Written by HAMSTER

6 Sep 2006

I had finished work and was about to pop a ready-meal into the microwave. The knock at the door took me by surprise, I didn't expect anybody, recently divorced, the wife had taken everything, including our friends.

I opened the door and was surprised to see Dave who lived adjacent in the flats.

'Hi Gary, I,m looking for a favour.'

He must have see the look on my face because he jumped in quickly.

'Nothing too hard Gaz, I'm off up the 'Smoke' on business for a week, and I was wondering if you could keep an eye on Donna, you know, electrics or car problems?'

'Yes, of course, here give her my mobile and home number.'

I didn't really know her, and hoped I didn't hear from her.

'Cheers Ears' said Dave and scuttled off.

I had forgotten about the interruption earlier and lay on the couch, plates lay on the floor, watching Corra. A knock at my door cut into the high drama of my life, I opened up and Donna stood there in her dressing gown.

'Gary, I'm running a bath and there's a big spider in the room, be a darling and kill the bastard for me, please'

She promptly turned on her heels and went across the landing into her flat. I scratched my head, found my keys and locked up, I knocked on her opened door.

'Come in Gaz, in here'

I walked in, now this was how to decorate, the flat was stunning, a little minimalistic for me but nice. I moved towards her voice. Putting my head through the door of the bathroom I saw her pointing into the corner of ceiling, now this did two things, one it showed me where the spider was and secondly it pulled her dressing gown away from her body revealing a little peek of pink flesh where you would expect a fuzzy mound.

'Gaz, kill the fucker'

I moved across her and with apiece of loo roll I squished the poor little fly-eater. Looking around the room I noticed a walk in shower and a bidet. She obviously noticed me looking and said that it was a bidet.

'I know Donna, I'm a builder, I work with plumbers'

She laughed and walked into the living room, I followed the headed for the front door.

'Where you going?'

'Home, I need a shower'

'Have a drink' she opened the biggest fridge I'd ever seen, she picked up a pack of six fancy-dan lagers I'd never heard of and put them on the table in front of a TV the size of my living room window.

'You find something to watch, I'll go get myself scrubbed, don't ask me how to work that thing, it's new, HG or something!'

I turned it on and it turned me on, 48 inches of plasma in high-definition, and they had the full Sky package, European midweek football, lager and a bird who shaves her fanny, the night couldn't get any better.

'Gaz, do me a favour, I'm in the bath and I forgot to get a drink, bring me that bottle of white and a big glass!'

How long was that drip of a husband away?