The state of mind argument is acceptable up to a point. We all need a state of mind to do anything. Nothing could give a better example than a wedding day. If everyone turns up with the right state of mind you have a fantastic memorable occasion. Otherwise it could be a dull affair indeed.
I was at a greedy girls day yesterday and guys came and went shagging with the girls. Now, were we swingers or just people who know where to get a fuck?
I think the majority of guys there would not claim to be a swinger. But what is the definition of someone who attends a greedy girl session? Well perhaps they were too busy to bother finding one.
Although there is some hesitancy to produce a definition and perhaps its a difficult thing to put one's finger on; without risking offence, there is a definite difference in the 'state of mind' between swinging and any other group sexual activities. One goes to a greedy girl session with a different state of mind, because there are different sets of rules and protocols to follow.
So I think people will use a term when its suitable or has some purpose to do so in order to create an atmosphere or to simply define and outline how a paricular session is going to be designed.
So its more suggestive than definitive.
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What is a swinger?
Sex God
Quote by duncanlondon
That old chestnut again. I have always considered swinging to be the providence of married couples, who arrange sex amongst themselves. Unmarried people are free to do whatever they want sexually, so they don't need any special conditions to do so.
Hi Duncan
Stormy and myself meet single women. Does what you say above mean that you think we are swinging and they are not ?
xx
Quote by Firelizard
That old chestnut again. I have always considered swinging to be the providence of married couples, who arrange sex amongst themselves. Unmarried people are free to do whatever they want sexually, so they don't need any special conditions to do so.
Hi Duncan
Stormy and myself meet single women. Does what you say above mean that you think we are swinging and they are not ?
xx
I think it depends if I bring wor lass or not... shall we try both ways and see what we think ?
Quote by splendid_
That old chestnut again. I have always considered swinging to be the providence of married couples, who arrange sex amongst themselves. Unmarried people are free to do whatever they want sexually, so they don't need any special conditions to do so.
Hi Duncan
Stormy and myself meet single women. Does what you say above mean that you think we are swinging and they are not ?
xx
I think it depends if I bring wor lass or not... shall we try both ways and see what we think ?
:shock: Lucozade please barman and make it a large one
Quote by Firelizard
That old chestnut again. I have always considered swinging to be the providence of married couples, who arrange sex amongst themselves. Unmarried people are free to do whatever they want sexually, so they don't need any special conditions to do so.
Hi Duncan
Stormy and myself meet single women. Does what you say above mean that you think we are swinging and they are not ?
xx
I think we are back to the state of mind thing again. If its swinging to you it could be sex with a married couple to the single women. They don't need to feel or think they are swingers. You don't need to feel you are not being swingers and so on.
If new partners are found through a swinging site, then the groundwork is already laid out to perceive the meetings as swingers. But if you are out cruising in straight hetero areas and looking for partners then its different. Some might think it predatory.
Its down to what you believe as well. If you meet through the site its up to you if you believe in the swing being genuine. You assume that the singles are swingers so you are happy. But if they were just opportunist sexual adventurers trying anything possible, would you be happy?
Curious now, where? I sometimes give talks, and I do label people, but have never liked the labels. So your quote does verbalize my reservations nicely.
Sex God
Thanks Duncan for your reply and I suppose no it doesn't worry me if the lady we have sex with is a swinger or a sexual adventurer (actually I like the second one better!!)
Goosey spot on !!! Stormy !! when are we gonna do it again
Goosey spot on !!! Stormy !! when are we gonna do it again
Sex God
Quote by winchwench
Thanks Duncan for your reply and I suppose no it doesn't worry me if the lady we have sex with is a swinger or a sexual adventurer (actually I like the second one better!!)
Goosey spot on !!! Stormy !! when are we gonna do it again
Oh, bugger. :cry:
Wassamatter
: Oh alright....substitute "lady" for saloon girl/pirate or whatever else you wanna be
Sorry if this thread is past its sell by date.
Having thought about it more, or at least my mind has finally caught up. I would say this.
Swinging couples put their relationship on the line and expose it in many ways. As one of their sexual partners you get a very intimate view into what they are like,and how their sexuality is tied in with ther relationship. You may only get some of this detail from singles.
Equally the couple may be focussed mainly on the characteristics of their relationship and unable to see the possibilities within the single and of forming a triangle.
So I still think swinging manifests itself more openly from within a couple.
Having thought about it more, or at least my mind has finally caught up. I would say this.
Swinging couples put their relationship on the line and expose it in many ways. As one of their sexual partners you get a very intimate view into what they are like,and how their sexuality is tied in with ther relationship. You may only get some of this detail from singles.
Equally the couple may be focussed mainly on the characteristics of their relationship and unable to see the possibilities within the single and of forming a triangle.
So I still think swinging manifests itself more openly from within a couple.
Quote by noladreams30
A swinger is basically someone who can differentiate between sex for love and sex for recreation and is willing to go beyond most of society's sexual taboos.
Oooh hurrah... does that make me a swinger?!
And all this time I thought I was just a slapper!!!
What do you mean "just"?
As to the original question, I'm not sure what I think. For a start I don't really like the actual word "swinger"; it sounds so... 70's. But that aside, given that I've been into this both as one of a couple and subsequently as a single person, I'd definitely say that I still consider myself a "swinger" *wince*.
I'd go further and say actually, for me, since being single, it's for me become more a part of my identity and less just an activity. Before, it was something we did sometimes; it was a part of our relationship; our interest in it was shared. Now, it's an aspect of who I am.
Well, actually I'm going to refine that a little; I guess I'd probably define "swinging" as being sexual activity with people not in a relationship with you, but with still some kind of shared understanding that this is being done in the spirit of sexual exploration. It's not just promiscuity; it's not just the fucks; it's the fucks plus the deliberate exploration of sexuality plus I suppose some idea that there is also a deliberate transgression of social norms.
I wonder whether I'd think that a group of single friends who all sex with each other are "swingers" (euch!)? Probably not. So I guess that the idea of transgressing a relationship does come in there somewhere. Nor two people who have sex with each other but don't consider that they're in a "relationship".
So I guess that I'm therefore not necessarily a swinger right now, and more of a... sexually open person...? But then, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, even if you're off the juice for a while.
Can't figure it out. I'll probably have to have a think and come back.
Sex God
Quote by tomu
It's not just promiscuity; it's not just the fucks; it's the fucks plus the deliberate exploration of sexuality plus I suppose some idea that there is also a deliberate transgression of social norms.
Man, you're scarily eloquent at times!
I love this definition. I may purloin it and pass it off as my own!! I have been perusing a few dictionaries and definitions. One use of the word swing is simply to describe the change from one state to another be it mood, feeling, thoughts, activity etc.
So it seems appplicable in that one has to go into a deliberate set of changes to bring about a swinging encounter. After which normal equilibrium is re-
established.
So might it come under a flash of genuius? Or temporary loss of sanity? Momentary lapse of reason?
Well it seems like many words such as hippy, skinhead, yuppy, mod, chav etc, all are descriptive of the predicament of people but not definitive.
So it seems appplicable in that one has to go into a deliberate set of changes to bring about a swinging encounter. After which normal equilibrium is re-
established.
So might it come under a flash of genuius? Or temporary loss of sanity? Momentary lapse of reason?
Well it seems like many words such as hippy, skinhead, yuppy, mod, chav etc, all are descriptive of the predicament of people but not definitive.