Based on my experiences and prompted by something I read in the newspaper article mentioned in another thread.
As usual in this type of thread, I'll bore you first with a little "scene setting" and "background"
I have, in the past been in “occupational†situations where I’ve had to put myself physically between warring and often viciously violent spouses. We often found the most expedient method was to try to turn the attacked spouse against the attacker, and the relationship/marriage. Due to the vagaries of “human nature†I learned that the result is also the reason people may not be too forthcoming in answering my question here.
I will tho’ argue against myself that here in the “lifestyle†people do seem to be far more open and tolerant of each other and of other people, so as to be able to answer some of the questions that are from time to time raised.
So . . . . .
On to the point.
Who drives your swinging activities.
There is also a swinging adage that "the more enthusiastic member of a couple will get the couple into swinging, but the less enthusiastic partner will keep them there". As Carol Queen, author of Exhibitionism for The Shy, puts it: "The swing community has noticed a prevalent dynamic in couples where one partner, more often than not the man, has more enthusiasm than the other. He has had terrific fantasies about freewheeling sex and plenty of it, and he finally convinces his initially reluctant partner to give swinging a try. When they get to the party, she has a great time and is in high demand, while he thinks the party's a dud."
While not agreeing with the whole of that paragraph, or the reasons as stated in it; I have certainly noticed that in a lot of “pairs†there is a definite driving force. Usually – imho – the female. Particularly in the more experienced.
Did it start off as a suggestion/request from one of you, but over time the dynamics changed and it became the other one that is now the “driving force†in your swinging activities ?
In this case, I’m not suggesting that one of you is quite “only going along with it†or take part under pressure or coercion.
I can’t answer the question for myself. In my first swinging “relationship†I introduced my ex to swinging, and in my present, we had both been “on the scene†as swingles before coupling up.
For the record.
I'm not a journo.
I'm not writing a book.
I am genuinely interested.
If you'd prefer, answer here
