I know just what you mean, guys... and I think I had the same bloke after me, Sexgoddess.
But what gets on my cornflakes are blokes who pretend to be acting on behalf of their partners, and may even email in their name but when you phone the partner hasn't got a clue who you are....
We can see through it, lads, and you'll get much further making friends with us by being polite and honest. Who wants to get dirty with someone you can't trust?
My two cents...
Miles, I've been feeling bad about not taking your plight seriously all day... so by recompense, here is some wisedom handed down to me by an old washer woman from Thurrock.
A lot of Gay men watch Swedish porn films and think they should have sex the same way. The thing is with porn stars is that they are completely barking and have no imagination. It isn't even necessary to suck to give good oral sex...
Here is Julie's tried and tested recipe:
Ingredients: Ask your friendly local Baker for some 'Confectioners sauce dressing'. (The kind of thing they drizzle over Danish Pastries). I prefer Lemon as the Maple is too sweet. What ever you do, don't get the one from the Sex Shop - it'll rot your teeth it has so much sugar! Next, you'll need a dual speed Body Massager.
Method: Liberally dribble your partners member with the sauce - paying special attention to the underside (and don't forget the testicles too!). Push the Body Massager firmly but gently up against the perinium (behind the testicles) and switch it to 'low'. Gently rotate the Massager against the testicles whilst at the same time licking the sauce off. Vary the method of your licking between playful little nibbles, long sloppy licks and shock him out of his complacentcy every now and again with one or two powerful flicks with the end of your tongue against the 'V' shaped part of the tip of his penis. Pause between long slurps to look up into his eyes and give him that little 'Come and get me, big boy' twinkle.
Continue this for seven minutes, or when ever he looks fit to take off into orbit. You are now ready for the finale: while vigourously flicking the tip of his penis, switch the massager to 'hi'.... and stand well back!
300 blokes have just shot their bolt reading this post. (And ladies, you can get them to do it to you too!) I'm sure your friend would appreciate the gesture, Miles. End of gagging problem!
Not that I'm a professional in these matters - just an enthusiastic amateur who has dedicated years of selfless study to the subject.
Best of luck with it.
Dear Miles
My first reaction to reading this is 'who are you kidding, gov'na!'
My second reaction was that your friend needs to consult a surgeon. They can make them bigger so I'm sure they can make them smaller. He sounds abnormal.
In all cases... don't be so silly as to put your health and safety at risk. We all need to breathe and you simply can't do it if your windpipe is blocked. No bloke is worth ending up six feet under for.
Buy him a Python for Christmas... they do the dislocating jaw business with ease. Humans aren't designed for it.
Jxx
The thought has just struck me, after my appeal of last week for someone to take me on my first dogging outing, is that what is needed is some kind of database. I'm living proof that there are girls out there who would like to try this but have no one to take them. Maybe there aren't that many of us but there must be at least some. But because of the nature of it all, getting in a car with a stranger and going some place secluded in darkness is, of course, a little worrying.
I seem to have struck up one or two potential friendships and I should be going to Shirley Hills soon... but what happens if I want to go and they can't?
Wouldn't it be nice if there was some kind of list of guys who had all the details checked and logged and could be trusted to give a girl a lift?
I can't tell you the times I've sat here late on a Saturday night - less than 10 mins from Shirley Hills as it goes - and longed to just go out and get mucky in the woods with a few willing chaps. :cry:
Hey, ho!
Juliexx
Well, I'll write to Alex and ask but I don't think he's got a website as such. It's mostly word of mouth... It's been going for a couple of years and Alex is a pal. I knew him before he started it and it's just growing and growing. There's around two parties a week now.
He keeps a close eye on people and makes sure everyone is enjoying themselves and as a single girl I really appreciate that. Any stroppy or bad mannered guys are ejected very swiftly. I always feel safe at his parties.
Julie.
Hi Rich
There are genuine women and couples out there. I'm a single women myself. Recently - Friday - I placed a couple of ads here. I got loads of responses and I met with one of them yesterday and he screwed me half senseless... great. (It's been pulled now, BTW. It'll take me weeks to sift through the replies I had.)
But the thing I find when I place an ad is that I get flooded with replies... and an awful lot of them will come to nothing. Some guys are time wasters just fanticising about swinging. Some guys really want to but are too timid to go through with it and sometimes just don't show up.... and this just buggers up my schedule for weeks and weeks as I can only play at the weekends. And as a result I get pissed off and usually tell the lot of them to forget it.... until the next time I get horny and place an ad!
If you are 100% up for it, you'll get it if you show you are sincere. If you reply to an ad and they say they've had too many reponses, it's always worth dropping the girl or couple a line a few weeks later. By that stage often they are thinking they'll never get what they were asking for.
Stay with it, be polite and patient.... and be prepared to go out of your way. I once had a guy write to me saying he would 'split the cost of a hotel room and train tickets...' Cobblers to that! I had 50 other guys to wade through most of whom had their own houses and offered to drive me door to door.
May the Force be with you!
Julie.
Hi Steve.
The Limelight club runs Bukkake parties in London on the occasional afternoon. They do allow single men. It's run by a guy called Alex and I've always had a good time there... limelight_
Hope it helps. Julie.
I mean, I'd like the guys to walk away happy as well.
