when if the best seller due out I have to book a copy! 
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Theladyisaminx
Over 90 days ago
Straight Female, 62
United Kingdom
Forum
Quote by Sassy-Seren
Thanks for your replies and pms guys and gals.
Thing is, I'm not feeling down in the dumps or sad. I'm still having a giggle and a flirt but everything seems so much of an effort.
I need a new ass kicker :grin:
Sassy kick your own arse, then the arse kicker can do more pleasent things for you!
Quote by kentswingers777
Yes Whips I agree. My comment to Steve was way out of order, and Steve I appologise.
I knew as soon as you read Whips comment you would have kicked yourself for being a twit!
Thats what I like about you 777 mr tough guy! :P
You frustrate me so much at times but you are man enough to admit when you make mistakes.:thumbup:
I do admire you for that.
Quote by Resonance
What an excellent thought provoking thread and it struck a chord with me.
I suppose, I could easily be labelled as projecting an inauthentic persona, indeed I have been accused of being "disappointing" by one person after a Social/Munch (I always get them mixed up) I went to two years ago, even though that person did not speak a word to me all night.
My defence then, as it would be now, is simply on here, in the Forum, I project the aspects of my personality I think people will like and enjoy. I feel that is what people would like to read. I could post boring rants of lack of confidence, insecurity and shyness, but I don't think people would want to read that, I certainly would not enjoy writing about it. Instead, I hope it is things like my good nature, fairness, sense of fun, humour and honesty, that people see. Though people will have formed their own opinions of me through my posts, PM's and one on one conversations with me and with other forumites, which may be considerably different to that. That is entirely their prerogative of course.
In a real life situation, such as a Social, I cannot so easily hide away the aspects of my character that are perhaps not as appealling, namely my inherent shyness, initial lack of confidence especially when meeting new people in a typical social situation, the nerves of the evening itself (we are still very new to this and have had limited very mixed experiences) and the fact that I listen probably twice as much as I talk. Don't get me wrong, I am not a mute swan who mumbles and is about as funny as a dose of the clap, but I find listening more interesting than spouting tosh about what I think, or how great I am and trying to prove it with all kinds of daft behaviour to clamour for attention to somehow prove I am the same person who posts what I do.
The difference is marked however when I am with people I like, understand and feel confident with. In such situations I am much more like the persona I project on here. That is much more the real "me" and the "me" I am on here. That is true regardless of whether I am in the vanilla or Swinging world.
So I guess I must misrepresent myself to some extent in that I choose not to highlight the more flawed aspects of my personality. I frequently highlight many of my shortcomings in many posts and pm's, believe me I am no stranger to self-deprecation, so I may well appear 'disappointing' to some physically, socially, mentally as well as personality-wise. Indeed it is this very fear that often keeps me away from attending Socials and Munches. Perhaps this is even sinister to others, who assume it is done for some dark, ulterior motive. This all of course contributes to my inherent lack of confidence and shyness and down the spiral we go, thereby proving those assertions quite correct for some.
I would dearly love to be the "Fun-time Frankie" to everyone at an event. But as Tune's friend said- life isn't like that. There are other aspects of my personality that I cannot so easily tune out in social situations. That makes me fallible, flawed and human, however it does not make me dishonest. Disappointing, maybe, but all I ask is the chance to chat and get to know you before you make that judgement, and perhaps making a judgement on someone based on a few hours of alcohol induced non-communication, may not be the best way to do so.
To summarise, I am the person I am on here, in real life, I cannot and will not invent a persona to be simply to "get a shag" or try and engender some positive feeling from Forum folk. However I accentuate the aspects of my psyche that I think will appeal. In certain social situations, the negative aspects of my personality are also apparent. Whether that is dishonest, disappointing or just natural, is entirely in the perception of others and I'd hope that I would get a chance to quell the demons of fear, nerves and insecurity and show the better sides of my personality to everyone at some point, before people are quick to make snap judgements.
It does ones soul good to occasionally examine our many frailties, a really good thread. Now I'm off to weep into a camomile hanky... ;-)
Res you write some very thought provoking and very honest posts.
We all have insecurities I don't see that as hiding your true self, but some people find it easy to delve deep into their soul and open it up for all to see.
I think anyone that has read my threads in the past would see I have opened up every aspect of myself, my inner thoughts, fears and weaknesses. I have never minded in life to do that, but I wouldn't expect others to feel the same way.
I don't know why I have always felt able to do that, maybe I have never felt the need to be accepted. I don't need people to like me or agree with me. It is funny I have spoken to a few people here that have said I come across as very confident within my self, but I am my own worse critic, so I guess others knocking me has no lasting effect.
Some I believe keep themselves closed of fear of rejection as in life people are often quick to judge, some find pleasure out of attacking others weaknesses.
But I always say we are who we are if you don't like me move on by.
I am not a confidence person and I never judge others for their weakness because for one weakness there always seem to be many more strengths.
I respond to the strenghts and over look the weaknesses as I know myself nobody is perfect.
I don’t think we should be here to judge anyone that faced with the same set of circumstances really don’t know how we would react.
We don’t have the media to our advantage, I think the media stinks to be honest they would swoop to such low levels as to make money for their own gain, might be why I saw years ago their tactless approach in the way most report on human suffering.
I am not a selfish person but would I use the media if I had the opportunity like Jade has?
Money has never been the driving factor in my life, I don’t put as much importance on it as other things that are more important, but yes I would use them, would I feel ashamed not one bit.
How do we know Jade isn’t donating some money to charity?
How do we really know anything to be fact?
I don’t read as I have said before newspapers I don’t want to be fed one side of a story, or bits they care to print.
I want to think if put in the same position what I would do and feel with a clear blank mind without some reporter feeding it with what I see, could be a load of rubbish.
Maybe I am just cynical.
We don’t have the media to our advantage, I think the media stinks to be honest they would swoop to such low levels as to make money for their own gain, might be why I saw years ago their tactless approach in the way most report on human suffering.
I am not a selfish person but would I use the media if I had the opportunity like Jade has?
Money has never been the driving factor in my life, I don’t put as much importance on it as other things that are more important, but yes I would use them, would I feel ashamed not one bit.
How do we know Jade isn’t donating some money to charity?
How do we really know anything to be fact?
I don’t read as I have said before newspapers I don’t want to be fed one side of a story, or bits they care to print.
I want to think if put in the same position what I would do and feel with a clear blank mind without some reporter feeding it with what I see, could be a load of rubbish.
Maybe I am just cynical.
Sassy grief is a difficult one to get over, I had people close around me that cared, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell them when they asked how I was feeling that I felt like I was stuck in a place where I didn’t want to be, just going through the motions each day getting the bare minimum done that I could so all around me thought I was coping.
I was like you I had no motivation, but I had a 3 year old son I knew I had to get out of where I was, and find life again.
I think part of getting there is admitting things don’t feel right, it took me a year to one day wake up and feel I was back in a place I wanted to be, I believe it is all part of the grieving process, talking about it can always help.
It is winter to, you might feel a little better in spring.
Keep going things get easy as time goes on.
I was like you I had no motivation, but I had a 3 year old son I knew I had to get out of where I was, and find life again.
I think part of getting there is admitting things don’t feel right, it took me a year to one day wake up and feel I was back in a place I wanted to be, I believe it is all part of the grieving process, talking about it can always help.
It is winter to, you might feel a little better in spring.
Keep going things get easy as time goes on.
Quote by Lucyandmike7
My husband has changed the pass word on here, no word of lie!
I can now not get on with out him putting it in!
He says he is protecting me from my addiction to the site!
I say hes a..............
Lucys post.
Sorry don't mean to laugh, tell him what I tell mine, I am studying shakespear Quote by jaymar
Sorry I could not ever turn one of mine out, I walk hell to high water to help them overcome a problem.
I believed when I had children they are for life not until they are teenagers. As my parents say the bigger the child the bigger the problems. We all live independant lives but always know we can rely on each other when things get tough.
Even if one of your children had constantly physically hurt you or another family member? stole? ended up in court? lied? worse?
To be fair Minxy, whilst I understand what you're saying, would you not rather say you would 'attempt' to walk hell or high water to help them. NO person can 100% say what they would or would not do unless they've been in that position to make that decision.
We're just lucky we've not been put in that position, yet, that's why I worded my bit about finances only.
Jaymar if a child ever felt the need to hurt a parent, I would have to ask myself why. I don't believe a child would ever want to hurt their mother, there is normally an underlying reason as to why. Unless we face that reason there will never be a solution.
Don't go there please. It could be any member of a family, you can't comment as you're lucky enough not to have gone through anything like that, nor have I, but believe me others have.
Jaymar I am in no way blaming the parents, how do you know I havent been there?
I have also seen my friends son be violent to her.
There are many reasons why children would do this, some reason are hard to pin point some have easy solutions, but I would never give up trying to find out and help them
Quote by jaymar
Sorry I could not ever turn one of mine out, I walk hell to high water to help them overcome a problem.
I believed when I had children they are for life not until they are teenagers. As my parents say the bigger the child the bigger the problems. We all live independant lives but always know we can rely on each other when things get tough.
Even if one of your children had constantly physically hurt you or another family member? stole? ended up in court? lied? worse?
To be fair Minxy, whilst I understand what you're saying, would you not rather say you would 'attempt' to walk hell or high water to help them. NO person can 100% say what they would or would not do unless they've been in that position to make that decision.
We're just lucky we've not been put in that position, yet, that's why I worded my bit about finances only.
Jaymar if a child ever felt the need to hurt a parent, I would have to ask myself why. I don't believe a child would ever want to hurt their mother, there is normally an underlying reason as to why. Unless we face that reason there will never be a solution.
I have met very few people on this site, but I would hope if anyone met me I would be exactly the same as I appear on here. I believe to always be true to myself, then that hopefully comes across to people I meet.
The ones I have met when I have asked do I seem different to what you expected all have said no exactly as they had expected.
People that have seen me in the chat rooms on cam that know me from the forums have said you are different than I imagined, I put that down that my thoughts come out more in the forums where I go into the chat rooms to just have a laugh.
The ones I have met when I have asked do I seem different to what you expected all have said no exactly as they had expected.
People that have seen me in the chat rooms on cam that know me from the forums have said you are different than I imagined, I put that down that my thoughts come out more in the forums where I go into the chat rooms to just have a laugh.
Quote by Truescorpio
Did you count the number of Cabbagey smelling Haridans in said couples that came up also Angel?
I made a point earlier of saying that the better looking a woman in a couple is, the LESS likely the male half is to want another male in the bed - and it comes down to the male inferiority complex.
True we are a couple and neither are bi we have only met single guys. I have met a couple of guys now, and I didn't have to put a bag over my head. But then I guess they were not shallow, conceited, ignorant, egotists nor selfish. Might be why we met them.
Sorry I could not ever turn one of mine out, I walk hell to high water to help them overcome a problem.
I believed when I had children they are for life not until they are teenagers. As my parents say the bigger the child the bigger the problems. We all live independant lives but always know we can rely on each other when things get tough.
I believed when I had children they are for life not until they are teenagers. As my parents say the bigger the child the bigger the problems. We all live independant lives but always know we can rely on each other when things get tough.
I think until faced with a situation like this who are we really to know what we would do as decisions made at the time when all rational thought flies out of the window. Rationally I suppose we could all think what we might do, how we would handle ourselves faced with the same dilemmas, but then mixed that with thousands of other things going on in your head, can we all say we would make the right choice.
I for one could not say I would not make mistakes, but then I wouldn’t have to worry as they would go to my grave with me.
I have been faced with making rash decisions under the stain of mourning when all rational thinking was gone, do I regret it no.
At the time it was right for me for the sake of my daughter who had gone.
When we find out death is near, we morn immediately we start planning the best way for ourselves to deal with, how one person deals with it might be totally different from another, who are we to decide what is right for one.
I for one could not say I would not make mistakes, but then I wouldn’t have to worry as they would go to my grave with me.
I have been faced with making rash decisions under the stain of mourning when all rational thinking was gone, do I regret it no.
At the time it was right for me for the sake of my daughter who had gone.
When we find out death is near, we morn immediately we start planning the best way for ourselves to deal with, how one person deals with it might be totally different from another, who are we to decide what is right for one.
hwoar:.When we set out to meet a guy to invite to join us, we spoke about our idea’s what we would like to achieve what was the purpose and expectations. I (Mrs) always said to hubby for me to get the most out of meeting another guy I could not just find someone and meet quickly. There had to be for me within a meet sensuality closeness to the guy involved, I never wanted to have a shag, but to be given and to give pleasure in every way, so really had to think how this could be achieved. We wanted the guy to feel a part of us to always have his wishes and purpose taking into consideration, For this to happen it takes time, I had to connect mentally build up friendship, trust and respect with someone and for them to totally understand while they would have all of me in the sexual sense, my heart would always remain for one.
It worked out for us as after meeting a few guys there are a couple we have shared very special times with we have met on quiet a few occasions and always had such good fun, on all levels although we no longer meet we are all still friends and long may it continue. We feel you can not share sure intimate times together and not remain friends.
One guy we met summed it up for me when the next day after a meet sent me a message saying “thank you both for inviting me into your lives and sharing something so special” those few words to me had such meaning.
So I would say to totally get out of something what you want it is always worth the time and effort spend.
There were a lot of frustrating times but the good times well out weighed these.
It worked out for us as after meeting a few guys there are a couple we have shared very special times with we have met on quiet a few occasions and always had such good fun, on all levels although we no longer meet we are all still friends and long may it continue. We feel you can not share sure intimate times together and not remain friends.
One guy we met summed it up for me when the next day after a meet sent me a message saying “thank you both for inviting me into your lives and sharing something so special” those few words to me had such meaning.
So I would say to totally get out of something what you want it is always worth the time and effort spend.
There were a lot of frustrating times but the good times well out weighed these.
Quote by bouncy332
well ya had me well n truelly confused i thought your name meant you had a cunt for fucking not you are a cunt
not meaning i think you are just meant that how i read your name i thought you was a fem till i read your profile
Would you like to borrow a shovel?
yes please then i can move some snow too whilst i'm at it
Sorry that made me laugh
Quote by flower411
There have been many discussions on here about people having photos.
I personally believe a cam is a good option, to cam face to face and talk I believe a far better way to get to know a person as I believe you can tell a lot about a face.
It is something you can do in a private room and still keep your identity away from public view if you felt the need.
I have felt before that it is a shame that isn’t compulsory when joining the site, so many say I don’t have a cam but have pictures on profile, but as I said in another thread I have been stung once when meeting a guy for a drink only to find he had not updated his pictures for a couple of years.
So my motto became no cam sorry no meet.
I just wondered what others thought.
Would it be that much harder for admin to check cams?
Bloody hell minx !!!!
I know you want me to switch me cam on to order, but making it compulsory for everybody just to make me do it :shock: :shock:
Well, that really is going too far !!!
Just get on cam tonight in your suit tonight :twisted:
Quote by chris-e
I think that it is always difficult when people look to make any aspect of a developing society, which is what SwH is, covered by compulsary rules. Covering all possible circumstances is always highly unlikely so doomed to fail. It might be nice for new members to be mailed with the informal norms and expectations of other members in very broad terms... it might safe irritation and embarrassment for old hands and newbies alike.
I think that as people access to cheap IT kit is now so easy everyone will have little excuse to be able to go on cam at some point.
I agree its always nice to have seen the person you talk to but how many want to talk as many fakes stand out even for an innocent like me.
I think cams however brief enhance the experience and don't like seeing myself on cam or photo's but would be happy should anyone want to see the real me... on cam or otherwise...
Hello Chris!
I see your a first time poster welcome to the forums, You have broken your cherry no stopping you now
Quote by wild rose and the stag
says she dont meet so what difference does it make anyway
I have met a few from this site, some with cams and a couple without, and ended up playing with the ones I had seen on cam, and never did with the couple I met from pictures only, I can only think now the ones with cams I felt a better connection with and felt I knew them better. I myself am very quiet face to face with someone for the first time. As the face to face was done on cam I was fine meeting then.
Quote by Sexysmilingeyes
what if they are also ? or they insist on seeing you on cam before a meet ? ..... round and round in circles we go and no one meets
sexy I was joking I do have a cam and am quiet often on cam showing my face in my room, I do like at somestage during building a connection with someone to have a chat on cam, and there has to be some form of phyisical connection, even if it is just a smile or a captured moment that take place, if people say they would meet purely on a written connection, I can't myself, I wouldn't call myself shallow as I don't go on looks.
When we first meet someone our natural instict is vision, how many people have we all passed by without even talking to?
I chat to anyone but feel more comfortable knowing who I am talking to, it could be a family member how am I to know or someone that knows me in the vanilla world
Next if you spend time talking is a gut reaction a sence of a connection.
I just sometimes feel strange when it is the other way around so it nice to see for both who each other is talking to.
As cyber isnt a normal platform of meeting and I suppose to some degree caution kicks in not knowing really who we are talking to.
I have and still talk to a few I have never seem on cam and feel it would be nice to see who I am talking to.
Quote by Sexysmilingeyes
Ladyisaminx ..... do you not feel your being unfair to people you see on cam ? they show themselves to you but you dont back - for all they know your pics couldnt be years out of date like the person you met before ..... think if your insist on seeing someone on cam before a meet then is only fair you do the same
But I am too shy!
Quote by Dirtygirly
I didnt mean compulsory to go on cam, but if you spoke to someone wouldn't it be nicer, that they had a cam, of instead of saying sorry I dont have one.
So what's the point then?
I have a cam but I rarely switch it on. Does that make me any more or less genuine?
If that were my way of doing things, I think it would even more annoying if someone said "yeah, I have a cam but I'm not switching it on".
:mrgreen:
My point was if you got talking to someone that you felt a connection with and then they asked if you fancied a chat on cam, would it be nicer if both parties had a cam, or not?
That's not the same as it being compulsory though.
If I were chatting to someone and they wanted to cam and I wanted to, then I don't need the site to do that, I have msn.
yes true, I suppose the qusetion should more of been would you meet someone if you had not seen them on cam and just relied on pictures as to who they were.
