I have been reading the threads about abusive relationships!
I have been married for 21years.
Any relationship married, parents and children, friendship, siblings etc can all have their moments of being difficult.
I don’t think any two people can come together and get on all of the time.
If my husband and I disagree it can get heated as we both have strong opinions and don’t always have the same opinion.
I tell my children that if I was to always agree with my hubby or him with me it would smother what we really both felt on issues.
Does that mean we are in an abusive relationship? As sometimes we can get really heated when we both hold such strong opinions.
I feel in any relationship that if one person isn’t allowed to voice their opinion is when problems arise. Someone backs down and once they do for the sake of keeping the peace is when there self esteem lessons.
What are you thoughts on this?
When does a relationship turn sour?
Are we not all bought up differently?
How does it work for some but not all?
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What is a good relationship?
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Quote by Theladyisaminx...I feel in any relationship that if one person isn’t allowed to voice their opinion is when problems arise. Someone backs down and once they do for the sake of keeping the peace is when there self esteem lessons.
What are you thoughts on this?
When does a relationship turn sour?
Are we not all bought up differently?
How does it work for some but not all?
I would say that abuse occurs when the second party's desires are dis-regarded. A relationship turns sour when desire is dis-regarded.
As for the rest, how it works for some but not others? I have no idea.
Quote by Theladyisaminx
I have been reading the threads about abusive relationships!
I have been married for 21years.
Any relationship married, parents and children, friendship, siblings etc can all have their moments of being difficult.
I don’t think any two people can come together and get on all of the time.
If my husband and I disagree it can get heated as we both have strong opinions and don’t always have the same opinion.
I tell my children that if I was to always agree with my hubby or him with me it would smother what we really both felt on issues.
Does that mean we are in an abusive relationship? As sometimes we can get really heated when we both hold such strong opinions.
I feel in any relationship that if one person isn’t allowed to voice their opinion is when problems arise. Someone backs down and once they do for the sake of keeping the peace is when there self esteem lessons.
What are you thoughts on this?
When does a relationship turn sour?
Are we not all bought up differently?
How does it work for some but not all?
I want to participate in this thread and answer your questions, but before I do I need to have the bit in red clarified please as what you call really heated could be different from my understanding of it. Does it involve actual blows, a bit of swearing or maybe really nasty cutting remarks that have nothing to do with the discussion you are having?
xxxxxx
Sex God
Do unto others......mutual respect. It's a good way of avoiding abusing your partner I would of though. J and I have been married 15 years now and like you minx we have our own opinions on stuff and we're not adverse to getting pissed off with each other, though it is very rare to be honest, and calling each other names. Most times this is done almost in jest and heavily spiked with affection. We have seriously argued on less than 10 occasions through our relationship i reckon. And believe it or not those arguements came about by petty things.
The culmination of external pressure on moods, work, kids, school, illness, family stuff like that. I guess when we do argue its more a case of " i'm pissed off so your going to be pissed off in sympathy" The one thing we have never argued about is £. We sussed that out at the very start, we just dont have reason to.
We always make up before we go to bed even if we don't feel inclined. I think thats really important. Hanging onto baggage just makes your arms ache.
The culmination of external pressure on moods, work, kids, school, illness, family stuff like that. I guess when we do argue its more a case of " i'm pissed off so your going to be pissed off in sympathy" The one thing we have never argued about is £. We sussed that out at the very start, we just dont have reason to.
We always make up before we go to bed even if we don't feel inclined. I think thats really important. Hanging onto baggage just makes your arms ache.
Quote by firelizard
I have been reading the threads about abusive relationships!
I have been married for 21years.
Any relationship married, parents and children, friendship, siblings etc can all have their moments of being difficult.
I don’t think any two people can come together and get on all of the time.
If my husband and I disagree it can get heated as we both have strong opinions and don’t always have the same opinion.
I tell my children that if I was to always agree with my hubby or him with me it would smother what we really both felt on issues.
Does that mean we are in an abusive relationship? As sometimes we can get really heated when we both hold such strong opinions.
I feel in any relationship that if one person isn’t allowed to voice their opinion is when problems arise. Someone backs down and once they do for the sake of keeping the peace is when there self esteem lessons.
What are you thoughts on this?
When does a relationship turn sour?
Are we not all bought up differently?
How does it work for some but not all?
I want to participate in this thread and answer your questions, but before I do I need to have the bit in red clarified please as what you call really heated could be different from my understanding of it. Does it involve actual blows, a bit of swearing or maybe really nasty cutting remarks that have nothing to do with the discussion you are having?
xxxxxx
Hi fire,
In our relationship it has never got to blows, it has in fact at times in the past been cutting remarks the stupid tit for tat comments that you can make. We have raised our voices too!
I know the neighbours have heard on a few occasions.
The last few years as we have got older these arguements are very few and far between.
Hope this helps with your reponse!
Minx
In my opinion a good relationship is one where each member of the relationship puts the other person before themselves most of the time. There is a list of things that make for a good "intimate" relationship between two people and they are :
PATIENCE
TOLERANCE
REGULAR SEX (and no I'm not joking)
FRIENDSHIP
HUMOUR
not all in that order and there is probably more that I have missed off the list that would come in handy too.
Abuse, be it mental or physical has no place in a relationship and should be left behind as quickly as possible.
I may have more to add later xxxxxxxxxxx
PATIENCE
TOLERANCE
REGULAR SEX (and no I'm not joking)
FRIENDSHIP
HUMOUR
not all in that order and there is probably more that I have missed off the list that would come in handy too.
Abuse, be it mental or physical has no place in a relationship and should be left behind as quickly as possible.
I may have more to add later xxxxxxxxxxx
Quote by de_sade
A good relationship..?
Gosh, where does one start?
We all have our own ideas of what makes a good relationship so might as well start there...
A good relationship in my mind is one where both parties are allowed the space to be as individual as they need to be whilst still being part of a couple, a unit or a united front; it is one where each others' views, thoughts and opinions are valued though not necessarily always agreed with and where each party is not afraid to air their views thoughts and opinions; it is one where trust, love and unconditional support can exist and flourish and whereby each party can grow because they have the others' trust, love and unconditional support; it is one where sexual union is a celebration of each others' love for the other but is not necessarily the cause of celebration; it is one where two people meet together in the spirit of love and friendship and do not allow the petty emotions that affect us because of our own insecurities affect the other person or how we see the other person...Gosh, the list just goes on and on...
A good relationship is an honest relationship built on trust where both parties' want only the best for the other and yet allows them the space to be themselves or to grow if they so desire. Lies, falsehood and deception do not make for a good relationship...
A good relationship = Honesty, openness and love. :thumbup:
Great thread!
Sometimes it can take a while to get there, but that is where we are now, have been for a good few years now, some relationships just need a little more time and working at after the honeymoon period to really appreciate whats important I feel.
As they say true Love doesn't always run smoothly.
Sex God
Quote by winchwench
I'll try to sum it up with the bleedin obvious, whilst encompassing everything from cuckoldry to chivalry....
Whatever makes both partners truly happy.
Trust you to be sensible :lol2:
Your right though
Quote by firelizard
In my opinion a good relationship is one where each member of the relationship puts the other person before themselves most of the time. There is a list of things that make for a good "intimate" relationship between two people and they are :
PATIENCE
TOLERANCE
REGULAR SEX (and no I'm not joking)
FRIENDSHIP
HUMOUR
not all in that order and there is probably more that I have missed off the list that would come in handy too.
Abuse, be it mental or physical has no place in a relationship and should be left behind as quickly as possible.
I may have more to add later xxxxxxxxxxx
:thumbup: all that and two more:
Respect
Honesty.
Jay's my best bud, I'd be lost without him
Sex God
Quote by winchwench
I'll try to sum it up with the bleedin obvious, whilst encompassing everything from cuckoldry to chivalry....
Whatever makes both partners truly happy.
:thumbup: Totally agree.
Sex God
Maybe the definition is what you can do with the relationship.
A good relationship is one you COULD walk away from but you CHOOSE not to for the RIGHT reasons.
A good relationship is a place where you can :
grow as a person without the other person feeling threatened by that growth,
where you constantly learn more about yourself and your partner,
where you share your thoughts and dreams and do not have to change them or hide them to suit or pacify the other,
where two people can HONESTLY agree to disagree.
I would rather have the above and no sex than the most mind-blowing sex and no respect and growth.
A good relationship is one you COULD walk away from but you CHOOSE not to for the RIGHT reasons.
A good relationship is a place where you can :
grow as a person without the other person feeling threatened by that growth,
where you constantly learn more about yourself and your partner,
where you share your thoughts and dreams and do not have to change them or hide them to suit or pacify the other,
where two people can HONESTLY agree to disagree.
I would rather have the above and no sex than the most mind-blowing sex and no respect and growth.
