I am a dynamic figure often seen scaling walls and crushing ice

I Have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks making them more

efficient in the area of heat retention

I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees I write award-winning operas

I manage time efficiently

Occasionally I tread water for three days in a row

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing

I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes

I am an expert in stucco a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a

horde of ferocious army ants

I play bluegrass cello

I was scouted by the NY Yankees

I am the subject of numerous documentaries When I'm bored I build large suspension bridges in my yard

I enjoy urban hang gliding

On Wednesdays I repair electrical appliances free of charge

Iam an abstract artist a concrete analyst()) and a ruthless bookie

Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear

I don't perspire

I am a private citizen yet I receive fanmail I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes

Last summer I toured New YorK with a traveling centrifugal-force

demonstration

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy

I once read Paradise Lost Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had

time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening

I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket

I have performed several covert operations with the CIA

I sleep once a week when I do sleep I sleep in a chair

While on vacation in Canada I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.

I balance I weave I dodge I fro.