Folks,
This is meant as a bit of fun - if you spend time scouring the 'Women seeking Men' adverts then you'll have seen something like this (OK - not as extreme but for comic effect, i've made it so). Hope this raises a smile...
'Women seeking Men'
Looking for a very select male who absolutely must tick all of the following:
- Brad Pitt lookalike - and not just in any old movie, must be exactly the same as Brad Pitt in Troy scene 1 with the ruffled hair. Complete with 6-pack and leather skirt. Or Donnie Darko - but without the rabbit.
- Must have hair, naturally needs to match Brad's colour perfectly. And I have a lock of his hair (off ebay) and will check - no match = bugger off. Dare not have a single hair on your body mind. Ok so I may have a little facial hair - but it's you who will be going away with a rash and not me.
- Did I say 6-pack ? Yes, by looking at my pictures you'll see I'm considerably overweight but I just like my guys to work out lots and look more like Adonis to my BBW version of Sticky Vicky.
- Age - up to 25. Brad may have been 41 when he filmed Troy but lets face facts, he is the only guy on this earth who can possibly look good over 25. You may be my junior by 20 years but that's just what I'm looking for, get it ?
- I'm Bi - happy to meet up with any woman regardless.
- No piercings or tattoos except for one mandatory small star of David on your scrotum. Did I mention I was Jewish ? Obviously I can't shag any Muslim guys - oh, unless you're black, in which case that's fine.
- 16 inch penis. Nothing less will do. At exactly 9 inches (from pubis) it must bend upwards by 15 degrees - this will really hit my g-spot and make me scream. I will have a tape measure and protractor to hand on our meet.
- NO MARRIED MEN. May the Earth open up beneath your feet, fire and brimstone pour into said hole and drop in a plague of locusts for good measure. I'm extremely judgmental and don't care if your wife has run off with your Auntie Pauline, you made your commitment for life so get on with it.
- Married women fine.
- and NO WINKS - yes, I could just select 'Wink auto responders' but I'd rather sound really tough and demand that you type in an essay with 1500 words describing your likes and dislikes. I won't tell you mine so it's a bit of a lottery - good luck.
This may sound a bit harsh to you but face facts; you outnumber us by 50 to 1 so I can afford to be choosy - now back to your work-out !
Coming soon:
The trying-not-to-sound-desperate 'Men seeking Women' advert and of course the unwanted response that soooo many couples / females get "I'm not at all what your looking for but just in case you had a mental block when you placed the ad, I'm exactly the opposite. Here's hoping..."
Enjoy.
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linekerll
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 54
0 miles · West Midlands
Forum
Forum Virgin
Hmm - recall seeing a programme on this very subject, the theory being that a woman has only one egg per month whereas a man has millions of sperm and as pregnancy is such a huge commitment, a woman is naturally more selective..
To test the theory they strapped a hidden camera to a man and a woman who then had the dubious honour of roaming a University campus asking the infamous question 'Will you go to bed with me'.
From memory, none of the women said yes to the man but around 3/4 of the men thought it was a pretty good idea and said yes to the woman !
They also showed that fidelity can be gauged by the average size of the males testicles - for example, a Gorilla has very little to shout home about but has no competition for his harem so it is not needed whereas a Chimpanzee has cannon balls - and is very promiscuous.
If you were wondering, humans are in-between !
To test the theory they strapped a hidden camera to a man and a woman who then had the dubious honour of roaming a University campus asking the infamous question 'Will you go to bed with me'.
From memory, none of the women said yes to the man but around 3/4 of the men thought it was a pretty good idea and said yes to the woman !
They also showed that fidelity can be gauged by the average size of the males testicles - for example, a Gorilla has very little to shout home about but has no competition for his harem so it is not needed whereas a Chimpanzee has cannon balls - and is very promiscuous.
If you were wondering, humans are in-between !
