hmmm would suggest getting someone in to do the DIY and taking up reading. Worse then that could happen is a papercut....on the plus side it could be a really fit DIY man lol x
i'd have to say my Dad god rest his soul.
That man tried so many different ways when i was a child, from making me climb very unstable ladders and tall trees, to carbon monoxide poisoning, through hydrogen cyanide poisoning, shooting me twice in the head (yes no joke) once with a 12 bore and once with a ricochetting .22 bullet, the list goes on.
I'm surprised i made my teens let alone now turning 40 :taz:
I managed to survive the black death and the great fire of London in my early days
Jeez Tweeky you sound like Reg Prescott ( remember Kenny Everett's DIY guy ) I'd get someone in to the work if I was you , not sure you'll survive the next attempt.
As for what's tried to kill me I'd say most of the motorbikes I've ever had for starters. I only ever sold 2 since I was 17 and I wrote all the others off.
Nearly chopped off a finger doing DIY once and needed an op to sort it out and a contraption to hold it together for 6 weeks after. I've too many other DIY stories to list lol but reckon your tale of woe tops most of mine.
A norwegian bus driver, the British government, and a pickled onion.
well i have known to be a "little Accident prone in the past. but the worse item to try and kill me was a 3 1/2 tonne Cardboard Compactor. ( before you read the below, i should meantion that i am was In charge of Health and saftey at the time)
about 18 months ago, we wanted to move out Cardboard compacter from inside the Warehouse to outside, to create more room for Racking, we got some quotes in to get it moved professionally, but this would involve in getting a crane, and was rather costly, (about £1k if i recall) so i thouth surely we could do it a lot cheaper, as it needed to be moved about 30 meters.
so i looked on the Tool Hire webside, and found some things called Heavy duty stakes, which would site under the compactor and allow us to just push the thing out of the building... £60 for 24 hours, i thought perfect.. the Skates arrived, and then suddenly dawned, how would we get them under the unit it self. which i where the fork lift come in handy. so got the first Fork lift under, and the compactor was just to heavy to pick it up. lifting it about 2cms, then screming out, again ntoher bright idea of mine was to aline the second Fork lift so that both would beble to pick it up.. this worked, and under the skates went. all we now had to do was tow the thing out side nd jobs a good un.
we tied one of the skates to the back of the forklift and got one of the lads to drive it out. now.. this is were i forgot one of the most important things.. as you come out the back of the wearhouse, there is a slight slope going down.. now picture in your head 3 1/2 tonne Shopping trolly being pulled along from in front.
the first set of wheels of the skate touched the slope the desicde to pick up speed and then lost it balance and began to topple... my good self was stadning right in its line of drop when it decided to. first reaction (not sure why) was to try and stop it from falling. then thought feck that and i jumped rather quickly out of the way. the thing came down with a huge crash,.. if i had not of moved i would of been flatter than the cardboard that is put into those machines..
now we had a 3 1/2 tonne Compacter lying flat on the ground.. and the only way to get it back up was to ring up the company we origianlly got the qoute for moving it, so they could lift it on their Crane... costing us the £1k i tried to save.
looking back on it, it was a VERY stupid thing to do.. but in my head thought it would be easy.... and kind glad the thing fell my way, as if it had fallen forward, it would of landed on the fork lift. and the guy driving it would probably not of been able to move as quick as me....
It wouldn't switch off either had to unplug it from the mains 
Sadly I hadnt managed to drill the holes fully for my shelf but I was able to to get good enough purchase on three of drilled holes. Shelf was a bit wobbly on one side so I position my flat screen gaming telly on the other side, genius. Last night whilst playing Xbox 360 I decided the volume was not enough so got up to press the volume button manually. Upon touching the button the shelf collapsed sending the TV sliding towards me. I was able to catch it but staggered back. Staggering back meant i reached the end of my Xbox 360 mic wire so the mic and headset got yanked and fell forward covering my eyes. Now not able to see I tried to make my way to the nearest unit to put the TV down but stood on my glass of Dark rum and diet coke thankfully not hard enough to break it but still sent me staggering about all over the place again. Managed to get the TV onto the unit :twisted: 
