Swinging for Girls
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The idea that swinging is a couples-only
activity is so old hat -
swinging is well and truly for
you single girls too! SH
Magazine's intrepid single
siren explores the scene for
girls on their own.
Compared to the number of couples and
single guys on the scene, single girls are
elusive - for a variety of reasons. Normal
supply-and-demand rules apply, making lone
ladies very much sought after, and this is
even more true for single bisexual females
(or bi-fems, in swing-speak).
There can never be enough single ladies
who swing, so let's demystify swinging for
girls and encourage more of you to come
out and play...
What type of people swing?
Before you dip your toe in the water of
'swinging heaven', you might assume the
people to be sleazy, sex-crazed and all-round
nutters (OK, some may be, but let's stop
talking about me for a moment!). Seriously
though, people who swing are generally very
normal - a mixed bag of individuals with
different jobs and backgrounds, just as you
would find in any group you join or new
activity you take up. Our activity just
happens to be sex - and we like variety!
Because of this, of course, a common-sense
approach to personal safety is a must - but
more of that later.
If you're asking the question, 'what type
of people swing?', it's also worth asking why
some single ladies don't swing, in particular
those who would be ideally suited to the
lifestyle. Reasons include the fallacious
perception that swinging is a couples-only
pastime; they don't know enough about
'swinging' itself to give it a try - or they may
be scared at the thought of going to a club,
especially if they have no one to go with.
Some women have one-night-stands to
fulfil their sexual needs - well, swinging is
similar but with a bit more certainty. Among
other things, you can find out their vital
statistics and check in advance if they are
the kind of person (or length or girth etc!)
that you prefer. And if you don't want that
particular one, there are plenty more out
there to choose from!
Do I have to be a 'skinny Minnie' to swing?
Absolutely not! Swinging is for every type of
woman. Some men, and women, do prefer to
meet slim girls, but there are lots who love
the sexy, fuller figure. Cuddly, voluptuous,
BBW (big beautiful woman) - however you
label yourself - there'll be folks out there
who'll find you sexy and want to meet you.
Swinging can be a great confidence boost -
and don't forget that confidence is an
alluring quality in itself - so get on your sexy
lingerie and strut your stuff!
Who plays with single girls?
The unbalanced ratio of single guys and
couples to single ladies means we girls are
very much in demand. Swinging welcomes
people of all preferences, gay, straight or bi.
Straight single ladies are more likely to play
with a man (or several at the same time); it
is less usual for her to play with a couple.
This is more the domain of the single bi-fem,
as she can play with both partners, as well as
being popular with the single guys and other
single bi-fems. Some ladies may be bicurious
and want to experience the pleasures
of another woman, with some going on to
discover they are bisexual - which opens up
more possibilities for meets.
How do I get started?
OK, so once you've decided to go for it, there
are several places where you can start. Either
you can go online, for instance with the
Swinging Heaven website, where you'll find
over 700,000 members. Arranging a 'meet'
with someone online is very easy; photo ads
are very popular, as are the chat rooms and
forums. Or you can join a swinging club...
Going alone to a club for the first time
can be very daunting. Call the club in
advance and explain you're a single lady and
will be coming alone - you'll find most clubs
will really make an effort to ensure you feel
welcome and safe. They will usually show
you around the club, and may introduce you
to a few people too. In some cases, if they
have the time, staff may check on you at
various points throughout the night to make
sure you're all right.
In a way, going to a club is the easier
option for your first time, in that you have
more choice available there, on the spot.
Then there's the added benefit of being able
to assess potential playmates in person
instead of communicating with an online
persona. Some clubs have different entry
criteria on different evenings, for instance
couples and single ladies only, and on other
nights single men are allowed entry.
An excellent way of getting to know
people and to build up confidence is through
attending a social - where there is no
playing. This is sometimes called a 'munch'
and it may be a great starting point for
ladies, gents or couples who are a little
unsure of how to start swinging or are
worried about their first time. Socials are
relaxed, fun, and a safe way to meet people.
What should I wear?
This of course depends on whether you have
arranged a 'meet' through a website or are
going to a club. It is advisable that you meet
the person somewhere neutral to start with
- say a local pub - meaning that no special
dress is needed. A club may have specific
rules or advice on dress, or you may be going
to a themed night. Spa-type clubs may have
a towel-only dress-code, whereas you might
want to wear something sexy, provocative,
fetish-style or club-wear for other types of
swinging club. Some places operate a policy
that by a certain time, everyone is asked to
get down to underwear only. This may seem
daunting if you're not confident about your
body, but it does make it an even playing
field. If in doubt, call the club in advance and
inquire about any rules they have or what
clothes they recommend.
What if I want to say 'no'?
The rule of swinging is 'no' means 'no'.
Depending on the situation, a polite shake of
the head or a hand signal may suffice. If
you're in a hot tub, for example, someone
may start touching your leg without saying
anything, or they may ask you if you would
mind them playing with you. You have the
right to say 'no' if you don't want to do
anything, or wish to stop playing at any time.
In swinging, the lady calls the shots and has
the final say - and everyone should respect
your wishes. However, the occasional person
may not, and a firmer 'no' may be needed.
Should the person persist, the best option will
depend on the situation, but it may be best if
you physically walk away, then ask someone
nearby for help or make a complaint to the
club manager or website admin team.
It's unlikely you'll want to meet up with
everyone who asks you to, so knowing the
best way to decline an offer can save any
awkwardness. For example, if you give the
person a specific reason why you don't wish
to meet, this can, on occasion, result in the
individual challenging you, going on to
explain why you should meet them - which
can make you feel that you have to justify
your decision further. My personal preference
is to give a simple yet standard reply saying,
'Sorry, you're not what I'm looking for - but
have fun'. Given how popular single females
are, you may find yourself with far more
offers than you can take on, so to reduce the
number of unsuitable requests, try to state
clearly in your online profile what you are
looking for, and also what you don't want.
Not that everyone bothers to read profiles!
Even if you give a polite 'no thanks',
some people don't handle rejection well.
Luckily this is rare, but when it does happen,
it can result in insults, or even harassment. It
proves very quickly that the person was not
someone you'd wish to meet anyway. If you
find yourself on the end of any insulting
behaviour or harassment of any kind, report
the person to the website admin team or
club manager. It is important that whatever
website you use is well administered and
moderated for situations such as this, and
that the clubs you frequent don't tolerate
this kind of behaviour.
Of course just as we can say 'no', so
others can say 'no' to us.We can't be
everyone's cup of tea, so accept any rejection
with good grace and move on - there really
are plenty more fish in the sea!
Safe sex rules!
Sexually transmitted diseases are a risk for
sexually active people, and for ladies there's
the added complication of the risk of
pregnancy. Condoms are recommended as
standard; also appropriate protection for oral
sex, such as a condom or dental dam - and
any additional contraceptive of your choice.
If someone doesn't want to use a condom,
then you need to decide whether to
compromise your own standards. Some
people choose to swing 'bareback', meaning
without a condom, and every individual has
the choice to practice safe sex or not, but
again 'no' means 'no', and you should never
feel unable to ask a person to wear a
condom or feel pressured to play with them
if they won't.
Personal safety rules too!
The last but most important issue for single
ladies is that of personal safety. On the
internet it is easy for people to pretend to be
something and someone they are not - the
vast majority of swingers are absolutely
genuine, but you can never be too careful. It
is advisable that you chat on the telephone
prior to meeting the person/s - there are
occasional cases of a supposed 'couple'
actually being a single man, very likely trying
to increase his chances of a meet. If you are
meeting a couple, then ask to speak to the
female half of the pair to check they are
genuine. Be wary if she is always 'out', 'not
available' or is suddenly unable to make the
meet and the man turns up alone.
If you've never met him/her/them
before, it's advisable to meet somewhere
public and neutral first - say a local pub -
and then only go back to their hotel or home
(or take them back to your home) if and
when you feel comfortable. If you live alone,
you may decide as a single woman it is
better not to 'accommodate' (which is the
term used for hosting a meeting in your
home). It's also worth letting someone know
who you'll be out with and where you will
be. If this isn't feasible, leave a note in your
home that can be found quickly should
If you are nervous, then you may feel
some Dutch courage will help, however, be
careful that you don't get so drunk that you
become incapacitated or compromise your
ability to make good judgement calls. If you
do get drunk, try to be around people you
trust, so that they will have your interests at
heart and if necessary, will take care of you.
Consider carefully how much
information you wish to give out about
yourself - would it cause problems for your
job or family if someone found out you were
a swinger? People can be identified relatively
easily with the power of the internet, so be
cautious what you tell people if you either
don't want your full identity to be known, or
just in case the person turns out not to be as
genuine as you first thought. If you can
afford it, it's better to get a mobile phone
number that is separate from your usual one
- to be used just for swinging. It is also
recommended to use a generic email
address, such as hotmail or yahoo that
doesn't contain your real name, year of birth
and all those other nuggets of personal
information people tend to disclose when
choosing an email account! Decide whether
you wish to disclose your landline number -
after all, you may only meet a person once
and decide not to see them again - so you
don't want them to have your home number.
Having said that...
Swinging is great fun and very sociable, and
you can build up long-lasting friendships. As
a single swinger, a 'swingle' for short, you will
be far from alone, as there are plenty of
other singles on the scene - but please sir,
could we have some more ladies! Many say
they wished they had tried it years ago - so
come on girls, dip your toe in the water, play
full on, play safe - but most of all, have fun!