Quote by My wonderful friend
'My dear erstwhile manager,
The Old A............ regrets to announce that he is no longer minded to be treated like a mug. His car is parked on Gordano Services on the M5 and the keys are in the safe keeping of a coffee vendor at Euston (one cannot be too zealous in the matter of vehicle security). The fuel tank is amply supplied for a journey of at least five miles, that is, were it not for the unfortunate moment of confusion between the diesel and the petrol dispensers. Such a moment of mental aberration might well have been an indirect result of his being wrongly directed and finding himself on Land Rover's 4x4 testing course. He was pleasantly suprised by the build quality of the modern saloon: quite a few of the body panels actually remained in place during the fifteen laps of the testing terrain it took him to find the exit.
The Old A........... would like to thank you for your support over recent years, that is to say, he would like to had any support been forthcoming. However, he does wish to express his gratitude to the management for their devotion to the company's commitment to 'Investors in People'; indeed, how enlightened of them to ensure that they were the only people ever to be invested in. He also appreciates their indubitable concern for 'Health and Safety ' issues. Their appreciation of Personal Protection Equipment is meritorious, not least the thick skin they developed in the face of employee grievances and, even more so, the various devices they used to cover their backs at all times.
So, it is with great sadness that the Old A............. takes his leave of you, a sadness borne of the knowledge that you have buggered up a significant portion of his allotted 'three score and ten'. But, not being a fellow given to bitterness, he wishes you well for the future, a future which will be so much more challenging for the management team now that details as to the full extent of their inadequacy has been communicated to the Board by anonymous fax, along with accidentally tape-recorded conversations between managers as to the performance of the current Board. He recalls that the management team was keen to see their employees endure challenging situations without the benefit of support (which after all, would have reduced opportunity for the Old A........... to gain the resolve, ability to work several days without sleep and to become impervious to the needs of what was once his family). He feels sure that they will appreciate the opportunity to find a solution to the challenge that has long baffled escapologists as notable as Harry Houdini, that is , to extricate one's arse from a sling while being deafened by the sound of shit hitting fan.
So, alas the time has come when the journey we have taken together must come to an end. Rather than raise the 'Parting Glass', it might be more appropriate for the Old A.............. to raise his digits in emulation of those brave English Bowmen who delighted in showing the French Knights that they still retained the two digits required to do their job.
A.......... would like to wish you well, but hypocrisy is a characteristic he has avoided acquiring-unlike your good selves.
A.
PS I am sorry this missive is hand written but the company laptop appears to have a driver problem: they don't seem able to swerve round it in the outside lane of the M6.
For those who have been here awhile - I'm sure you will appreciate the class of the prose!
And just to clarify - this is the letter he would love to be in a postion to present to his empyers!
Alex (Missing Old A..........) xxxx
(totally as described above!)
man that some of the extreme, over ambitious work bullies probably find quite off putting. Maybe jealousy comes into play as I can imagine a fair few of the management bullies have compromised themselves to get where they are - and it don't sit well!
