Quote by Horous
But would I get Libra with it I ask?
John

Quote by Horous
Dont we all love!!
PS. One hardly used Dyson for sale any takers?

Quote by HungryP
Still no takers then I see. Where is everyone?

Quote by donsidelovers
Kit-off,
I can't begin to imagine what pain you must feel. We are taught that the bond we have with our parents is second only to that we feel for our children and so when a situation like yours arises there can be few emotional pains that equal it. Family are supposed to be the ones to protect you when the outside world attacks you but from what I have observed (and luckily have not experienced) is that families often cause more pain to each other than any stranger possibly can. There is that saying, 'you can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives' - cliche it might be but it is so very true.
Maybe people are right when they say you should always try and patch things up with your family before it is too late (and I know a bit about that after my father died when I was six) but there is also the reality that you may never be able to patch things up in this lifetime. The question you have to ask yourself is whether the attempt is worth the heartache if it fails. I think the letter is a good idea (and you can always give it to your sister to pass on - assuming she will do this?) but after that I think you should concentrate on rebuilding your life without your mother in it. In an ideal world she would be there with you and you would resolve your difficulties but you know, more than I do, that life is not always that accommodating. There is no easy choice to make but maybe a better one for you is to concentrate on getting the most out of your life rather than clinging to the bad things and to people that are not as decent as you.
Find someone who deserves your love and givce it to them rather than wasting it on someone who doesn't. Sorry if that sounds blunt but....
I wish you all the best,
H

Quote by HungryP
Thank you for that. My sister is still close to her which herts. I know this will sound funny but I bought her a tree last year for her birthday. I thought she could watch it grow and think of me and her grand children when she sees it. She moved in Feb and left it behind. She dident even give me her address or tel number. I miss her but I am fed up with trying to make her happy.

Quote by ukkeith
My mother father and sister are all gone now and there is not a day go by that I don’t think of them, I was always a jack the lad always doing thing that a good Christian lad would never do, but my mum was always there for me and my sister. So don’t do as I did make thing good with her when she has gone then it is to late to tell her how much you love her.

Quote by peenut
Yep you got it kit off ! read the book, change your tactics !

Quote by peenut
In my experience the surest way to annoy people is to tell them they are wrong and the best way to really annoy them is to prove it to them !
The trick is to make the other person " think" they are solving the problem , without any loss of face or having to admit being wrong ! ( I reccommend reading a copy of how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carneigie.) Our parents can only grow older but in their eyes whatever age we are, we are still their "children"

Quote by Libra+Love
Kit-off, we've spoken about your situation so I'm not going to coment on this thread about it, but what I did want to say is, someone once said to me, "you're ONLY a mother". There was a lot he said before he made that coment, but that's the one he knew would cut to the quick. Why? Because to me being a mother is one heck of a responsibility, and having a mother who didn't have the maturnal instinct to bother raising the five children she had 13 months apart from each other she abandoned us. She's the kinda mother that would have eaten her young in the wild.
For me the scariest part of being a mom is not nowing if I'm doing it right or wrong, and knowing I'll only recognise my mistakes when it's too late, when the adults they are to become is revealed. By then it may be too late to change. Anaother issue for me is wanting my boys to come home to visit 'cause they WANT to and not because it's xmas, motherday etc
So yes, I may ONLY be a mom. But I'm a bloody good one!!

Quote by bailiffs
See I dont just talk about sex I do have feelings

Quote by SlydeWHOOSH
Both myself & my brother were adopted at birth by my mum & dad.
I have never had (or feel) the need to find my biological birth mother & father because I consider my adopted family MY family.
I moved away from home when I joined the military & spent 12 years travelling the world.
During that time of frequent occasions I visited family & friends & everytime I went to my folks the atmosphere was strained (you could cut it with a knife).
Apparently years later I have found out that due to jealousy of my travelling I was considered as the black sheep of the family.
My dad is now well cool with my home life situation (single after 2 long term failed relationships), but my mum still runs hot & cold with me.
The only advice I can give is to keep trying, God forbid when they shuffle off this mortal coil you never make it up you can feel confident that at least you made the effort, whereas if you never did in the back of your mind you will always have the niggling doubt of what could have been if you only had tried.
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢

Quote by LadyFeeBee
Firstly, I am very lucky and have a great relationship with my mum. We talk most days on the phone, go shopping together etc.
However, my best friend hasn't spoken to her mum for nearly 4 years and through no fault of her own.
Her mum has always "controlled" her family and my friend has never been able to have her own opinions and live her life her own way (even down to picking her own friends) without having her mum's approval.
If her mum caused an argument and hung up the phone on her, my friend would be the one who had to phone back and apologise to her mum! She would take the blame for everything because she didn't want to cause a fuss and lose her mother.
This all came to a head about 4 years ago when my friend had a stillborn baby. Her mother, instead of helping her through it, criticised and put blame on her husband (she had never liked him much). My friend took a stand and refused to talk to her mum until she apologised for what she had said.
Needless to say, this didn't happen and there has been no correspondence between them since. Her mother has never even seen her new grandchild.
I guess my point is that you can only do so much to try and make a relationship work with a member of your family and there will be a limit to how much heartache and knockbacks you can take.
Unfortunately, sometimes you have to walk away and rely on other family members and close friends who will be there for you. My friend, although she misses her mum dreadfully, also realises the new freedom and feeling of contentment she has from not having to constantly listen to insults and apologise for things she hasn't done.
Good Luck Kit Off
Fee
XX

Quote by bevntony
Tricky, tricky, tricky... On the one hand you do only have one mother - on the other you are an adult and deserved to be treated with respect. I can only echo most of the advice already posted here and add my one liner "When your children are older, how would you want this type of situation handled?" - Always got to try and break the cycle, not let it repeat itself... Not much use I know but good luck xxx

Quote by bailiffs
Kit-Off I had a very similar experience although in a way a bit different. Basically there was an incident when I was about 14 with my mothers brother although its years later and Ive pretty much sorted things out in my own head now, things were very hard fror me for years.
Everything had already been brought out in the open and my gran (who i was very close to and was like a mother) still had her son(my mothers brother) in and out her house and the rest of the family were still in and out too and haveing contact with him while there. It was very hard to the point where I stopped contact on a few occasions not just with me but my daughter.
One day my gran had been babysitting my daughter while I was working and one day she pulled out pictures of HIM with my daughter!
Things were very very very strained for year and tbh I spent years thinking maybe it was somehow my fault and didnt have very much of a relationship with any of my family especially my mother.
Thing all came to a head just before my gran died when she finally chucked her son out which should have happened a long time ago, my realtionship with my mother improved after my gran died for some reason, maybe it was because finally all the dust that had been swept under the carpet finally came out that we were able to get on better.
When I was young my mother also done a lot of things which I had a chip on my shoulder about and in turn she also felt guilty about which I think was the thing that made us not get on.
Every situation is different but talking and getting things out in the open certainly helped usand now I have a better relationship than I ever did with my mother. I think her finally admitting what she done when she was younger and how she felt it had affected things and also my version too which made me feel like she couldnt have given a shit wether I was alive or not.
I wish I had all the answers, maybe it would have saved a lot of heartache in our family years ago, maybe you need to confront your mother with your feelings about what happened and let her know what you think of her and how it affected you.
May sound harsh but maybe her own guilt about what happened is eating at her and she cant handle that especially given what the situation was.
I hope that made sense and please feel free to PM me if you want to chat about it more.

Quote by bailiffs
Kit-Off I had a very similar experience although in a way a bit different. Basically there was an incident when I was about 14 with my mothers brother although its years later and Ive pretty much sorted things out in my own head now, things were very hard fror me for years.
Everything had already been brought out in the open and my gran (who i was very close to and was like a mother) still had her son(my mothers brother) in and out her house and the rest of the family were still in and out too and haveing contact with him while there. It was very hard to the point where I stopped contact on a few occasions not just with me but my daughter.
One day my gran had been babysitting my daughter while I was working and one day she pulled out pictures of HIM with my daughter!
Things were very very very strained for year and tbh I spent years thinking maybe it was somehow my fault and didnt have very much of a relationship with any of my family especially my mother.
Thing all came to a head just before my gran died when she finally chucked her son out which should have happened a long time ago, my realtionship with my mother improved after my gran died for some reason, maybe it was because finally all the dust that had been swept under the carpet finally came out that we were able to get on better.
When I was young my mother also done a lot of things which I had a chip on my shoulder about and in turn she also felt guilty about which I think was the thing that made us not get on.
Every situation is different but talking and getting things out in the open certainly helped usand now I have a better relationship than I ever did with my mother. I think her finally admitting what she done when she was younger and how she felt it had affected things and also my version too which made me feel like she couldnt have given a shit wether I was alive or not.
I wish I had all the answers, maybe it would have saved a lot of heartache in our family years ago, maybe you need to confront your mother with your feelings about what happened and let her know what you think of her and how it affected you.
May sound harsh but maybe her own guilt about what happened is eating at her and she cant handle that especially given what the situation was.
I hope that made sense and please feel free to PM me if you want to chat about it more.

Quote by bailiffs
Bailiffs... your advice/suggestion sounds spot on to me.
A nice letter might do the trick:
Dear mum, I have done my best to come to you, I can do no more. When you are ready to see that I still love and value you, and our relationship, please know I will be ready to accept you back
Just a thought. Letters can't be interrupted..

Quote by fruity1976
Kit-Off I had a very similar experience although in a way a bit different. Basically there was an incident when I was about 14 with my mothers brother although its years later and Ive pretty much sorted things out in my own head now, things were very hard fror me for years.
Everything had already been brought out in the open and my gran (who i was very close to and was like a mother) still had her son(my mothers brother) in and out her house and the rest of the family were still in and out too and haveing contact with him while there. It was very hard to the point where I stopped contact on a few occasions not just with me but my daughter.
One day my gran had been babysitting my daughter while I was working and one day she pulled out pictures of HIM with my daughter!
Things were very very very strained for year and tbh I spent years thinking maybe it was somehow my fault and didnt have very much of a relationship with any of my family especially my mother.
Thing all came to a head just before my gran died when she finally chucked her son out which should have happened a long time ago, my realtionship with my mother improved after my gran died for some reason, maybe it was because finally all the dust that had been swept under the carpet finally came out that we were able to get on better.
When I was young my mother also done a lot of things which I had a chip on my shoulder about and in turn she also felt guilty about which I think was the thing that made us not get on.
Every situation is different but talking and getting things out in the open certainly helped usand now I have a better relationship than I ever did with my mother. I think her finally admitting what she done when she was younger and how she felt it had affected things and also my version too which made me feel like she couldnt have given a shit wether I was alive or not.
I wish I had all the answers, maybe it would have saved a lot of heartache in our family years ago, maybe you need to confront your mother with your feelings about what happened and let her know what you think of her and how it affected you.
May sound harsh but maybe her own guilt about what happened is eating at her and she cant handle that especially given what the situation was.
I hope that made sense and please feel free to PM me if you want to chat about it more.

Quote by Vix
Bailiffs... your advice/suggestion sounds spot on to me.
A nice letter might do the trick:
Dear mum, I have done my best to come to you, I can do no more. When you are ready to see that I still love and value you, and our relationship, please know I will be ready to accept you back
Just a thought. Letters can't be interrupted..