DVD Reviews (4)
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The review offerings for this issue were a very mixed bag of 18s and
R18s - and by the end of his viewing
session, our faithful reporter was using his
trusty tissues to wipe his eyes as well...
If you enjoy watching women - because there are only women in
here - masturbating, then this is a disc that you might very well
want to add to your collection. Coming via The Adult Channel
offerings from The Big Jim Productions stable, this is a 72-minutelong
voyeuristic voyage through nine different episodes of nine
different and quite attractive women wanking, using their fingers and
a range of toys. Hence the title - Buzz Lightyear isn't in it... although
several buzzy things are.
It is one of my overriding complaints about so many DVDs that,
an R18 version would be so much better, and it must exist
somewhere. Plain 18s can almost do the job, and can be supplied
through a wider range of channels, but let's get real - they're not what
people really want and it's about time the law was clarified to allow
anyone who wants to retail the R18 versions.
Not wanting to get political, but a degree of this is a taxed licence
issue. I know of several adult shops that won't stock R18 material due
to the massive licence fee for so doing, and they're wary about what
they sell just to make sure they don't topple into the higher licence
band. However, enough whingeing about the current stupid system, and
back to the film.
There is a good variety of body-shapes and looks, so there is
something here to suit everyone. My personal favourite is lady number
six - Paris. Maybe slightly more mature than the average model, but
gorgeous. As well as very obviously having a good time, she starts off in
nice clothes and keeps her hold-ups and shoes on throughout, including a
good vibro DP element. Plus, she has a lovely modicum of pubic hair.
While a bush that looks like Brian May in a hurricane isn't very attractive,
I'm sure that many people, like me, are wearying of the 'last turkey in the
shop' look that seems, increasingly, to be becoming the norm.
The disc comes with very limited features, which include a trailer of
the film that you're already watching! You can scene select from the main
menu, but it is annoying that in between each scene is yet another trailer
for - yeah, you've guessed it - the film you're already watching.
For what it is, it's OK at only around £9.99
Rated 18, it's available from many sources
but I can't give it any more than 5 out of 10.
RRP £24.95 CherryBliss price £14.95
Available from www.CherryBliss.com
Cocks and Throbbers
A 2003 film from Tongue in Cheek Limited
and lasting 72 minutes, the title rightly
prepares you for a spoof-based series of
scenes - of which there are five.
Puns run throughout with the two main
characters, who are plain-clothed police
officers, being called 'Spit' (a blond girl), and
'Roast' (a black guy).
Spit and Roast are constantly on the
hunt for the two wanted faces called
Catwoman - not surprisingly a cat burglar -
dressed in a latex bodysuit and appropriate
mask - and Mousehole - a rather mousy
looking blond girl who normally doesn't dress
in very much.
Scene one - a spoof that could have
come straight out of a bad early episode of
The Bill - takes place in a men's public
convenience. In between the gasping 'Oh
yeahs!' there is, actually, some dialogue and
the repeatedly flushing urinal adds to the
general sleaziness of the scenario.
Before being confronted, Mousehole
takes a pee by straddling the men's trough
and this little bit alone will appeal to any ws
enthusiast. She is then apprehended and Spit
joins Roast in giving the crim a good seeing
to, including living up to their soubriquets
with the extensive use of a strap-on. There is
lesbian play, both ways, and much overt
sucking of the strap-on dong. (Quite why it is OK to show this sucking of a realisticlooking
cock openly in an 18 film and yet not
the real thing must remain one of the seven
million plus mysteries of what passes for the
English legal system.)
In scene 2, Catwoman appears for the
first time. This is a quite long M&F 'suck,
fuck, lots-of-Oohs-and-Aahs interlude that
will be especially enjoyed by latex lovers.
After a really good lesbian session
between Catwoman and Mousehole that
involves some lovely 69 shots and a finishing
off with dildo self-masturbation, we arrive
at a totally different scene that is actually
my favourite. It's an MMF encounter in an
office involving very smartly dressed
participants - one pretending to be the
mayor - including one with that striking
look of the efficient, frustrated and slightly
older secretary letting go. A good little
cameo that - if we haven't actually indulged
at work, have certainly fantasised about it! It
finishes with a DP and double BJ.
Back, then, to the chase for the villains
and the film and with all four main
protagonists doing every imaginable thing to
each other and includes liberal use of the
All in all, a fun film that covers most
aspects of interplay, has some dialogue and,
you could argue, a degree of plot.
This disc retails for around £9.99
for the 18 version and I rate it as
about a 6.5 out of 10. The hardcore
version is apparently
available and I'd give that edit
Regular price £19.95
CherryBliss price £9.95
Available from www.CherryBliss.com
Harmony films are getting better and
better. The title gives it away, but there is
nothing more in this than cock-sucking.
Nothing less, either, and it is brilliantly
shot and produced in HD.Whether or not
you would watch this from start to finish
is another matter. It is a massive three
hours and fifty-four minutes long, on
two discs that contain fifteen scenes.
Also, it holds a range of extras: a gallery of
over sixty stills from the films is backed up
by a replay of the cum-shots for the
impatient (or should it be the in-patient?) as
well as trailers for some of their other titles.
I can imagine this being played at a club, or
on your plasma screen in the background,
just to keep 'the old man' from flagging.
One could argue, that it is rather
repetitive - given the length - but there are
some very nice diversionary vignettes. Disc
two is where it is all really at. Scene five,
although right at the end, is one to look out
for and has a pretty good lesbian encounter
including a vibe interlude that features one
of the most delectable pussies that you can
imagine and makes you almost want to leap
across the room and lick the television screen. It then becomes a very greedy affair
with both girls appearing almost desperate
to get their lips around the cock, and finishes
with a prolonged and intense oral cumswapping
However, the best has already happened.
Scene one on disc two is pure bukkake. One
very tasty heeled and stockinged girl,
working her way through, and pleasuring, six
excited guys. The disc is worth buying for
this event alone. Sadly, in many ways, it
makes the rest of the package look not that
great. It shouldn't. Each scene has its own
merits, but, I suspect that like me, you'll keep
cumming back to this episode.
Do I have any problems with this ? Only
one. The 'extras' in the main menu (which is
on disc two and should be on disc one)
allow you to activate French subtitles. Is
this a joke that I've missed or is it pointless?
After all, choking, gagging and slurping
sound much the same in any language.
After chewing the gristle, I give
this 8.5 out of 10. It will appeal to
virtually everyone who enjoys sex,
but, particularly, to those who love
the sight of a pretty woman
sucking cock. Or, who just enjoy
the sight of a stiffy being
Obviously, rated as R18
Available from Harmony
Price £24.99 www.harmonyuk.com
La Chambre Gang Bang
As the title suggests, this film was shot in
the well-known La Chambre club in Sheffield
and features a gang-bang that involves
several 'rounds' of fun. For those of you who
don't know, La Chambre is situated on the
Attercliffe Road and gives a new meaning to
the expression for a sharp head-nutting
regularly used by a Scouse friend of mine -
the 'Attercliffe Kiss'.
The film was masterminded by Johnny
Rebel (aka John Mason), who is a
photographer, performer and pornographer
(his own words), is produced and distributed
by Phoenix Films, and available in most R18
outlets throughout the UK.
The single comes in at a huge three
hours and forty-six minutes and is shot in
high definition. But what is really good about
it, is that it is shot from two cameras and all
through the film you get the option of
switching from view 1 to view 2. This does
mean that it is actually only half the length,
but does give you the opportunity to move
to the angle that you'd rather see. Remember
how many times you may have thought, 'This
is pretty good, but I'd like to see it from the
other side.'Well, this film offers this option.
Shot in a real swinger's club, it feels like it,
and it's especially good to see viewers
looking through the window in the
background, which adds to the authenticity
of the atmosphere.
While Phoenix distributes Johnny's films,
he also has web-site of his own,
www.johnnyrebel.com which is well worth a
look, and from where you can join and
download many of his other offerings.
As you probably gather, this is R18 stuff,
and prices vary depending on your local
retailer. This disc and the web-site are
certainly a very refreshing look at swingers in
their natural element (even though some of
Johnny's participants are clearly paid
actresses), and it is nice to have a different
slant without everyone involved appearing
to be a professional and scripted porn
For what it is - a look at what
a real swinging club in action can
look like - it is worth 7 out of 10.
Available from all good adult shops
Retails for around £20-£25