There are probably threads which have already been written on this subject, and I did have a quick look through, but jeez there are hundreds of pages to go through!
After watching some of tonights Real Wife Swaps, I find it amazing that the couples on there are willing to talk on camera about their involvement in the swinging scene. Now before anyone pounces on me and tells me I shouldn't be ashamed of what we do, I'm not ashamed. But there is a difference between being comfortable in the lifestyle, and happily advertising it to the whole world.
Dave and I are absolutely paranoid about our privacy, I just couldn't face the thought of my mother knowing that we were into the scene, or our kids finding out, or the neighbours, or my boss!!!!
Are we being a bit too paranoid? Have the other couples on here told your families, or friends? And if so, how was the news received?
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Would you want people to know?
I must admit as someone who hasnt yet swung swang swinged (what is theterm) i found it a little puzzling. The couple with the family Christmas disclosure were the most interesting. I suppose they pick on the most vulnerable of the scene and perhaps they are sitting at home now thinking WTF did we do that for
At a party this summer at the home of a member of SH (who shall remain nameless !). a neighbour wandered in for a drink on his way home from the pub.
Without going into detail, he was quickly appraised of the fact that all the sexy, flirty people who were socialising in the downstairs area people were swingers. He was even introduced to the play area that had been set aside in a more discrete part of the house.
I think it's fair to say that though he looked pretty amazed, he took it all in good humour.
Our host was quite open about it all with the neighbour. Apparently the chap had been told that there would be a party in the house that night. However, he didn't find out it was a swingers party till he got there.
In an ideal world, I would love to be more open about swinging. Unfortunately, not everyone shares my value system and there is more than a wee bit of judgementalism and hypocrisy in the world.
People find it too easy to stereotype others and once a label has been attached they tend to see only one aspect of a charactrer to the exclusion of all other facets of that person. I fear that if some people discovered my swinging interests, they would put me in a box.
Yet there are as many "types" of swingers as there are people. Part of the fun of swinging for me is meeting a wide variety of people with all sorts of personalities from diverse social backgrounds and often being pleasantly surprised to find that we click in some way or we share more than a mere interest in swinging.
Alas, not everyone would understand this. And so I chose to protect my privacy.
Without going into detail, he was quickly appraised of the fact that all the sexy, flirty people who were socialising in the downstairs area people were swingers. He was even introduced to the play area that had been set aside in a more discrete part of the house.
I think it's fair to say that though he looked pretty amazed, he took it all in good humour.
Our host was quite open about it all with the neighbour. Apparently the chap had been told that there would be a party in the house that night. However, he didn't find out it was a swingers party till he got there.
In an ideal world, I would love to be more open about swinging. Unfortunately, not everyone shares my value system and there is more than a wee bit of judgementalism and hypocrisy in the world.
People find it too easy to stereotype others and once a label has been attached they tend to see only one aspect of a charactrer to the exclusion of all other facets of that person. I fear that if some people discovered my swinging interests, they would put me in a box.
Yet there are as many "types" of swingers as there are people. Part of the fun of swinging for me is meeting a wide variety of people with all sorts of personalities from diverse social backgrounds and often being pleasantly surprised to find that we click in some way or we share more than a mere interest in swinging.
Alas, not everyone would understand this. And so I chose to protect my privacy.
Are we being a bit too paranoid? Have the other couples on here told your families, or friends? And if so, how was the news received?
I have told a friend!........as i have a big mouth!... and she has got closer to me then ever! and has opened up loads to me about her probes with sex!...................... i can trust her not to tell others as she lives far away from me!.........but peeps that are close no way!..all snobs round here!......and that it could ruin are business!.......which makes me soooo angry!................................ because of the prudes we have living in this country!
So i can under stand you being paranoid!............. no way will i tell family!................... boy the thought! :twisted:
The only person I've told is my best and oldest friend (of 19 years) which was about 2 months ago and I haven't heard from her since.
Of all my friends, I thought she'd be the one to understand. We've been through thick and thin together and has never judged me on any of the choices I've made in life (many FAR more socially unacceptable than swinging).
I'm sad about that but what can you do?
I wouldn't tell anyone else. My mother's a Catholic ffs, and I have a young child to protect.
Of all my friends, I thought she'd be the one to understand. We've been through thick and thin together and has never judged me on any of the choices I've made in life (many FAR more socially unacceptable than swinging).
I'm sad about that but what can you do?
I wouldn't tell anyone else. My mother's a Catholic ffs, and I have a young child to protect.
We introduced my sister and her husband to swinging who were then indiscrete enough to let my parents know what we do, thankfully my parents are pretty open minded about it.
However I don't broadcast what we do because my husband has a business and living where we do it would soon get around, I am not ashamed of what we do but there are limits and i do value my privacy above anything else.
However I don't broadcast what we do because my husband has a business and living where we do it would soon get around, I am not ashamed of what we do but there are limits and i do value my privacy above anything else.
Quote by juliett49
There are probably threads which have already been written on this subject, and I did have a quick look through, but jeez there are hundreds of pages to go through!
After watching some of tonights Real Wife Swaps, I find it amazing that the couples on there are willing to talk on camera about their involvement in the swinging scene. Now before anyone pounces on me and tells me I shouldn't be ashamed of what we do, I'm not ashamed. But there is a difference between being comfortable in the lifestyle, and happily advertising it to the whole world.
Dave and I are absolutely paranoid about our privacy, I just couldn't face the thought of my mother knowing that we were into the scene, or our kids finding out, or the neighbours, or my boss!!!!
Are we being a bit too paranoid? Have the other couples on here told your families, or friends? And if so, how was the news received?
I agree with you and Dave, the swinging scene is private and confidential and I certainly wouldn't want my family and friends to Know, mind you I haven't had chance to do anything yet as I haven't had an offer only from bi men and being straight am not interested, it is a female I want not another male, still hoping though.
Orgasminator
I have no problems with people knowing I'm a swinger, infact I'd say the only person that knows me personally and doesnt explicitly know I'm a swinger is my mum.
Not because I'd not want her to know, but because I dont feel the need to tell her in the same way I wouldnt say to my mum that I was having sex (on the rare occasion I do, lol) I'm fairly sure she has a damn good idea, and she definatly knows about my BDSM side but thats because she knows I work at a BDSM club as resident photographer.
In conversations with people I tend to mention quite early on that I'm a swinger, my job does tend to lead nicely into mentioning it, because I cant be arsed to hide the fact and if I got into a relationship with someone then I'd not want the hassles of trying to find the best time to mention it... been there done that, lol.
Most people have always assumed I'm slightly mad, and I would hate to disprove that fact and I do so love the reaction when I tell people ;-)
Not because I'd not want her to know, but because I dont feel the need to tell her in the same way I wouldnt say to my mum that I was having sex (on the rare occasion I do, lol) I'm fairly sure she has a damn good idea, and she definatly knows about my BDSM side but thats because she knows I work at a BDSM club as resident photographer.
In conversations with people I tend to mention quite early on that I'm a swinger, my job does tend to lead nicely into mentioning it, because I cant be arsed to hide the fact and if I got into a relationship with someone then I'd not want the hassles of trying to find the best time to mention it... been there done that, lol.
Most people have always assumed I'm slightly mad, and I would hate to disprove that fact and I do so love the reaction when I tell people ;-)
ooh dear!.................... i have me knickers in a twist this morning!.................. and i am abit worried!
Got invited to a cpl house that is just up the road from here!........Just me ........Mr Debbs was working !...............we all had a few drinks and the conversion ended up talking about swinging!......................they brought it up first!............................... and we chatted loads about sex and the best vibs and fetishes!...................................... we all started flashing to each other.................and i must admit she use to be a model.............and so very good looking.....and so much like me!......... not so much the looks she is younger!.....................well he................... pressed up against me and boy!........................ what a big pen knife he has!.....................i got total turned on!............................. and they want me and Mr Debbs to have some fun with them!................................ i also let out about camming and she told me she does!
But now i feel OMG what have i said and done!......................................As they live so close!................................am i getting paranoid!.........what if they tell others!...we have so much more to lose then tham!.....................
Taking deep breaths here!...................ooooooooooooo shoot!.......bugger it what the hell!
now putting things in to perspective!........................its only a bit of sexual fun at the end of the day!................................................ now cannot wait to have a party with them!
Am i doing the right thing in getting involed here?........................and what probes should i be thinking that could acure.................... if we continue!
Love to ya
Debbs xxxxxxxxxxxxx :rose:
Got invited to a cpl house that is just up the road from here!........Just me ........Mr Debbs was working !...............we all had a few drinks and the conversion ended up talking about swinging!......................they brought it up first!............................... and we chatted loads about sex and the best vibs and fetishes!...................................... we all started flashing to each other.................and i must admit she use to be a model.............and so very good looking.....and so much like me!......... not so much the looks she is younger!.....................well he................... pressed up against me and boy!........................ what a big pen knife he has!.....................i got total turned on!............................. and they want me and Mr Debbs to have some fun with them!................................ i also let out about camming and she told me she does!
But now i feel OMG what have i said and done!......................................As they live so close!................................am i getting paranoid!.........what if they tell others!...we have so much more to lose then tham!.....................
Taking deep breaths here!...................ooooooooooooo shoot!.......bugger it what the hell!
now putting things in to perspective!........................its only a bit of sexual fun at the end of the day!................................................ now cannot wait to have a party with them!
Am i doing the right thing in getting involed here?........................and what probes should i be thinking that could acure.................... if we continue!
Love to ya
Debbs xxxxxxxxxxxxx :rose:
Just resurrected this converstion from a previous thread. I still work at the same place as my ex and I went to drop something off in her office one day:
The thread is here............ An awkward situation.
Apart from that the only other person I've told is a workmate and he lives way down South and has never met any of my family so no worries there.
Steve
Her: “I see you’ve got another girlfriend?â€
Me: “Have I?â€
Her: “I was at Lynne’s (her friend across the road) and saw the car parked outsideâ€
Me: Errrm “That was a friend’s carâ€
Her: “You’re having more luck than me, that’s the third new friend you’ve had recentlyâ€
Me: Errrm “They’re just the boyfriend situation?â€
Her: “There is no boyfriend……..where do you meet these friends?â€
Me: Errrm “On an internet siteâ€
Her: “What kind of internet site?â€
Me: “Just an internet siteâ€
Her: “What kind of internet site?â€
Me: Errrm “You know, an internet siteâ€
Her: “No I don’t know, what kind of site?â€
Me: “Ok, ok, a swingers siteâ€
Her: Errrm “Swingers?â€
Me: “I’ve made some good friends on thereâ€
Her: “And you think I want to do that?â€
Me: “I never said that, that would be up to youâ€
Her: “I don’t think so!â€
Me: “I never suggested that you didâ€
Her: *scowl
Me: “Give me your home e-mail addressâ€
Her: “Why?†*writing down e-mail address
Me: “I’ll send you an e-mailâ€
Her: “Why?â€
Me: “I’ll see you later†*picks up e-mail address and departs.
The thread is here............ An awkward situation.
Apart from that the only other person I've told is a workmate and he lives way down South and has never met any of my family so no worries there.
Steve
Quote by JudyTV
Hi Debbs,
Not really advice here just some observations and possible ways to make it all sit better with you.
I think you just have to go with your gut instinct. Someone said to me on Thursday that if it feels right inside yourself and you feel it is all OK then go for it and if your inner self says proceed with caution and hold back then perhaps it needs a rethink.
They are in the same position as you and probably wont want the world and his wife to know that they like to play too, so just drop it in in passing saying ..."I know you would never let this slip out to anyone and that is why I am putting my trust in you... etc" That will reassure them and perhaps also give you some peace of mind.
This is obviously giving you some trouble hunni so nip round to their place and have a coffee and explain your slight misgivings in a subtle way. If you like them and have chosen them to do this with then your vibes will tell you if its all OK to go ahead. After saying all that you are bound to have reservations because they live so close.
I have had the same reservations about telling someone who lives close to me about my Transvestism in the end I decided not to go with it, but again it was just a gut feeling because nothing in life is certain, except death.
Hope it works out for you and that you have shed loads of fun, it would certainly be handy but of course there are other consideration's such as, is it too convenient for comfort? Only you and Mr Debbs can asses this one really. So, good luck with it hunni.
JudyTV
Judy!........................ took your advice babes!...went round this afternoon with a excuse and waited to see if they said anything before i did!.....yep they did!................. and i think they where really embarrassed..................... so i thought no need to say anything!................. what made me laugh is that they were in the middle of deleting files on the web!....i got the message that they thought they might of let the cat out of the bag!....... and thought i would tell peeps of there there www site!.....but we are gaining a great and discreet friendship!......so thanks to you babes!..feel so much better!
Sex God
wow corrie!
my reasons for being here? they always were social ones! i discovered the place accidentally as a way to alleviate boredom at work in telesales. we used to blatantly hijack chatrooms the world over, and this was one of them! i'll admit to being intrigued, but actually swinging? are you mad?
that i came to value the people immensely, cos it was just so bloody clever, and witty, and intelligent, beyond the circle of friends i had IRL, and just soooooo deep? hardly a great excuse when the shagging partner you believe you can have, cos you read about swingers and swinging? well she sees it in altogether a different light!
how many times have i had to explain "look you knew i was a member of a swinging site, cos i told you from day one, here it is, have a look, see if you get it?" i lost count, but it was a daily basis kinda thing!
sad to say she never did get it! i was stalked to death in an online kinda way, with anonymous nicks in the chatroom, and unregistered forum browsing! not as if if i'm hard to find is it now? how many neils in leeds do you know on here?! google neilinleeds what's the first thing on the results page?
do i have a problem with her reading this? yes! cos i wouldn't wanna hurt her at all! but as an eye opener, all well and good! i kinda hope she does!
i still have to fend off the "take me to a munch" thing, and we've just been mates for months, cos she has entirely the wrong idea! random shagging in the middle of a pub? oh yeah, we're bound to do that eh? just like we all strip off and shag each other silly at the local on a friday night!
it's social! and it's intellectual, and emotional, and surreal! jesus the laughs i've had here, and not just from me own jokes! ;-) they're the discoveries we make here! i know myself far better than i've ever done before! random sex and swinging are very, very different things, IMHO! took me a while to suss that out, and i might still have that wrong, but who can blame her, or me! it's all a learning process!
i would have no problem showing me mam the random uttershite i post on here! whether she understands it? that's her problem, not mine! and that's insensitive i know. you either get it or ya don't!
i hope i've got it!
neil x x x ;-)
my reasons for being here? they always were social ones! i discovered the place accidentally as a way to alleviate boredom at work in telesales. we used to blatantly hijack chatrooms the world over, and this was one of them! i'll admit to being intrigued, but actually swinging? are you mad?
that i came to value the people immensely, cos it was just so bloody clever, and witty, and intelligent, beyond the circle of friends i had IRL, and just soooooo deep? hardly a great excuse when the shagging partner you believe you can have, cos you read about swingers and swinging? well she sees it in altogether a different light!
how many times have i had to explain "look you knew i was a member of a swinging site, cos i told you from day one, here it is, have a look, see if you get it?" i lost count, but it was a daily basis kinda thing!
sad to say she never did get it! i was stalked to death in an online kinda way, with anonymous nicks in the chatroom, and unregistered forum browsing! not as if if i'm hard to find is it now? how many neils in leeds do you know on here?! google neilinleeds what's the first thing on the results page?
do i have a problem with her reading this? yes! cos i wouldn't wanna hurt her at all! but as an eye opener, all well and good! i kinda hope she does!
i still have to fend off the "take me to a munch" thing, and we've just been mates for months, cos she has entirely the wrong idea! random shagging in the middle of a pub? oh yeah, we're bound to do that eh? just like we all strip off and shag each other silly at the local on a friday night!
it's social! and it's intellectual, and emotional, and surreal! jesus the laughs i've had here, and not just from me own jokes! ;-) they're the discoveries we make here! i know myself far better than i've ever done before! random sex and swinging are very, very different things, IMHO! took me a while to suss that out, and i might still have that wrong, but who can blame her, or me! it's all a learning process!
i would have no problem showing me mam the random uttershite i post on here! whether she understands it? that's her problem, not mine! and that's insensitive i know. you either get it or ya don't!
i hope i've got it!
neil x x x ;-)
Orgasminator
ok you are all swingers what is there to be worried about its only a bit of adult fun les mum knows what we do and so do the family they dont say anything its nothing to be ashamed of we have told our friends and family it saves embarasment when they all find out we have done interviews before and documetries kilroy trisha newspapers its not attention seeking its making sure the fools in the papers and so on get the right perspective on swinging and not make up there usual garbage not many swingers talk to them so they make it up as they go along we are not afraid to talk to people to tell them facts without naming others or getting them involved and our neughbours no without any hastle some times it pays to be honest no comebacks then good luck one and all from us 
