Quote by tall_dark_n_havesome
...I have met a couple of ladies who responded to my ad...
...and what an ad it is - proven in the field to boot! hope you don't mind being my unpaid ghostwriter
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What does swinging mean to you?
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Sex God
Quote by blueis
...I have met a couple of ladies who responded to my ad...
...and what an ad it is - proven in the field to boot! hope you don't mind being my unpaid ghostwriter
lolol i've just come over all unnecessary reading the bloody thing! *swoon*
nx x x ;)
Sex God
i have been interested in reading all of the replies and thought i'd add mine....
for me swinging is about the friendships... i need to feel there are some people that i connect with enough to want to do this with...
the friendship are the main thing and anything else is very much a bonus..
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxx
for me swinging is about the friendships... i need to feel there are some people that i connect with enough to want to do this with...
the friendship are the main thing and anything else is very much a bonus..
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sex God
Quote by Azazel
I think of and see it as a good oportunity to meet new people and try new things.
Although being a single male it's not so easy as you feel more like a social leper most of the time..
Rather than feel ostracised by those who presume themselves to be superior to single males, I prefer to regard them as having ostracised themselves from my company.
Anyway, they are in the minority in my experience. Maybe you've just been unlucky so far with the people you've encountered? Chin up, if ever there was a place where the otherwise outcast is as respected as anyone else, this, I assure you, is it.
A very interesting thread with lots of different views on swinging.
To us swinging is about sex ...without sex it's social not swinging.
We got into the scene via the clubs. Initially, and for quite a long time, we only played with each other at clubs...very, very soft swing. Because we were actually playing we felt we were swingers, albeit soft-swingers. Had we stayed in the bar and only socialised we would not have thought of ourselves as swingers at all, but as an open-minded couple with an interest in swinging.
We very regularly meet our swinging friends for social meets...we go for meals, nightclubbing, drinks, concerts or just chill at each other's houses... but when we do that we are not swinging. If we don't have sex with them on one of those meets it is a social meet and so at that point we are not swinging.
Our social circle is now almost entirely made up of swinging couples...we very rarely find much time to socialise with our non-swinging friends. But we are not in the scene to find friends, we are here to have the sort of sex that we can't get at home on our own. We look for good sex first and friendship is a very welcome bonus, but having said that we have found it impossible not to make lots of very good friends in the scene.
To us swinging is about sex ...without sex it's social not swinging.
We got into the scene via the clubs. Initially, and for quite a long time, we only played with each other at clubs...very, very soft swing. Because we were actually playing we felt we were swingers, albeit soft-swingers. Had we stayed in the bar and only socialised we would not have thought of ourselves as swingers at all, but as an open-minded couple with an interest in swinging.
We very regularly meet our swinging friends for social meets...we go for meals, nightclubbing, drinks, concerts or just chill at each other's houses... but when we do that we are not swinging. If we don't have sex with them on one of those meets it is a social meet and so at that point we are not swinging.
Our social circle is now almost entirely made up of swinging couples...we very rarely find much time to socialise with our non-swinging friends. But we are not in the scene to find friends, we are here to have the sort of sex that we can't get at home on our own. We look for good sex first and friendship is a very welcome bonus, but having said that we have found it impossible not to make lots of very good friends in the scene.
Quote by Ice Pie
I think of and see it as a good oportunity to meet new people and try new things.
Although being a single male it's not so easy as you feel more like a social leper most of the time..
Rather than feel ostracised by those who presume themselves to be superior to single males, I prefer to regard them as having ostracised themselves from my company.
Anyway, they are in the minority in my experience. Maybe you've just been unlucky so far with the people you've encountered? Chin up, if ever there was a place where the otherwise outcast is as respected as anyone else, this, I assure you, is it.
Thanks, and yeah I'm pretty sure I've just been unlucky thus far. Hopefully that will change with time.
Quote by northwest-cpl
A very interesting thread with lots of different views on swinging.
To us swinging is about sex ...without sex it's social not swinging.
I could not agree more.
Quote by northwest-cpl
Had we stayed in the bar and only socialised we would not have thought of ourselves as swingers at all, but as an open-minded couple with an interest in swinging.
I could not agree more.
Quote by northwest-cpl
If we don't have sex with them on one of those meets it is a social meet and so at that point we are not swinging.
I could not agree more.
Quote by northwest-cpl
But we are not in the scene to find friends, we are here to have the sort of sex that we can't get at home on our own. We look for good sex first and friendship is a very welcome bonus, but having said that we have found it impossible not to make lots of very good friends in the scene.
I could not agree more.
So in Summary - I could not agree more.
Dxxx
Sex God
Quote by Happy Cats
This thread gives honest explanations as to what swinging means to people and any observations have to be general. I would just question the motives of the single guys that say they are not into swinging but just enjoy the forums and the friendships. Are they wolves in sheeps clothing?
i think a lot of the established single guys who've contributed here, would be very hard pressed to maintain that kind of pretense for so long, and certainly the mask would soon slip when it came to actual munches and parties, cos it would be unsustainable IRL surely? easy to pretend to be something you're not on the net admittedly, but i think most here are quite astute enough to see through that after a while, and after being here a while, such pretense is completely unnecessary anyway. i'm not sure any of us said we didn't enjoy the swinging anyways, just that the actual sex is the least important, and least frequent part, of our involvement. perhaps we are being sincere?
n x x x ;)
Quote by Happy Cats
I would just question the motives of the single guys that say they are not into swinging but just enjoy the forums and the friendships.
As I think I said eariler, I wouldn't still be posting here if all I were interested in were obtaining orgasms from forum members, because thus far I haven't obtained any (and to be fair, I stopped trying five months ago).
Hubby and I have always had a very exciting sex life, we have also gained a very healthy marriage. Early on we established that honesty and trust within the marriage was very very important and we had a very fast learning curve. Hubby was married before but I am only his second partner so during some very frank discussions (my concerns) the subject of extra-marital partners was discussed and we both learned a lot about each other.
Moving back to our sex life, we've always tried new things and used the internet to learn about our likes and dislikes. Eventually swinging came up. I stalled at the idea for a long time and finally felt relaxed enough to give it a go and found this website.
So what des it mean to us .... we see it as an extension of our sexlife, a way of pleasing the other and satisfying "fantasies" that the other person can't do alone. We want the social side of things though ... we enjoy the company of like minded open individuals .. if we can get involved with them then all the better but it certainly isn't just about sex.
Moving back to our sex life, we've always tried new things and used the internet to learn about our likes and dislikes. Eventually swinging came up. I stalled at the idea for a long time and finally felt relaxed enough to give it a go and found this website.
So what des it mean to us .... we see it as an extension of our sexlife, a way of pleasing the other and satisfying "fantasies" that the other person can't do alone. We want the social side of things though ... we enjoy the company of like minded open individuals .. if we can get involved with them then all the better but it certainly isn't just about sex.
Sex God
Do you know what I am sick to the back of my teeth of people having a go at single guys!
If everyone on the forum treats them like idiots that are not worthy of being here then they will act like that. And then we will all scratch our heads, pout and point, oooo those single males, look at the state, not worthy to be here, only wanting a shag, how dare they. :x That's not how it should be in an open community.I'm quite outraged by this comment because I have met some lovely singles on here, quite a few :shock: shock horror, OMG, are single guys. Yes they do enjoy conversation like couples do, and single girls do. When in the chatroom I find the single guys far nicer to deal with the majority cases as they don't try to tell me my boyfriend is playing around behind my back so that justifies me having an FFM with them. They never then call me fat, ugly or boring cos I won't shag them.
Anyway my point is, that regardless of who you are if you want to enjoy sex with more than one partner in a loving but NSA environment why shouldn't you be allowed?
If others don't want to have the sex, they like the fun, laughs and banter that goes on then I am not going to feel threatened cos they might want sex underneath the facade, if there is a facade.
The guy who is now my swinging partner had no intention of swinging again until we came across each other. Is it love? no, Will it ever be? no. Will he still be here chatting shite and making people laugh after we have stopped swinging? yes! So it's not all about getting into people's knickers all the time.
Please think better of your fellow forum buds. Everyone is different and as was said before we all make up parts of the rich tapestry that is Swinging Heaven (tm sarge).
I guess youre right – to say youre not wanting to swing means that you probably wouldn’t get many offers. I can certainly see the attraction of contributing to this forum in its own right even if to just interract socially
However it could be a tactic in the hope of being able to put your personality across positively that you might get asked anyway.
However it could be a tactic in the hope of being able to put your personality across positively that you might get asked anyway.
Quote by fem_manc-cpl
Do you know what I am sick to the back of my teeth of people having a go at single guys!
I'm quite outraged by this comment because I have met some lovely singles on here, quite a few :shock: shock horror, OMG, are single guys. Yes they do enjoy conversation like couples do, and single girls do. When in the chatroom I find the single guys far nicer to deal with the majority cases as they don't try to tell me my boyfriend is playing around behind my back so that justifies me having an FFM with them. They never then call me fat, ugly or boring cos I won't shag them.
Anyway my point is, that regardless of who you are if you want to enjoy sex with more than one partner in a loving but NSA environment why shouldn't you be allowed?
If others don't want to have the sex, they like the fun, laughs and banter that goes on then I am not going to feel threatened cos they might want sex underneath the facade, if there is a facade.
The guy who is now my swinging partner had no intention of swinging again until we came across each other. Is it love? no, Will it ever be? no. Will he still be here chatting shite and making people laugh after we have stopped swinging? yes! So it's not all about getting into people's knickers all the time.
Please think better of your fellow forum buds. Everyone is different and as was said before we all make up parts of the rich tapestry that is Swinging Heaven (tm sarge).
Hugs ...
I came here with hubby on the proviso that it was looking for couples and not single males ... I wasn't interested in being someone's easy lay. I have massive trust issues with men and that was the root.
I'm still not looking for single males but my mind has definitely been changed from never to, not necessarily advertising for one, with the right person. There are at least half a dozen males here that I would say most definitely too and some who I'd like to get to know better ;)
I agree that there is a place for single males within the community .. no one would even consider chastising single females , so why discriminate?
Sex God
Quote by Happy Cats
However it could be a tactic in the hope of being able to put your personality across positively that you might get asked anyway.
Yes, i can see the point it may be a tactic, but in SH tactics like this soon wear thin and become very glass like; fragile and transparent.
I would be much mre attacted to someone knowing their personality beacuse as they say, beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes right to the bone.
The more I get to know someone, the better they look in my eyes if they have a friendly, kind and sincere personality. The best looking person in the world is just skin and bones if there is nothing more to them than a gleaming smile and glowing skin.
So, eyah, personality counts a lot for me. And if I think they are playing me along I always have the option of saying no thanks I don't want to play but enjoy our conversations a lot. If after that they scarper, they're loss not mine.
Sex God
look, if i only wanted to get fucked, it would be far easier, and significantly cheaper, and less tricky, to go down town on a friday night and ply some girl with drink. if i wanted to explore my bisexuality, i'd choose a different pub, but same principal. if i wanted a 3sum, i'd go to Isis or Bluerooms and pay 20 quid. i could do all of that much more easily than spending time here, getting to know people, and hopefully make some kind of connection that allows a level of intimacy that is different, and is primarily concerned with my sexuality, on a mental, not a physical level. it is not purely about good sex. i can get that anywhere!
and i have to say, some of the replies are little more than scathing of the single guys here, tho in a politely veiled manner. we all know single m's have a bad rep, and i'm the first to throw my hands up in horror at some of the shite i see on this site, but the fact remains, we are not all out for a quick shag. it is much much more than that? i don't see why i have to defend my position, when i am not challenging those couples who frankly, are coming across as little more than quick shags themselves!
neil
Sex God
Quote by Calista
I came here with hubby on the proviso that it was looking for couples and not single males ... I wasn't interested in being someone's easy lay. I have massive trust issues with men and that was the root.
I'm still not looking for single males but my mind has definitely been changed from never to, not necessarily advertising for one, with the right person. There are at least half a dozen males here that I would say most definitely too and some who I'd like to get to know better ;)
I agree that there is a place for single males within the community .. no one would even consider chastising single females , so why discriminate?
I couldn't have said it any better myself Calista. You have captured the reasons I came here and how I feel now.
Although I think we all appreciate that we all have individual preferences and are not obliged to play with anyone we don't want to from any gender as they are personal preferences. we all bring something individual and worthwhile to the SH table and it is a feast of diversity for that.
Thanks.
Oh dear
It seems that my intrigue as to the tactics employed by single men has caused offence and not just to single men. It was not a dig nor was it meant to cause offence, if it has – apologies! I sympathise with the problems, frustration and rudeness they have to suffer and was merely questioning what tactics they may employ to stand out.
Although my questioning may sound cynical it was sincere and I have learnt from it as a result. For example, earlier on in this thread I questioned why somebody may contribute to the forum but not do it solely as a means to an end, I now see that this may not be the case.
We have met and got involved with a number of single men and have always treat them with respect as we would with anyone we talk to.
No need to rant - just understand the context
It seems that my intrigue as to the tactics employed by single men has caused offence and not just to single men. It was not a dig nor was it meant to cause offence, if it has – apologies! I sympathise with the problems, frustration and rudeness they have to suffer and was merely questioning what tactics they may employ to stand out.
Although my questioning may sound cynical it was sincere and I have learnt from it as a result. For example, earlier on in this thread I questioned why somebody may contribute to the forum but not do it solely as a means to an end, I now see that this may not be the case.
We have met and got involved with a number of single men and have always treat them with respect as we would with anyone we talk to.
No need to rant - just understand the context
Sex God
I appreciate your question and felt it maybe could have been phrased better than to imply things which I then read into and felt strongly about.
I see you're point about tactics, but we all use them, everybody, whether in real life or in the virtual world.
For example IRL we use them when we go for a job interview, first day at work, first date, anniversary dinners, birthday parties, meeting with friends for a drink, etc. In these situations we use our appearance amd body language as well as what we say to convey who we are and our personality.
Online we have the words in our posts, maybe an avatar, maybe an advert, to show others who we are. So yeah while one may say " I don't swing" they may be simply sitting back and thinking the right person to try this with will come along and I will know, I am in no rush. The next may think that holding as many parties or going to as many mnches as possible will find them what they are looking for.
We all go about things in different ways using different tactics, this is not exclusive to single guys was my point. My tactic is to simply post when I feel I am making some kind of contribution. This way I feel my personality will come across and if you don't like me then I have nothing to hide because I have been true to myself.
I hope this gives another point of view for you to consider
I see you're point about tactics, but we all use them, everybody, whether in real life or in the virtual world.
For example IRL we use them when we go for a job interview, first day at work, first date, anniversary dinners, birthday parties, meeting with friends for a drink, etc. In these situations we use our appearance amd body language as well as what we say to convey who we are and our personality.
Online we have the words in our posts, maybe an avatar, maybe an advert, to show others who we are. So yeah while one may say " I don't swing" they may be simply sitting back and thinking the right person to try this with will come along and I will know, I am in no rush. The next may think that holding as many parties or going to as many mnches as possible will find them what they are looking for.
We all go about things in different ways using different tactics, this is not exclusive to single guys was my point. My tactic is to simply post when I feel I am making some kind of contribution. This way I feel my personality will come across and if you don't like me then I have nothing to hide because I have been true to myself.
I hope this gives another point of view for you to consider
Quote by Calista
I agree that there is a place for single males within the community .. no one would even consider chastising single females , so why discriminate?
Won't make the joke about there is a place but it's still being dug...
One real difference between single males and single females is the vast imbalance of numbers. In an internet society that imbalance is less important because those people that you are not interacting with don't actually impinge on you. However, real life can be different. We usually go to couples-only sessions at clubs because the behaviour of many single men, whether they intend it to be or not, is intimidating. When you have to push through a crowd of men to get into or out of a room it is not pleasant. Neither is being followed by a trail of stalkers wherever we go. We have yet to encounter that problem with single females.
We have met quite a few very nice single guys at clubs, real gentlemen, and although we normally just play with couples, we have played with a few of them. However, we have also met many that have no manners or consideration at all, and we have now given up visiting 1 Manchester club, largely because of the unregulated behaviour of single males.
Within the SH forum it shouldn't make a difference whether someone is single or part of a couple, male or female. What does matter is how people behave online and bad behaviour from singles or couples should not be tolerated.
Sex God
Quote by northwest-cpl
Within the SH forum it shouldn't make a difference whether someone is single or part of a couple, male or female. What does matter is how people behave online and bad behaviour from singles or couples should not be tolerated.
Agreed completely.
Everyone has a place here in SH and if you don't want to play you have the personal choice to say no thanks, hence your personal playing choices. well said.
Quote by neilinleeds
those couples who frankly, are coming across as little more than quick shags themselves!
neil
We assume that this is in no way directed at us but we would like to comment on it.
We find the idea that quick shagis a derogatory notion as quite strange, although it seems quite widespread within the SH community. It seems odd that within a swinging community, people (couples or singles) who actually put playing first are somehow looked down on. Ultimately, as several people have asked, if we are not here for sex then why are we here? This is a site for liberated ideas, but it seems that if we are to put the ideas into practice then we shouldn't appear to be too eager.
As we said in an earlier post we are in the swinging scene to shag. We don't refuse friendship on the way, but if this scene offered only friendship then we wouldn't be in it. Friendship we can find at the pub, finding a good shag at the pub is probably more difficult.
Sex God
Quote by northwest-cpl
those couples who frankly, are coming across as little more than quick shags themselves!
neil
We assume that this is in no way directed at us but we would like to comment on it.
We find the idea that quick shagis a derogatory notion as quite strange, although it seems quite widespread within the SH community. It seems odd that within a swinging community, people (couples or singles) who actually put playing first are somehow looked down on. Ultimately, as several people have asked, if we are not here for sex then why are we here? This is a site for liberated ideas, but it seems that if we are to put the ideas into practice then we shouldn't appear to be too eager.
As we said in an earlier post we are in the swinging scene to shag. We don't refuse friendship on the way, but if this scene offered only friendship then we wouldn't be in it. Friendship we can find at the pub, finding a good shag at the pub is probably more difficult.
no northwest-cpl, it was not in any way directed at you. it was general comment, and i apologise if it was taken personally.
my point is, that questions have been raised about the supposed ulterior motives of the single males belonging to what is derogatively described all too often by couples as a quick shag brigade, and the facade they must obviously be hiding behind. such assumptions make me, and many others angry. i am not questioning anyones reasons for being here. each to our own. that is what an open community is all about. but i do take exception to thinly veiled sarcasm from some couples that then take a smug and superior line that in all honesty, cannot be distinguished from that of which they are so critical.
apologies once again.
neil x x x ;)
