The Food of Love
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food, and there's
rude food - and
GI values apart, it's good to
know that some of the
sexiest morsels are not
wickedly fattening. Annie
takes a long, mouthwatering
look at glorious
food to get your pulse racing.
It was the immortal bard who gave us that
much-quoted line, 'If music be the food of
love, play on; give me excess of it.' (Years ago,
my partner used to play in a punk band, and
he used to introduce their gigs with the
warning, 'If music be the food of love,
prepare for indigestion...). It's a pretty
conceit, but as we all know, food is the food
of love. But just as you won't get turned on
by every sort of music (brass bands, Max
Bygraves, Snow Patrol spring immediately to
my mind), not all food is sexy... but some is...
very sexy indeed.
One of the things that makes certain foods
irresistibly seductive is the indulgence of
having small, beautiful morsels to slurp and
savour - asparagus dripping with warm
butter; mussels sucked from a half shell and
dissolving into that lovely briny marine
flavour; little bubbles of caviare which fizzle
as you crush them on your tongue. Real
English strawberries soaked in something
alcoholic ... Makes your mouth water...
It's a pity that so many of these erotic
morsels are so expensive - but no-one normal is going to feel turned on by a big,
cheap plate of braised tripe, or pease pudding
(or if they do, perhaps they should contact us
for a perverted food fetish feature). Luckily,
though, if food is really exciting, you don't
need that much for it to work its magic.
One of the great things about 'rude'
food is being able to feed it into your
partner's mouth - so finger food is perfect.
And oysters, with their aphrodisiac
reputation, are an ideally packaged mouthful.
Admittedly, they're not pretty, but close your
eyes, and for texture, aroma and sensation,
they're hard to beat.
A cookery editor I used to work with used to
describe quarter-cut figs quite shamelessly as
looking like 'little c**ts' and the look of food
can be very suggestive. I don't mean
celebration cakes made to look like
balconette-clad breasts or novelty banana
sundaes contrived to look like willies. Ho
hum. If you want to eat a banana in a
provocative way, unzip one and go ahead, but
don't encourage people to play about with
However, food that looks sexual needs
to be seen to be appreciated - a picture
paints a thousand words and all that. I've
been using the term 'rude food' - and must
credit it where it is due. There's a book that's
been in my family for many years, of
indulgent photography by David Thorpe, called Rude Food. It's sadly out of print now,
as I found when I contacted the publishers,
Aurum Press, but as with so many lost titles,
there are copies to be found on the internet.
I could describe to you the naughty finger
sliding into the Sole Colbert, the drizzling oil
dressing a salad on a naked body or the
oysters on a bare stomach - but I end this
short exploration of tittilating food with a
borrowed image to appeal to all you bondage
fans. I recommend to you 'Strict Spaghetti' -
and as the woman in the advert (who says
'feud' instead of 'food') would say, 'This is not
just food, this is S and M food...'
Don't torture yourself over the calories -
asparagus are a measly four calories per
spear (but add the butter!), oysters just five
calories each, mussels ten apiece (excluding
the wine, etc), strawberries are just two
calories each, figs about twenty calories per
fruit, and bananas a modest eighty calories a
go. So go on - enjoy!