Quote by Funlovers2009
Ahhhh feck it, who fancies a bit? :swingingchair:
:bolt: That's us both running east that is. Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
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What is ..........
Sex God
Quote by Funlovers2009
ooooooOOOOooooh A debate!! Now that's what's been missing from the forum!! :bounce:
Do you think it might catch on??????
Quote by Funlovers2009
People with no standards would bother me more. The ones who seem to shag anything that moves (or doesn't move as is in some cases)
They wouldn't bother me, I just wouldn't play with them and if they are around the scene long enough they'll soon get known for it. It's amazing how small this world really is however it doesn't make them bad people, might be the closest behaviour you'd get to the apparently commonly accepted term of "hardened" mind you
Quote by Funlovers2009
If the number of verifications is an issue for you then don't read them. There was no way to be verified in the days before t'internet (not that we go back that far). You wouldn't know a newbie apart from someone who has played for years then.
Ahhh the V word. If I remember correctly it caused quite a disturbance whenever it was brought up (back in the day)
Quote by Funlovers2009
Ahhhh feck it, who fancies a bit? :swingingchair:
On a Swingers forum???????? Surely not!
Sex God
Quote by Ben_Minx
Ahhhh feck it, who fancies a bit? :swingingchair:
:bolt: That's us both running east that is.I was almost offended .... then I realised that east is towards us :doh:
Geography was never my strong point!!
Quote by Funlovers2009
If the number of verifications is an issue for you then don't read them. There was no way to be verified in the days before t'internet (not that we go back that far). You wouldn't know a newbie apart from someone who has played for years then.
i thought you asked for peeples opinions? i gave my opinion.
it is not an issue as such it is just that we that is us, not you or anyone else, but us would not feal comforteble playing with peeple that had fucked for england and got a gold medal for it.
our choice and our opinion surely?
Sexlightened
Quote by starlightcouple
it is not an issue as such it is just that we that is us, not you or anyone else, but us would not feal comforteble playing with peeple that had fucked for england and got a gold medal for it.
our choice and our opinion surely?
I agree with your choice. I wouldn't as well
Sexlightened
you put the hard into hardcore flower411
Sex God
Quote by nostringsluton
To me the true meaning of someone who is a HARDCORE SWINGER, is a couple who can sleep with other people and still look at each other with love in their eyes.
That's just my view
If you cant do that the FIRST time you shouldn't even be contemplating swinging!!!!!!!
Quote by nostringsluton
I have this mate. and he pull's these right mingers every weekend...........
Sorry I missed it the first time around but I have to confess to kind of switching off when I read the above line......
Sexlightened
Quote by the_Laird
Sorry I missed it the first time around but I have to confess to kind of switching off when I read the above line......
That's ok I wasn't talking to you in the first place
Sex God
Quote by nostringsluton
Sorry I missed it the first time around but I have to confess to kind of switching off when I read the above line......
That's ok I wasn't talking to you in the first place
:rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao: 
Sex God
Quote by starlightcouple
If the number of verifications is an issue for you then don't read them. There was no way to be verified in the days before t'internet (not that we go back that far). You wouldn't know a newbie apart from someone who has played for years then.
i thought you asked for peeples opinions? i gave my opinion.
it is not an issue as such it is just that we that is us, not you or anyone else, but us would not feal comforteble playing with peeple that had fucked for england and got a gold medal for it.
our choice and our opinion surely?
Ooooooh you do get a bit touchy dont you!
Well I aint got a medal, not even a bronze one, so I guess I'm not a hardened swinger after all!!
Sexlightened
Quote by Ben_Minx
Well we know the ropes and earned our spurs but I am told we fuck for Wales.
I was only joking when I called minx a sheep
Sex God
Quote by the_Laird
as the expression is more often used as 'we are not hardened', it does not tell people what you are like.
but where i think it could applied is for people who are rigid about what they do, more or less dictating any experience with them, becoming entirely for their purposes only.
Disagree.
Most new swingers / first timers are extremely rigid about any experience with them and will dictate exactly what they will and wont do. In fact, it's not really until you are comfortable or a "regular" swinger that most people find that their boundaries become less rigid and more adaptable.
I can kind of see Laird though how you might, as a regular swinger posessed of these more open and relaxed boundaries you describe, eventually come back almost full circle to the point you started out from where your boundaries are almost set in stone. My reasoning's this . . .
I would define swinging broadly as the exploration of the mental, emotional and physical aspects of sexuality . . . your own, your partner's, and the third somewhat abstract entity that is created out of the combination of those two things together. As you progress, and explore, what those three things actually consist of becomes more and more defined. You find more things that you enjoy, and more things that you don't enjoy, singly and together. Does there then come a point where there's no longer anything left to explore, because you've been there and done it, either in reality or in imagination, and found your absolute boundaries?
That would be my definition of a hardened swinger. Someone who has explored the mental, emotional and physical aspects to their limits, as far as their limits will allow until all that remains is the closed set of physical acts they continue to enjoy. Quite why that should be used in a pejorative sense I don't know, though broadly speaking I would prefer to play with those who still have boundaries left to explore. That is more of a two-way mutual exchange to my mind.
N x x x ;)
Also one can consider any kind of experience can become 'hardened' into something you want it to be.
going to mcdonalds is a process which is somewhat predictable throughout, but contains a guaranteed experience which you do not expect to change.
ie you just want that bit which hits the spot. and in some cases there is no compromise. it has to contain certain elements to qualify.
going to mcdonalds is a process which is somewhat predictable throughout, but contains a guaranteed experience which you do not expect to change.
ie you just want that bit which hits the spot. and in some cases there is no compromise. it has to contain certain elements to qualify.
Quote by neilinleeds
as the expression is more often used as 'we are not hardened', it does not tell people what you are like.
but where i think it could applied is for people who are rigid about what they do, more or less dictating any experience with them, becoming entirely for their purposes only.
Disagree.
Most new swingers / first timers are extremely rigid about any experience with them and will dictate exactly what they will and wont do. In fact, it's not really until you are comfortable or a "regular" swinger that most people find that their boundaries become less rigid and more adaptable.
I can kind of see Laird though how you might, as a regular swinger posessed of these more open and relaxed boundaries you describe, eventually come back almost full circle to the point you started out from where your boundaries are almost set in stone. My reasoning's this . . .
I would define swinging broadly as the exploration of the mental, emotional and physical aspects of sexuality . . . your own, your partner's, and the third somewhat abstract entity that is created out of the combination of those two things together. As you progress, and explore, what those three things actually consist of becomes more and more defined. You find more things that you enjoy, and more things that you don't enjoy, singly and together. Does there then come a point where there's no longer anything left to explore, because you've been there and done it, either in reality or in imagination, and found your absolute boundaries?
That would be my definition of a hardened swinger. Someone who has explored the mental, emotional and physical aspects to their limits, as far as their limits will allow until all that remains is the closed set of physical acts they continue to enjoy. Quite why that should be used in a pejorative sense I don't know, though broadly speaking I would prefer to play with those who still have boundaries left to explore. That is more of a two-way mutual exchange to my mind.
N x x x ;)
oooooooooooo Niel, I like your definition.
Until now I had always thought of a hardened swinger as someone who would shag anyone purely for the sexual release, someone who never says "no" to any offer.
Sex God
Quote by Alethea
oooooooooooo Niel, I like your definition.
Until now I had always thought of a hardened swinger as someone who would shag anyone purely for the sexual release, someone who never says "no" to any offer.
Trying to find a different spin was well worth the time and energy I put into it then Alethea. Ta! *smiles* I have a sneaking feeling that I occasionally have a tendency to overthink things, and over complicate, but I sort of imagine this thing ((( for want of a better word, cos I don't have a convenient word to hand for it? ))) that is the sum total of yer various experiences.
When you're in the first flush of a relationship, there's a tiny little seed and, as you explore each other it grows really quickly, in a fluid and dynamic sorta way, and as you become more used to each other, and your sex life becomes a bit more habitual, the rate of change slows. It takes more effort, the whole adding to it thing? An 'alf decent imagination no doubt helps no end here? Then you start swinging, and introduce others into it, which fires up the imagination in all sorts of novel ways all over again, and suddenly this thing's growing faster and more fluidly and dynamically again. At some point though it must all start to slow again, as you tick off the check-boxes and there are no more new experiences left to add to it, till the thing becomes kinda fixed. Hardened, if you will . . . .
;)Not sure if I'm making any more sense here or not, and I've never thought of myself / ourselves as hardened swingers? Reading my own words back though makes me wonder, cos having experienced a fair few things I / we've liked, in a very limited way, our remaining fantasies these days are very specific. I'm probably using hardened in way noone else uses here though, which is fine?
N x x x ;)
I think it involves a deliberate and determined mentality by the hardened to achieve something. Again it could be applied anywhere in life. A sense of resolve and planning, investment etc. Engineering situations to produce the most effective result.
ie offering themselves and exploiting others for fuck fodder. a full on assault to get that beezer shag.
but maybe that's what we all do, except its disguised under a lot of make believe protocol.
ie offering themselves and exploiting others for fuck fodder. a full on assault to get that beezer shag.
but maybe that's what we all do, except its disguised under a lot of make believe protocol.
Sex God
Quote by neilinleeds
Trying to find a different spin was well worth the time and energy I put into it then Alethea. Ta! *smiles* I have a sneaking feeling that I occasionally have a tendency to overthink things, and over complicate, but I sort of imagine this thing ((( for want of a better word, cos I don't have a convenient word to hand for it? ))) that is the sum total of yer various experiences.
When you're in the first flush of a relationship, there's a tiny little seed and, as you explore each other it grows really quickly, in a fluid and dynamic sorta way, and as you become more used to each other, and your sex life becomes a bit more habitual, the rate of change slows. It takes more effort, the whole adding to it thing? An 'alf decent imagination no doubt helps no end here? Then you start swinging, and introduce others into it, which fires up the imagination in all sorts of novel ways all over again, and suddenly this thing's growing faster and more fluidly and dynamically again. At some point though it must all start to slow again, as you tick off the check-boxes and there are no more new experiences left to add to it, till the thing becomes kinda fixed. Hardened, if you will . . . .
Not sure if I'm making any more sense here or not, and I've never thought of myself / ourselves as hardened swingers? Reading my own words back though makes me wonder, cos having experienced a fair few things I / we've liked, in a very limited way, our remaining fantasies these days are very specific. I'm probably using hardened in way noone else uses here though, which is fine?
N x x x ;)
I love that description of developing relationships both in "normal" and subsequent swingers times because it's oh so true. What it did make me think tho' was did I become hardened to swinging or bemused with it all??????
Casanova
One word Nola's thesaurus didn't suggest but always springs to my mind when I read "hardened swinger" is "callous". As the description is used in a negative tone exclusively, it is clearly not talking about mere experience but about a certain level of disenchantment and/or burn-out. A wordy profile has another phrase for this: "jaded seen-it-all-befores"
And yes, it is all so very relative, and a sliding scale too. Very roughly, from my newbie POV at the moment of writing hardened swingers are... doggers, gang-bangers and bare-backers! This is after a couple of months of rubbing shoulders with all sorts of lifeforms on SH - at the very beginning hardened swingers were... any and all swingers
What a continuous source of amusement it was to see all those pretty extreme, hardcore (to my eyes) members displaying this disclaimer!
Now there are a lot of very interesting and perplexing viewpoints aired on this thread, I resist commenting for fear of going totally OT. But I have to mention one thing - I am rather surprised to read quite a few say they don't favour people with lots of experience. I can understand the sentiment, of course, but I am slightly shocked and somewhat disappointed to see what I regard as an expression of... mainstream moral codes, I guess. So could it be that the abominable hardened swinger is the kind of person that took swinging to the limit? (and I don't mean just to their own personal limit but to the absolute limit, of what is considered appropriate, acceptable, sensible or even sane - kind of like combining descriptions 1, 3 and 4 of the OP). The kind of person that, even in this licentious environment has not exhibited enough or any restrain... and is therefore worth reprimanding or scapegoating or using as a measure to measure our own adventures against... which of course are all NORMAL and done in good taste, heh.
"Hardened Swinger" as badge of honour, anyone?
And yes, it is all so very relative, and a sliding scale too. Very roughly, from my newbie POV at the moment of writing hardened swingers are... doggers, gang-bangers and bare-backers! This is after a couple of months of rubbing shoulders with all sorts of lifeforms on SH - at the very beginning hardened swingers were... any and all swingers
What a continuous source of amusement it was to see all those pretty extreme, hardcore (to my eyes) members displaying this disclaimer!Now there are a lot of very interesting and perplexing viewpoints aired on this thread, I resist commenting for fear of going totally OT. But I have to mention one thing - I am rather surprised to read quite a few say they don't favour people with lots of experience. I can understand the sentiment, of course, but I am slightly shocked and somewhat disappointed to see what I regard as an expression of... mainstream moral codes, I guess. So could it be that the abominable hardened swinger is the kind of person that took swinging to the limit? (and I don't mean just to their own personal limit but to the absolute limit, of what is considered appropriate, acceptable, sensible or even sane - kind of like combining descriptions 1, 3 and 4 of the OP). The kind of person that, even in this licentious environment has not exhibited enough or any restrain... and is therefore worth reprimanding or scapegoating or using as a measure to measure our own adventures against... which of course are all NORMAL and done in good taste, heh.
"Hardened Swinger" as badge of honour, anyone?
Sex God
Quote by bIoke
...did I become hardened to swinging or bemused with it all??????
The latter applies to me.
Likewise. Bemused is a good word, and probably closer in meaning than jaded for where I'm at with the whole thing. Hence my not trying all that hard to make my remaining specific fantasies become a reality. Tend to go with the flow when opportunities present themselves and circumstances permit, rather than actively seeking to make things happen these days.
N x x x ;)
Orgasminator
Quote by neilinleeds
...did I become hardened to swinging or bemused with it all??????
The latter applies to me.
Likewise. Bemused is a good word, and probably closer in meaning than jaded for where I'm at with the whole thing. Hence my not trying all that hard to make my remaining specific fantasies become a reality. Tend to go with the flow when opportunities present themselves and circumstances permit, rather than actively seeking to make things happen these days.
N x x x ;)
Same here. Besides, you'd be wasting your time trying to arrange a meet these days anyway
Hardened swinger to me has always meant in my head, someone who swings a lot. I'll admit to never really putting that much thought into it tho :lol:
*Her*
Sex God
Pebble, I probably had your post floating about me 'ead when I put up me last. I probably have had jaded floating about in there somewhere for a long time, but I have never equated hardened, or jaded for that matter with callous. I know some people who would use jaded to describe themselves I think, as far as 'the scene' goes, and I have known people say out loud on this website that they've seen it all before ((( Though I think they meant that in a more internetty sense? ))) but I've yet to come across anyone IRL that I would describe as callous here? I'm not sure hardened is used in that sense, though there are probably callous people about out there.
For me, there is no moral judgement whatsoever as far as my preference for the the less 'hardened', or less experienced goes. Morals do not come into it. I wouldn't presume to make moral judgements about anyone on a swinging site, cos it's all relative, like you say. ;) Probably one of the reasons I prefer to play with the less experienced is partly the thought that if we're both in the same place mentally, and roughly at the same point on the learning curve, we might be more forgiving of each other when we get it wrong. Finding that you've got things massively wrong ain't a good place to be, in my experience? It's self-protection on one level, and I wonder if those who use the term 'hardened' in a negative sense are kind of there themselves? Infinitely more important than that though is the thought that being approximately in the same place mentally, and roughly at the same point on the learning curve, means that you and your playmates are in a place where you're all able to give, and take, equally. The mutuality thing is important to me. Possibly because of my bisexuality, or particularly when it comes to my bisexuality, mutual exploration is not only exciting for me as someone keen to explore it for myself, it's exciting intellectually because in some circumstances I will come away from the experience knowing that I will have played some small part in someone else's exploration of their own sexual identity, sexual identity for me being one of the most profound, integral aspects of that thing I casually refer to as me, myself, and I that I'm still trying to get to grips with.
N x x x ;)
For me, there is no moral judgement whatsoever as far as my preference for the the less 'hardened', or less experienced goes. Morals do not come into it. I wouldn't presume to make moral judgements about anyone on a swinging site, cos it's all relative, like you say. ;) Probably one of the reasons I prefer to play with the less experienced is partly the thought that if we're both in the same place mentally, and roughly at the same point on the learning curve, we might be more forgiving of each other when we get it wrong. Finding that you've got things massively wrong ain't a good place to be, in my experience? It's self-protection on one level, and I wonder if those who use the term 'hardened' in a negative sense are kind of there themselves? Infinitely more important than that though is the thought that being approximately in the same place mentally, and roughly at the same point on the learning curve, means that you and your playmates are in a place where you're all able to give, and take, equally. The mutuality thing is important to me. Possibly because of my bisexuality, or particularly when it comes to my bisexuality, mutual exploration is not only exciting for me as someone keen to explore it for myself, it's exciting intellectually because in some circumstances I will come away from the experience knowing that I will have played some small part in someone else's exploration of their own sexual identity, sexual identity for me being one of the most profound, integral aspects of that thing I casually refer to as me, myself, and I that I'm still trying to get to grips with.
N x x x ;)
Sex God
Each to their own Flower, each to their own.
;)
N x x x ;)
;)
N x x x ;)
Sex God
Quote by flower411
It all makes sense neil but when push comes to shove it`s just another shag really and as long as everybody walks away with a smile on their face , who really cares ?
All this soul searching is a bit much for me ......we just like the fun of extra sex with people we fancy .....
If we fancy them ....it`s good
If we don`t fancy them ....we don`t shag em !!
And Vicky verky ..of course
:thumbup:
