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What is bullying?

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Unknown User
Quote by keeno
It's nice to see how upset people here are by bullying.
However, several people who have post on this thread have been named to me in private as bullies.
We can all bully on here without realising it.

or be the subject of "labels" that dont particularly fit.....
Isnt there a series of posts in the steam room about those who make remarks in a veiled way?
now we can all be accused of bullying without even reaslising it, apparently.
Unknown User
Quote by DeeCee
It's nice to see how upset people here are by bullying.
However, several people who have post on this thread have been named to me in private as bullies.
We can all bully on here without realising it.

or be the subject of "labels" that dont particularly fit.....
Isnt there a series of posts in the steam room about those who make remarks in a veiled way?
now we can all be accused of bullying without even reaslising it, apparently.
One of the worst kind of bullying IMO. It's having a go at someone without having the balls to do it directly to them
Unknown User
Labeled a bully without realising you're doing?
It's tricky. But as my original post said all those pages back. It is all about perception.
Are you a bully if you discuss something until people agree with you?
Are you a bully if you strogly state and restate your case until people agree with you?
Are you a bully if you name call or harrass until people agree with you?
Three slants with a multitude of grey inbetween each.
Unknown User
Quote by staffcple
I dunno DeeCee,
I don't think there is that much difference.
Personally I see the whole size thing as a complete red herring, the physically biggest person can have the most fragile personality, in my experience once someone becomes the target of a bully, it's merely a matter of time before the lever is found which will then be used to beat the victim around the head with.
Now have I imho ever seen anyone bullied on here?
Honestly? No. I do however quantify that by saying again imho, I do believe there are those who use this forum who will go to any length to 'win' a debate and this ranges from those who are outright nasty and personal, to those who will throw a bullying or racist card at the first given opportunity, both equally as bad I think. Both are designed to browbeat others into either giving up or saying yes your right.
Pathetic in my opinion, but what can you do? I find the easiest way is the one I use, post and be damned!
Someone don't like my opinion, hey, let me know, i'll send them 20p, they can ring someone who cares.

I accept what you say when you state " there isn't that much difference"....
But it is the differences which make them different....
If a point made has the appearance of bullying or racism, then i believe people should be allowed to point this out as their "opinion" on it...
for another to say this is only a "stunt" or tactic is not always true....if it is done openly then i see it as nothing more than a Hijak and if its done in a Private PM... then its nothing more than gossip.
Debates have a natural dynamic of going to legnths to win the argument and to detract from the subject in hand.
First and foremost, the forum is an arena with rules... on the streets, its different.
Unknown User
Quote by Sassy-Seren
It's nice to see how upset people here are by bullying.
However, several people who have post on this thread have been named to me in private as bullies.
We can all bully on here without realising it.

or be the subject of "labels" that dont particularly fit.....
Isnt there a series of posts in the steam room about those who make remarks in a veiled way?
now we can all be accused of bullying without even reaslising it, apparently.
One of the worst kind of bullying IMO. It's having a go at someone without having the balls to do it directly to them
I think they will pretty much die out.........
but the derogatory PM will be flourish , no doubt
Unknown User
Bullying today in the cafe.
The big joke today was that an established member pretended to be a newbie. A new identity and everything. Some people were in on it (me included) and played along.
A hello thread was started and people welcomed the newbie as they always do.
Then the who am I thread was started and the joke was revealed. People sniggered behind their hands as those not in on the joke struggled to guess who the joker was. Some, were upset. They had genuinely thought the newbie was real. They had post sincere welcomes and were then found other figuratively laughing and pointing at their foolishness.
This is, of course a form of bullying.
Shame on us redface
Unknown User
Quote by keeno
Bullying today in the cafe.
The big joke today was that an established member pretended to be a newbie. A new identity and everything. Some people were in on it (me included) and played along.
A hello thread was started and people welcomed the newbie as they always do.
Then the who am I thread was started and the joke was revealed. People sniggered behind their hands as those not in on the joke struggled to guess who the joker was. Some, were upset. They had genuinely thought the newbie was real. They had post sincere welcomes and were then found other figuratively laughing and pointing at their foolishness.
This is, of course a form of bullying.
Shame on us redface

I posted on the welcome thread. I had no idea it was someone playing a joke. I wasn't upset, more felt like a fool.....not the first time, won't be the last rolleyes
Unknown User
Quote by Sassy-Seren
Bullying today in the cafe.
The big joke today was that an established member pretended to be a newbie. A new identity and everything. Some people were in on it (me included) and played along.
A hello thread was started and people welcomed the newbie as they always do.
Then the who am I thread was started and the joke was revealed. People sniggered behind their hands as those not in on the joke struggled to guess who the joker was. Some, were upset. They had genuinely thought the newbie was real. They had post sincere welcomes and were then found other figuratively laughing and pointing at their foolishness.
This is, of course a form of bullying.
Shame on us redface

I posted on the welcome thread. I had no idea it was someone playing a joke. I wasn't upset, more felt like a fool.....not the first time, won't be the last rolleyes
That's the problem with bullying Sass it isn't a black and white thing. It is shades of grey. You weren't upset. I didn't think others would be but they were. It reinforced what we all deny here. There are clicks and gangs. I'm as guilty of it as everyone else.
Unknown User
Quote by keeno
Labeled a bully without realising you're doing?
It's tricky. But as my original post said all those pages back. It is all about perception.
Are you a bully if you discuss something until people agree with you?
Are you a bully if you strogly state and restate your case until people agree with you?
Are you a bully if you name call or harrass until people agree with you?
Three slants with a multitude of grey inbetween each.

Bullies opporate everywhere and in all sorts of ways. They sometimes pose as victims and use that status to intimidate others, by feining outrage. I have also seen nasty little cliques at work bully a chosen staff member by ignoring them until they hand their notice in. Bullying can be so much more subtle than name calling. I think most people don't realise the harm they are doing and dress up their bullying as putting someone in their place. The nosey neihbour who constantly watches your every move I believe is a bully.
My work involves sometimes having to resolve other peoples bullying issues, and all I can say is dont even acknowledge that they are bullying you if at all possible, if you do you will act like a victim. All bullies are looking for their next victim, but remember all bullies have one thing in common they are all very scared and frightened people.
Lost
Sex God
Quote by keeno
Bullying today in the cafe.
The big joke today was that an established member pretended to be a newbie. A new identity and everything. Some people were in on it (me included) and played along.
A hello thread was started and people welcomed the newbie as they always do.
Then the who am I thread was started and the joke was revealed. People sniggered behind their hands as those not in on the joke struggled to guess who the joker was. Some, were upset. They had genuinely thought the newbie was real. They had post sincere welcomes and were then found other figuratively laughing and pointing at their foolishness.
This is, of course a form of bullying.
Shame on us redface

I posted on the welcome thread. I had no idea it was someone playing a joke. I wasn't upset, more felt like a fool.....not the first time, won't be the last rolleyes
That's the problem with bullying Sass it isn't a black and white thing. It is shades of grey. You weren't upset. I didn't think others would be but they were. It reinforced what we all deny here. There are clicks and gangs. I'm as guilty of it as everyone else.
Blimey Keeno can you please explain how and where the bullying was in this and who was bullied? I can't for the life of me see where. I thought it was a damn fine thread done with humour and pleasantness. No one sniggered behind there hands or anything i'm sure. Damn good fun thread with no one belittled ridiculed spited demeaned made fun of or singled out in anyway.
I would out a bully as sure as eggs are eggs and I can be over sensitive on such issues sometimes, but this I don't get dunno
Unknown User
Quote by keeno
Bullying today in the cafe.
The big joke today was that an established member pretended to be a newbie. A new identity and everything. Some people were in on it (me included) and played along.
A hello thread was started and people welcomed the newbie as they always do.
Then the who am I thread was started and the joke was revealed. People sniggered behind their hands as those not in on the joke struggled to guess who the joker was. Some, were upset. They had genuinely thought the newbie was real. They had post sincere welcomes and were then found other figuratively laughing and pointing at their foolishness.
This is, of course a form of bullying.
Shame on us redface

Keeno,
You know who I am and I have posted my thoughts on this thread, you knowing who I am and what I am about has made me wonder how you can possibly put a label of a bully on me, but that is how I have taken it to read.
I am truely gob smacked!
This bodes the question that the op set out to raise.
I think the word bullying is just thrown about way to much, use it enough you might get someone to believe you are a victim.
tmann
Sex God
Quote by A-mystical-lady
Bullying today in the cafe.
The big joke today was that an established member pretended to be a newbie. A new identity and everything. Some people were in on it (me included) and played along.
A hello thread was started and people welcomed the newbie as they always do.
Then the who am I thread was started and the joke was revealed. People sniggered behind their hands as those not in on the joke struggled to guess who the joker was. Some, were upset. They had genuinely thought the newbie was real. They had post sincere welcomes and were then found other figuratively laughing and pointing at their foolishness.
This is, of course a form of bullying.
Shame on us redface

Keeno,
You know who I am and I have posted my thoughts on this thread, you knowing who I am and what I am about has made me wonder how you can possibly put a label of a bully on me, but that is how I have taken it to read.
I am truely gob smacked!
This bodes the question that the op set out to raise.
I think the word bullying is just thrown about way to much, use it enough you might get someone to believe you are a victim.I fail to see how this is bullying. A poor joke, may be. Some may have felt embarrassed? Some may think that the joker should be embarrassed? The one thing it is not is bullying.
Travis
anais
Sex God
I haven,t seen any bullying in this thread :shock:
Yes, bullying does rear its head in all manner of ways. I'm sure many of us have been on the receiving and giving end of it if were honest with ourselves. It can also be very subtle at times.
A number of us know about what was happening and who the person was - does that make us bullies as well?
It was purely fun - to cheer the forums up - is that so wrong? Maybe the Newbie Intro was a mistake (if you can call it that) but you why judge a person on one small thing when there is much more to them than that an you know it!
Unknown User
Quote by anais
I haven,t seen any bullying in this thread :shock:
Yes, bullying does rear its head in all manner of ways. I'm sure many of us have been on the receiving and giving end of it if were honest with ourselves. It can also be very subtle at times.
A number of us know about what was happening and who the person was - does that make us bullies as well?
It was purely fun - to cheer the forums up - is that so wrong? Maybe the Newbie Intro was a mistake (if you can call it that) but you why judge a person on one small thing when there is much more to them than that an you know it!

I agree Anais the newbie Intro thread was a bit stupid with hindsight, but then I have never been known to be that quick where the brain section in concerned! redface
So for the intro thread I am sorry for!
Maybe if you don't mind deleting it then we can stop others feeling this.
Thanks
Unknown User
Sorry but as I see it, it was a laugh. Pure and simple.
Where has peoples humour gone? dunno
For me I think some peoples thoughts on bullying are a bit over the top. I have my own opinions of what bullying is, and a lot of what I have read on here, is not what I would call bullying.
I hope the thread is left open,as I hope Big Brother has not reared it's head yet on SH. lol
Unknown User
Quote by keeno
Bullying today in the cafe.
The big joke today was that an established member pretended to be a newbie. A new identity and everything. Some people were in on it (me included) and played along.
A hello thread was started and people welcomed the newbie as they always do.
Then the who am I thread was started and the joke was revealed. People sniggered behind their hands as those not in on the joke struggled to guess who the joker was. Some, were upset. They had genuinely thought the newbie was real. They had post sincere welcomes and were then found other figuratively laughing and pointing at their foolishness.
This is, of course a form of bullying.
Shame on us redface

I posted on the welcome thread. I had no idea it was someone playing a joke. I wasn't upset, more felt like a fool.....not the first time, won't be the last rolleyes
That's the problem with bullying Sass it isn't a black and white thing. It is shades of grey. You weren't upset. I didn't think others would be but they were. It reinforced what we all deny here. There are clicks and gangs. I'm as guilty of it as everyone else.
I wouldn't have said this particular subject could even come close to bullying. It was a practical joke that not everyone got....simple as dunno
Unknown User
Quote by Sassy-Seren
Bullying today in the cafe.
The big joke today was that an established member pretended to be a newbie. A new identity and everything. Some people were in on it (me included) and played along.
A hello thread was started and people welcomed the newbie as they always do.
Then the who am I thread was started and the joke was revealed. People sniggered behind their hands as those not in on the joke struggled to guess who the joker was. Some, were upset. They had genuinely thought the newbie was real. They had post sincere welcomes and were then found other figuratively laughing and pointing at their foolishness.
This is, of course a form of bullying.
Shame on us redface

I posted on the welcome thread. I had no idea it was someone playing a joke. I wasn't upset, more felt like a fool.....not the first time, won't be the last rolleyes
That's the problem with bullying Sass it isn't a black and white thing. It is shades of grey. You weren't upset. I didn't think others would be but they were. It reinforced what we all deny here. There are clicks and gangs. I'm as guilty of it as everyone else.
I wouldn't have said this particular subject could even come close to bullying. It was a practical joke that not everyone got....simple as dunno
You haven't even guessed me yet! kiss
I would tell you in a pm if you promise not to say! wink lol
Dawnie
Sex God
I don't class this as bullying but I don't like the idea of it being a 'joke' confused
Seems like a joke at others expense to me and I personally would wonder about the trust in a friendship now dunno
Unknown User
I can certainly see both sides to this.
My first thought was that it sent me back to a few years ago, when a mischievous forumite secretly took on a different name as part of the reporting for the SH magazine. It left a bad taste in the throats of a lot of people.
This was well before Mystical-Lady joined, and while the effect of her posts is the same, (i.e we don't know who it is) and I can see why some people are upset now, it's worth bearing in mind the intent behind her posts - it was just meant as a bit of fun, and in my opinion, should be taken as such.
fem_4_taboo
Sex God
this will be the last i say on this matter..
ok yes it will be clear i was peed off about being decieved in the hi im new thread when the person wasnt in fact new.
it was after that the guess who i am thread arose.
that i didnt have a issue with as it was clear the person was sating they were already a member.
i went to the steam room and vented dunno isnt that what its for?
i have never said i felt bullied. that wasnt bullying it was mistusting.
it upsets me that it was all given the go ahead from the mods apparently ?
now the thread that caused concern has just disapeared ,,, so it looks like i have an issue with the guess who i am thread.
i had no massive issue , but the fact i dared to say i had one at all has reslted in various comments on here and in private that i should chill , get a thicker skin etc etc ... is that mild intimidation to not speak out? or i will be outta as a moaning git, uptight etc?
i will now no doubt be told to let it drop it was just a laugh.
i am letting it drop. we all have our own personal pain in private life we are dealng with,i dont care to talk about mine here.
i made one comment to vent in the steam room,
i never said it started as bullying.
just wanted to make that clear before i get told to chill any more
xx fem xxx
oh and i think children adults what ever bullying isnt about age, size, money,it can happen to anyone and is not all about the physical act.
yes we can all walk away? but why should we?
Theladyisaminx
Sex God
Quote by fem_4_taboo
this will be the last i say on this matter..
ok yes it will be clear i was peed off about being decieved in the hi im new thread when the person wasnt in fact new.
it was after that the guess who i am thread arose.
that i didnt have a issue with as it was clear the person was sating they were already a member.
i went to the steam room and vented dunno isnt that what its for?
i have never said i felt bullied. that wasnt bullying it was mistusting.
it upsets me that it was all given the go ahead from the mods apparently ?
now the thread that caused concern has just disapeared ,,, so it looks like i have an issue with the guess who i am thread.
i had no massive issue , but the fact i dared to say i had one at all has reslted in various comments on here and in private that i should chill , get a thicker skin etc etc ... is that mild intimidation to not speak out? or i will be outta as a moaning git, uptight etc?
i will now no doubt be told to let it drop it was just a laugh.
i am letting it drop. we all have our own personal pain in private life we are dealng with,i dont care to talk about mine here.
i made one comment to vent in the steam room,
i never said it started as bullying.
just wanted to make that clear before i get told to chill any more
xx fem xxx
oh and i think children adults what ever bullying isnt about age, size, money,it can happen to anyone and is not all about the physical act.
yes we can all walk away? but why should we?

Fem I think the comments were in response to what keeno put earlier in the thread
"Bullying today in the cafe.
The big joke today was that an established member pretended to be a newbie. A new identity and everything. Some people were in on it (me included) and played along.
A hello thread was started and people welcomed the newbie as they always do.
Then the who am I thread was started and the joke was revealed. People sniggered behind their hands as those not in on the joke struggled to guess who the joker was. Some, were upset. They had genuinely thought the newbie was real. They had post sincere welcomes and were then found other figuratively laughing and pointing at their foolishness.
This is, of course a form of bullying.
Shame on us"
Not what you have said in the steam room hun x
poshkate
Sex God
Quote by Cherrytree
I can certainly see both sides to this.
My first thought was that it sent me back to a few years ago, when a mischievous forumite secretly took on a different name as part of the reporting for the SH magazine. It left a bad taste in the throats of a lot of people.
This was well before Mystical-Lady joined, and while the effect of her posts is the same, (i.e we don't know who it is) and I can see why some people are upset now, it's worth bearing in mind the intent behind her posts - it was just meant as a bit of fun, and in my opinion, should be taken as such.

That sums it up pretty well for me Cherry kiss
I can see that it was all meant as a playful joke but for those that remember the 'mischief' incident and other times where users have used multiple accounts to mislead others, mostly with the intent of causing trouble, it does leave a very sour taste indeed.
Unknown User
Quote by Dawnie
I don't class this as bullying but I don't like the idea of it being a 'joke'
Seems like a joke at others expense to me and I personally would wonder about the trust in a friendship now

Completely agree! A joke that makes others feel stupid, isn't a joke IMHO!
Quote by fem_4_taboo
........has reslted in various comments on here and in private that i should chill , get a thicker skin etc etc ...
xx fem xxx

passionkiss
Not sure that this post will win me any friends either, but having a laugh by making someone else feel bad isn't good.
However, knowing Minxy a little, I don't believe it would have been done with the intention of causing anyone any upset.
Infact I would guess that she is upset that she caused upset!!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dave__Notts
Sex God
What is bullying?
When someone takes the piss out of my big arse :shock:
Dave_Notts
Unknown User
Quote by Theladyisaminx
Bullying can take on many forms, mental and physical, cyber etc., etc.,
I hate bullies with a passion. I've just started a new job and I'm what you call a 'watcher', I've already noticed one lady who is an absolute disgrace, the way she talks to people, no pleases or thank you's, sits on her arse ordering people around and belittles at the first chance, I'm well aware of her and she'll not be doing that to me, newbie or not.
evil
I'm lucky, I can stand up for myself, it's the ones who can't that worries me. What is even more of a worry is more often than enough, a bullied person becomes a bully themselves, or shows immense pent up aggression/frustration in later life.

Sorry Jaymar I have to disagree with this statement.
I do believe bullies have been bullied, but I don't agree with people that have been bullied would become a bully.
Ok so maybe I should've worded it as "some bullied people go on to become bullies themselves, or have been bullied in their past".
I've looked into this before but here's some reading that may be of interest

and as much as I loathe Wikipedia....

So on this occasion Minx, I have to 'disagree with you disagreeing' because I wrote that in full knowledge that I had the background knowledge.
This link is also a brilliant read...
Theladyisaminx
Sex God
Quote by jaymar
Bullying can take on many forms, mental and physical, cyber etc., etc.,
I hate bullies with a passion. I've just started a new job and I'm what you call a 'watcher', I've already noticed one lady who is an absolute disgrace, the way she talks to people, no pleases or thank you's, sits on her arse ordering people around and belittles at the first chance, I'm well aware of her and she'll not be doing that to me, newbie or not.
evil
I'm lucky, I can stand up for myself, it's the ones who can't that worries me. What is even more of a worry is more often than enough, a bullied person becomes a bully themselves, or shows immense pent up aggression/frustration in later life.

Sorry Jaymar I have to disagree with this statement.
I do believe bullies have been bullied, but I don't agree with people that have been bullied would become a bully.
Ok so maybe I should've worded it as "some bullied people go on to become bullies themselves, or have been bullied in their past".
I've looked into this before but here's some reading that may be of interest

and as much as I loathe Wikipedia....

So on this occasion Minx, I have to 'disagree with you disagreeing' because I wrote that in full knowledge that I had the background knowledge.
This link is also a brilliant read...

Jaymar
I totally agree with you here!