Readers Forum (4)
Download the PDF
I'm assuming, from the dearth of feedback and
ideas, that we're doing something right - and
that SH Magazine is fulfilling all it promised to
deliver. So, once again, I've turned to
some items from here and there that caught my eye over
the last month...
The Seven - Year Itch?
I was browsing through one of the
qualities the other day and my
imagination was piqued by a short
item from the paper's European
correspondent. It was the headline
which originally caught my eye:
'Marriages should expire after seven
years, says German politician'.
My immediate assumption was
that these were the rantings of some
portly Eurocrat who'd been going
through a tricky divorce - a gentleman
perhaps in his sixties... But the feature
was accompanied by a very different
image. OK, it was a small b/w photo,
but 50-year-old Gabriele Pauli of the
CSU party engaged the camera with a
dazzling model smile as she sat astride
her motorbike, helmet under one arm.
Her general style is unconventional -
attending a photo-shoot, the flamehaired
double-divorcee turned her
nose up at traditional, conservative
Euro-style dress in favour of latex -
and her opinions follow suit. "The basic
approach is wrong ... many marriages
last just because people believe they
are safe. My suggestion is that
marriages expire after seven years.'
She's campaigning for the leadership
of her party - and needless to say, the
CSU elders have thrown their hands up
in shock. 'With ideas like that, she
should give up her candidacy,' said one
party elder (58), also standing for the
leadership. Interestingly, he gave up his
bid when it was revealed that he'd
been having an affair and sired a child
with a younger woman.
So, perhaps instead of all this 'family
values' rant we keep hearing in the UK,
a policy such as Ms Pauli's might make
people think more and re-evaluate
Drink up! Cheers!
'Please enjoy alcohol responsibly.' Am I
the only one who's heartily fed up
with being told how many 'units' of
alcohol I may indulge in per week?
From my long acquaintance with
journalists, I can confirm that normal
journo consumption is quite likely to
be a week's ration in one evening's
after-office gathering. Imagine, then,
my delight when a slim tract fell from
among the papers in a wine supplier's
October offers. It proffered scientific
solace: 'Did you know that wine, drunk
in the right quantity [and who can say
what that is? Ed] ... can help to fight
tissue aging?' It continued that wine 'is
a natural "artery cleaner"', 'can help to
induce a good night's sleep'; 'improves
brain oxygenation and helps
intellectual activity' and 'reduces the
risk of developing diabetes' - and
expanded each of these points, even
suggesting that wine could increase
longevity.Why was I not surprised to
learn that these discoveries were based
on three years' research by an Italian-
French team, as published in a
magazine called Nature, and quoted in
Italy's Corriere della Sera newspaper? I
always said the continentals have the
right idea about drinking...
Made me laugh...
Once again, I thank Kaynie
and Jed for a collection of
The wife came home early and found
her husband in their bedroom, making
love to a very attractive young
woman. 'You disrespectful pig!' she
cried. 'How dare you do this to me - a
faithful wife, the mother of your
children! I'm leaving you - and I want
'Hang on just a minute,' said
Paddy. 'At least wait and let me tell
you what happened.'
'Go ahead', she sobbed, 'but they'll
be the last words you ever say to me!'
He began, 'I was getting into the
car to drive home and this young lady
here asked me for a lift. She looked so
down and out and defenceless that I
took pity on her and let her into the
car. I noticed that she was very thin,
not well dressed and very dirty. She
told me that she hadn't eaten for
three days! So, in my compassion, I
brought her home and warmed up the
enchiladas I made for you last night -
the ones you wouldn't eat because
you're afraid you'll put on weight.'
'The poor thing wolfed them
down. Since she needed a good cleanup,
I suggested she have a shower, and
while she was doing that I noticed her
clothes were dirty and full of holes -
so I threw them away.'
'Then, as she needed clothes, I
gave her the designer jeans that you've
had for a few years, but don't use
because you say they are too tight. I
also gave her the underwear I bought
for your anniversary present - which
you don't wear because you think
they're in bad taste. I found the sexy
blouse my sister gave you for
Christmas that you don't wear, just to
annoy her, and I also donated those
boots you bought at that expensive
boutique and won't wear because
someone at work has a pair too.'
Here Paddy took a quick breath
and continued. 'She was so grateful for
all my help, and as I walked her to the
door, she turned to me with tears in
her eyes and said, 'Please... do you
have anything else that your wife
A lady tells her man:
'I demand good manners in bed, just
like at the dinner table'.
The man climbs into bed slowly
and says: 'Darling, please would you
pass me the vagina?'
Different degrees of blondeness
A married couple were asleep when
the phone rang at two in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked
up the phone, listened a moment and
said, 'How should I know? That's 200
miles from here!' and hung up. The
husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife
said, 'I don't know, some woman
wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
Two blondes are walking down the
street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and
says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me
see!' So the first blonde hands her the
The second one looks in the
mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of
cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a
redhead.Well, the blonde is really
angry. She opens her purse to take out
the gun, and as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun
and puts it to her head. The boyfriend
yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!' The
blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
A blonde was bragging about her
knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me - I
know all of them.' Her friend says, 'OK,
what's the capital of Wisconsin?' The
blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy:W.'
What did the blonde ask her doctor
when he told her she was pregnant?
'Is it mine?'
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a
UCLA freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked
Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade
was about. Bambi pondered the
question then finally said, 'That was
the decision George Washington had
to make before he crossed the
Returning home from work, a blonde
was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarised. She
telephoned the police at once and the
police operator broadcast the call on
the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling
nearby was the first to respond. As the
K-9 officer approached the house with
his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out
on the porch, shuddered at the sight of
the cop and his dog, then sat down on
the steps. Putting her face in her
hands, she lamented, 'I come home to
find all my possessions stolen. I call
the police for help, and what do they
do? They send me a BLIND policeman.'
A postman was delivering a plain
brown package and as he got it out of
his trolley he noticed that there was
something hanging out of a hole in the
packing. Looked like a pink foot. He
'encouraged' the hole a little, and soon
was able to make out a hand. Realising
it was an 'inflatable friend', a naughty
thought crossed his mind. He hadn't
got his rocks off in ages - and no-one
need ever know. A good seeing to later
(or perhaps more...) he repacked the
doll and delivered the slightly scruffy
package to the addressee.
Two weeks later the intended
recipient was on the phone to the
manufacturers of the latex lady. 'I've
had experience of some blow-up dolls
in my time, but I've got to say that
this is the most realistic and authentic
I've ever had. Quite remarkable.' The
manufacturer was gratified - but
mystified. 'I'm delighted to hear it -
but tell me, what makes it so
authentic?' 'Well,' replied the
customer, 'I said I've had some
experience of these girls before - but
this is the first one that ever gave me
a dose of clap.'