What does swinging mean to you?

27 Oct 2004

but i do take exception to thinly veiled sarcasm from some couples that then take a smug and superior line that in all honesty, cannot be distinguished from that of which they are so critical.
apologies once again.
neil x x x ;)

Was that a general observation or aimed at anyone in particular?

27 Oct 2004

Quote by Happy Cats

but i do take exception to thinly veiled sarcasm from some couples that then take a smug and superior line that in all honesty, cannot be distinguished from that of which they are so critical.
apologies once again.
neil x x x ;)

Was that a general observation or aimed at anyone in particular?
I think you'll see the answer to your question in the post cool

27 Oct 2004

Quote by fem_manc-cpl

Do you know what I am sick to the back of my teeth of people having a go at single guys! If everyone on the forum treats them like idiots that are not worthy of being here then they will act like that. And then we will all scratch our heads, pout and point, oooo those single males, look at the state, not worthy to be here, only wanting a shag, how dare they. :x That's not how it should be in an open community.

Hey, I for one appreciate the single guys here thanks biggrin

27 Oct 2004

Quote by Happy Cats

but i do take exception to thinly veiled sarcasm from some couples that then take a smug and superior line that in all honesty, cannot be distinguished from that of which they are so critical.
apologies once again.
neil x x x ;)

Was that a general observation or aimed at anyone in particular?
oh bollox.
happy cats. there are many contributors to this thread, with many points of view. all my replies are general comment to general points raised. i don't do personal, even when personal comment from elsewhere raises my hackles. if i have to keep apologising for debating points raised, then the thread becomes redundant.
my motives, and those of other contributors like me, have been challenged by many. i thought i was entitled to reply to them? maybe i'll stay out of it now.
neil x x x ;)

27 Oct 2004

Quote by neilinleeds
no northwest-cpl, it was not in any way directed at you. it was general comment, and i apologise if it was taken personally.
neil x x x ;)

Neil,
We know it wasn't directed at us so need to apologise lol

but we used your quote to say something that we have talked about a lot.
The point we were making was that it seems odd that on SH, a swinging site, the people who admit to wanting a quick shag are often looked down on. The fact that many people, singles and couples, post atrocious pleas for instant sex shouldn't alter the fact that coming to a swinging site for a quick shag is surely quite legitimate.
Within the internet scene as a whole, some people constantly try to deny that it is really about sex. Look at the number of adverts where the advertisers go out of their way to say they are not "hardened-swingers." Is being an experienced swinger something to be ashamed of? Swinging seems the only sport where people claim to be less talented than they actually are. wink

Ric n Jax

27 Oct 2004

Neil,
I wasnâ€™t looking for an apology but was interested whether it was a result of something I had said.
I wanted to respond to the sarcasm, smug and superior statement but wasnâ€™t sure whether it was in general, on this thread or me
My response would have been accordingly.
Please donâ€™t stay out
sad

27 Oct 2004

There is no need for anyone to feel they have to defend themselves. It has nothing to do with people other than those whom you want to play with.
I feel no need to defend my own personal circumstances. I don't have the overwhelming urge to make people accept it or seek the acknowledgment that it is right or wrong.
Swinging is as personal as taste in food, what one person find revolting is another's delicassy.
Take me and Olives for example, off topic I know but a nice little analgoy. I Hate olives eeeeugggggh, my partner on the other hand Loves olives. He doesn't need to tell me how delicious they are because I have made up my own mind and I don't like them. I won't make comment on his love of eating them because it is something he enjoys but don't expect me to eat them with him.
The same for swinging, one can be as quick shag as one requires but don't expect everyone to agree and do the same and vice versa.

27 Oct 2004

Quote by Happy Cats
This thread gives honest explanations as to what swinging means to people and any observations have to be general. I would just question the motives of the single guys that say they are not into swinging but just enjoy the forums and the friendships. Are they wolves in sheeps clothing?

27 Oct 2004

The point we were making was that it seems odd that on SH, a swinging site, the people who admit to wanting a quick shag are often looked down on. The fact that many people, singles and couples, post atrocious pleas for instant sex shouldn't alter the fact that coming to a swinging site for a quick shag is surely quite legitimate.

absolutely. i have no issue with you on that score, and fully accept that ultimately, sex comes into it. what i struggle with, is the attitude that it is ok for couples and women to ask for a shag and nothing more, but all too often single m's looking for the same are open to ridicule. from those same people. surely it cuts both ways, as does acceptance of that particular attitude. i have no problems with either. i do have a problem with the crass attitude displayed by some single m's coming here, but that equally applies at times to couples who are, at the end of the day, scathing of it all too often. and that is very much general comment based on me reading pretty much every thread thats been here as long as i have. it is not aimed at anyone.
i also struggle with the idea that those who are looking for something more than casual sex, are somehow lying, and veiling their true intentions, and hiding behind some kind of mask so that they can ultimately achieve a simple shag.
neil x x x x ;).

27 Oct 2004

Quote by fem_manc-cpl
Take me and Olives for example, off topic I know but a nice little analgoy. I Hate olives eeeeugggggh, my partner on the other hand Loves olives.

I f*cking really hate olives.
A lot.
Dxxx

27 Oct 2004

Quote by surreycouple2003
Take me and Olives for example, off topic I know but a nice little analgoy. I Hate olives eeeeugggggh, my partner on the other hand Loves olives.

I f*cking really hate olives.
A lot.
Dxxx
rolleyes

Why do I bother writing about the serious stuff when all people quote me on is my intense dislike of olives. confused

~~~sigh~~~
lol

27 Oct 2004

Quote by fem_manc-cpl
Take me and Olives for example, off topic I know but a nice little analgoy. I Hate olives eeeeugggggh, my partner on the other hand Loves olives.

I f*cking really hate olives.
A lot.
Dxxx
rolleyes

Why do I bother writing about the serious stuff when all people quote me on is my intense dislike of olives. confused

~~~sigh~~~
lol

:therethere: kiss

For exactly the same reasons .... we use swinging the same smile

(nothing to do with olives btw)

27 Oct 2004

Quote by neilinleeds
what i struggle with, is the attitude that it is ok for couples and women to ask for a shag and nothing more, but all too often single m's looking for the same are open to ridicule. from those same people. surely it cuts both ways, as does acceptance of that particular attitude.
neil x x x x ;).

Think we are agreeing on this one. There have been some crackers from couples in Let's Meet Up but they never get slated for them. Unfortunately they appear to actually work quite well. It must be the laws of supply and demand in action.

27 Oct 2004

Quote by fem_manc-cpl
Take me and Olives for example, off topic I know but a nice little analgoy. I Hate olives eeeeugggggh, my partner on the other hand Loves olives.

I f*cking really hate olives.
A lot.
Dxxx
rolleyes

Why do I bother writing about the serious stuff when all people quote me on is my intense dislike of olives. confused

~~~sigh~~~
lol

FMC
I quoted you because I hate olives - simple.
As to why you post 'serious stuff' I guess only you can answer that.
However (and I would never attempt to put words in your mouth) but I would guess that you write about serious stuff because you care about it.
Which I am sure is that same reason we all write about serious stuff from time to time.
Just because I quote you re olives does not negate the rest of your posts content - which is what I feel you were getting at.
However, I really, really do hate olives. wink

Dxxx

27 Oct 2004

Quote by neilinleeds
the attitude that it is ok for couples and women to ask for a shag and nothing more, but all too often single m's looking for the same are open to ridicule.

Ummm... that's because sometimes that approach does work for couples/women, whilst for single men it's got less chance of success than inserting their genitals in a food blender. sad

Quote by neilinleeds
i also struggle with the idea that those who are looking for something more than casual sex, are somehow lying, and veiling their true intentions, and hiding behind some kind of mask so that they can ultimately achieve a simple shag.

Yeah, that rubbed me up the wrong way too. :(

27 Oct 2004

Quote by JGL
This thread gives honest explanations as to what swinging means to people and any observations have to be general. I would just question the motives of the single guys that say they are not into swinging but just enjoy the forums and the friendships. Are they wolves in sheeps clothing?

what makes u thing ALL single guys have a motive!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a Single guy, and i deffo not got any motives ..well except to get to know new ppl. i hate it when we get tarred with the same brush!
Fair enough there are a lot of idiots that float about her, but not all US single males are the same. i like to think myself as a person who can be trusted and someone who shows respect to others.
The sole reason for me going to parties and munches is to meet new ppl and have fun. if this de classifys me as being a swinger then so be it!.
JGL
As I said before I think it's incredibly hard to break any ground as a single male. I think there are so many that are idiots or just messing around that it makes us very hard to trust as a group. Something that's a shame for the honest, genuine few...

27 Oct 2004

Quote by JGL
This thread gives honest explanations as to what swinging means to people and any observations have to be general. I would just question the motives of the single guys that say they are not into swinging but just enjoy the forums and the friendships. Are they wolves in sheeps clothing?

what makes u thing ALL single guys have a motive!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a Single guy, and i deffo not got any motives ..well except to get to know new ppl. i hate it when we get tarred with the same brush!
Fair enough there are a lot of idiots that float about her, but not all US single males are the same. i like to think myself as a person who can be trusted and someone who shows respect to others.
The sole reason for me going to parties and munches is to meet new ppl and have fun. if this de classifys me as being a swinger then so be it!.
JGL
i think JGL has said what i wanted to say...
yes i have swung.. and i don't think i would get away with the "i didn't enjoy it" because i did..... do i want to swing with everyone i meet...hell no!
there are a lot of people of this site that i really get on with and if nothing else were to happen then i would be none the poorer for know then as friends..... i think that is primarally what seperates the people who use the forums and especially the cafe.. from other people who use the site.. the ad for example....
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

27 Oct 2004

Quote by surreycouple2003
Take me and Olives for example, off topic I know but a nice little analgoy. I Hate olives eeeeugggggh, my partner on the other hand Loves olives.

I f*cking really hate olives.
A lot.
Dxxx
l:
However, I really, really do hate olives. wink

Dxxx
There seems to be a number of people that hate olives.
Now that sets me thinking - do you really? or are you hoping that............?

27 Oct 2004

Quote by Calista

Different question, but when is sex not recreational?

When you belong to one of those religions that only permits sex for reproduction - not entirely sure which ones that is but I'd hazard a gues at Jehova's Witness or Plymouth Bretherin.
Now your assuming .... Jehovah's witnesses have no such ideas about sex .... they believe in sex in marriage only and "wholesome contact" but it certainly isn't about reproduction only.
Not really assuming - it was guess.
I did say it was a guess.
I cant be right about everything.... wink

Dxxx

27 Oct 2004

Quote by Happy Cats
This thread gives honest explanations as to what swinging means to people and any observations have to be general. I would just question the motives of the single guys that say they are not into swinging but just enjoy the forums and the friendships. Are they wolves in sheeps clothing?

Quote by fabio grooverider
i think JGL has said what i wanted to say...
yes i have swung.. and i don't think i would get away with the "i didn't enjoy it" because idid..... do i want to swing with everyone i meet...hell no!
there are a lot of people of this site that i really get on with and if nothing else were to happen then i would be none the poorer for know then as friends..... i think that is primarally what seperates the people who use the forums and especially the cafe.. from other people who use the site.. the ad for example....
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sean,
You have said that you swing. Of course you don't have to swing with people you don't want to but you do swing. Happy Cats seems to be talking about people that say they have no interest in actually swinging but only want to make friends. This would not include you.
People have their own motivation for being here and it is totally their business. However, if we met anyone in a swingers club that said they had only come to make friends, we would be within our rights to wonder what their motivation was, since a swingers club would not be in the top 10 on most people's list of where to make new friends.
The internet is slightly different though, as it is a source of information. Many people seem to arrive here looking for answers, find that swinging is not for them, but having made friends and enjoyed the banter remain in the forums. This does not mean that they have an ulterior motive. There probably are some single guys that are playing the long game as Happy Cats suggests but there are probably as many here who have just become addicted to the site and the social side of the site is now all they want.

27 Oct 2004

this point we find fascinating. Firstly, the sexual eroticism of seeing each other sexually aroused and pleasured with another person/persons only developed with our relationship developing over time. I.e at first we were only interested in 'shagging' each other like rabbits and the idea of ever having other people touching or playing with our loved one would probably have brought about pangs of anger and jealousy, not arousal and immense pleasure.
our point stems from this: We just don't understand how (though we do understand why!) single guys sort of lurk around this site claiming to be swingers. We realise everyone's different, but to us the mutual satisfaction in indulging this sexual desire comes from the pleasure we gain in seeing each other so fulfilled. To us, reaching that point in a strong relationship could only come over a period of time as it's actually based on a deep love and emotional attachment, even if it is all about 'raw' sexual lust and enjoyment. Our point is how can a single guy actually get that and why are the ones lurking around here not just out in the real world looking to 'get laid' or find a girl instead of acting all sad and desperate on this site. It seems a little pathetic to us. It's like wanting a car before you've got a driving license. Sure, enjoy the fantasy of the car, but get the fucking license!
we think it's a little different for single women, simply because we (and again its just our opinion) think women can enjoy a greater depth of sexual freedom when they're not being bothered by a bunch of desperate male fuckwits. It would seem more 'honest' when a single woman ventures inside a swinging domain.
not that we don't see the benefit of utilisin eager young men for our pleasure, we just don't think they get at all what the true wonder of this indulgnece is.
that's about it really, oh and there does seem to be a load of desperate single guys just sort of hanging around hoping to fall onto a 'lay' in here. Guys maybe you should think about going out somewhere and trying to find girflfriends, that way you might actually learn something. biggrin

27 Oct 2004

I would agree that there are desperate single guys lurking about the site trying to get laid.
I would however in no way include those that regulalry contribute in the cafe - Apart from the odd stupid post in lets meet up I would guess most of the single guys are anything but desperate.

27 Oct 2004

Quote by Happy Cats
I would agree that there are desperate single guys lurking about the site trying to get laid.
I would however in no way include those that regulalry contribute in the cafe - Apart from the odd stupid post in lets meet up I would guess most of the single guys are anything but desperate.

rest assured, i may be stupid ( that goes with out saying casue i'm a brummie!) and i'm not desperate (even after 7 weeks with out!)
JGL

27 Oct 2004

Quote by marcus and mich
our point stems from this: We just don't understand how (though we do understand why!) single guys sort of lurk around this site claiming to be swingers. We realise everyone's different, but to us the mutual satisfaction in indulging this sexual desire comes from the pleasure we gain in seeing each other so fulfilled. To us, reaching that point in a strong relationship could only come over a period of time as it's actually based on a deep love and emotional attachment, even if it is all about 'raw' sexual lust and enjoyment. Our point is how can a single guy actually get that and why are the ones lurking around here not just out in the real world looking to 'get laid' or find a girl instead of acting all sad and desperate on this site. It seems a little pathetic to us. It's like wanting a car before you've got a driving license. Sure, enjoy the fantasy of the car, but get the fucking license!

Marcus & Mich~
What about those single males who enjoy relationships with couples? This is how I got introduced to swinging over 20 years ago and, if I were single today, I'd be hard-pressed to find a more appropriate venue for meeting such open-minded couples than in the swinging community. It's not only that I enjoy both women and men, but there is also the special extension of being able to take some part in the intimacy of relationship that they share as a couple. If this isn't swinging, then what sort of term should we use for it? And where should males who possess this propensity go to find like-minded couples with whom to pursue such a relationship?! confused

~Reese!

P.S. Vix & I were visited by a lovely single male from the SH forums this past weekend and, despite the assumptions made in your post, he was neither sad nor desperate. We had a wonderful time and found a new friendship, which would not have been possible had he not been among those "single guys sort of lurk around this site"! rolleyes

27 Oct 2004

i'm not quite sure how to say what i want to say.... but i think everyones gone off on a tangent about single men here..... the question is "what does swinging mean to you."
whether you are a couple, single fem, single male, tv/cd, or anything else ive forgotton to mention, the question being asked is what does it mean to YOU. Again this comes to the point of how people define swinging - and the whole can you be a single swinger thing - see our other post for our views.
i dont quite know what point i'm trying to make here, but i just felt too much was being made of the single male thing.

27 Oct 2004

Quote by dazandlou
i dont quite know what point i'm trying to make here, but i just felt too much was being made of the single male thing.

I agree!!
But before we go totally off that particular subject - give the guys a break!!! Anyone who has read my "ad" will know that I'm not here for single blokes - but in the short time I have been here - I have become friends with one of the single blokes. And there are other single blokes in here whose posts I thoroughly enjoy - and who I look forward to meeting.
I am a single woman - so why not label me desperate?
Okay - back to original thread now.... ......

27 Oct 2004

Quote by marcus and mich
Our point is how can a single guy actually get that and why are the ones lurking around here not just out in the real world looking to 'get laid' or find a girl instead of acting all sad and desperate on this site. It seems a little pathetic to us. It's like wanting a car before you've got a driving license. Sure, enjoy the fantasy of the car, but get the fucking license!
we think it's a little different for single women, simply because we (and again its just our opinion) think women can enjoy a greater depth of sexual freedom when they're not being bothered by a bunch of desperate male fuckwits. It would seem more 'honest' when a single woman ventures inside a swinging domain.
not that we don't see the benefit of utilisin eager young men for our pleasure, we just don't think they get at all what the true wonder of this indulgnece is.
that's about it really, oh and there does seem to be a load of desperate single guys just sort of hanging around hoping to fall onto a 'lay' in here. Guys maybe you should think about going out somewhere and trying to find girflfriends, that way you might actually learn something.

I thought the scene was about acceptance, understanding and the knowledge that everyone was different. sad

Have I read this wrong in some way? I sincerely hope I have because to me it seems appalling, insensitive and plain rude. If you did mean it in that way , then it's insulted a whole bunch of my friends and I totally feel for them. I'm sorry they have to put up with attitudes like that.
Misschief - feeling v. insulted and desperately hoping she has read it wrong. :(

27 Oct 2004

It was me who pushed it into the single guy thing as some people implied that single's veiws on swinging don't count which I personally don't like the thought of. As a part of a couple I don't think of myself as superior and at the time felt it was a vaild point to raise as it does mean something about swinging to me.

27 Oct 2004

Reese,
we agree that there are always exceptions, particualrly with 'more experienced' gentleman who have the benefit of greater life experience but surely even you can't deny there are a few dodgy pretending to be something they're not males 'lurking' around. Perhaps we stuck too closely to the typical sterotype when making a point. Either way it's always been each to their own as far as we're concerned. We just thought the point was worth mentioning.

27 Oct 2004

Quote by marcus and mich
Reese,
we agree that there are always exceptions, particualrly with 'more experienced' gentleman who have the benefit of greater life experience but surely even you can't deny there are a few dodgy pretending to be something they're not males 'lurking' around. Perhaps we stuck too closely to the typical sterotype when making a point. Either way it's always been each to their own as far as we're concerned. We just thought the point was worth mentioning.

Still you shouldn't tarnish the whole single male community members on here with the same brush ....