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Lilith
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 44
UK
Forum
Sorry... One other thought...
Given that people can be on this site without the knowledge of their significant other, and given that a lot of people feel so strongly about cheating that they wouldn't want to unwittingly participate in an adulterous act, it does strike me as rather counter-productive to berate someone in a public forum who is being upfront about his situation. Surely this sort of open attack on site members - making them feel unwelcome in the community and judged - is more likely to result in people hiding their situation for fear of being ostracised... Again, I'm not saying you have to approve / encourage / be actively welcoming. But, certainly in this scenario (to adapt something my mother always said) I'd suggest that if you don't have anything nice to post in response to the op's thread, then don't post anything at all...
Given that people can be on this site without the knowledge of their significant other, and given that a lot of people feel so strongly about cheating that they wouldn't want to unwittingly participate in an adulterous act, it does strike me as rather counter-productive to berate someone in a public forum who is being upfront about his situation. Surely this sort of open attack on site members - making them feel unwelcome in the community and judged - is more likely to result in people hiding their situation for fear of being ostracised... Again, I'm not saying you have to approve / encourage / be actively welcoming. But, certainly in this scenario (to adapt something my mother always said) I'd suggest that if you don't have anything nice to post in response to the op's thread, then don't post anything at all...
Quote by tweeky
Of course everyone has a moral code of their own. What we are talking about here though is couples and most couples have an agreement whatever form that takes, discussed non discussed a vow? Most of us know what our agreement is. There are ways in which you can break that agreement to a minor or major degree. I would say though if you are doing something that you are hiding from your other half as you suspect they would disprove then you are breaking that agreement. It may be no different to haveing a porn collection but then I have one and Mrs Tweeky knows about it. If you were a devout Christian couple one of you having a private porn collection could be a massive breach of the agreement.
As swingers I dont feel as Cubes suggested that I should be less judgemental on the Op. I fail to see the comparrison, I am not hiding things from my significant other and they are. I am a swinger in a consentual swinging relationship. The Op wants to be a swinger has a non complient partner and is online investigating the options without their knowledge. Sorry but there is nothing making me want to shout out SNAP.
I still don't think it is as simple for everyone as you suggest. Yes, there is an agreement between a couple. But, for most people, that agreement is largely based on societal norms. Also, there may be some who enter into that commitment at a relatively young age and then swiftly have children and only much later in life realise that things have changed - they have changed, their partner has changed, their circumstances have changed - and the agreement becomes harder to observe. Clearly, for you, it would never be possible to justify breaking your agreement with your wife. My point was just that not everyone may feel that way according to their own balance of morality.
A similar example would be a person who knowingly breaks the law because the morality on which that law is based conflicts with their own internal code. As citizens, I believe that we have all entered into an agreement with the State (and society) to obey the law. In exchange for doing so, we can expect protection and enforcement if someone breaks the law in a way which affects us. However, there are circumstances when people don't feel that the law is right for them, so they break it. There are consequences if they get caught, but if they feel that what they're doing is right for them, then they may be willing to risk those consequences. To you or me, their actions may seem abhorrent and not possible to justify. But, that is because our own internal moral code happens to coincide with the morality on which the law in question is based.
Don't get me wrong tweeky - I'm not encouraging cheating. I'm just trying to express a particular point of view that, since it is not illegal and is none of my business, I don't think it's right for me to make someone feel bad for joining this site without their partner's knowledge. I think Cubes' point was not that you should shout "snap", but that you should understand what it's like to go against the norm and therefore be more willing to live and let live without being judgemental about other people's choices. You don't have to approve - in fact, I'd say you are perfectly within your rights to actively disapprove - but we've totally hijacked a thread that was created by someone asking for help. It is not against the AUP for a guy to have an account without his wife's knowledge. I'm sure he didn't join the site to be subjected to other people's opinions on his choices about his life based on their views of what is right and wrong.
I'm a teeny bit obsessed with at the moment. I've never heard such incredible acapella music. My favourite is their cover of Gotye.
Other than that, I've been listening to Missy Higgins' old albums a lot lately - I love so many of her songs, but my favourite is Warm Whispers. It's such a beautiful song!!
:-D
Other than that, I've been listening to Missy Higgins' old albums a lot lately - I love so many of her songs, but my favourite is Warm Whispers. It's such a beautiful song!!
:-D
:? :? :? :? 
Quote by Meeko
The Men Who Stare at Goats Private Parts
What's the second film, Meeks?? "Goats Private Parts"...? :confused:
The Men who Stare at Goats (crap film)
Private Parts (hilarious film)
Thought I would simplify it
But I thought the point was that the last word of the first film is the first word of the second film... No??
i.e. "Men in Black Beauty" (which blends Men in Black with Black Beauty)...
But, you carry on Meeks - your one made me laugh anyway!! ;-)
