Apologies, I can't be bothered to format it in colour like everyone else,
1. Breasts: Boobs, Tits, Wally Jumblatts, Chest Potatoes, Shoe shiners, Spaniels ears, Boobies, Hermans Hertits, Jigglers, Wobblers, Digglers, Wigglers...erm I've thought too long about this haven't I?
2. Vagina: Just pussy, the other words are a bit vulgar really. Especially the "c" word... I don't like "gash" either, I always think that sounds like it needs stitching together and some anaesthetic putting in.
3. Penis: Cock, Nob, Little Friend, Old Faithful, Robbie the Nobby, Bob the Nob, Bone, Eric Shone, Stiffy the Vagina Slayer, Jeremy Clarkson and Jeremy Kyle (There's something about the name Jeremy that says 'cock' to me)
4. Testicles: Balls, bollocks, hairy brains, Perineum's punchbag, Goolies (still makes me laugh that word...), Nuts, Nutsack, Spuff Pillow
5. Sperm: Jizz, Cum, Man Juice, Love Potion, Man Batter (Eww!).
6. Vaginal wetness: Juice, Lady Juice, Fun Foam, Pussy Produce, Clit Slick
7. Vaginal smell: You've lost me here... I don't know any woman who wants to hear "Ooh luv, it's gorgeous, you smell like Cockles... in fact if I put my ear to you, I am sure I can hear the sea(men)" If you mean pheromones, then I call them that, but I taste them more on their upper lips, rather than lower!
8. Masturbation (Male solo): Wank, Yank the Plank, Tug, 5 finger shuffle, Merry Soloist, Shuffling the Dick (said in an Aussie accent), Ham Shank, Tom Hanks, Giving Thanks, Strangling Percy, Bashing the Bishop (there's millions more too)
9. Masturbation (fem solo): Self love, The Kit Kat Shuffle (eh?!?), Feeding the Lions, Playing Yahtzee with the mayor, Tickling the Chin of Derek Nimmo, Finger Buffet, Testing the water, Taking the temperature, Looking for my watch (Ok, I admit, I made some of these up...)
10. Masturbation (MF): Performing in Public, Wank with Frank (or Hank), Shufty with Bufty, (Yep, made these up too...)
11. Mutal Masturbation (Gay): Ker Plunk with a hunk (Pull it until your's balls drop)
12. Mutal Masturbation (Lesbian): Treasure Hunting, Let your fingers do the talking, 118-24-7 Give them a call it's directory heaven, Slip Slidin' Away, G-Spot Graffiti
13. Cunnilingus: Licking Pussy, Chewing the cat, meowing at the mousehole, Yodelling in the Canyon of Love, Singing to the Perineum, Lick-a-clit allsorts, Munching the Mound
14. Fellatio: BJ, Cock Nibbling, Nob Jobbing, an interesting yawn, Suck-it-and-see, Giving Derek a polish.
15. Annilingus: rimming - I shall bow to other peoples greater knowledge. Sludge furtling, bog snorkelling spring to mind though.
16. Penile erection: Stiffy, nob on, Clonker, Stonker, Percy's Proud
17. Sexual Contact: Fondle, Squeeze, Cuddle,
18. Sexual Intercourse (general): Fuck, Shag, Nobbing, On the Job, At it, Nookie, Making the bed shake, rooms a rockin cos' we're a cockin, Hide the sausage, Folding the flaps back, Todger Training
19. Sexual Intercourse (with SO): The miracle
20. Buggery: Cum Bum Luvvin (???)
21. Orgasm: Cum, Arrive, Aahhh!, Oooh!, Ejaculate, Joyous outpourings, You can make me a drink now love, You're having the wet spot, Is there a hose up your arse? (heavy cummers only)
22. Porn: Stuff as in (Shall I get some 'stuff' out?), Bob Holness' secret stash
23. Toys: What father Christmas brings, our battery powered friends, Buzz Lightyear, Vi Brater, You get the canoe, I'll get the paddle.
