What does swinging mean to you?

27 Oct 2004

Quote by marcus and mich
Reese,
we agree that there are always exceptions, particualrly with 'more experienced' gentleman who have the benefit of greater life experience but surely even you can't deny there are a few dodgy pretending to be something they're not males 'lurking' around. Perhaps we stuck too closely to the typical sterotype when making a point. Either way it's always been each to their own as far as we're concerned. We just thought the point was worth mentioning.

May I ask if this is through personal experience?
Lets stop here a minute and think about how much personal experience dictates how a person feels about a certain subject.
It can make a HUGE difference - and unfortunately there is a tendency to stereotype.

27 Oct 2004

Quite catagorically the stereotypical view of single men is that they are all trouble makers out for a quick shag and are all pretending to be something they are clearly not.
BOLLOX!!!
so, what does swinging mean to you???

27 Oct 2004

^^^^^^^^
whew... feeling immense pride on behalf of single men for all the peeps above standing up for us...
we're not scum after all lads!!! lol

:lol: :lol:

27 Oct 2004

Quote by marcus and mich
our point stems from this: We just don't understand how (though we do understand why!) single guys sort of lurk around this site claiming to be swingers. We realise everyone's different, but to us the mutual satisfaction in indulging this sexual desire comes from the pleasure we gain in seeing each other so fulfilled. To us, reaching that point in a strong relationship could only come over a period of time as it's actually based on a deep love and emotional attachment, even if it is all about 'raw' sexual lust and enjoyment. Our point is how can a single guy actually get that and why are the ones lurking around here not just out in the real world looking to 'get laid' or find a girl instead of acting all sad and desperate on this site. It seems a little pathetic to us.

It's exactly this kind of bigotted point of view which makes me wonder why I do stick around on this site at times. You've never met me, you don't know who I am and we've never had any correspondence of any kind but you've decided that I'm sad, desparate and a little pathetic.
You say "We realise everone's different", well all I can say is thank fuck for that. If everyone around here had your kind of attitude the tumbleweed would have been rolling through the cafe a long time before now.
Steve mad

:x :x

27 Oct 2004

Quote by Jay_Derby
we're not scum after all lads!!! :lol: :lol:

No you're not, and never believe it kiss

27 Oct 2004

Quote by Jay_Derby
we're not scum after all lads!!! :lol: :lol:

No you're not - in fact we've had a few pms from single men asking if we're interested, when we've said no but thanks anyway all our replies have been polite. we have no problems with single men, we just dont want sex with one thanks - but there are single men on this site who we chat to and see frequently and we enjoy their company. stop living in a stereotypical world everyone!! what happened to equality???

27 Oct 2004

Quote by steveg_nw
I'm sad, desparate and a little pathetic.

Well, we didnt want to say anything...... lol

Actually and seriously, i really do agree with you there steve, and thats what i mean by stereotypical views, having met you i would not say you are sad, desparate OR pathetic in any way - and daz agrees. however - you are supposedly the "dreaded single male". this again is a load of bollox and i wish people would get their heads out of their arses for long enuff to stop tarring everyone with the same brush! mad

27 Oct 2004

Quote by marcus and mich
Reese,
we agree that there are always exceptions, particualrly with 'more experienced' gentleman who have the benefit of greater life experience but surely even you can't deny there are a few dodgy pretending to be something they're not males 'lurking' around. Perhaps we stuck too closely to the typical sterotype when making a point. Either way it's always been each to their own as far as we're concerned. We just thought the point was worth mentioning.

Using a stereotype to try and make a point is rather weak I think, not to mention offensive. It suggests either that a couple of bad experiences have led to the tarring of a whole group with one brush, or there's a lack of imagination and you're just buying into the perceived view without actually finding out for yourself. I never realised there was such a thing as 'Swinging Snobbery' but there seems to be - the 'I'm a real swinger but you're just a single sad pathetic male who can't get a proper shag' type thing.
Everyone's here for their own reason. Might be an idea to get to know some people before rushing to judgment.

27 Oct 2004

Daz and Lou,
I come on this part of the website (the cafe) for a chat, a good debate once in a while and most of all a solid hearty belly laugh!
I go in the let's meet up and adverts section for the sexual side.
My boyfriend and I don't need to swing. For me and him swinging isn't something to spice up a dead relationship cos our spark for each other has grown less or dissapeared.
We are both young and would like to have new experiences which sometimes requires other people. We explore aspects of our sexuality and share our talents with others, hoping to learn about and please the other person(s) involved, and naturally vice versa.
Firm bonds are made while having sex and I personally would be let feeling rather cold and shallow if there was no contact what so ever afterwards, hence the reason some kind of connection for us is important.
A sepparate issue from my response to D&L's question;
I thought I was part of an open minded community who valued each others view. I have been yet again digusted by certain comments and a PM has been sent as I feel there is no place for this.

27 Oct 2004

Quote by steveg_nw
It's exactly this kind of bigotted point of view which makes me wonder why I do stick around on this site at times. You've never met me, you don't know who I am and we've never had any correspondence of any kind but you've decided that I'm sad, desparate and a little pathetic.
You say "We realise everone's different", well all I can say is thank fuck for that. If everyone around here had your kind of attitude the tumbleweed would have been rolling through the cafe a long time before now.
Steve :x :x

Can I just say that having met Steve on several occassions he is one of the kindest most polite people you could ever wish to meet..... Far from being desperate he stands back and never forces himself on anyone.....
I wasn't going to respond to anything that had been said in this forum as I could well get myself into trouble but I am also going to defend the single males on here.... The majority are very polite and have a lot more respect for people than some of the others that frequent this site....
Have your own views on swinging but the one thing that is required is an open mind.... Obviously something that has not yet reached some people...
Shireen

27 Oct 2004

Quote by fem_manc-cpl
Daz and Lou,
I come on this part of the website (the cafe) for a chat, a good debate once in a while and most of all a solid hearty belly laugh!
I go in the let's meet up and adverts section for the sexual side.
My boyfriend and I don't need to swing. For me and him swinging isn't something to spice up a dead relationship cos our spark for each other has grown less or dissapeared.
We are both young and would like to have new experiences which sometimes requires other people. We explore aspects of our sexuality and share our talents with others, hoping to learn about and please the other person(s) involved, and naturally vice versa.
Firm bonds are made while having sex and I personally would be let feeling rather cold and shallow if there was no contact what so ever afterwards, hence the reason some kind of connection for us is important.
I thought I was part of an open minded community who valued each others view. I have been yet again digusted by certain comments and a PM has been sent as I feel there is no place for this.

Yep - i agree!!!

27 Oct 2004

In answer to the question "what does swinging mean to you"
To us, the word "swinging" means having sex with other people as a couple. "we are swingers"
But what it does mean to us is that we enjoy the friendship of others swingers. If we have sex with them then that is just a bonus. We have met many people from this site that we think of as friends. Some of these friends we have had a swinging relationship with and others we haven't and won't. The ones that we won't swing with are people that don't fit in to what we are looking for and vice versa, never the less, they are still friends.
Gill & Del x
As for the single guys on here. We have had the pleasure in meeting many of them at munches, parties and in our own home and can honestly say that they were all kind, considerate, mature and thoughful. We have never met any sad, desparate or pathetic single guys from this site.

27 Oct 2004

Quote by marcus and mich
our point stems from this: We just don't understand how (though we do understand why!) single guys sort of lurk around this site claiming to be swingers.
Our point is how can a single guy actually get that and why are the ones lurking around here not just out in the real world looking to 'get laid' or find a girl instead of acting all sad and desperate on this site. It seems a little pathetic to us. It's like wanting a car before you've got a driving license. Sure, enjoy the fantasy of the car, but get the fucking license!
we think it's a little different for single women, simply because we (and again its just our opinion) think women can enjoy a greater depth of sexual freedom when they're not being bothered by a bunch of desperate male fuckwits. It would seem more 'honest' when a single woman ventures inside a swinging domain.
not that we don't see the benefit of utilisin eager young men for our pleasure, we just don't think they get at all what the true wonder of this indulgnece is.
that's about it really, oh and there does seem to be a load of desperate single guys just sort of hanging around hoping to fall onto a 'lay' in here. Guys maybe you should think about going out somewhere and trying to find girflfriends, that way you might actually learn something.

Im normally a calm and polite kind of person as many people on here who know me as a single can vouch for.
Your thread has fired me up beyond belief!!!! I will remain calm too even writing this but you wouldn't believe the amount of nasty things i could say in reply.
You don't know me, my life, or what ive been thro to get to this point in my life.
This is the most obtuse reply ive ever seen written on here, it makes me wonder what your feelings are about the rest of the SH community, what your tolerance to difference is and to be honest whether you will be made to feel welcome in the future.
You have alienated me and quite a sizeable amount of fellow members, if that was your intention then well done i applaud you for the way you went about it ! mad

27 Oct 2004

Quote by marcus and mich
this point we find fascinating. Firstly, the sexual eroticism of seeing each other sexually aroused and pleasured with another person/persons only developed with our relationship developing over time. I.e at first we were only interested in 'shagging' each other like rabbits and the idea of ever having other people touching or playing with our loved one would probably have brought about pangs of anger and jealousy, not arousal and immense pleasure.
our point stems from this: We just don't understand how (though we do understand why!) single guys sort of lurk around this site claiming to be swingers. We realise everyone's different, but to us the mutual satisfaction in indulging this sexual desire comes from the pleasure we gain in seeing each other so fulfilled. To us, reaching that point in a strong relationship could only come over a period of time as it's actually based on a deep love and emotional attachment, even if it is all about 'raw' sexual lust and enjoyment. Our point is how can a single guy actually get that and why are the ones lurking around here not just out in the real world looking to 'get laid' or find a girl instead of acting all sad and desperate on this site. It seems a little pathetic to us. It's like wanting a car before you've got a driving license. Sure, enjoy the fantasy of the car, but get the fucking license!
we think it's a little different for single women, simply because we (and again its just our opinion) think women can enjoy a greater depth of sexual freedom when they're not being bothered by a bunch of desperate male fuckwits. It would seem more 'honest' when a single woman ventures inside a swinging domain.
not that we don't see the benefit of utilisin eager young men for our pleasure, we just don't think they get at all what the true wonder of this indulgnece is.
that's about it really, oh and there does seem to be a load of desperate single guys just sort of hanging around hoping to fall onto a 'lay' in here. Guys maybe you should think about going out somewhere and trying to find girflfriends, that way you might actually learn something.

Ok, ive tried really hard not to make this personal, but looking back i think a lot of your points are plain bollox. i know also ive tried to get this thread back on topic by drawing everyones attention to the original question of "what does swinging mean to you?". however. your point about single men has irked me no end. Do you not think a single man may have the desire to sexually fulfil a woman without the ties of an emotional relationship? why does everybody need to be attached to have a fulfilling sexual life? i find this a very "ICE AGE" attitude to sex, and in this modern day and age i think you have missed the point totally. i am half expecting you to say "a woman who enjoys sex is a whore"!!!!!! do you not think a couple may like to meet a single man in order to enhance their relationship? you can ask many men what their ultimate fantasy is... and the answer is almost always "to watch my significant other having sex with another man"
Daz enjoys watching me getting sexual fulfillment from a vibrator ffs, but does that have any significant meaning? NO, it is purely an extention to a wonderful sex life that i enjoy with my partner.
And before you start calling people sad, pathetic and desparate, take a look at yourselves - you claim to be swingers yourselves yet you came on here and launched a brutal, immature and TOTALLY uncalled for attack on the very lifestyle you supposedly want to be a part of!! GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

27 Oct 2004

Im not going to say to much because once i start i wont stop! I think its terrible that there is such predjuice against single guys, but not against single women. Its a contradiction. Single guys have as much right to sexual freedom as single women. I met a great single guy of SH who did nothing but show me respect and treat me as a woman should be treated. Yes i have had idiots PM me, but get over it. I say YES to single guys on SH.

27 Oct 2004

Our point is how can a single guy actually get that and why are the ones lurking around here not just out in the real world looking to 'get laid' or find a girl instead of acting all sad and desperate on this site. It seems a little pathetic to us. It's like wanting a car before you've got a driving license. Sure, enjoy the fantasy of the car, but get the fucking license!
we think it's a little different for single women, simply because we (and again its just our opinion) think women can enjoy a greater depth of sexual freedom when they're not being bothered by a bunch of desperate male fuckwits. It would seem more 'honest' when a single woman ventures inside a swinging domain.

QED!

:banghead: :banghead:
see previous postings of many for reasons why i ain't even gonna bother with an answer to that kind of comment! rolleyes

neil

27 Oct 2004

Quote by pinkbubble
Im not going to say to much because once i start i wont stop! I think its terrible that there is such predjuice against single guys, but not against single women. Its a contradiction. Single guys have as much right to sexual freedom as single women. I met a great single guy of SH who did nothing but show me respect and treat me as a woman should be treated. Yes i have had idiots PM me, but get over it. I say YES to single guys on SH.

P.S. That great single guy i met?................ was non other than midlandsman1970!

27 Oct 2004

AHHH thankyou babes MWAH biggrin

:D :D

27 Oct 2004

you know what? fuck it i am gonna rant my bleedin' 'ead off here! :mad:

Quote by marcus and mich
this point we find fascinating. Firstly, the sexual eroticism of seeing each other sexually aroused and pleasured with another person/persons only developed with our relationship developing over time. I.e at first we were only interested in 'shagging' each other like rabbits and the idea of ever having other people touching or playing with our loved one would probably have brought about pangs of anger and jealousy, not arousal and immense pleasure.

agreed! for a couple, it is obviously very, very different. i have no experience of swinging as a couple, but blow me i thought about once upon a time. i couldn't do it, for the reasons you mention. i've even had to step back at times and sort my head out on how i feel about my swinging partner swinging?

our point stems from this: We just don't understand how (though we do understand why!) single guys sort of lurk around tOur point is how can a single guy actually get that and why are the ones lurking around here not just out in the real world looking to 'get laid' or find a girl instead of acting all sad and desperate on this site. It seems a little pathetic to us. It's like wanting a car before you've got a driving license. Sure, enjoy the fantasy of the car, but get the fucking license!

because some of these sad, desperate, lonely guys are, OMFG, in touch with their emotions, and OMFG, have some kind of sexuality to explore too? oh and yes they have orgasms. and OMFG, they take pleasure in allowing couples who use single guys, despite their obvious abhorrence of them, to further their swinging desires, to experience that too! and possibly that exploration is a mutual thing that has nowt to do with me fucking your wife! :doh:
do you honestly believe that i can't get a fuck in leeds? that's not me being arrogant. *ANYONE* can get a fuck in leeds if they pick the right pubs, and have enough cash to get any random bird pissed off her face! crass i know, but no more crass than your statement!

we think it's a little different for single women, simply because we (and again its just our opinion) think women can enjoy a greater depth of sexual freedom when they're not being bothered by a bunch of desperate male fuckwits. It would seem more 'honest' when a single woman ventures inside a swinging domain.

why? go on why? in what sense do women have some particular insight on sexuality that a single male can't possibly hold in his head long enough cos his cock get's in the way?

Guys maybe you should think about going out somewhere and trying to find girflfriends, that way you might actually learn something.

possibly some of us have already learnt a very great deal! i suggest you do the same! :mad:
neil - very fucking pissed off by that entire fucking post!

27 Oct 2004

Neil brothers in arms mate, here here!

27 Oct 2004

...seriously concerned about Neil's blood pressure ...
I agree wholeheartedly Neil ...
passionkiss

27 Oct 2004

Quote by neilinleeds
:
we think it's a little different for single women, simply because we (and again its just our opinion) think women can enjoy a greater depth of sexual freedom when they're not being bothered by a bunch of desperate male fuckwits. It would seem more 'honest' when a single woman ventures inside a swinging domain.

why? go on why? in what sense do women have some particular insight on sexuality that a single male can't possibly hold in his head long enough cos his cock get's in the way?

And to support Neil on this - why can I enjoy "a greater depth of sexual freedom"? Do you think as a single woman I can't say no to unwanted attention? Yes- I may look to more experienced members of this forum when I need advice - but I bet single guys on here do to.
I go back to what I said earlier - a sinlge bloke, or blokes have obviously pissed these people off - and that is their only experience.
Neil - I have not met you - but you have made me laugh ever since I joined this forum. I would love to meet you!!! And no - I dont' think you'll be trying to jump me in some desparate way the minute I walk through the room!!!
Forget about narrow-minded views like these! It is very obvious that you and many other single guys are liked and loved on here.

27 Oct 2004

Hey Marcus & Mich,
I'm a single male.... I'm deperate..... do you two want to meet and fuck?
That is what you're after right??

27 Oct 2004

Quote by Rainbows
Neil - I have not met you - but you have made me laugh ever since I joined this forum. I would love to meet you!!! And no - I dont' think you'll be trying to jump me in some desparate way the minute I walk through the room!!!
Forget about narrow-minded views like these! It is very obvious that you and many other single guys are liked and loved on here.

Noooooo!!!!!! :shock:
You don't want to meet Neil..................you want to meet meeeeeeeee!! lol

He swears too much and he's from Yorkshire FFS! rolleyes

Steve

27 Oct 2004

Neil... you have re-iterated everything i said in my post but put it in a BETTER way - well done, i agree % with you.

27 Oct 2004

This thread has been most informative. I now have the names of several people I needn't waste my inferior-single-male time on. Now that the ball is rolling, would any others who consider themselves better than me please make themselves known to me now, so I know who to ignore?
Thanks biggrin

27 Oct 2004

How did this thread get so long so quickly? I am not going to pretend I've read all the posts properly but...
Swinging is a way of relating to people which is so different - and wonderful - and liberating - that it should be made available on the NHS.
I have just said goodbye to a lovely gentleman I met at my 1st (and so far only!) gang bang. We have been to a couple of parties in the past but tonight we just drank wine, chatted, fed logs to the fire and listened to Newcastle v Norwich. (Him Norwich - me Newcastle.) And he told me about his adventures with other people since we last met. I told him about mine.
There isn't the pain of posessiveness and jealousy. We didn't 'party' tonight - we probably will again - who knows.
Maybe we Swinging Heaven devotees 'think too much'. Just relax and go with it because we are privileged to have the chance.
Jezzay

27 Oct 2004

Neil :arrow: kiss

27 Oct 2004

Quote by marcus and mich
this point we find fascinating. Firstly, the sexual eroticism of seeing each other sexually aroused and pleasured with another person/persons only developed with our relationship developing over time. I.e at first we were only interested in 'shagging' each other like rabbits and the idea of ever having other people touching or playing with our loved one would probably have brought about pangs of anger and jealousy, not arousal and immense pleasure.
our point stems from this: We just don't understand how (though we do understand why!) single guys sort of lurk around this site claiming to be swingers. We realise everyone's different, but to us the mutual satisfaction in indulging this sexual desire comes from the pleasure we gain in seeing each other so fulfilled. To us, reaching that point in a strong relationship could only come over a period of time as it's actually based on a deep love and emotional attachment, even if it is all about 'raw' sexual lust and enjoyment. Our point is how can a single guy actually get that and why are the ones lurking around here not just out in the real world looking to 'get laid' or find a girl instead of acting all sad and desperate on this site. It seems a little pathetic to us. It's like wanting a car before you've got a driving license. Sure, enjoy the fantasy of the car, but get the fucking license!
we think it's a little different for single women, simply because we (and again its just our opinion) think women can enjoy a greater depth of sexual freedom when they're not being bothered by a bunch of desperate male fuckwits. It would seem more 'honest' when a single woman ventures inside a swinging domain.
not that we don't see the benefit of utilisin eager young men for our pleasure, we just don't think they get at all what the true wonder of this indulgnece is.
that's about it really, oh and there does seem to be a load of desperate single guys just sort of hanging around hoping to fall onto a 'lay' in here. Guys maybe you should think about going out somewhere and trying to find girflfriends, that way you might actually learn something.

I'm only quoting this in case anyone missed it. I just want everyone to see that single males don't have the monopoly on being fuckwits. rolleyes

27 Oct 2004

:bounce: :taz: worship

:2fingers: flipa

:cheers: :small-print: :jagsatwork: :smoke:
I'm speachless. Well done Neil mate. You said it all!
drinkies