If what you have said about this guy being unfeasibly insightful is correct (and I have met people like this before) then it may be wise to broach the subject at an early point and as you said make your boundaries known in a sober atmosphere at least this way you are in control of the situation.
Anyway good luck.
Chris
May I make the suggestion you get loads of bondage gear in and a gimp outfit for your guest. I have also seen traps that you could attach to his back and let Vix ride about town in the gimp powered trap distributing "novelty toys" to the townsfolk.
Turn him into the prey rather than the preditor. :twisted:
If i were you in this situation i would just take things as they come. If you do not want it to adversely effect your friendship, keep it quiet and let him work it out in his own time. This way he would have no preconceptions upon arrival and if things happen because you want them to, then he will learn that as it happens....
I think it depends on whether you consider that your friendship would remain the same if you did anything with him. We all choose who we have sex with and if it is likely to spoil a good friendship we would generally steer clear of it. If he is as perceptive as you say then honesty is probably the best policy, if you and Vix decide that your friendship is more important with him, tell him so.
I'm reading into this that it's nothing to do with the who fancies whom bit, I'm reading that Reese has already been there, but you don't want the situation that I recall reading about some months ago when you had a guy from Holland stay over and he had expectations and Vix felt used/defiled when he left.
For that reason alone I would say give him no preconceptions, if something develops let it develop because Vix wants to, she is the most easily hurt in this instance. I know that Vix is usually more than capable of saying "Fuck off" usually, but I would consider a "Get me out of here!!!" phrase.
HTH
Chris
added missing w's, really should get a new keyboard!
For what it is worth ... my opinion is ... who knows what will happen?
I have told one or two friends who have thought it was great and nothing changed between us.
I have told another friend who I thought was open minded... but he turned into a medevil keeper of the moral-codes. Even after hours of discussion, trying to eliminate the myths and preconceptions... I still wanted to kill him (or at least twat him round the head with a peice of 2x2). I could not beleive I was hearing things like:
"Women in swinging clubs are a bit like prostitutes then, but you don't pay!"
"Yeah but it's not natural is it?"
"I bet its all the guys getting the action and the wives have to go along with it"
I eventually gave up. I gave up on trying to explain and gave up on the friendship.
Nobody here knows your friend as you do and even then it is still hard to predict how our friends will truly react and how things will turn out.
I appreciate that a lot of you say that it is up to me, but I don't see it that way. Trouble is, I'm just as much of a whore as the friend. Chances are, I'll get pissed and proposition him. Or worse, just jump on him.
I have never met this man. I have talked in the phone with him (can't understand a word he says) and seen him on webcam - nothing rude, just social. Oh, of course I have seen his penis. He got a cell phone with a camera and... well.. we've all done it, eh?
No. He is an old friend of R's, and thus I believe I should be on bestest behaviour and leave it all up to them. I am doing a Pontious here. I wash my hands of any decision. Chicken.
Thanks, all, for the thoughtful advice. I agree that it's probably best not to make a big deal out of it, and just see (and remain aware of and react to) what happens. The only way I could see it potentially spoiling the friendship would be if all weren't in total agreement; and, if that's the case, nothing should happen anyway.
Chris, you are indeed even more perceptive than my friend! You've captured my feelings and apprehensions of all counts, there. I do NOT ever want a repeat of what happened with our presumptuous visitor from Holland. And I fear, based upon my friends' past behaviour and things he's said - for example, repeatedly asking if my wife & I had an "open relationship" many years ago - that the potential of unreasonable expectations may be an issue.
Vix, you're the only one who can decide who you would and wouldn't have sex with. In that regard, it's entirely up to you. You should never leave that decision up to anyone else. If you come to the conclusion that you want to get physical with him, that's fine...but, if he comes over with the preconceived notion of sex, then I think there's a definite problem.
~Reese! :love:
I think that the mere fact that you're so concerned about it would be the very best reason to say nothing, do nothing and keep it a big secret. After all there are so many fish in the sea, and if it's a short visit, why risk mucking about with one friendship that has no sexual connotation and operates on another level for the sake of a few days.
I'm sure that everyone on this site lives their lives to some extent in compartments, I don't see that it does any harm provided the compartment you keep the secret in is not a restricted zone for your nearest and dearest.
Reese, Vix,
You may have just fly by the seat of your pants on this. See how you BOTH feel when he arrives. Perhaps arrange it so that you can talk between yourselves once the potential situaiton arises. If at the time, Vix says "yes please I want to do this" - then tell him - but state your boundaries clearly, and ask him as a friend to respect those.
If the visit passes without Vix wanting anything further - then he goes away no more aware than when he arrived.
Oh and Vix - sorry babe - but I disagree with you and agree with Reese. You DO have a say in this!
The most important this to remember is that your swinging lifestly is there to be enjoyed by both of you. If either one of you feels that the situation isn't right. Then is just isn't right.
I totally agree with the advice given here, very sound and sensible.
Vix, it is up to you and Reece jointly if you wish to play with this friend. I would meet him without telling him about the swinging thing at first and then see if you click with him as friends, otherwise it's not going to be good. Vix, you may meet him and not fancy him at all, then it IS your choice not to take things further. Plus you both have to weigh up the ramifications of whether the friendship will be spoiled for the sake of one encounter which doesn't work out.
Good luck with this one and hopefully things will run smoothly and whatever happens you will enjoy his visit xx
Of course he may already have seen your ad on SH so you may not have a problem / have a bigger problem depending on how you look at it!
and really dont fancy him 