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I have to say that
this page hasn't
ended up quite as
I'd expected.Yes,we've had
all sorts of feedback, some
problem letters and a great
story - see page 76 - but we
need a bit more interactive
input from you out there.
I can't believe that no-one
has experiences they'd like to
share ... worst-day disasters
to make the rest of us count
What do you google
I was perusing the pages of the
splendid and thought-provoking tome,
Old Shite's Almanac recently, and
spotted an interesting list of the most
'googled' search words from various
towns around the UK.
I was not surprised to see that
Basildon's most searched word was
'sex' - and it took only a small stretch
of the imagination to understand why
Brentford's word is 'Viagra', but the
icing on the cake was Wigan: the top
search word? 'Swinging'. Perhaps
someone out there can explain this...
Made me laugh...
Two of our readers - our
Fun4Two reviewers - sent me a
clutch of 'funnies', and I'm happy
to pass them on to you to tickle
your funny bone and, in the last
item, to point out exactly why it
is that men have it so easy...
Husband:When I get mad at you,
you never fight back. How do you
control your temper?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush.
Two couples are on a double date
when they start talking about partner
swapping. They decide it would be cool
to try it out. The two couples then go
to a local motel. They rent two rooms
for the night, and the newly shuffled
couples go to their respective rooms.
One couple, in their room, go wild with
each other. They make love for hours.
When finished, one of the two rolls
over on her side, props herself on one
elbow, lights up a cigarette, looks at
her partner, and says: 'I wonder how
the guys are doing?'
A mother took her five-year-old son
with her to the bank on a busy
lunchtime. They got behind a very fat
woman wearing a business suit
complete with pager.
As they waited patiently, the little
boy said loudly, 'Cor, she's fat!'
The mother bent down and
whispered in the little boy's ear to be
A couple of minutes passed by
and the little boy spread his hands as
far as they would go and announced;
'I'll bet her butt is this wide!'
The fat woman turns around and
glares at the little boy.
The mother gave him a good
telling off, and told him to be quiet.
After a brief lull, the large woman
reached the front of the line.
Just then her pager begin to emit
a beep, beep, beep.
The little boy yells out, 'Run, she's
An elderly couple in their 80s were
about to get married.
She said: 'I want to keep my
He said: 'That's fine with me.
She said: And I want to keep my
He said: That's fine with me.'
She said: 'And I want to have sex
six times a week.'
He said: 'That's fine with me...
Put me down for Fridays.'
A man and woman were having
marital problems so they went to see a
The counsellor, in an attempt to
find some common ground from which
to begin his analysis said,
'Tell me about anything the two
of you have in common.'
The husband spoke up and said,
'Well, neither one of us sucks dicks.'
A wife asked her husband: 'What do
you like most in me, my pretty face or
my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe
and replied: 'I like your sense of
A newly married man asked his wife,
'Would you have married me if my
father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' she replied sweetly,
'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!!'
Why Men Are Just Happier People -
What do you expect from such simple
creatures? Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours. Wedding plans
take care of themselves. Chocolate is
just another snack. You can be
You can never get pregnant. You can
wear a white T-shirt to a water park...
you can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The
world is your urinal. You never have to
drive to another petrol station lavatory
because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of
which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.Wrinkles add
character.Wedding dress: 5000 quid,
morning suit rental 100 quid. People
never stare at your chest when you're
talking to them. The occasional wellrendered
belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle
your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30
seconds flat. You know stuff about
tanks. A 14-day holiday requires only
one suitcase - the same as for a 3-day
holiday. a You can open all your own jars. You get
extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to
invite you to a party, he or she can still
be your friend.
Your underwear is £9.99 for a threepack.
Three pairs of shoes are more
than enough. You almost never have
strap problems in public. You are
unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its
original colour. The same hairstyle lasts
for years... maybe decades. You only
have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes --
one colour for all seasons. You can
wear shorts no matter how your legs
look. You can 'do' your nails with a
pocket-knife. You have freedom of
choice concerning growing a
You can do Christmas shopping for 25
relatives on December 24 in 25