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We shut our resident reviewer in a darkened room with a TV, DVD
player, a modest supply of lager, a box of tissues ( just in case), and
a clutch of four DVDs - and told him he couldn't come out until he'd viewed
them all. The following reviews are the result of his incarceration! To be fair,
when we let him out, all the lager was gone, but he'd only used the tissues to
blow his nose. 'There aren't any R18s in here,' he complained ruefully.
Being an avid 'Dr Who' fan, I wasn't
really looking forward to reviewing this in
case it spoiled my image of what the real
Doctor was all about. But, hey- we've all had
our suspicions about what the Doc's been up
to over the years with Rose, Sarah-Jane,
Romana, Jo Grant (the fans' favourite), et. al -
so what the hell?
This disc contains the first three episodes
of what promises to be a very desirable
In the first episode, 'Holly' (!), the Doc
meets his new assistant and after taking her
back to her home, converts her bog-standard,
down-market vibrator into a sonic screwdriver
(!) version. Sex happens quickly and intensely
in her bedroom. The sonic screwing
device will play a major role in coming episodes as both a sex
toy and something to blow people up with.
Episode two finds us in Medieval Muff. A
damsel in distress is rescued and the ensuing
threesome, shot outdoors, is blindingly good.
Not happy with having pricked Holly, the
Doc returns to the swinging 60's to have a go
at her mother. Again, a great sex scene.
This is so well made that one can forgive
all the ghastly schoolboy puns - as I hope you
have mine. Rose becomes Holly, the Tardis
becomes a Turdis - it's disguised as a
Portaloo, The Master becomes The Mistress
and the music is as close as you could get to
the real theme without instigating a
copyright court case.
Sex dominates, and, to be honest, it
would be better if whatever storylines there
are supposed to be were allowed to develop a
little longer before the shagging began.
Having said that, Elle Brook is a very sexy
Rose, sorry, Holly, and Mark Sloan gives a
wonderful performance of a Doctor
David Tennant -
mostly the latter.
Even with his
face full of fanny,
he manages to
come up with
Dr Who lines.
All in all, a very
good first disc, and I
look forward to the
rest of the promised
series. Again, if this were an R18 version it would have got at
least one more star. This DVD will be liked by
both women and men - but may offend
anyone who is an off-the-wall, card-carrying
convention-attending Dr.Who fanatic - but
that's their problem.
I rate this as 7.5 out of 10
Produced by Playboy TV Adult channel,
and running for approx. 59 minutes,
it retails for around £18.95.
Does exactly what it says on the
tin - or almost. It's extreme only in
that there's a lot of anal sex, all with women
on the receiving end. Maybe not everyone's
cup of tea, but if anal is one of your bags,
then this film from MSS Interactive, directed
by Freddie Morse and Bob Bennett is a pretty
I suspect this film will appeal to rather
more men than women, but it makes a very
good fire-starter and as a background to
whatever you may be doing yourself at the
time. This is real sex and all of the attractive,
and still realistic, actors are clearly and
honestly enjoying themselves.
There are five chapters to the DVD.
The first finds a blonde and a brunette
attempting to play croquet before resorting
to a range of fruit and vegetables. It's nice
that this is shot in the open-air on what looks
like the lawn of a stately home, but it is the
weakest of the scenes and maybe should have
been edited in later in the disc.
Secondly, we find a blond(ish) woman in
a rather run-down attic, overlooking a river or
a bay, along with two men. A great scene and
they are all really going for it.
Next, we are in another attic with a black
guy and a pretty petite blonde. Again, one
feels that one is just a fly on the wall and
that even if this weren't a film, they'd be
doing the same thing anyway.
Thankfully, Chapter 4, my favourite, takes
place in the more salubrious setting of a
smart sitting room and involves the 'lady' of
the house, a maid and a lot of toys. The maid
bears more than a passing resemblance to
Connie from 'The Sound of Music' so just let
your imagination go!
Finally, again in a nice room, two guys
have a long play with a brunette.
This film works very largely due to the
obvious enthusiasm of the actors. Once again,
if it had been shot as an R18 rating then it
would have got at least one more star.
I rate it at 6 out of 10
Retail price around £19.95.
This film is really quite good fun.
It's a comedy parody of 'Pirates of
the Caribbean' and works well - and
therefore, to really enjoy some of the
subtleties and in-jokes you really need to
have seen the original. But, if you haven't,
it's still entertaining in its own right.
Directed by the award winning Joone, the film
along with the 'XXX' version, has, in total,
won over thirty adult industry awards and
features some big names including, Jesse Jane,
Carmen Luvana, Devon and Jenavere Jolie.
Not short on budget, this film is well
produced, well acted, well directed and some
of the special effects are of mainstream
quality - I especially liked the fighting
skeletons. The main thrust of 'Pirates' is
comedy, and here it can be a little weak.With
a tighter and more acerbic script it would
have got another star, but 'Naked Gun' it ain't
- although you do feel that you are watching
a proper film with a plot and continuity.
Here lies the problem. Am I watching a
comedy film that is not side-splittingly funny,
or am I watching a soft porn film with very
little porn? Having said that, there is an
excellent, erotic and
lesbian scene towards
the end that is well
worth waiting for.
In its review,
the New York Times
said, 'Pirates has a
value and has
been designed to
appeal to both
men.' I agree,
and while it is
would be no
this to any
'Pirates' is a
good film to watch
with a few friends, a
few beers and some
take-away pizzas. No one
will be offended - but no one
will get too carried away.
I give it 6 out of 10
A Digital Playground production, distributed through Adam and Eve Pictures, 'Pirates' retails for around £18.95.
How to reach the ultimate climax
'How to' books, DVDs and
videos are normally a real put off -
'How to play Golf like Tiger Woods in only
two weeks', 'How to cook like Jamie Oliver
while riding a scooter', 'How to become
England Manager without knowing anything
about football' (hang on, that one obviously
works and has been used by the last few
incumbents). Mostly they are patronising crap
and fundamentally impracticable.
However, this one is not too bad at all.
'The Joy of Sex', in various guises, has been
re-visited time after time after time.
But this version from The Alexander Institute,
proclaimed (albeit self-proclaimed) experts on
personal and sexual relationships, is a cut
above most others and, rightly, rests its case
on the importance of
between partners and the
emphasis that journey
fulfilment is often the most
important part of sex, rather
than the sometimes rushed
arrival. The mantra is
'communicate your wishes
and take time achieving them'.
Running for about 100
minutes, the DVD is divided
into various sections such as
foreplay, massage techniques and
sex toys, to name but three, and
includes a fair number of market
research interviews with what are
clearly real people.
One of the benefits of notionally
educational films is that you can get away
with a little bit more hard core footage than
you can with standard commercial porn films
in the '18' category. So there are a couple of
erect penis and open pussy masturbation
shots that would usually only be available in
'R18' offerings, and you can view this as an
academic exercise. That's another problem -
the best sex is spontaneous and I do worry
about anyone who may religiously follow the
suggested routines - scented candles and all.
However, in a one-on-one relationship, the
closeness and sensual nature that this
doctrine promotes can only be good.
If you're reading this magazine, then
you are, probably, either already a swinger,
or at least a person of mature sexual
experience, and I really doubt that you would
learn anything new from watching this,
other than reinforcing the importance
But I don't want to
sound negative. It is a
very well put together
disc that comes with
special DVD features
that include multilingual
commentary in English
(well, American, actually)
Spanish and German,
along with subtitles in
English, French and Dutch and
would be really useful to new
couples or people learning about
each other and the ways of pleasure.
It is not porn - but then it isn't
meant to be.What it gives, it gives very
well indeed. It is beautifully produced with
attractive, yet realistic and not over-thetop
couples and could be stored among
the rest of your DVDs without
I give it 7 out of 10
Retails around £19.95.