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WORST JOKE
There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him, "That was a karate chop from China."
The little guy got up and decided he wasn't going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and he's on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender , "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!"
The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him, "That was a karate chop from China."
The little guy got up and decided he wasn't going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and he's on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender , "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!"
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
An insect falls into a mug of beer...
English Man: Throws his mug of bear on the floor and walks out.
American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks tbe beer.
Chinese Man: Eats the insect and throws the beer.
Indian Man: Sells the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the Englishman and buys himself a new mug of beer.
Pakistani Man: Accuses the Indian of throwing the insect into his mug, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and takes a loan to buy another mug of beer.
English Man: Throws his mug of bear on the floor and walks out.
American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks tbe beer.
Chinese Man: Eats the insect and throws the beer.
Indian Man: Sells the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the Englishman and buys himself a new mug of beer.
Pakistani Man: Accuses the Indian of throwing the insect into his mug, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and takes a loan to buy another mug of beer.
A nice young man wanted to purchase a Christmas gift for his new sweetheart. As they had not been dating very long, after some careful consideration, he decided that a pair of elegant winter gloves would strike just the right note - romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to a
fine department store and chose a pair of lovely white fur-lined gloves. The sister did her own shopping, buying a pair of panties for herself.
While the clerk was wrapping the items, she got the boxes mixed up, and gave the gloves to the sister and gift-wrapped the panties for the young man.
The young man sealed the package without noticing and sent it to his sweetheart, who opened it on Christmas to find his enclosed note:
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she demonstrated the short ones she wears that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from Showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked very sharp.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming
year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love.
P.S... The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to a
fine department store and chose a pair of lovely white fur-lined gloves. The sister did her own shopping, buying a pair of panties for herself.
While the clerk was wrapping the items, she got the boxes mixed up, and gave the gloves to the sister and gift-wrapped the panties for the young man.
The young man sealed the package without noticing and sent it to his sweetheart, who opened it on Christmas to find his enclosed note:
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she demonstrated the short ones she wears that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from Showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked very sharp.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming
year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love.
P.S... The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
:rotflmao:Quote by lil_miz_naughty_0204
P.S... The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
Clearly Lil Miz, you have misunderstood the purpose of this thread. The jokes are supposed to be absolute sh*te, but that one is brilliant. Duh, & she's got over 600 posts. Tsk, tsk :shock:
Brilliant joke, which will be passed on to others!!
two tramps walking down the street see a dead dog first tramp says to second tramp want some second tramp says no thanks first tramp eats it all up they carry on walking about an hour later the first tramp throws up the second tramp eats it all up the first tramp says thought you didnt want none second tramp says i like my food warm first 
Warming the Bed
Horse walks into a bar and the bar man says " Why the long face?"
Warming the Bed
A white horse walks into a bar and the barman says "I've got a drink named after you."
The horse says "What, Eric???"
The horse says "What, Eric???"
Sex God
Irish woodworm found dead in a brick !
Sex God
Two cows in a field. One says 'Moooooooo'. The other one says 'You Bastard! I was gonna say that!'
Casanova
Old guy walking doon Kircaldy Main Street with a wheelbarra full of fannies,
when he meets a posh wifey,
" All Right doll, do you want your hole?" asks the old man
"Certainly not" says the posh burd with disgust
"Well stick it in the barra then"
when he meets a posh wifey,
" All Right doll, do you want your hole?" asks the old man
"Certainly not" says the posh burd with disgust
"Well stick it in the barra then"
q; whats a broken washing machine and a blonde got in commom
a; they both drip when there f****d
sorry to all the blondes inc myself lol
q; whats the difference between a mosquito and a blonde
a; the mosquito stops suckin when you slap it
q; whats the difference between a shopping trolley and a blonde
a; the shopping trolley has a mind of its own
a; they both drip when there f****d
sorry to all the blondes inc myself lol
q; whats the difference between a mosquito and a blonde
a; the mosquito stops suckin when you slap it
q; whats the difference between a shopping trolley and a blonde
a; the shopping trolley has a mind of its own
