AbFab Club Review

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AbFab - the place to go to have an absolutely fabulous time... SHM's Girl Friday (and Saturday) checked it out for us and came back with the following report...

One of the South East's premier swinging clubs, this venue has two faces - AbFab, with two party nights every week, and Kestrel Hydro, a naturist spa, open six days a week. Located close to Heathrow Airport, AbFab is a well-respected club with much attention paid to setting the right atmosphere in a high-class environment with luxurious facilities. Party nights are held every Friday and Saturday, from 9.30 pm to 3 am, with single men allowed in on Fridays only. The front desk is usually very busy before 11 pm with new members joining - each must provide two forms of ID for the screening process before being given a guided tour.

Exploring the layout

Once you've signed in, go through the kitchen and past two nicely kept toilets with sensual candle lighting to get to the drinks area - nothing sophisticated, just a large table equipped with plastic cups, ice and blank labels. The parties are 'bring your own bottle' and the club provides soft drinks (cola, lemonade, orange juice) and a water cooler. All you do is label your booze with your name and pop it in the large chiller cabinet next to the table.

In the same area you'll find seating and a small dance floor with obligatory pole for showing off your dirty dancing skills (see the website for some photos of a couple of members making good use of it!) The latest music is played, making this a great area to have a drink, socialise and get to know a few people.

Places to meet and mingle

This area used to be the only place indoors where people could smoke, but the recent ban has meant that the 'smirting' has had to move outside. 'Smirting' is the buzz word used by the media to describe the flirting that goes on while having an outside fagbreak following the ban, and neatly packing the two words 'smoking' and 'flirting' into one. Maybe for us swingers the word should be 'sminging' but it sounds a bit too much like 'minging' for comfort!!

Into the main room next - a subtly lit location with comfortable burgundy sofas which effectively divide this large room into four quarters. One of these 'quarters' has sheer netting around to provide a little privacy for your intimacy, although the key feature of the room is for those who like the exact opposite! A very large bed with heartshaped cushions is slap bang in the middle of the room and draws the eye and a cheeky smile - it cries out for people to get busy - very publicly - and they very often do!

Using the patio doors to leave this main room, you'll find yourself outside, but under cover - all outside areas at AbFab are covered by a marquee-type enclosure, which is great in bad weather. This walkway area is the only route to the porn cinema and has recently been extended to provide an additional area for the nicotine addicts among us. The cinema itself has three rows of seating - unfortunately they're the most uncomfortable sofas I've ever sat on! The cinema redeems itself by playing decent porn and it's a busy area for hooking up and getting down to it. On the night we went, we were spoilt for choice in what to watch - two couples played together, a woman was on her knees in the back row giving her partner a blow-job and a group of single guys were crowding round one greedy girl.

Sometimes it was easy to forget about the porn on the large screen, although even if you didn't watch, the background noise of moans and groans added to the eroticism.

More rooms to enjoy

To explore the rest of the club, you need to walk back on yourself to the toilet area.
Carry on further down this corridor and you'll see a locked room to the right and a little further on, a large bathroom (with a very appealing corner bath) and another locked room. This room has a few sexy extras - animal-print ties on all four corners of the bed - and once you've tied your chosen playmate down, look up - yes, there are mirrors on the ceiling! If a locked room isn't your thing, the last area before going outside again may be more your style - an open play-area, three single beds wide, and what looks like an old en suite bathroom, now converted into a mirrored play-area big enough for four.

The outside area is spread out, starting with 'AbFab Rock' (Ayers Rock eat your heart out!) and the pool. The heated swimming pool is one of the key features of AbFab and has recently benefited from the installation of a retractable enclosure, a great improvement on the old air-dome. The pool is popular with couples - swimming naked is heaven, but having sex in a pool is out of this world! All warm from the pool, a natural choice is to get even warmer in one of the hot tubs.

Hot tubs and wet area

The outdoor Jacuzzi (undercover) can comfortably accommodate six people and is surrounded by individual playrooms. Inside the wet-block, there are lockers and a shower big enough for two in the same room as the second Jacuzzi. There's also a sauna and a playroom with a sex-swing on the other side of the toilet. Shower gel, shampoo and hairdryers are all provided by the club, as are towels. If you prefer a larger towel, just ask at reception.

A few minutes' walk down a long boardwalk is the stable-block - now a dungeon! Each of the old individual stables is a differently themed room; the first is the dark-room with seating close to the entrance. If you dare venture to the back of the room, you'll also find a couple of beds. Two sex-swings are available in the next room and the opposite one has bondage equipment with a cheeky sign saying 'tie me to try me'!

There's also a glory-hole, with one side for ladies, the other for, well, whoever! For those who have not come across one before, a glory-hole means a gap or hole in a partition, sometimes a booth or in a public toilet, through which to engage in anonymous sexual activity. Playrooms, each with three single beds, make up the rest of the room quota... except the oddest - a room laid out like your living room at home, complete with leather settee and TV!

Dungeon delights

Made of brick and wood with a concrete floor, the dungeon can feel cold and harsh - suitably atmospheric - but hearing the dulcet tones of Luther Vandross singing Dance with My Father and other ballads was distinctly at odds with the setting. In a dungeon you want to get spanking not smooching!

So that's the layout, what about the people and the vibe? One couple commented that it was more laid back than other clubs - they were referring specifically to some clubs where people get 'straight down to it'. The club, or to put it more bluntly the action, gets going by 11 pm, sometimes midnight. It depends on your personal preference, but many like the social aspect of swinging and AbFab is very sociable. Chatting and getting to know people first is a lot less intimidating for those newer to the scene, making this club a great choice if you've never been to a club before. And for those who do want to just get on and play straight away, you're sure to find like-minded folk within the sixty or more couples (plus a few single females) attending each Saturday evening.

The Friday scene

We've previously attended the Friday-night party, and this review wouldn't be complete without commenting on it. The vibe is somewhat different - a Saturday seems more relaxed than the more testosterone-charged Friday evenings. Some people are worried by, and have heard about, single men being very pushy. This is not just an issue for AbFab but any club where single men are allowed in. This club strictly controls the number of single men, on a ratio basis, but it's worth noting that a higher ratio is allowed on the last Friday in the month. If there is a problem, the issue usually lies in the men's approach and attitude. Some need educating on the etiquette of swinging in clubs, and certainly the men at AbFab are under no illusion that if there are any complaints, they will not be invited back again.

The naturist hydro

Switching to daytime, the club trades as Kestrel Hydro Naturist Spa. Don't get me wrong, there are subtle changes - part of the main house is no longer in use, the dress code goes from club-wear (or less) to a towel (or less) - but this is the same place with the same staff and same owners - just a different format. A little galling is the need for two separate memberships, although the membership fee for Kestrel is discounted if you're already an AbFab member.

The outdoor pool is again the main focus, now with the benefit of the transparent cover that retracts on sunnier days, although these have been in seriously short supply this year! But even if it is raining, it feels great to be in the warm pool and laugh at the greyness outside. The grassy area around the pool with sun loungers and a couple of hammocks for chilling out are a delight on sunny days. The only downside with the outdoor area is the proximity to Heathrow Airport - it's so close that if the planes are taking off on a particular runway and in a particular direction, it can get very noisy... every two minutes!

The dungeon block, sauna, indoor and outdoor hot-tubs are all available, as are the three playrooms surrounding the outdoor tub. On a hot day, my only complaint was that the plastic-coated beds got very sweaty and slippery. Only part of the house is available - by day the heart of the club is outdoors and around the pool. As you enter from the AbFab Rock entrance, the open area with the three beds and the converted en suite playroom is the only section accessible.

Local competition

Competition-wise, there is a new club on the block, a mere six miles down the road. Whether it gives AbFab a run for its money remains to be seen, although two major changes may head off any serious threat. There's a new AbFab loyalty scheme, although would it be fastidious to point out the irony that the scheme is only available separately for Friday nights and Saturday nights, doesn't apply to Kestrel, and therefore doesn't truly reflect the loyalty of the most regular members who attend Kestrel and both party nights?

They have also started offering stayovers - the playrooms in the dungeon and around the outdoor tub are available - but no bedding is provided. That seems a fair deal for the nominal £10 charge, although the night we stayed there was one couple who hadn't realised and had no bedding.
They were going to have a cold night down in the dungeon! This is a great asset for those wishing to have a drink, and it's cheap compared to staying in a local hotel.

Getting there

AbFab is located just off junction 14 of the M25, easily accessible by car - and it couldn't be more ideally situated for anyone staying over in the Heathrow area. Getting there is more difficult for those without a car, although if you call the club, they'll be happy to tell you about public transport and taxi options. To sum up, this club is well named, it is absolutely fabulous and deserves the 5 out of 5 rating given to it by Swinging Heaven members.


There is a one-off fee payable on the first visit for a lifetime registration card and this is in addition to the entrance fees. An application form can be downloaded from the website www.abfabparties.com

Couple/Single Female/Single Male £20
Entrance Fees
Couple £30
Single Female £10
Single Male £50
Single Males - The number of single men allowed on each Friday is limited and it is advisable to get on the guestlist as early as possible.
Couple £40
Single Female £10
Days & Opening Times
Friday & Saturday 9.30 pm to 3 am
Website www.abfabparties.co.uk
Telephone 07702 567205 (available party nights only)

Kestrel Hydro Naturist Spa
Membership Cost
The cost of a 6-month membership is as follows. and is payable in addition to the entrance fees, unless a guest takes a day-visitor pass
Couples £30
(discounted price for AbFab members £10)
Single Females £10
(discounted price for AbFab members £5)
Single Males £40
(discounted price for AbFab members £20)

Entrance Fees The entrance fee is payable in addition to the membership cost. Alternatively, a day-visitor pass is available for nonmembers.
Couples £20 (day visitor £30)
Single Females £10 (day visitor £15)
Single Males £30 (day visitor £40)
Days & Opening Times
Monday to Friday 11.30 am to 6.30 pm
(last entry 6 pm)
Sunday 1 pm to 10 pm (last entry 8 pm)

Website www.kestrelhydro.com
Telephone 01784 464262