Good evening everyone,
This is a fairly personal post but having been here for some time feel it is OK to post this.
I have for the past 13 years of my life suffered from short periods of depression. I can go 3 or 4 yeaars without it and then bang up it comes again. Recurring for all sorts of strange reasons, never seems to be a particular thing which can be tackled. I have unfortunately got a predisposition for it as we have a fairly long history of it in the family. So genes play a part as well as just life events.
My last long-lasting relationship ended last year and it was by total chance with a lady who suffered from the same problem. We were together for 4 1/2 years and had an awful lot of good times but there were some tough times as well.
My question to you all is that if you were aware of depression being a factor in a potential relationship (long-term) would this put you off committing to someone as I would one day like a child and fear that this would discourage a potential partner.
By the way I am feeling great at the moment after battling with another short-lived episode, but the thought that it will return is always there, so have to manage that as best I can.
Your thoughts are very much appreciated.
andyjohnny
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Would this badly affect your relationship
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Sex God
Dont let it put you off from entering another relationship. Most people from time to time suffer from mild to severe depression, so if that person is a decent person and worthy of your time and efforts, im sure they will understand and be a support for you, and vice versa.
You cant live your life looking behind you, dont let past events colour your future for you, onwards and upwards and all that. You dont know what the future holds, and the next person you meet may be the one to help you banish your problems forever.
If you can, try and find your 'triggers' for your depression and avoid those situations/events etc. Focus on the good and the future, think positive and tell yourself you can do it, boost your own self-esteem and be your own best friend and and you will feel better in the long run.
OMG, looking back at this I think ive read too many "Boost your Self Esteem " books huh
Hope you find what your looking for hun!
You cant live your life looking behind you, dont let past events colour your future for you, onwards and upwards and all that. You dont know what the future holds, and the next person you meet may be the one to help you banish your problems forever.
If you can, try and find your 'triggers' for your depression and avoid those situations/events etc. Focus on the good and the future, think positive and tell yourself you can do it, boost your own self-esteem and be your own best friend and and you will feel better in the long run.
OMG, looking back at this I think ive read too many "Boost your Self Esteem " books huh
Hope you find what your looking for hun!
I would imagine it would be quite offputting to most people, you should think of it as odd if they wern't offput by this. You must go through alot of very tough times in life due to this, and would think that it would play a major role in a relationship that you would hold with someone. Probably end up making or breaking your future relationships. But ask yourself. If someone you loved wasn't willing to stick with you through that rough time and lead you through it, would they really be worth it themselfs? As in the previous post, if they really and truely care for you they'd be there. Hell, it could help you determine any future mistakes you could make by marrying (gawd, cursed word) someone who hadn't got such feelings.
Hell, what on earth do i know? I'm only of a young age Just slap me upside the head and listen to the previous words of advice. Good luck though ay mate
Hell, what on earth do i know? I'm only of a young age
Just slap me upside the head and listen to the previous words of advice. Good luck though ay mate hi,
personally i wouldnt have a issue with this , however i would be a bit daunted if on a first date this all came bulrted out.
it all sounds a bit pessamistic( sorry for the spelling) to be certain that it WILL happen again. It sounds like you have situational depressive episodes which we can all be prone to.
I think the key is to learn some coping skills to recognise the signs and have a strategy in place , find a alternative avenue to deal with it, ie , music, art, yoga.
good luck, xxxxxxxxxfemxxxxxxxxx
personally i wouldnt have a issue with this , however i would be a bit daunted if on a first date this all came bulrted out.
it all sounds a bit pessamistic( sorry for the spelling) to be certain that it WILL happen again. It sounds like you have situational depressive episodes which we can all be prone to.
I think the key is to learn some coping skills to recognise the signs and have a strategy in place , find a alternative avenue to deal with it, ie , music, art, yoga.
good luck, xxxxxxxxxfemxxxxxxxxx
i suffered from depression for many many years and tho i still feel down from time to time i'm not to bad now lol personally i would not recomend having a child if u are feeling depressed as the lack of sleep will only make u feel worse, and i used 2 find myself getting very short with the kids which is not fair on them and leaving my hubbie to deal with them which was not fair on him, i think it would put many people off going into a relationship, my hubby has been on the edge with me many times and i believe its only cause he already loved me and understood what i had been thro and why i felt the way i did he has stayed, i think if u meet somebody new it would be easy to push them away b4 u get close enough for them to want to help u thro it, i know theres no right and wrong and we all feel different but thats just what i believe from my experiences 
I was with a manic-depressive for nine years. Did it affect the relationship, well of course. Was it bad enough that it was a pain in the ass, no.... just had to have a bit of patience, understanding, love and loads of humor helped too. I was there during the suicide episodes, the crying episodes and best of all the ultimate highs and laughing episodes. I lost three jobs because I felt that my place was by her side when she was hospitalized.
Would I do it again, you betcha. Not saying that it did not have an effect on me but I feel love conquers all problems.
Even the age difference that we had (25yrs) - I was confortable with it she wasnt, but eventually she came round and all was good.
Just wish my career did not take me 1200 miles away then, she decided to stay close to her daughters while I moved away, but even today we keep in touch. Even so much so that I fly back to the US once a year to have one or two weeks with her.
As to putting me off, no way but I also am very much aware of the risks. Also should say that I knew before going into the relationship with her that she was manic and I still stood my ground.
Would I do it again, you betcha. Not saying that it did not have an effect on me but I feel love conquers all problems.
Even the age difference that we had (25yrs) - I was confortable with it she wasnt, but eventually she came round and all was good.
Just wish my career did not take me 1200 miles away then, she decided to stay close to her daughters while I moved away, but even today we keep in touch. Even so much so that I fly back to the US once a year to have one or two weeks with her.
As to putting me off, no way but I also am very much aware of the risks. Also should say that I knew before going into the relationship with her that she was manic and I still stood my ground.
Interesting replies looks as if quite likely to affect relationship, but there are many people who are not put off at all. They just see it as part of the package, something to deal with and move on. Really encouraged to hear these thoughts and there is quite likely to be others with really useful advice so feel free to post.
Great site this - thanks everyone
andyjohnny
Great site this - thanks everyone
andyjohnny
Sexpert
Andyjohnny,
Oh my god this post came at exactly the right time.. Thankyou so much for expressing your thoughts and everyone else for the encouragement. I have never suffered severe depression or repeated bouts of it, but I have recently met (non-SH) a lovely girl who I get on with really well and see us at least being great friends long term if not more.
She also suffers the same thing - noone has yet managed to find a cause in about ~15yrs (from what she's said). We haven't been seeing each other for very long at all but I already get along with her so well and feel happy to talk to her about stuff that very very few other friends in my life know about. All this after only a few dates (ok, and many late nite MSN sessions). Obviously we're still getting to know each other this early on. She's not interested in a long term relationship at the moment, I think partly because of the depression, or just calming down her life after a period of wild exploration, that she wants to get to know herself a bit better, and I'd rather have the friendship than ruin anything, but I am also really attracted to her and her personality and I've had some really hard decisions to try and make. I don't know if I can really have an answer I'm happy with just yet but I don't want to ruin what we have as friends, or what it could grow into. It's kind of knocked me for 6 in some ways.
I partly feel I haven't got enough experience with relationships to know how I would be with some of the directions it could go. I don't know how bad it has been for her or how bad it is likely to get, as far as I know she's never tried to commit suicide. I don't want to go into it naively and she's not (oh no! no way!) secretive or closed-minded about it, but I am a bit apprehensive.
But I agree with other posts here - love conquers all and their undelying personality is the most important part, if you are in love with that and can be there to provide support and help when needed then what more is there to ask yourself?
Thanks for the comments peeps.
Oh my god if she ever finds this site/this post (not that she doesn't know this about me anyway)... Just in case: hi, please tell me if you've just read this!
Oh my god this post came at exactly the right time.. Thankyou so much for expressing your thoughts and everyone else for the encouragement. I have never suffered severe depression or repeated bouts of it, but I have recently met (non-SH) a lovely girl who I get on with really well and see us at least being great friends long term if not more.
She also suffers the same thing - noone has yet managed to find a cause in about ~15yrs (from what she's said). We haven't been seeing each other for very long at all but I already get along with her so well and feel happy to talk to her about stuff that very very few other friends in my life know about. All this after only a few dates (ok, and many late nite MSN sessions). Obviously we're still getting to know each other this early on. She's not interested in a long term relationship at the moment, I think partly because of the depression, or just calming down her life after a period of wild exploration, that she wants to get to know herself a bit better, and I'd rather have the friendship than ruin anything, but I am also really attracted to her and her personality and I've had some really hard decisions to try and make. I don't know if I can really have an answer I'm happy with just yet but I don't want to ruin what we have as friends, or what it could grow into. It's kind of knocked me for 6 in some ways.
I partly feel I haven't got enough experience with relationships to know how I would be with some of the directions it could go. I don't know how bad it has been for her or how bad it is likely to get, as far as I know she's never tried to commit suicide. I don't want to go into it naively and she's not (oh no! no way!) secretive or closed-minded about it, but I am a bit apprehensive.
But I agree with other posts here - love conquers all and their undelying personality is the most important part, if you are in love with that and can be there to provide support and help when needed then what more is there to ask yourself?
Thanks for the comments peeps.
Oh my god if she ever finds this site/this post (not that she doesn't know this about me anyway)... Just in case: hi, please tell me if you've just read this!
Quote by andyjohnny
Interesting replies looks as if quite likely to affect relationship, but there are many people who are not put off at all. They just see it as part of the package, something to deal with and move on. Really encouraged to hear these thoughts and there is quite likely to be others with really useful advice so feel free to post.
Great site this - thanks everyone
andyjohnny
I think if your already in a relationship and ur partners get depressed most will stand by you and help u thro it because there is love already there and they know the real person inside, but be honest how many of us would get into a relationship, (keeping in mind when a relationship is new u wont love this person yet or even know them that well) knowing they suffer from depression if u understand what depression really is, i think most see depression as someone who mopes around and crys a lot but is far deeper than that, there may be months where the person never even leaves the house, lots may self harm, be moody/violant, how many would really go into a new relationship knowing that? i think not many
Sex God
Just wanted to make a point that having kids could make things worse or at least a lot harder. Yes there are going to be some fantastic times and memories of raising your children, but you definately need to go in with eyes wide open.
I never suffered from any kind of depression until i had my first child. Started off okay until i suffered morning sickness, morning noon and night for 9 months, whilst working in a BAD job where i was desperately unhappy, then ended up with pre-eclampsia, so by the time i had my daughter i was a wreck! lol. Then came the colic, lack of sleep, no other support other than each other so no time for ourselves at all, leaving work which was a blow to my self esteem to be honest, not eating or drinking properly etc etc etc get the picture?? So no wonder i ended up with post natal depression!
Dont want to put you off here, but as the saying goes, forewarned is forearmed! After all ive come through the other side now (apart from the odd day here and there), now have two kids, and loving home and im reasonably sane, mad as a box of frogs, but sane!
I never suffered from any kind of depression until i had my first child. Started off okay until i suffered morning sickness, morning noon and night for 9 months, whilst working in a BAD job where i was desperately unhappy, then ended up with pre-eclampsia, so by the time i had my daughter i was a wreck! lol. Then came the colic, lack of sleep, no other support other than each other so no time for ourselves at all, leaving work which was a blow to my self esteem to be honest, not eating or drinking properly etc etc etc get the picture?? So no wonder i ended up with post natal depression!
Dont want to put you off here, but as the saying goes, forewarned is forearmed! After all ive come through the other side now (apart from the odd day here and there), now have two kids, and loving home and im reasonably sane, mad as a box of frogs, but sane!
