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Darkfire

Over 90 days ago

Bisexual Female, 50

0 miles · Greater London

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23 Nov 2005

Quote by naughtynymphos1

:evil2: have i ever told you the story about Olbas Oil? :twisted:

no but please do
Ok, again many moons ago, I had this god damn reoccurring bout of thrush, drove me insane until I discovered natural yoghurt and the joys of alternative usage.
Anyway.... twat number....3 I think it was... had absolutely no sympathy for this predicament, and found my constantly irritated state highly amusing. This, of course, I was not particularly impressed with, so in order that he could at least empathise with me, i dripped a couple of drops of neat Olbas Oil onto his bell end in the night.
Simple but effective. :twisted:

23 Nov 2005

Quote by naughtynymphos1
Forgive me Father for I have sinned...
Many moons ago, I had a bf who, quite frankly, was a bit of a twat. This particular relationship was understandably short lived but from which I have some very fond memories.

Anyway, one particular day we'd had a 'disagreement' about women's roles within the home, his major point being that tea should be on the table waiting for when he got in from work. Now, me being me, was not too impressed with this 'serve my dinner at 6pm' order, but decided the best policy would be perhaps to bite my tongue and just get on with it.....
So, I did. That particular evening I did tea, nice home-made steak and kidney pie & gravy, promptly served at 6pm without further problem. I left him to eat in front of the TV, while I cleared up in the kitchen, and making sure I hid the 3 empty tins of Pedigree Chum at the bottom of the bin. :twisted:
Oh, and if he's reading this and thinking :shock: :shock: , I aint sorry either !!
What is my pennance for this culinary sin Father? :twisted:

fantastic!!!!!! wonder if it works with catfood too
~wanders off to kitchen whistling innocently~
Oh yeah - just be selective over the 'flavour' and if all else fails, mask the 'slurp slurp did you put any salt in this dear, it tastes a bit...odd' with onion gravy or such like. However, if the only thing in your cupboard is 'salmon & tuna with omega 3 oils' you can always go for the direct approach and do normal food laced with laxatives innocent

innocent

you mind works soooooooooooo much like mine its scary
:evil2: have i ever told you the story about Olbas Oil? :twisted:

23 Nov 2005

Quote by celestria
Forgive me Father for I have sinned...
Many moons ago, I had a bf who, quite frankly, was a bit of a twat. This particular relationship was understandably short lived but from which I have some very fond memories.

Anyway, one particular day we'd had a 'disagreement' about women's roles within the home, his major point being that tea should be on the table waiting for when he got in from work. Now, me being me, was not too impressed with this 'serve my dinner at 6pm' order, but decided the best policy would be perhaps to bite my tongue and just get on with it.....
So, I did. That particular evening I did tea, nice home-made steak and kidney pie & gravy, promptly served at 6pm without further problem. I left him to eat in front of the TV, while I cleared up in the kitchen, and making sure I hid the 3 empty tins of Pedigree Chum at the bottom of the bin. :twisted:
Oh, and if he's reading this and thinking :shock: :shock: , I aint sorry either !!
What is my pennance for this culinary sin Father? :twisted:

fantastic!!!!!! wonder if it works with catfood too
~wanders off to kitchen whistling innocently~
Oh yeah - just be selective over the 'flavour' and if all else fails, mask the 'slurp slurp did you put any salt in this dear, it tastes a bit...odd' with onion gravy or such like. However, if the only thing in your cupboard is 'salmon & tuna with omega 3 oils' you can always go for the direct approach and do normal food laced with laxatives innocent

innocent

23 Nov 2005

Forgive me Father for I have sinned...
Many moons ago, I had a bf who, quite frankly, was a bit of a twat. This particular relationship was understandably short lived but from which I have some very fond memories.
biggrin

biggrin

Anyway, one particular day we'd had a 'disagreement' about women's roles within the home, his major point being that tea should be on the table waiting for when he got in from work. Now, me being me, was not too impressed with this 'serve my dinner at 6pm' order, but decided the best policy would be perhaps to bite my tongue and just get on with it.....
So, I did. That particular evening I did tea, nice home-made steak and kidney pie & gravy, promptly served at 6pm without further problem. I left him to eat in front of the TV, while I cleared up in the kitchen, and making sure I hid the 3 empty tins of Pedigree Chum at the bottom of the bin. :twisted:
Oh, and if he's reading this and thinking :shock: :shock: , I aint sorry either !! flipa

flipa

What is my pennance for this culinary sin Father? :twisted:

23 Nov 2005

biggrin

Hello
and Welcome!
if it gets too quiet over here , you can always try the Cafe, over there :arrow:
biggrin

biggrin

23 Nov 2005

{Hijack} Nice Avatar !!!!!!!!!! :lickface: :lickface:
yoooo hooooo ladies, you gotta come see this!!!!!!!!!!!{end hijack}
sory about that Snake, but i felt it was necessary!! :twisted:
lose the caps though hunny, you'll get attention soon enough!! lol

lol

23 Nov 2005

Hello Memera wave

wave

Welcome !! :welcome:
oh, and that shyness?? :moon: kiss it goodbye, you'll soon kick that into touch! biggrin

biggrin

Have fun!

23 Nov 2005

Quote by Angel Chat
I'd have loved to. It's my child-free weekend and Blackpool's really not that far... unfortunately I'm (along with many others) going to the Scottish munch this weekend. Hope you do find someone to go along with him though

Fuckity fuck (tm Missy) AngelChat !!
surely there must be someone who's not braving the weather in Scotland & and the very long drive up there??....imagine.... nice cosy hotel, all the sights of B'pool, good company, bloody good laugh and a club?? It's too good to miss!

23 Nov 2005

rotflmao

rotflmao

rotflmao

ewwwwwwww Marms!!
please form an orderly queue for due nether-region tweezering :happy:
(slightly off topic, but I tried some of that microwave wax the other day...... just don't! its so wrong! )

is there a fetish for 'spot pickin'
lots of people do it so i was thinking
i think i'll start a thread.....

- honey there's been worse!!
I dunno, its not a 'fetish' lol, its not like squeezing spots turns me on! rolleyes

rolleyes

but, I have to do it!

23 Nov 2005

Quote by claicerrig
Darkfire will allway be sweet and inopcent to me

seeeeeee, sweet an innocent I tell ya! :angel:
Whatever you've been on tonight, can I have some please??

23 Nov 2005

Brazilian, George Michael stylee goatee, landing strip.... you name it, if you can lie there long enough and allow me to indulge you (ok, myself) in the pleasures of the art of plucking and pruning.... hell, I can do anything you want baby, yeah! :lol2:

23 Nov 2005

Having just posted on the Fears and Phobia's thread - i had an idea :idea:
:scared:
I have a major 'thing' about spots - if I find one, it has to be 'busted' - either on me or on someone else!! Now, its probably more an obsession than a phobia, and I have been known to stop everything, mid-shag and say 'oh my god, look at that spot!!' - and promptly dash off for tissue, tweezers and TCP :shock:
I'm a dab hand with tweezers too - ( see ES taking notes in corner :notes: lol

lol

) - and one of my favorite pastimes ever is to 'shape' someone's goatee, hair by hair, until it's perfect (and he's very sore :twisted: )
What I'd like to know is, am I the only one??? or do we have other resident spot-busters in da house? biggrin

biggrin

23 Nov 2005

no one's said Daddy Long Legs yet! :shock: - that usually quite a popular one...
mine is millipedes - those big black mother :censored: ers (shivers at thought)
earwigs & ants, especially if there's loads of em, full on makes my skin crawl that does :uhoh:

23 Nov 2005

Well, folk will just have to meet me at socials and munches and say it to my face then!!
(a) I take crap pics of myself (b) I cant do face pics due to morality claus and my line of work (c) it doesnt matter what angle I do a non-facial pic cos I have identifiable tattoos!
so, the label serves its purpose, I like it, it's me. I am a BBW. anyone have a loudspeaker?? lol

lol

23 Nov 2005

rotflmao

rotflmao

rotflmao

rotflmao

rotflmao

CreamPie anyone?? :twisted:

23 Nov 2005

Quote by naughtynymphos1

(but I've gotta say.......
OOooooooo this bloody thread!!!!! :fuckinghell: :taz:

rotflmao

rotflmao

rotflmao

i know i know i keep hoping it will piss off but everytime someone adds to it and brings it back i just can't resist
moth to the flame luv, i was trying so hard not to click on this thread again too!! rolleyes

rolleyes

it's like trying to walk past a cream cake shop, resistance is futile :lol2:

22 Nov 2005

Quote by naughtynymphos1
i once got sleazy (my hubby to those who don't know us) arrested for being a stalker cause i was pissed off with him

Quote by naughtynymphos1
Don't know if this is the kind of thing your talking about but when people asks about mad things we have done this always springs to mind for me
starts off a bit boring but keep with it its quite funny at the end, well i think so
a few years ago me and sleazy (the hubby for those who don't know us) was walking down the street in the next village to where we lived then, having a bit of a bust up, as you do, anyway things got a bit heated and we was shouting rather loud next thing we know a cop car pulls up at the side of us and asks if everything is ok :shock:
So what do i say?
oh yes everything is fine hes my hubby and we just had a fall out? NOOOOOOOOO
i said....well no i'm not actually this guy has been following me for about 2 miles now and he not leave me alone......to this they arrested him and took him off in the car :lol2:
i just went home and made a cuppa

:shock: :shock: rotflmao

rotflmao

rotflmao

rotflmao

Only you NN, only you! kiss

kiss

22 Nov 2005

Quote by Sexysteph
Darkfire Certified by Jack Daniels (wasn't it babe?)
Steph

that's the one! promptly adopted to sig wink

wink

thanks hunny passionkiss

passionkiss

22 Nov 2005

Quote by froggystyle
I don't think anyone thinks all big women are beatiful, just as all slim women are not beatiful, i think as i have said b4 BBW is a term used by guys who think big IS beatiful not that all big women ARE beatiful, and as so many woman have said its a tearm they use to let other know that they are over weight, they are not saying...hey look at me arn't i a stunner!!
I could be wrong thats just how i see it

You are right :thumbup:
Ditto! You are right, excellent summary, certainly of what I was saying anyway NN!
(but I've gotta say.......
OOooooooo this bloody thread!!!!! :fuckinghell: :taz: banghead

banghead

banghead

banghead

22 Nov 2005

Quote by EagerSlut
Hello to everyone on the site that takes the time to read this
There must be dozens registering daily like this????
My good Friend Darkfire has been hounding me for ages to get my big arse into gear and registerso here i am
Not sure what i will do now but i wont be lurking in the shadows thats for sure.
Hope to meet up with some of you as i go along
Cheers
Clai

Hello and welcome wave

wave

Ooooooh! Darkfire gets around a bit doesn't she? lol

lol

lol

ES !!

smackbottom

smackbottom

shhhhhhh!! Clai thinks I'm sweet and innocent!! rolleyes

rolleyes

Well, he did :shock:
I see I'm a little late in officially welcoming you to the best Swingers site on the net babes -( but then my timing isnt always that fantastic rolleyes

rolleyes

rolleyes

lol

)
:welcome: to your new home!! - and you know where I am if you need to holler for help - You'll find me at the bar! drinkies

drinkies

It's about time you got your butt in here - Welcome to SH !! kiss

kiss

By the way, if anyone is free this weekend and would like to meet Clai - i've done a post in LMU! :evil2:

22 Nov 2005

or just plain smug! :smug:
lol

lol

22 Nov 2005

Quote by HuxleyNSusie

My one request would be Alice Cooper's Poison....... but , anything rock chick chicky rock will do! :

if he does not have this u can just keep playing the ring tone on my phone as its my all time fav song
susie
does it vibrate too???? :twisted:

22 Nov 2005

:shock:

22 Nov 2005

I forgot,
Agadoo :doh:

22 Nov 2005

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: brilliant!!

22 Nov 2005

Quote by EagerSlut
Blimey! Is there something catching going round? First Dammie and HLB and now you two!
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
Well I meant to say congratulations really

and Sarah & Mal biggrin

biggrin

and Bassman & Bernie biggrin

biggrin

:shock:
I think its lovely - but ffs someone get some vaccine in at SH Towers cos we;re on the verge of a loved-up pandemic!!

22 Nov 2005

Congratulations!!! more brilliant news!!
:cheers:
and for the rest of us - Dont drink the water!!!!!!

22 Nov 2005

Quote by salt_n_pepper
maybe we could have a bit of korn or some metallica just a thought but we would be greatfull pritty please

My one request would be Alice Cooper's Poison....... but , anything rock chick chicky rock will do! wink

wink

I'll leave the proper headbangin to Salt & Pep biggrin

biggrin

redface

22 Nov 2005

Darkfire Your one Great Lady

Yeah I know :lol2:
lol

lol

'tis a shame Berksbex, it'll be a brill weekend. :cry:

22 Nov 2005

oooo fluckin 'ell it's the man himself!!
ladies, this way please!!
its the least I could do after letting you down babes, so no, its me who owe's you actually! passionkiss

passionkiss

p.s. it's about time you got here wink

wink

:welcome: