Quote by roger743
Married con's:
Can you trust them if they are lying to the person they love?
Not easily available when you fancy a bit of the frisky action.
Are they really going to put that 100% effort into blowing your mind, seeing as they have a hole waiting at home?

Quote by icepie
I wouldn't necessarily see that as a problem. I think problems can arise when people say they're not married and it turns out they are. I've no respect at all for those.

Quote by davej
By far the worst present............a cam corder thingy, fine if you have young children and you want to capture moments as they grow up, fLuckin useless in a house full of adults that move as quick as slugs on a cold day. Yes....yes, I know what you are thinking, why not set it up in the bedroom and re-inact our favourite blue films, well weve tried that and whilst I managed to make a passable Zapata moustache with a packet of rolling tobacco and mrs davej managed to create under arm hair in the same way, niether of us can speak German so the whole thing was a flop.
I shalll be writing to The British Foods Council to complain that the warnings on shelled wallnuts, about causing breathing difficulties, are woefully inadequate and that an additional line needs to be added warning any adult that decides to eat a 2lb bag of these things, about the after effect that can result. Whilst I enjoyed eating the nuts it has to be said that the disposal of said nuts, has been an uncomfortable experiance that no amount of Germoline seems to be easing. I really do feel as though I'm passing barbed wire. I cannot take large steps because of the pain and if the situation doesn't improve then either knocking through into the garage to make a downstairs bedroom or moving to a bungalow are my only options, stairs are simply a no go right now. Whilst this is amusing the ret of the family who each time I gingerly walk past them with my shortened stride, gently whistle the theme tune from the Hercule Poroit T.V. series, I am far from amused.
I would also like to warn anyone tht hasn't started on their 'crackie nuts' that they should sit in a chair, hold a nut in one hand, the crackers in another and then put both hands and arms inside a pillow case before cracking the nut. I did not do this and can assure you that 15 stone bearing down through bare feet that then stand on a shard of shell is akin to walking across a floor of stickle bricks ( the british equivelant of hot coals) it is painfull and the bleeding difficult to stop.
I shall also be complaining to Argos for selling a game called 'shock roulette' to the parents of my nieces that spent the afternoon with us. This game consists of 4 small apertures that contestants put their finger in, then at random it sends a charge to a small metal plate inside one of the four apertures giving the haplesss finger that is inside it a rather nasty belt of electricity, the idea being that the person recieving the shock has to try and not withdraw their finger, impossible.
I have no truck with giving children an electric shock, there are many that deserve it, however I do have a problem with children that have had some rudimentary schooling in the conductivity of electricity and that have worked out that despite not playing the game and despite being in a very warm stupor after a rather nice bottle of port, in his comfy chair, davej can be included in their game if they just lightly touch one of his toe's each with their spare hand and a damp finger.
(George Bush if you are reading this then you should abolish the death penalty by electric chair immediately)
The sucking on a straw to capture as many smartie's as possible on the other end and deposit it into another dish, has left me with the type of jaw ache and dizzyness that you experiance when trying to blow up a shite load of balloons, along with bruising to the forehead after competing for headroom in the bowl with 8 other people.
I am now looking forward to spending another afternoon with my brothers children this time and a new set of toys designed to inflict pain and torture upon me. I hope that you all fair better.

Quote by Rainbows
[Still cry when i watch "Out of Africa".

Quote by Rainbows
Ummm - would love to go - but am a bit nervous as first time. If Mischief or one of the others promises to look after me - I'd like to go

Quote by wewantu2
I think you should sue the contractors that you got in to put it up in the first place.
You did get someone in to do it, didn't you? Would you not use a solicitor when selling your house? There I rest my case!

Quote by marmalaid
I think you should sue the contractors that you got in to put it up in the first place.
You did get someone in to do it, didn't you? Would you not use a solicitor when selling your house? There I rest my case!

Quote by zootle
Either you need to lay of the hot toddies or the angel does
Of course the angel may just have been attacking you after you shoved an xmas tree up her arse. Hard to tell.