Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Lilith
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 44
UK
Forum
I know I said I wasn't going to repeat things I've said in previous threads (and I know that this encouraging the off topic debate!), but given that others have set out their views in detail, here's my two penneth worth...
I don't believe in the idea of a universal morality. I believe that everyone has their own unique moral code, which is developed by a combination of factors and experiences, including upbringing, social environment, social conditioning, life experiences, and a raft of other internal and external influences.
There are, of course, majority views on right and wrong in every society. But, alongside these more widespread moral norms are our own, internal moral norms, which we each develop individually. Different people are influenced to different degrees by external factors like what is considered within society to be right or wrong. But, ultimately, each of us will make decisions based on what we believe is right or wrong.
So, provided you make your decisions based on what you feel is morally acceptable for you, why should you care what anyone else thinks? We cannot live our lives based on what is right for others; we can only strive to do what is right for us.
So, if you feel comfortable playing with someone who is in a relationship where their partner either doesn't know or does know but doesn't want to play, then go for it. If not, then don't.
I do agree that if you only want to play with genuine singles, genuine couples, and/or one part of a couple where the other person consents, it does make things difficult when someone is not 100% honest about their status on their profile. However, it is not possible to control the decisions and actions of others and there's only so much we can do to check that a person we are speaking to on the site is being genuine and upfront.
Ultimately, each one of us needs to decide the extent to which we feel comfortable to meet with and/or play with and/or communicate with any other person that we meet through this site. For some people, the risk of unwittingly participating in "cheating" may be enough to put them off a site like this altogether. For others, it may be enough to follow their own rules and try their best.
Whatever is right for you, I'd like to think that this is the kind of environment where people can have fun without worrying about being judged.
I don't believe in the idea of a universal morality. I believe that everyone has their own unique moral code, which is developed by a combination of factors and experiences, including upbringing, social environment, social conditioning, life experiences, and a raft of other internal and external influences.
There are, of course, majority views on right and wrong in every society. But, alongside these more widespread moral norms are our own, internal moral norms, which we each develop individually. Different people are influenced to different degrees by external factors like what is considered within society to be right or wrong. But, ultimately, each of us will make decisions based on what we believe is right or wrong.
So, provided you make your decisions based on what you feel is morally acceptable for you, why should you care what anyone else thinks? We cannot live our lives based on what is right for others; we can only strive to do what is right for us.
So, if you feel comfortable playing with someone who is in a relationship where their partner either doesn't know or does know but doesn't want to play, then go for it. If not, then don't.
I do agree that if you only want to play with genuine singles, genuine couples, and/or one part of a couple where the other person consents, it does make things difficult when someone is not 100% honest about their status on their profile. However, it is not possible to control the decisions and actions of others and there's only so much we can do to check that a person we are speaking to on the site is being genuine and upfront.
Ultimately, each one of us needs to decide the extent to which we feel comfortable to meet with and/or play with and/or communicate with any other person that we meet through this site. For some people, the risk of unwittingly participating in "cheating" may be enough to put them off a site like this altogether. For others, it may be enough to follow their own rules and try their best.
Whatever is right for you, I'd like to think that this is the kind of environment where people can have fun without worrying about being judged.
Another thought, Dave... I wonder if dogging may be something that your wife would enjoy? It's something you could try that would be exciting and involve other people, but not intimately. It really depends on how much your wife would like the idea of being watched. I love being watched (as those who hang out with me in the chatrooms will know!!), but my wife is more of a voyeur than an exhibitionist, so dogging isn't something we've tried ourselves.
You may want to speak to people who are into dogging before suggesting it to your wife though. There's a forum on here specifically about dogging that you could check out.
You may want to speak to people who are into dogging before suggesting it to your wife though. There's a forum on here specifically about dogging that you could check out.
ok, we get it; you disagree! Now, why don't you go and polish your halo while the rest of us stay here and chat with Dave, eh?
Quote by Cubes
Back on topic... I think my original point was just that we shouldn't be giving the op a hard time or being judgemental. If people have helpful suggestions, then they should reply. If all they want to do is tell him off for being a site member, then...
;-)
Exactly my thoughts. :thumbup:
The OP has made it clear up front that he wants his wife to be involved with swinging, and the best first step to doing that is obviously to approach the swinging community for advice.
One of the great things about SH is that it's open for anyone to use as they see fit (obviously as long as they stay within the fairly liberal constraints of the AUP) and that includes people who wish to extend their lives with or without their partners knowledge or involvement. In this case the OP has made no attempt at deceiving anyone about his status, and as far as I'm aware has not sought to meet with anyone for a sordid liaison.
So, let's just cut him some slack and see what we can do to help him out. And that goes for all the other people out there in similar positions. After all, would you prefer to just berate people over your perception of their morals, or try to help them into the lifestyle where you might actually get a chance to shag their partners??!! :twisted:
Any help with getting my wife more into the lifestyle will be very well rewarded...!! :rascal:
Quote by starlightcouple
Sorry for the inverted commas I now understand that you say Wife, and of course that is your prerogative to do exactly as you wish, and nothing at all was meant by it. :notes:
You're forgiven!
Quote by starlightcouple
Of course things like this are never black and white but if people were in a good healthy trusting and loving relationship, there would surely not be any need to cheat.
But, not everyone is in a good, healthy, trusting and loving relationship... And there may be complexities that outsiders don't understand, which mean that it's actually less damaging to cheat on a person than to walk away from the relationship. I completely agree that in an ideal world, couples should be totally compatible and therefore be able to be fully satisfied and totally open and honest with each other. But, people who have that are very fortunate, and I feel sorry for those that don't (and try hard not to judge them...)
Quote by starlightcouple
There I go off into another tangent Lilith.
:giggle: ... Yes... We do have a tendency to get distracted, eh?
Back on topic... I think my original point was just that we shouldn't be giving the op a hard time or being judgemental. If people have helpful suggestions, then they should reply. If all they want to do is tell him off for being a site member, then...
;-)
Quote by starlightcouple
Until it could affect you that is. I wonder how you feel if your " Wife " was to have a secret account on another site and you found out about it.
Firstly, there's no need for the inverted commas... We're in a civil partnership, so I think I can happily call her my wife...
Secondly, she wouldn't need to have a secret account on another site. But, I'd actually probably be quite pleased if she went and joined another site, as she is far less into swinging than me (I have to be careful to go at her pace) and if she suddenly showed enough interest to join another site, I'd be delighted!! She's lucky enough to have an open-minded, adventurous wife, so she doesn't need to hide things from me. And she's a terrible liar - she can't even manage to surprise me, let alone do anything behind my back!
But, I'm not naive enough to think that everyone is in a position where they can be totally honest and open with their partner. I also understand how frustrating it can be when your own needs and desires aren't quite matched by your partner's. I would love to be able to arrange meets right now - with or without my wife - but she doesn't want to at the moment. So, I'm being patient... But it's not easy. I can fully understand how a person could be in love with someone so much that they can't imagine their life without them (especially if they also have kids), but not be fully sexually satisfied and, unless their partner is open to swinging or trying something new, it must be incredibly hard to not look for some sort of outlet in that situation - I think being a member of a site like this is relatively harmless and certainly no worse than a secret porn collection. We do not live in a perfect world where everyone is 100% satisfied by their partner - the whole idea of swinging is based on the fact that we want more in our sex lives than just one person - and I don't like to judge other people's personal lives when I know nothing about them or their particular reasons for the choices they make.
Quote by starlightcouple
We would rather meet a guy who was single than cheating. We always ask that question. Of course they could lie about it, but attached men find Saturday nights a bit hard to meet, so that is usually a good clue.
We do not care per se if anyone wants to cheat on their partners/ Wives, but if possible we would rather not be part of that. We would never openly meet a cheat with the same old excuses. If their relationship is that bad that they have to cheat, then why not just be honest and open and leave?
We always ask are they married or in a relationship, and if the answer is anyway near a yes, we decline to meet. Just our preferences.
It is, of course, entirely your prerogative to prefer to only meet with genuine singles and couples. I never said it wasn't. I just said that it's none of my business what Dave or anyone else chooses to do, and life is just not as black and white as a lot if people think. I just don't think it's as simple as "If you want to cheat, you should just break up"...
But, I've written a lot about this on previous threads (under my wife's account name "Inanna"), so shan't repeat myself again here.
And we're going off topic again anyway...!
