One of the reasons I don't want to get involved with someone who has kids is that I don't want to be in second place to anyone.
the kid comes first no matter what even if that makes me or anyone else second fifth or 10th and imo any one who askes to come before my son isnt worth knowing
this is actually tricky.
in an 'either/or' situation my son is first and foremost.
When planning to have my son I knew that my personal choices were going to be bound up very closely with his for 18 years.
My son does need to learn that I am a person and the world and I don't actually revolve around him though. That is why he cleans his own room and mess and there are expectation on him to behave in a way that is appropriate to the company he is in and location etc etc. There are sanctions (for want of a better word) should those expectations be unmet.
He also, as a free thinking person, has expectations that we discuss. The first one that comes to mind:- He didn't like me walking around the house naked and then topless. I agreed to that but said that applied to him too. 'Neither of us leaves our bedrooms undressed/topless' was our solution.
I do think that I put him first.. but I expect him to think of me and others too eg.. it would be easy for me to come home, hoover and make dinner, clean the kitchen etc.
The fact is he gets in 3 hours before me. I expect when I come home to have the hoovering done and other 'jobs'. That allows me to make dinner and get on with the studying that I do in the evening.
I certainly don't prostrate myself to the alter of my son. But I love him without measure.
I have remained living in the same town as I wanted his education to be uninterrupted. His father moved all over Europe because he felt that being able to have a certain financial lifestyle to show his son was more important. I (clearly) have different priorities but is his Father putting his son 2nd best because he does things another way to me? I don't think so.
mmmmmmmm I am not sure I am answering this correctly. I am careful to have a life that features my son uppermost. It is also not dependent on him though as I have to have my own life. I suppose my philosophy is that I borrowed him from the rest of the world for the first 16/18 years and after that he has to do his own thing and I need to send him back into the world as an independent whole person.
I really have no idea what is wrong with me at the moment I am talking far too much
Really interesting heartfelt post spendid, thanks for taking time to post. I dont think you talk too much ever. I enjoy reading what you post. You come across with considered and worthwhile viewpoints. Its good to read.
ive always put my kids 1st,mind you theyve moved out now and ive remarried so its a lot easier lol
Without a doubt my girls come before anyone including mr lyns. The mothers unconditional love that I have for them surpasses any other love. Of course i love mr lyns but its a different kind of love.
For me it is children first, before any other person including me. It has nothing to do with spoiling or lack of discipline though - quite the opposite.
I remember being very shocked when playing a notional 'whom would you save' game when my Mum said she would save my Dad over us.
I would die for mine!
Kids come first, for both of us.
Would you put up with some of the crap your kids put you through with a partner? If I had a partner who intentionally hurt me the way one of our kids is capable of doing, I'd send him home to his mother. In a shoebox!
Thats the kind of unconditional love that only kids can bring about.
My kids have always taken top slot, always will.
after last night ive decided dek puts the dog before the son or me :shock:
i have one daughter..and she is..and always will be number one.....
I was in a relationship with one very attractive lady,( who was not my daughter mom) and the jealousy between the two was awful. I tried my best to please both and ended up pleasing neither... The lady concerned did say she could not get round always coming second...she wanted to be number one. So that was the end of that... I have never had another serious relationship since. Once again..i say daughter is number one and will always be.
kids come 1st always when still at home but wife comes 1st when they move out..for me anyway
My son comes first overall.
But - -
It depends on need at the time. I work full time and most of the time that is 'first'. But my son had problems at school so on those days he got the attention (and fast drive to the school).
So who gets the attention on a scale of typical need?
Son,
Work,
Partner,
Me
Wider family and friends
But to be honest if any of the above have a problem - I drop to the bottom of the list. Not moaning about it - it's just the way it works out.
The original question from FL is 'What do husband's do?' Interesting that there has been a majority of female respondents.
I think I can understand the kids coming first with their mother whatever. I'm sure there is a fundamental relationship that mothers have with their offspring.
I wonder with blokes though if the answer may be different depending on whether the offspring is a girl or a boy?
As a father of boys only, I know that my Angelica is the single most important thing in my life. That's not to say that I don't love me boys - but I think they need to and they will make their own way in life - especially with the totally dedicated love they get from their Mother.
.
:lol:
at your full post
or I'll have to spank you :twisted:
