Cohen__The__Barbarian's Forum Posts

13 Aug 2005

Quote by Memnoch
Citizens of SHTowers, pay afriggintention!
I have the first hostage of the night. She goes by the name of Feisty Fiona, and a right screamer she is too. She will be slaughtered at dawn slow and painfully if you do not hand over to us the keys to the Towers!
M

Can I watch..i love to see fair maidens sorted
Fancy a double-top?
M
Right, take that mask off - I got you sussed Jocky

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13 Aug 2005

Quote by Sauron
Citizens of SHTowers, pay afriggintention!
I have the first hostage of the night. She goes by the name of Feisty Fiona, and a right screamer she is too. She will be slaughtered at dawn slow and painfully if you do not hand over to us the keys to the Towers!
M

Can I watch..i love to see fair maidens sorted
You can fugg off an' all

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13 Aug 2005

Quote by Memnoch
Citizens of SHTowers, pay afriggintention!
I have the first hostage of the night. She goes by the name of Feisty Fiona, and a right screamer she is too. She will be slaughtered at dawn slow and painfully if you do not hand over to us the keys to the Towers!
M

Can you smell it, boy? Time for you to stop telling tall tales, isn't it sonny?
Oh look. It's Kevin the Librarian. rolleyes

Prostrate thyself before Me, mortal fool, or I'll toast your nuts on the end of My trident! :twisted:
MYeah, right - pogue ma thon! :kissmyarse:

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13 Aug 2005

Quote by Memnoch
Citizens of SHTowers, pay afriggintention!
I have the first hostage of the night. She goes by the name of Feisty Fiona, and a right screamer she is too. She will be slaughtered at dawn slow and painfully if you do not hand over to us the keys to the Towers!
M

Can you smell it, boy? Time for you to stop telling tall tales, isn't it sonny?

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13 Aug 2005

Quote by Bast
All thou assembled within SH towers,
On thy knees and pay homage for my hoards of Orcs and Southlanders are coming to scale the walls. For I seek domination of all things perverted.
Sauron..Lord of darkness. :evil: :evil:

I fear not ... Southlanders don't recognise anything north of the Watford Gap!
Domination of all things perverted huh???? The natives of this deserted castle seem to have an excellent noticeboard where they tell of a Blue Goddess ... you may fair well to look her up ....
Just cos Sauron, aint from these parts, dun't mean you can insult him, young lady....The fact that he is a twat means you can insult him! lol

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13 Aug 2005

Piquet - Frensh pronounced pee-kay, from which you get the Anglicised picket; to guard. Now young lady as your lesson has ended, would you like a drink?

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13 Aug 2005

Quote by Bast
Watching you two "guard" is like watching comedy act .. only comedy makes me larf!
I'll just sit here stroking my pussies ....... :twisted:

Nothing to guard from except pussies and jokers - but you still need some bodys on piquet duty

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13 Aug 2005

Quote by Jason Wheresmyargonaughts
Only needs me to guard this place - and nobody gets near it!

I'll give you a hand if you need one!!
Fair enuff - it's always nice to share the work load. D'you mind if I nip off for a quick wash and to get fed and watered?
Okay, but can you bring me a butty back?
Ta very muchy, any particular preference, young man - but you might only get mashed monkey!

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13 Aug 2005

Quote by Jason Wheresmyargonaughts
Only needs me to guard this place - and nobody gets near it!

I'll give you a hand if you need one!!
Fair enuff - it's always nice to share the work load. D'you mind if I nip off for a quick wash and to get fed and watered?

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13 Aug 2005

Only needs me to guard this place - and nobody gets near it!

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13 Aug 2005

There's nobody here but you chickens!

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Feisty_Fiona
Defenders of SH Towers, we are surrounded by evil, foul smelling perverts (and their dogs)! We must batten down the hatches and prepare for attack! I think that bloody halfwit Jason's fell asleep on the job. one of you go and find him while i go and close the shutters in my boudoir, then we must all sleep in one room (safety in numbers?). OK then, shag and sleep :twisted: if we must, but then i really need to get my beauty sleep and rest up for a long weekend's battle!

Allow me to carry you to your chambers/ bed/ ecstasy young lady!
g'wan then, ya sexy bugger wink

Your pleasure is mine, ma'am kiss

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Bildad the Shoehite

Thats fine coming from a pile of bones, at least i have some body to keep me warm at night :twisted:

That'll be the bodies of the dead bad guys we chucked over the ramparts then lol

Any body is better than nobody.... you should know that!!! I'm not the one trying to get a massage from a toothless plastercine model :silly:
Cos she knows its worthless trying to get anything more from you than a leg covered in snot!

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Feisty_Fiona
Defenders of SH Towers, we are surrounded by evil, foul smelling perverts (and their dogs)! We must batten down the hatches and prepare for attack! I think that bloody halfwit Jason's fell asleep on the job. one of you go and find him while i go and close the shutters in my boudoir, then we must all sleep in one room (safety in numbers?). OK then, shag and sleep :twisted: if we must, but then i really need to get my beauty sleep and rest up for a long weekend's battle!

Allow me to carry you to your chambers/ bed/ ecstasy young lady!

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Feisty_Fiona
Cohen sweetheart i just had a lovely scented bath (let the pissy water out after that dirty little bastard had done) - now i need a massage and a damn good shag to set me up for the fight we'll have on our hands to save SH towers from the evil forces. Com,ing? :twisted:

Ladies first
* squeals* ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'm in luuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve :inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
I hopesh you won't mind going firsht a few timesh?
* faints*
*Cohen picks up fiona to save her modesty - or at least save it all for himself*

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Feisty_Fiona
Cohen sweetheart i just had a lovely scented bath (let the pissy water out after that dirty little bastard had done) - now i need a massage and a damn good shag to set me up for the fight we'll have on our hands to save SH towers from the evil forces. Com,ing? :twisted:

Ladies first
* squeals* ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'm in luuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve :inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
I hopesh you won't mind going firsht a few timesh?

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Feisty_Fiona

Now what would you like massaged - and with what, young lady?

Me 'inn er' bits of course, with wotevers handy wink

Bildad I can smell you from ere - bugger off before i set Mem's dogs on ya. they aint eaten yet.
My fingers are loose, and my teesh are out ( wouldn'tsh wantsh to cutsh you wiv me diamond choppersh, would I? ) and my loinclothsh ish ready to fall to the floor :wink:

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Feisty_Fiona
Cohen sweetheart i just had a lovely scented bath (let the pissy water out after that dirty little bastard had done) - now i need a massage and a damn good shag to set me up for the fight we'll have on our hands to save SH towers from the evil forces. Com,ing? :twisted:

Ladies first

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Feisty_Fiona
I'm not im,pressed by the kraut, he's just full of bloody hot air like them blimpy things. all gob, no action. even Mem's scared now he knows i can tame his puppies.

And what of your puppies, Fiona? Do they need any exercise?
I think i pulled a muscle when i threw the soapy water at the smelly ones. could do with massage? :twisted:
Now what would you like massaged - and with what, young lady?

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Bildad the Shoehite
You thinks your not but mans no match for the dark joolen and swinging heaven towers will be mine

You can have the towers.. i am lookings for the dundgeons... for i am thinkings that is where they will keep their precious things.... and virgins!
Ermmmmmmmmmm lads, he's headed for the cellar to get the virgins - get him, quick!
Pssst I wouldnt worry, in SH Towers they are harder to find than that well know myth of a G-spot
I can find it no bother - that's the trouble with shorties, nothing's long enuff to find anything lol

:lol: :lol:
OI bend down and say that to my face or i'll be forced to nut you in the knee cap :twisted:
I would but it's me lumbago that's stopping me - that and my sense of smell!

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Bildad the Shoehite
You thinks your not but mans no match for the dark joolen and swinging heaven towers will be mine

You can have the towers.. i am lookings for the dundgeons... for i am thinkings that is where they will keep their precious things.... and virgins!
Ermmmmmmmmmm lads, he's headed for the cellar to get the virgins - get him, quick!
Pssst I wouldnt worry, in SH Towers they are harder to find than that well know myth of a G-spot
I can find it no bother - that's the trouble with shorties, nothing's long enuff to find anything lol

:lol: :lol:

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Feisty_Fiona
I am now thinkings that fiona is my true love, do not sleep my lufferly, for that is when Tapste MÃ¶hn is at his most powerful... i shall return! Im die Morgen!
Jetzt ich wanken, und ich am thinkings bei meine lufferly Fiona!

ewwwwwwwwwww i'll have knightmares now. who's guarding my door, you loverly hunks?
Even when I'm not around I'm guarding

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Feisty_Fiona
I'm not im,pressed by the kraut, he's just full of bloody hot air like them blimpy things. all gob, no action. even Mem's scared now he knows i can tame his puppies.

And what of your puppies, Fiona? Do they need any exercise?

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Bildad the Shoehite
The young lady did say she wanted "something creamy"

Thats fairysnuff then, I knows of a nice place that sells infected toe puss and its well known for its afro-dizzy-ack properties it is
I dun't need any of that adpro-divvy-shack stuff, not when I gots me charm an krisma! Does it all for a fella wink

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Berkules
*mutters.."please don't say FF....please don't say FF" continuously*

Don't say FF? but I want a Fancy Flower in my drink, awww come on Cohen, let me have a Fancy Flower and an umbrella, just one Fancy Flower, why not?
<picks up tankard of plain drink>
<shakes the worst of the drink off of his face and clothes>
Errrr can I have another? Kind of held the tankard a bit tight there redface

Berk - that'll be no problem, stick it on my tab...if the bar keep has a problem, tell him about my diamond troll's teeth - and the worrying smile they produce!

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Bildad the Shoehite
<walks back to SH Towers, knocks on the front door, enters, picks door back up >
Ooops shit, how the hell do ya hang that back up
<covers the door hole and walks away quietly>
It's ok Cohen, don't apologise, easy done mate
I might not be the handsomeestist of folks but I is clean, I just bathed in fresh pee :angel:

Ha! and people call me a thicko!
You supposed to drink it not bathe in it ya sicko, makes ya strong like me :hunk:
Look, feel my muscles :hunk:
Sorry, for that, forgets meself sometimes - I'd buy you a drink, but the beer here is better than what you used to, I dont know what I could offer you to atone...*mutters.."please don't say FF....please don't say FF" continuously*
Why would someone want to order Foaming Frogs????? parrot pee and mango juice would be better :twisted:
The young lady did say she wanted "something creamy"

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Feisty_Fiona
Ohhhhhhhhhhh Cohen, something creamy would be just lovely :twisted:
Before we start, can someone just beat the crap outta the German - trying to sneak in my back doors he is! Bloody uninvited pm's :shock:

Something creamy, eh? Not so new fangled after all. Hmmmm confused

I'll just go and see what I can knock up for you, shall I, young lady?

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Berkules
<walks back to SH Towers, knocks on the front door, enters, picks door back up >
Ooops shit, how the hell do ya hang that back up
<covers the door hole and walks away quietly>
It's ok Cohen, don't apologise, easy done mate
I might not be the handsomeestist of folks but I is clean, I just bathed in fresh pee :angel:

Ha! and people call me a thicko!
You supposed to drink it not bathe in it ya sicko, makes ya strong like me :hunk:
Look, feel my muscles :hunk:
Sorry, for that, forgets meself sometimes - I'd buy you a drink, but the beer here is better than what you used to, I dont know what I could offer you to atone...*mutters.."please don't say FF....please don't say FF" continuously*

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Feisty_Fiona
* sidles up to Cohen*
Come on sweetheart, I didn't say you were bad, i meant i couldn't find any virgins.
* nuzzles Cohen's neck*

Thank you young lady. Now would you like a drink first, or are you's an traditional girl?
Wine dine and 69 girl, me :twisted:
And what would madam like to drink as I dine at her furry table wink

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12 Aug 2005

Quote by Tapste MÃ¶hn

Who let the German in then?

Ah i am thinking that fraulein fiona is liking me.... i shall raaaaaaaaaavish you Fraulein fiona.... oh yes i will !
C'mon you - outside!
I am already outside.... Dumbkopf! Though i would put on a pair of lederhosen over those grey saggy unterwear you have... it is cold out here..
You're already outside? That's ok then - easier to keep you from breaking in. I heard you couldn't break a hymen amongst 100 nymphomaniac virgins!
You are very much mistaken my friend... it is well known that Tapste MÃ¶hn is a ravisher of virgins... i think your hearing aid is kaput , old man!
I needs a hearing aid like you need a post grad course in blow-hard bragging! What you do need is to be told the difference between "ravishing" and "radishing" - should have guessed the Notorious Fruit and Veg Pervert was a bloody sausage eater!!!!

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