Well, I talked to her today.. and she said that she doesn't know when I'm serious or not.. she sometimes regret having this lifestyle, and then I tell her that we can simply stop if she wants to. But deep down she knows my desires, and doesn't take it serious. So she is quite confused as to when I'm serious and when I'm not. And I don't really know how to explain to her that I am... other than saying "I'm serious!"
She guarantees me that nobody will find out, as this guy has a girlfriend as well.. but I'm not that naive, and I take no chances at all. I think I better call the whole thing off (the open-part, not the relationship), but she is so afraid that she won't be good enough for me if she doesn't sleep with the occasional man.. I wonder if my desires have gone too far now.. :cry:
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trellian
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 45
Forum
Yes, we're not exactly swingers, but I thought this was the best place for some answers, and it was!
I realize now that I have to sit down and have a talk with her when I see her in two weeks or so. I mean, it was I that suggested this lifestyle, and I mostly enjoy the times she has seen other men (not more than 4 guys in the year we've been doing it). However, it has been rather "safe" people so far.. a guy at her work, a guy she met while out drinking and someone from her home city she shagged while home on holiday.
On the first occasion, she texted me for permission, while the guy at her home town was someone I almost urged her to have sex with because she had kissed him once before and fancied him. The third guy (before this incident) happened when (for some reason) I wasn't in the mood for sex, so she went out and did her business and came back, and I was suddenly ready for several hours of sex. She didn't ask me beforehand then either, but that was ok.
I think it simply bothers me that she shagged my friend's brother and that she did it so close to home. She's always telling me she won't do anyone in our hometown because of the consequences it may bring with it. What the heck, maybe I'm just pissed off because I wasn't there to see it :twisted:
I realize now that I have to sit down and have a talk with her when I see her in two weeks or so. I mean, it was I that suggested this lifestyle, and I mostly enjoy the times she has seen other men (not more than 4 guys in the year we've been doing it). However, it has been rather "safe" people so far.. a guy at her work, a guy she met while out drinking and someone from her home city she shagged while home on holiday.
On the first occasion, she texted me for permission, while the guy at her home town was someone I almost urged her to have sex with because she had kissed him once before and fancied him. The third guy (before this incident) happened when (for some reason) I wasn't in the mood for sex, so she went out and did her business and came back, and I was suddenly ready for several hours of sex. She didn't ask me beforehand then either, but that was ok.
I think it simply bothers me that she shagged my friend's brother and that she did it so close to home. She's always telling me she won't do anyone in our hometown because of the consequences it may bring with it. What the heck, maybe I'm just pissed off because I wasn't there to see it :twisted:
Thanks for all the advice. I realize most of you are swingers, so it might be difficult for you to imagine our relationship where only one of us is swinging. The point is that we're both having a great time, as I'm much more interested in hearing about her affairs than having one myself.
That being said, I agree with Little Gem that swinging should not take place within friends, or even friends of friends, but possibly as far away from your home as possible. When I get home, I think I will sit down with her and explain that what she did was wrong, and try to lay out the rules once more.
She has 'cheated' on me before, I mean, told me about it afterwards.. and I didn't mind then.. so I think the problem is that it is to close to home.. and that I'm afraid what will happen if if his brother (my friend) or someone else found out. Then I'm left with the unenviable choice of a) breaking up with her because she was cheating (not really an option) b) 'Forgive' her, thereby acting like a wimp or c) explaining about our lifestyle, thereby being branded as a pervert.
None of the options are quite appealing.
That being said, I agree with Little Gem that swinging should not take place within friends, or even friends of friends, but possibly as far away from your home as possible. When I get home, I think I will sit down with her and explain that what she did was wrong, and try to lay out the rules once more.
She has 'cheated' on me before, I mean, told me about it afterwards.. and I didn't mind then.. so I think the problem is that it is to close to home.. and that I'm afraid what will happen if if his brother (my friend) or someone else found out. Then I'm left with the unenviable choice of a) breaking up with her because she was cheating (not really an option) b) 'Forgive' her, thereby acting like a wimp or c) explaining about our lifestyle, thereby being branded as a pervert.
None of the options are quite appealing.
My girlfriend and I are living in an open relationship. Still, I always want her to tell me beforehand that she is taking someone home, and if I don want her too, she is not supposed to go through with it.
A couple of days ago (we live in different countries for the time being), she called me and asked if she could bring home this guy.. which happens to be the brother of my best friend. I told her no, because I felt that would be awkward and could lead to disaster.
Then this morning, two days later, she told me she brought him home and they spent like 5 hours in bed together.
I mean, Im still excited as hell about it, but I think it was a bad idea.. if this comes out.. it's serious disaster.
Any advice? Should reason and common sense replace lust?
A couple of days ago (we live in different countries for the time being), she called me and asked if she could bring home this guy.. which happens to be the brother of my best friend. I told her no, because I felt that would be awkward and could lead to disaster.
Then this morning, two days later, she told me she brought him home and they spent like 5 hours in bed together.
I mean, Im still excited as hell about it, but I think it was a bad idea.. if this comes out.. it's serious disaster.
Any advice? Should reason and common sense replace lust?
