on their own (not a munchie) for reasons other than sex?
Sex God
happy cats, there were 14 of us on a night out for my birthday last week. To the best of my knowledge there was no sex cos we were all way too pissed and tired out from dancing our little socks off.
So there falls down your theory in my little world anyway.
So there falls down your theory in my little world anyway.
Quote by Happy Cats
I wonder how many swingers friends get together on their own (not a munchie) for reasons other than sex?
Again, i see your point, and in the face of hypocrisy i actually agree with you - although we consider people we have met friends - we do know that there is the underlying sexual thing - and we have to admit we have used it to our advantage, lol!! but, i do feel that we could meet up with our friends from the site and not have anything sexual.
