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Why is an attractive person not necessarily sexy?

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Forgive me if this has been done before (as I'm sure it must have been at some stage) but couldn't find it through the thread search.
I was at my gym this morning and there was an incredibly attractive woman there who I didn't find in the least bit sexy. I find this happens pretty regularly. I found it difficult not to take my eyes off the woman, but it was more like looking at a great painting. On the other hand there were a couple of "plain" women in the gym who just oozed sex appeal.
Obviously this differs between men and women and between person to person, but I'm curious as to what others find makes someone sexy?
Is it the way they move? is it confidence? is it shyness? is it brashness? is it subtle body language? is it what they wear? is it how they wear what they wear? I'm sure all of these plus countless others go into the pot, but as I'm in a contemplative and observing mood I'm curious to see if there's a consensus.
And can we make ourselves more sexy by being conscious of how we act or wear, or is that when it all goes horribly wrong and end up looking like an idiot because it's too obvious!? :taz:
Finally, am I alone in finding someone physically attractive but not sexy?
:!:
Maybe without really thinking about it...you thought that the attractive woman was out of your league...but not with the "plain" women.
Quote by Mr-Powers
Maybe without really thinking about it...you thought that the attractive woman was out of your league...but not with the "plain" women.

You're probably right about that smile But I can find women sexy that I know I wouldn't have a chance with as well.
i do think sometimes you look at an extremely attractive women, and if she knows it and makes it obvious to that fact that it some what dulls the overall sexyness if that makes sense.
Quote by Ukwineman
i do think sometimes you look at an extremely attractive women, and if she knows it and makes it obvious to that fact that it some what dulls the overall sexyness if that makes sense.

That's true... trying too hard is a turn off for me. But this particular woman in the gym wasn't the preening type, she was just naturally very attractive looking, but no spark.
I think your being way to anylitical (spelling) for me. I found most women that I meet attractive in some way, sure there are a few that do nothing for me but that is life.
Sexy hmmmm harder to pin down. It's that X-factor (no not ITV karaoke programme), a whole basket of things.
Sorry I can't help and in truth I don't think it's too good to think about too much as this kind of thing can stiffle the moment.
For me attractiveness and sexiness are completely different things.
I see people every day where I think "Oooo she's very pretty" or "He's handsome" but although they are pleasing on the eye I don't find them in the slightest bit sexy.
Yet we would have all met people that didn't instantly stand out as attractive to us but they have something about them and ending seeming sexy as hell.
And of course there are those that are aesthetically pleasing and very sexy.... that's who I chase after!
Quote by Kiss
And of course there are those that are aesthetically pleasing and very sexy.... that's who I chase after!

Don't we all :!:
Personally i find sexiness comes from within, to be a sexy women is not about looks but the way she carries herself, its not about age, size, looks or colour its confidance, personally i can't look at men and find them sexy i'm either attracted to them or not and yes i am female if your wondering lol
For me attractiveness and sexiness are completely different things.
I see people every day where I think "Oooo she's very pretty" or "He's handsome" but although they are pleasing on the eye I don't find them in the slightest bit sexy.
Yet we would have all met people that didn't instantly stand out as attractive to us but they have something about them and ending seeming sexy as hell.
/quote]
I agree. For me, sexiness is in the way you carry yourself, or a knowing 'twinkle' in the eye. Being sexy doesn't always equal attractive and vice versa. For example, people rave about some film stars and how attractive they are - let's say Gwyneth Paltrow - but to me she may be attractive but she's not sexy. Now Angeline Jolie on the other hand.... attractive AND sexy!
Hope that makes sense... it did in my head!!
Noladreams30 redface xx
Sexiness is something that I specify in my profile as important for a meet.
Ummm to quantify it, I suppose it would be confidence.. the way that a person holds themselves. Someone who dresses in clothes that are the right size for them. An open and ready smile. ummm I am able to tell within about 30secs of meeting someone whether I would have sex with them.. cos they either have "it" or they don't.
If I am meeting people off here then I establish a likelihood of their sexiness from pictures and on cam.. and also by chatting at length by PM. But to be absolutely sure then I need to meet face to face.
It isn't an exact science and I think that it really is if that person has something that works for the observer.. I am sure that there are people that have "it" for me but surely don't for others.
my ramblings.. you are welcome to them.
splendid
I've just had my eyes tested. You wouldn't believe what was turning me on, before I changed my glasses. rolleyes
Quote by splendid_
Sexiness is something that I specify in my profile as important for a meet.
Ummm to quantify it, I suppose it would be confidence.. the way that a person holds themselves. Someone who dresses in clothes that are the right size for them. An open and ready smile. ummm I am able to tell within about 30secs of meeting someone whether I would have sex with them.. cos they either have "it" or they don't.
If I am meeting people off here then I establish a likelihood of their sexiness from pictures and on cam.. and also by chatting at length by PM. But to be absolutely sure then I need to meet face to face.
It isn't an exact science and I think that it really is if that person has something that works for the observer.. I am sure that there are people that have "it" for me but surely don't for others.
my ramblings.. you are welcome to them.
splendid

does this mean i stand the chance.......
of getting a shag wink
fil kiss :grin:
It is often not quantifiable for me. It's just that X factor. But when attractiveness and sexiness come together - wow I'm in there (after Kiss it seems!) wink
pink x
Del define attractive in your honest opinion, define plain, define sexy.... I bet each of your definitions would totally contrast or contradict someone elses on here.
I've been told I'm attractive. My hubby thinks I'm really pretty. I don't think I'm sexy... these are all interpretations of the people giving the compliments or the person receiving them.
For me I tend to be "attracted" to men with nice eyes, a man who makes me laugh, a man who makes me think or challenges my mind. I like a man with some meat on his bones and a nice butt wink but other people would not find this attractive.
OK I'm heading for another ramble, off for a coffee
Quote by blueandpink
It is often not quantifiable for me. It's just that X factor. But when attractiveness and sexiness come together - wow I'm in there (after Kiss it seems!) wink
pink x

Hey Pink, I seem to be following you round this morning ... :grin:
Quote by jaymar
Del define attractive in your honest opinion, define plain, define sexy.... I bet each of your definitions would totally contrast or contradict someone elses on here.

Okay here goes. My first attempt and I'm sure others will change and refine these wink
Definitions
Beautiful - A predefined ideal, symmetry of features, height weight etc.
Attracive - someone you are attracted to (sexualy??)
Sexy - see attractive.
Quote by jaymar
Del define attractive in your honest opinion, define plain, define sexy.... I bet each of your definitions would totally contrast or contradict someone elses on here.

I knew someone would ask me that! lol It is so difficult to put these into words, but I'll have a concise go.
Attractive = someone who I would find very interesting and pleasing on the eye, just as I would a good piece of art.
Plain = Someone who has no defining features that would make me want to take a long or a second look at.
Sexy = Someone, whether they are plain or otherwise, who has that je ne sais quoi and makes you think naughty thoughts.
And of course you're right, it is a very personal thing, and probably changes according to mood as well.
Quote by delsutton
Forgive me if this has been done before (as I'm sure it must have been at some stage) but couldn't find it through the thread search.
I was at my gym this morning and there was an incredibly attractive woman there who I didn't find in the least bit sexy. I find this happens pretty regularly. I found it difficult not to take my eyes off the woman, but it was more like looking at a great painting. On the other hand there were a couple of "plain" women in the gym who just oozed sex appeal.
Obviously this differs between men and women and between person to person, but I'm curious as to what others find makes someone sexy?
Is it the way they move? is it confidence? is it shyness? is it brashness? is it subtle body language? is it what they wear? is it how they wear what they wear? I'm sure all of these plus countless others go into the pot, but as I'm in a contemplative and observing mood I'm curious to see if there's a consensus.
And can we make ourselves more sexy by being conscious of how we act or wear, or is that when it all goes horribly wrong and end up looking like an idiot because it's too obvious!? :taz:
Finally, am I alone in finding someone physically attractive but not sexy?
:!:

The male mind works in crazy ways, If this said woman in the gym was wearing a lovely basque & stockings and kept looking over while licking her lips seductively would you have found her sexy? sometimes men tend to look at other things rather than the person themselves when making judgement.
Obviously that's impossible to tell for sure, but I'm not convinced I would have. But it does come back to the original question of what one finds sexy, and what someone is wearing is probably just part of the formula, if there indeed is one.
Quote by Kiss
For me attractiveness and sexiness are completely different things.
I see people every day where I think "Oooo she's very pretty" or "He's handsome" but although they are pleasing on the eye I don't find them in the slightest bit sexy.

I think your second paragraph says it more than the first.
If I find someone attractive then it's usually because I find 'em sexy. But I agree someone can be very pretty but not at all sexy.
I think the single most obvious determinant for me is what is in the woman's eyes. Physical prettiness is good but my first question is 'Am I going to enjoy being with this person?' That's what's sexy for me and the eyes will give me the first reliable pointer.
A woman can have what is considered to be a sexy walk and do nothing fer me.
Curiously enough, exchanging banter on here can, over a period, be as good, if not a better, indicator. No eyes involved there.
.
oh oh that mean i'm fit after all :shock:
Hello everyone, this is my first post but this topic sparked my interest! I love reading about psychology and social interaction and especially love people watching (who doesn't!).
If you read this link about flirting you may find out why you find some people more attractive than others. It is quite a long article, but very very interesting.

To the person who wrote the original post, maybe you thought she was nice to look at but because there was no "two-way" thing going on there you just didn't find her sexy. The article explains that when a person shows us that they are interested in us after the cues we've given them, our estimation of them increases dramatically. Therefore, had she responded to your visual cues, you may not have been writing this thread.
anyway, enjoy the article
Quote by delsutton
Forgive me if this has been done before (as I'm sure it must have been at some stage) but couldn't find it through the thread search.
I was at my gym this morning and there was an incredibly attractive woman there who I didn't find in the least bit sexy. I find this happens pretty regularly. I found it difficult not to take my eyes off the woman, but it was more like looking at a great painting. On the other hand there were a couple of "plain" women in the gym who just oozed sex appeal.
Obviously this differs between men and women and between person to person, but I'm curious as to what others find makes someone sexy?
Is it the way they move? is it confidence? is it shyness? is it brashness? is it subtle body language? is it what they wear? is it how they wear what they wear? I'm sure all of these plus countless others go into the pot, but as I'm in a contemplative and observing mood I'm curious to see if there's a consensus.
And can we make ourselves more sexy by being conscious of how we act or wear, or is that when it all goes horribly wrong and end up looking like an idiot because it's too obvious!? :taz:
Finally, am I alone in finding someone physically attractive but not sexy?
:!:

:shock:
Oy, I was going to post this :shock:
:taz: HELP HELP, police :taz:
duel cmere ya bugger
:lol2:
Seriously though, I have been giving this question a lot of thought over the last couple of years and I still cant honestly say I can pin it down. dunno
Some have said eyes, and in some way I have to agree, nothing gets John Thomas tingling quicker than a sudden, across the room sultry look, but its not that.
Some have said clothing, looks, carriage etc. and again they all work to an extent, but its not those either.
I have done extensive experiments (usually in supermarkets and town centre car parks) where I will sit and just watch the world go by whilst waiting for the significant other to hurry the hell up.
There is a certain kind of woman that instantly arouses me, its not the eyes, the figure, the looks, the clothing, but I can spot her in a crowd at 100 yards, ask me though exactly what it is I spotted and I am none the wiser now than I was when I first noticed the phenomenon. These women have all been different in size, shape, age, hairstyles, movement, dress ………………… but there is just a certain something that exudes a kind of sexy, raunchy, something that instantly makes me go sillyhwoar:
So having helped you not one iota, I’ll get back to the housework rolleyes
Tell you something though, if you could bottle it you’d make a fortune lol
Quote by Worthingtons
Hello everyone, this is my first post but this topic sparked my interest! I love reading about psychology and social interaction and especially love people watching (who doesn't!).
If you read this link about flirting you may find out why you find some people more attractive than others. It is quite a long article, but very very interesting.

To the person who wrote the original post, maybe you thought she was nice to look at but because there was no "two-way" thing going on there you just didn't find her sexy. The article explains that when a person shows us that they are interested in us after the cues we've given them, our estimation of them increases dramatically. Therefore, had she responded to your visual cues, you may not have been writing this thread.
anyway, enjoy the article

I really enjoyed reading the article! I like the *flirting with intent* must try that wink
Normally I dont even realise when Im flirting... so when I get an unexpected reaction to it Im a little taken back by it. As the *idea* hasnt even entered my head! Im a tad clueless at times confused :?
Oh and hiya, welcome to the forums... smile
xanaisx
You could be the sexiest woman on the planet, but if you're bigoted, selfish, heartless and so self absorbed I wouldn't think anything of you.
Pete_sw wrote
So having helped you not one iota, I’ll get back to the housework rolleyes

Pete, would love to see you in an apron doing your housework - preferably with nothing on underneath! :shock: wink
Quote by jaymar
Pete_sw wrote
So having helped you not one iota, I’ll get back to the housework rolleyes

Pete, would love to see you in an apron doing your housework - preferably with nothing on underneath! :shock: wink
oooooer :shock:
anything could be arranged for you Peachy Bum :wink:
:bounce:
now, where do I find an Apron at short notice........ hmmmmm
Quote by Pete_sw
now, where do I find an Apron at short notice........ hmmmmm

You called for the Creativity Dept?! wink
I'm a dab hand at making aprons at short notice! :rascal:
Although, I may need my assistant... watch this space! lol