Sorry it’s a bit of an epic to read.
My Daughter is at first year at secondary school, and has for the past couple of months had problems with the friends she choose from the beginning, she has come to realise that they are not the type of people that she wants to be around.
She has tried to break away but then rumours have developed and other children have become involved taunting her but as yet no actual physical connection, which she fears. But I know mental cruelty is sometimes worse as you can’t see the signs.
I had a meeting with the school as it is making my daughters life really unhappy, I can not fault the school in the way they are dealing with it. The school I believe have tackled it in a way that when this happened to me at school I would have had confidence in and trust that it would be sorted out.
As in my day nobody listened until things spiralled into physical attacks.
My dilemma is I believe the school understands my daughter and doing their best by her needs and is taking this matter seriously. What I am having trouble with is making my daughter understand and accept that they are. In her mind she wants to change schools and have a fresh start to not make the same mistakes twice, I believe we need to stand up to bullies and let them know it isn’t to be tolerated in our society.
I would like my daughter to stay and fight this, am I asking too much of a 12 year old?
You can’t always keep running as you face this in all walks of life, not just at school
I also believe to move schools she could jump out of the frying pan into the fire.
I would love her to stay at the school she is at, as I have their full support and so does she, but I also want my daughter to be happy at school and not let others make her so miserable.
When it happened to me I begged my mum to move my school, I don’t want to make the same mistake my mum, who thought at the time the school was dealing with it.
I ended up hating school and never looking back after I left. But then I never felt I had the support at school as she has.
But I have learnt on my own over time never to run and I want her to learn this lesson now.
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Would you change schools?
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Sex God
Quote by Theladyisaminx
I also believe to move schools she could jump out of the frying pan into the fire.
Exactly......There's nothing to say it wont happen again at a different school....
In fact it most likely will......Kids can be really cruel....
Try and get her to understand the school are trying to help her.....
Ask the school to speak to her to explain their methods....
Hope its sorted soon....
if its actually getting to her then i disagree
bullying and taughting isnt the best for school kids
not all schools do anything about bullying untill it has gone too far even if they say it is ? your daughter about what is going on at school and ask her what the teachers/school did to those pupils as also being a grass sort of stance can make things worse for her
but if its getting to the stage its affecting her school work then no move her out but as the later states you can be moving her into a frying pan but only a move would distingwish this she may be better off or it could be just the same
bullying and taughting isnt the best for school kids
not all schools do anything about bullying untill it has gone too far even if they say it is ? your daughter about what is going on at school and ask her what the teachers/school did to those pupils as also being a grass sort of stance can make things worse for her
but if its getting to the stage its affecting her school work then no move her out but as the later states you can be moving her into a frying pan but only a move would distingwish this she may be better off or it could be just the same
My youngest went through years of bullying from junior to high school. The taunts, jibes and general nastiness thrown at him for years really made him depressed at times and his school work did suffer as a result. I asked him several times if he wanted to change schools but as there are only 2 welsh speaking high schools in Cardiff, that was a bit difficult.
However, he stayed and stuck at it. As the taunts were about his sexuality, the moment he 'came out' things improved. Yes, he DID go through further shit ( kids can be pure evil when they set their minds to it
) he gradually learnt to stand up to them. He found some good friends online who also went through the same sort of crap and got some tips from them in how to deal with it all. He did get support from a select few teachers who took an interest and they did help. It made him feel as though he wasn't alone and someone was there to talk to if needed.
With that support and encouragement, he squared up to the bullies and blinded them with his natural wit, a bit of sarcasm and quite a few choice long words which the thickos couldn't understand. He basically took away their ammunition. They lost interest and the bullying stopped. The past few years have seen him evolve from a shrinking, quiet and timid loner to a confident, outgoing, funny and, more to the point, popular young man.
Good on you for getting the school involved and it's nice to see he's getting support from them. It shows someone actually DOES give a crap!
Good luck hunni. It's never an easy thing to tackle but hopefully you'll both find the solution
However, he stayed and stuck at it. As the taunts were about his sexuality, the moment he 'came out' things improved. Yes, he DID go through further shit ( kids can be pure evil when they set their minds to it
) he gradually learnt to stand up to them. He found some good friends online who also went through the same sort of crap and got some tips from them in how to deal with it all. He did get support from a select few teachers who took an interest and they did help. It made him feel as though he wasn't alone and someone was there to talk to if needed.With that support and encouragement, he squared up to the bullies and blinded them with his natural wit, a bit of sarcasm and quite a few choice long words which the thickos couldn't understand. He basically took away their ammunition. They lost interest and the bullying stopped. The past few years have seen him evolve from a shrinking, quiet and timid loner to a confident, outgoing, funny and, more to the point, popular young man.
Good on you for getting the school involved and it's nice to see he's getting support from them. It shows someone actually DOES give a crap!
Good luck hunni. It's never an easy thing to tackle but hopefully you'll both find the solution
Minxy- can I just suggest that you spoke a lot about what you want for your daughter and what your lessons were in life.
I would argue that this is her life and her lessons to learn.
If you have explored everything else with her then her choice is to move.... then support her in doing that. She sounds miserable and unhappy and I know this is harsh but that sounds like a rubbish lesson.
I would argue that this is her life and her lessons to learn.
If you have explored everything else with her then her choice is to move.... then support her in doing that. She sounds miserable and unhappy and I know this is harsh but that sounds like a rubbish lesson.
i cant imagine what it must be like to have to spend so much of your day in an enviroment that you felt uncomfortable,even threatened in, especially as a child.
can she enroll in some clubs at school that she might like, that way find a new set of friends?
is there a school buddy mentoring scheeme?
on a reputable on line one?
give her childlines tel number, there may be stuff and emotions she feels she cant say to you as she doenst want to upset you?
learning a martial art can always help with confidence, im not saying use violence, and i hope it never comes to that, but knowing you could if you needed to might give her some peace of mind, and exercise is great for mental peace of mind and calm.
i woud say get a action plan simmiler to above, get a time line, and if by this date she still really wants to change schools then i would start looking into it and let her look at their prospectus etc.
i hope it all turns out ok.
even if teh other school isnt so good academically happy childhood memories are more important to the longivity of a happy person.
xxx fem xxx
can she enroll in some clubs at school that she might like, that way find a new set of friends?
is there a school buddy mentoring scheeme?
on a reputable on line one?
give her childlines tel number, there may be stuff and emotions she feels she cant say to you as she doenst want to upset you?
learning a martial art can always help with confidence, im not saying use violence, and i hope it never comes to that, but knowing you could if you needed to might give her some peace of mind, and exercise is great for mental peace of mind and calm.
i woud say get a action plan simmiler to above, get a time line, and if by this date she still really wants to change schools then i would start looking into it and let her look at their prospectus etc.
i hope it all turns out ok.
even if teh other school isnt so good academically happy childhood memories are more important to the longivity of a happy person.
xxx fem xxx
Sex God
It is very hard on a child to start a new school out of synch with the other children. I did it with my son and I really wish we hadn't had to.
If you do decide to move her - it might be best to do it over this summer hols, or next. But not in between. I've just checked with my son (general terms on how he felt) and he said absolutely - he hated arriving in a class where everyone had already settled in together.
Maybe knowing she could/would move next summer would allow her to settle this next year and sort herself out. She may even find she doesn't need to move.
I know getting involved in sport, specifically Judo, out of school gave my son buckets of new confidence and allowed him to handle the pressures of school (bullies etc) far better.
<<hugs>> I know how hard it is to work this sort of thing through. I NEVER felt certain that what I was doing for my son was the right thing. He's 21 and really well balanced with a firm core of friends now.
If you do decide to move her - it might be best to do it over this summer hols, or next. But not in between. I've just checked with my son (general terms on how he felt) and he said absolutely - he hated arriving in a class where everyone had already settled in together.
Maybe knowing she could/would move next summer would allow her to settle this next year and sort herself out. She may even find she doesn't need to move.
I know getting involved in sport, specifically Judo, out of school gave my son buckets of new confidence and allowed him to handle the pressures of school (bullies etc) far better.
<<hugs>> I know how hard it is to work this sort of thing through. I NEVER felt certain that what I was doing for my son was the right thing. He's 21 and really well balanced with a firm core of friends now.
Sex God
Her life her choice. Let her get the f*ck out of there if theres an option.
I tend to agree with Splendid when she says that its a crap lesson being miserable. Of course it is and at her age why should she possibly exacerbate the situation by standing up to the bullies if the problem can be diminished less problematically for her by trying the move. OK so it might not work but at least she tried using her choice not her moms.
Let her grow up safe and happier so that then, as an adult she can speak out against the bullies.
I'm empathising with you minx as I'm trying to get my 14 year old into another school at the moment because of bullying though the problem being is the other schools full and 10 miles away but a 3/4 hr bus journey either end of the day.
I tried doing the stand up to them stuff and though it makes me feel good to my daughter heres no improvement and who knows I might even be making it worse. There only so far you can go I think before you have to trust your daughters instincts and wishes and let her decide for herself with you supporting her.
I tend to agree with Splendid when she says that its a crap lesson being miserable. Of course it is and at her age why should she possibly exacerbate the situation by standing up to the bullies if the problem can be diminished less problematically for her by trying the move. OK so it might not work but at least she tried using her choice not her moms.
Let her grow up safe and happier so that then, as an adult she can speak out against the bullies.
I'm empathising with you minx as I'm trying to get my 14 year old into another school at the moment because of bullying though the problem being is the other schools full and 10 miles away but a 3/4 hr bus journey either end of the day.
I tried doing the stand up to them stuff and though it makes me feel good to my daughter heres no improvement and who knows I might even be making it worse. There only so far you can go I think before you have to trust your daughters instincts and wishes and let her decide for herself with you supporting her.
Sex God
Move her Minxy if that is what she really wants. She needs to see that she has YOUR full support and by doing that you will prove to her that she has.
If there is another school that can do the job just as well then I would say do it.
Hope she gets it sorted asap.
Love
Fire xxx
If there is another school that can do the job just as well then I would say do it.
Hope she gets it sorted asap.
Love
Fire xxx
My only thought would be if she moved to a new school many of these kids would have already made solid friendship groups, how would she feel about fitting it, maybe she wouldnt pick the right group in this new school - would she want to move again ?
I totally agree if she is really distraught and the school arent doing anything but as we are so close to end of term can she not make the best of it for now ? Find some clubs in the summer for friends out side of school, build confidence maybe doing a self defence course (a girl I know took up thai boxing, she grew so much in confidence in weeks). Maybe over the summer things will settle down and she will find her way with a new set of school friends.
Remmember it has been a tough yr moving to secondary school, moving again although it is what she thinks she wants now will be stressful .... kids at new school will ask why she moved, they will have there own friends etc.
All the best with your decision
I totally agree if she is really distraught and the school arent doing anything but as we are so close to end of term can she not make the best of it for now ? Find some clubs in the summer for friends out side of school, build confidence maybe doing a self defence course (a girl I know took up thai boxing, she grew so much in confidence in weeks). Maybe over the summer things will settle down and she will find her way with a new set of school friends.
Remmember it has been a tough yr moving to secondary school, moving again although it is what she thinks she wants now will be stressful .... kids at new school will ask why she moved, they will have there own friends etc.
All the best with your decision
I would not let her move unless every avenue had been explored.
Make some big noises...get the school to invite the other kids parents in. There has to be a solution other than her moving schools?
If there is not and every road has been riden, then and only then look to move her to another school.
There are bullies in every school and there is nothing to say it will not happen again. If you just give in and let her move what happens the next time she is unhappy or gets picked on? For surely it will happen again at another school.
The school have to be seen to be doing everything in their power to stop this, and usually bringing in the parents of the other kids, can put a stop to it.
Do not pull her out unless that is the only option left.
Make some big noises...get the school to invite the other kids parents in. There has to be a solution other than her moving schools?
If there is not and every road has been riden, then and only then look to move her to another school.
There are bullies in every school and there is nothing to say it will not happen again. If you just give in and let her move what happens the next time she is unhappy or gets picked on? For surely it will happen again at another school.
The school have to be seen to be doing everything in their power to stop this, and usually bringing in the parents of the other kids, can put a stop to it.
Do not pull her out unless that is the only option left.
Sex God
Quote by __random_orbit__
I would change schools regularly into open commom land... daisy-pasture and small spinneys for the squirrels
lp
Swap your small spinny for a copse and raise you a glade for the romantic pleasure it affords
Sex God
Quote by __random_orbit__
I would change schools regularly into open commom land... daisy-pasture and small spinneys for the squirrels
lp
Swap your small spinny for a copse and raise you a glade for the romantic pleasure it affordsleafy glade?
lp
Really leafy with a babbling brook running through in which little mirrored fish dart playfully under the noses of Lambs quenching their early morning thirst before carrying on with their playfully gambols
Sex God
Quote by Lost
I would change schools regularly into open commom land... daisy-pasture and small spinneys for the squirrels
lp
Swap your small spinny for a copse and raise you a glade for the romantic pleasure it affordsleafy glade?
lp
Really leafy with a babbling brook running through in which little mirrored fish dart playfully under the noses of Lambs quenching their early morning thirst before carrying on with their playfully gambols
It needs a huge weeping willow, idly trailing its stems in the water. Right - - - - - there!
Sex God
Quote by foxylady2209
I would change schools regularly into open commom land... daisy-pasture and small spinneys for the squirrels
lp
Swap your small spinny for a copse and raise you a glade for the romantic pleasure it affordsleafy glade?
lp
Really leafy with a babbling brook running through in which little mirrored fish dart playfully under the noses of Lambs quenching their early morning thirst before carrying on with their playfully gambols
It needs a huge weeping willow, idly trailing its stems in the water. Right - - - - - there!
Lost sighs, draws on his smoke long and hard. lays back rests his head closes his eyes and is instantly transported to a nicer place.....
It has a tepee in it too
Sex God
Quote by Lost
I would change schools regularly into open commom land... daisy-pasture and small spinneys for the squirrels
lp
Swap your small spinny for a copse and raise you a glade for the romantic pleasure it affordsleafy glade?
lp
Really leafy with a babbling brook running through in which little mirrored fish dart playfully under the noses of Lambs quenching their early morning thirst before carrying on with their playfully gambols
It needs a huge weeping willow, idly trailing its stems in the water. Right - - - - - there!
Lost sighs, draws on his smoke long and hard. lays back rests his head closes his eyes and is instantly transported to a nicer place.....
It has a tepee in it too
Foxy creeps through the long grass, covers Lost in Fire-extringuisher foam and legs it.
Sex God
I reckon we've hijacked this thread enough.
I'll start a new one for our glade. ^^^^^^^^^^
I'll start a new one for our glade. ^^^^^^^^^^
Sex God
Quote by __random_orbit__
i;ll get the developers in
lp
You would !! Hands off our glade.
