After a few conversations with various people over the last week i'd like to put a question to you all : What do you class as adultery?
If your other half kissed someone else would that count?Or would it have to be a bit more than that, a fumble maybe or would you just class sex as adultery?
I'm well aware that some couples on here do play seperatly and if thats what works for them great but for those who dont i'd be interested to hear your thoughts.
Kirsty xxx
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What is classed as adultery to you?
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Adultery is any sexual/other behaviour that happens outside the bounds of the agreements we have made as a couple.
For us that is pretty hard to explain. When I use the word fuck it means kissing/flirting etc as well as more intimate acts.
We do fuck people seperately. Anything goes for us personally.
We can fuck anyone who knows that we are in a relationship and respects that.
We can't fuck people we work with.
We can't fuck exes either our own or each other's
If we are due to meet as a couple and it doesn't work out then the other can't meet that person or people as a single.
I think that is it... it looks quite Bizarre written down.
For us that is pretty hard to explain. When I use the word fuck it means kissing/flirting etc as well as more intimate acts.
We do fuck people seperately. Anything goes for us personally.
We can fuck anyone who knows that we are in a relationship and respects that.
We can't fuck people we work with.
We can't fuck exes either our own or each other's
If we are due to meet as a couple and it doesn't work out then the other can't meet that person or people as a single.
I think that is it... it looks quite Bizarre written down.
Sex God
Quote by splendid_
Adultery is any sexual/other behaviour that happens outside the bounds of the agreements we have made as a couple.
For us that is pretty hard to explain. When I use the word fuck it means kissing/flirting etc as well as more intimate acts.
We do fuck people seperately. Anything goes for us personally.
We can fuck anyone who knows that we are in a relationship and respects that.
We can't fuck people we work with.
We can't fuck exes either our own or each other's
If we are due to meet as a couple and it doesn't work out then the other can't meet that person or people as a single.
I think that is it... it looks quite Bizarre written down.
No it doesn't Splen, it makes perfect sense to me
Oh I forgot to say I class it as ANY sexual act that happens outside of our relationship that hasn't been agreed to by both of us first.
Sorry to be pedantic, but adultery is clearly defined; it isn't something you can have different opinions about. Adultery is voluntary sexual relations between one partner in a marriage and a member of the opposite sex.
If you aren't married, if sexual relations (i.e. intercourse) do not take place, if there are sexual relations but with a member of the same sex or if the sexual relations are not voluntary then it isn't adultery.
Perhaps you meant 'what is cheating?'? I think that is a very individual call and is probably different for every couple.
If you aren't married, if sexual relations (i.e. intercourse) do not take place, if there are sexual relations but with a member of the same sex or if the sexual relations are not voluntary then it isn't adultery.
Perhaps you meant 'what is cheating?'? I think that is a very individual call and is probably different for every couple.
Quote by Unc
Sorry to be pedantic, but adultery is clearly defined; it isn't something you can have different opinions about. Adultery is voluntary sexual relations between one partner in a marriage and a member of the opposite sex.
If you aren't married, if sexual relations (i.e. intercourse) do not take place, if there are sexual relations but with a member of the same sex or if the sexual relations are not voluntary then it isn't adultery.
Perhaps you meant 'what is cheating?'? I think that is a very individual call and is probably different for every couple.
ahhh you are talking about the legal definition. In that case you are partially correct. Legally it is now possible to be adulterous with someone of the same sex too.
Quote by Unc
ahhh you are talking about the legal definition. In that case you are partially correct. Legally it is now possible to be adulterous with someone of the same sex too.
Ooooh! When did that change? Off to Google
Nope.. I was wrong.. it would seem that is not grounds in a civil partnership. It is a dissolution on the grounds of 'unreasonable behaviour' only heterosexual couples can be adulterous.
that is that sorted then. Wor lass (were we to get 'civil partnered') would be a lying cheating selfish bitch that I would hate forever but wouldn't be adulterous- sorted.
Quote by janemcc
Thanks maybe i should be asking what is cheating not adultery.I know its a very personal thing and everyone is going to have different views on it which is the reason why ive posted.
So thank you for your replies xxx
Splendid summed it up IMO. Cheating is anything outside of an agreement a couple have, or that could reasonably be expected to be within that agreement.
For vanillas that probably means any remotely sexual behaviour with someone else is cheating. For us perves <G> it may well be less restrictive, but it's somehow more important when a partner cheats because of the freedoms swinging couples have to play with others.
Some couples I know would only define emotional involvement with someone else as cheating and are happy for anything else to happen as long as they know about it afterwards. Others only swing as a couple so would look on anything else pretty much as 'normal' couples. Others again are happy for their partners to play alone as long as they know in advance and approve of the playmate.
It's a very individual and personal call but something couples who swing really need to sort out between themselves before diving into the orgy room
Sex God
Anything of an intimate nature done without the partner knowing, lieing or avading the truth about it. Even planning it i guess because the idea is there :crazy: and yes kissing etc i would class as cheating if the other partner wasnt in the knowledge. Once found out its extremely hard to learn to trust that person again and im not sure you can 100% trust that person again :undecided:
To me what defines adultery is the encapsulation of deceit within its definition. The act isn't so important as the deceit that goes with it.
Speaking as someone who has both ex-wives go over the side, as it were, I define it as a partner going for full on sex with a 3rd person without asking their partner to participate and without their prior knowledge.
Damn, I could have lived with them having the sex it was the deceit that got me. Perhaps because, for various reasons, I am absolutely incapable of jealousy I don't know, but what pissed me off was the fact that someone was trying to get one over on me and to fool me into thinking that things were okay.
Speaking as someone who has both ex-wives go over the side, as it were, I define it as a partner going for full on sex with a 3rd person without asking their partner to participate and without their prior knowledge.
Damn, I could have lived with them having the sex it was the deceit that got me. Perhaps because, for various reasons, I am absolutely incapable of jealousy I don't know, but what pissed me off was the fact that someone was trying to get one over on me and to fool me into thinking that things were okay.
Quote by flower411
One of the wonderful things about language is the fact that it evolves.
Many words have changed their meanings in surprisingly short periods of time, so it seems a bit silly, when somebody asks a bunch of people about the meaning of a word to simply spout the dictionary or legal definition.
I thought the whole point of the question was to find out how people interpret the word .
Anybody can look it up !
Many words have variable meanings and are open to personal interpretation. Others have fixed meanings because they are describing something specific. Only a fool would fail understand the difference, or to ask a question if they thought someone meant something other than was said.
Sex God
Quote by Unc
One of the wonderful things about language is the fact that it evolves.
Many words have changed their meanings in surprisingly short periods of time, so it seems a bit silly, when somebody asks a bunch of people about the meaning of a word to simply spout the dictionary or legal definition.
I thought the whole point of the question was to find out how people interpret the word .
Anybody can look it up !
Many words have variable meanings and are open to personal interpretation. Others have fixed meanings because they are describing something specific. Only a fool would fail understand the difference, or to ask a question if they thought someone meant something other than was said.
I don't think only a fool is correct. That makes for the case with anyone who does not understand or has not learned or been taught what a word means. I might be wrong in stating that, if i am that doesn't make me a fool.
As for my view on the discussion on what i believe the intention of the post is coincides with Splendids statement :- Adultery is any sexual/other behaviour that happens outside the bounds of the agreements we have made as a couple. The onlt thing i'd add is if anything is missed out on in agreeing with your partner then agree it before doing it, would be what i hoped we'd do.
Quote by Lost
Many words have variable meanings and are open to personal interpretation. Others have fixed meanings because they are describing something specific. Only a fool would fail understand the difference, or to ask a question if they thought someone meant something other than was said.
I don't think only a fool is correct. That makes for the case with anyone who does not understand or has not learned or been taught what a word means. I might be wrong in stating that, if i am that doesn't make me a fool.
You are right of course Lost. I should have said 'Only a fool would suggest that the evolution of language means that words with specific meanings should no longer have that meaning'. Something can be cool and hot at the same time, and the context makes it clear what is meant. The context of the original question didn't make it clear whether they meant adultery or more general cheating, so my response allowed for both.
Adultery is when a married person has sex with someone other than their spouse. And that's it. It becomes relevant when the other partner wishes to invoke divorce.
Unmarried partners may not like it when their partners 'cheat' but they can't use it as the means to invoke any kind of legal proceedings like divorce. They may have an established relationship, but the law does not support it in the same way as marriage. They are effectively single people and still at liberty to pursue as many partners as they wish.
Its only in marriage that one partner can hold the other accountable in the eyes of the law. Cohabiting partners don't have the same status, with reagrd to infidelity.
Unmarried partners may not like it when their partners 'cheat' but they can't use it as the means to invoke any kind of legal proceedings like divorce. They may have an established relationship, but the law does not support it in the same way as marriage. They are effectively single people and still at liberty to pursue as many partners as they wish.
Its only in marriage that one partner can hold the other accountable in the eyes of the law. Cohabiting partners don't have the same status, with reagrd to infidelity.
Hello everyone,
agreed.. technically its only Adultery if your married, which you can take legal action. I guess anything else is defined on how you personally feel about it. I personally think that swinging enters that grey fuzzy area in relationships, which so many people get tripped up by because they dont define what is acceptable behaviour and what is not.. I think that most couples who do enjoy swinging MUST be completely HONEST with each other about what they want to explore and do things with their partners consent.. to go behind your partners back is just plain cheating in my book, no matter how broad minded and adventurous they may be, as it is introducing lies and elements of doubt; once you do that it is hard to trust again.
agreed.. technically its only Adultery if your married, which you can take legal action. I guess anything else is defined on how you personally feel about it. I personally think that swinging enters that grey fuzzy area in relationships, which so many people get tripped up by because they dont define what is acceptable behaviour and what is not.. I think that most couples who do enjoy swinging MUST be completely HONEST with each other about what they want to explore and do things with their partners consent.. to go behind your partners back is just plain cheating in my book, no matter how broad minded and adventurous they may be, as it is introducing lies and elements of doubt; once you do that it is hard to trust again.
Quote by splendid_
Adultery is any sexual/other behaviour that happens outside the bounds of the agreements we have made as a couple.
Pretty much how I'd sum it up. As swingers, Jay and I have boundaries that we set before we started meeting people.
We agreed on these (although there's a few I'm sure Jay would like to have removed
) because it makes me happy and at the end of the day it's our marriage that counts. For example, I don't really mind Jay playing online or on cam, but I like to know about it. If it's kept a secret you start to wonder why, that puts barriers and doubts up etc and spoils the whole fun of it.In the vanilla world, I would say adultery starts in the mind, if a person is thinking of another person (and I don't mean fantasy cos we all have them) all the time, wanting to be with them, wondering what it would be like, and progresses to putting yourself where that person is all the time, asking to meet up for chats etc etc, then that could well be the start of the trouble (I know this as my friend has been through it).
Am I making sense?? :crazy:
Sex God
Quote by splendid_No that is not bizarre.
Adultery is any sexual/other behaviour that happens outside the bounds of the agreements we have made as a couple.
For us that is pretty hard to explain. When I use the word fuck it means kissing/flirting etc as well as more intimate acts.
We do fuck people seperately. Anything goes for us personally.
We can fuck anyone who knows that we are in a relationship and respects that.
We can't fuck people we work with.
We can't fuck exes either our own or each other's
If we are due to meet as a couple and it doesn't work out then the other can't meet that person or people as a single.
I think that is it... it looks quite Bizarre written down.
kissing/flirting etc as well as more intimate acts.
We do fuck people seperately. Anything goes for us personally.
We can fuck anyone who knows that we are in a relationship and respects that.
We can't fuck people we work with.
We can't fuck exes either our own or each other's.
We can't fuck sisters etc.
Sex God
Quote by jaymar
Adultery is any sexual/other behaviour that happens outside the bounds of the agreements we have made as a couple.
Pretty much how I'd sum it up. As swingers, Jay and I have boundaries that we set before we started meeting people.
We agreed on these (although there's a few I'm sure Jay would like to have removed
) because it makes me happy and at the end of the day it's our marriage that counts. For example, I don't really mind Jay playing online or on cam, but I like to know about it. If it's kept a secret you start to wonder why, that puts barriers and doubts up etc and spoils the whole fun of it.In the vanilla world, I would say adultery starts in the mind, if a person is thinking of another person (and I don't mean fantasy cos we all have them) all the time, wanting to be with them, wondering what it would be like, and progresses to putting yourself where that person is all the time, asking to meet up for chats etc etc, then that could well be the start of the trouble (I know this as my friend has been through it).
Am I making sense?? :crazy:Yes.
